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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Why are people on the Tube so ignorant.........

54 replies

cupcakeandtea · 11/03/2009 16:32

I don't expect I'm the only one who thinks this, but why are Tube users such fu**ers?!!

This morning, I had to stand up for 25 minutes on the central line despite the fact that I am clearly very pregnant. Usually I head straight for the priority seat and ask if I can sit down but I couldn't get to it this morning as it was so busy. When the carriage emptied out, not one person offered me a seat - male or female.

Surely I can't be the only pregnant woman to suffer this and even wearing a Baby on Board badge doesn't seem to make an iota of difference!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GYoIsReallyHavingABaby · 11/03/2009 16:40

Sorry to hear your are suffering, some tube users seem to "pretend" not to notice by burying head in a book or paper.

I used to hate this. Threaten to go into labour very loudly, that might get some people moving.

Do you have long to go? Im sure I remember you from the PCOS thread... didnt you get BFP shortly after me? Im 39wks.

Nekabu · 11/03/2009 16:41

I remember travelling with a very pg friend who was on crutches with her foot in plaster and trying to hang from a strap and manage crutches and still nobody shifted their butts and offered her a seat until I expressed my surprise at such ill manners in a voice loud enough to not be ignored!

If this should happen to you again, ask for a seat. Don't let people be so rude by pretending not to see you.

Original poster

cupcakeandtea · 11/03/2009 16:44

Hello GYO - yes that's me. Crikey you're nearly there then! I've got another 6 weeks to go but thankfully finish work on Friday so no more central line hell. Good luck and I hope it all goes ok.

God, I can't actually believe a heavily pregnant woman in plaster would be ignored. A friend of mine was telling me how a woman fainted on the Victoria line, a pregnant woman got up to give her a seat and some bloke slipped in behind her and sat down in it instead. When she had a go at him he just ignored her!

OP posts:

Mercy · 11/03/2009 16:46

Next time this happens, clutch your bump and start making moaning noises/heavy breathing

Mind you I preferred to stand. I found sitting really jogged the baby around adn it was quite uncomfortable at times.

MmeLindt · 11/03/2009 16:47

You need to practice doing a big ooooooooooohhh and clutching your bump. That will get the wankers moving as far away as possible. Especially if you muse loudly htat you hope that your waters don't go in a big whoosh like the last time.

CMOTDibbler · 11/03/2009 16:48

Just go up to someone and say 'Excuse me, but as you can see I'm very pregnant, and I need to sit down. Could I have your seat please ?'. No point in trying to hint, you just have to be straight with people.

chandellina · 11/03/2009 16:48

yeah i have to agree that if you want a seat, you really need to be assertive.

I suffered in silence for months, but to be fair, i don't think people always realised. for one thing, it was hard to tell if i was pg or just a bit chunky until the last month or so.

In any case, people really are in their own world and may honestly not notice a big pregnant belly in front of them. I also found that i often got stuck in the sardine area near the doors and the people sitting down couldn't even see me.

I used to give people sitting in the priority seats dirty looks, but i think a better plan of action is to just head right toward those seats as if you are about to sit in the person's lap. Then you can ask or they can offer.

alarkaspree · 11/03/2009 16:49

Once I was on the tube, reading a book. When I looked up just before I got off there was a very heavily pregnant woman standing right in front of me. I'm sure she thought I was ignoring her deliberately but I wasn't, I was just in my own little world.

So yes, ask for a seat.

Original poster

cupcakeandtea · 11/03/2009 16:53

Yeah, you're right. I usually do just ask for a seat but I just couldn't be bothered this morning so I suppose I've got myself to blame! Just find it a bit depressing in this day and age that it's still every man/woman for themselves on public transport. Mind you, I've been travelling on the central line for 15 years now so I should know better!

I did lose my rag slightly as I neared my stop and said something sarky to the woman sitting in the priority seat as I got off, which gave me a slight feeling of satisfaction.

OP posts:

MiamlaHasADaffodilBehindHerEar · 11/03/2009 16:55

i used to stand in the middle of the seat bit and ask politely if anyone needed their seat less than i did whilst stroking my bump. worked every time

although on one particular journey i wad happy standing but was getting a bit squashed. I asked the guy in front of me if he'd mind moving forward slightly (there was a huge gap inbetween him and the next person standing). He replied "but if i move forward there won't be room for my bag on the floor". My rather blunt reply was "that's a shame but i'm afraid there isn't room for me and my baby back here!" The person sitting nearest to us, stood up, apologised and said she didn't realise. And the cheeky bag man pinched her seat! Someone else then gave up their seat for me but i couldn't believe it!

crokky · 11/03/2009 16:57

I begged for a seat once when I was pregnant on a train (I had bad sickness even though I was in later pg and really felt terrible). Someone gave me their seat (willingly) and the people around me looked at me like I was some sort of criminal. The person who got up was the only one who had any intention of helping me and the others hated me for asking!

GYoIsReallyHavingABaby · 11/03/2009 16:57

Thats a good point Alarka- its easy (and often for the best!) to be in your own world on the tube so people may genuinely not notice.

Think I've just got super sensitive since being preg and travelling on tubes myself.

Good luck to you to cupcake! glad you are soon to be on leave!

chandellina · 11/03/2009 16:58

i know just how you feel. it used to really stress me out to have to force the seat issue. i only had to go five stops on the tube but it involved three trains - so six times a day i had to try to leap for a seat.

ActivityApple · 11/03/2009 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

cupcakeandtea · 11/03/2009 17:03

Oh lordy, that's another thing I've experienced. You ask very politely and smiley if you can have a seat and everyone looks at you like you've just murdered a small child in front of them!

I've heard some real horror stories recently like a colleague of mine who was 36 weeks pregnant, fainted on the tube and someone stole her bag and shoes!

Thanks GYO. We got there in the end eh??!!

OP posts:

Snooch · 11/03/2009 17:13

LOL at ActivityApple - I used to do the bump hovering thing as well, all but bashing people on the head with it....it even sometimes worked

missmelly · 11/03/2009 17:14

I found the central line to be the worst.. I travelled on the Jubilee and central, and sometimes Met line and rarely got offered a seat and never on the central line. Also the bus was just as bad. The old ladies sitting downstairs believe they need the seat more than you do. I was on my way to the hospital as I was 41 weeks and had to stand as none of them would give me a seat. I've now vowed to look away whenever an old lady comes and huffs and puffs next to me on that bus (not really, but I'd love to!)

Original poster

cupcakeandtea · 11/03/2009 17:20

Oh yeah, buses are entirely different matter. I have NEVER been offered a seat on the bus in the morning but as it's a short trip it's not too bad. And Liverpool St in the evening is like an assault course! I actually take a deep breath when I get off the tube and battle my way across the concourse to the mainline trains. Public transport + pregnant women do not mix.

OP posts:

chandellina · 11/03/2009 17:43

i actually had better luck on the bus, but maybe just because they weren't super crowded at the times i went. One time, i was standing next to another pg lady seated, and she told off the young girls sitting across from her for not offering their seat to me.

i've also been pleasantly surprised when out with the LO in a sling, that people on both the tube and buses will offer their seat.

Bicnod · 11/03/2009 19:19

I'm 33+2 weeks and very obviously pregnant. I got on a crowded tube the other day and a couple who were sitting down looked at me, had a quick discussion as to whether or not to get up and then plugged themselves into their ipod and happily ignored me... I couldn't believe it! I think people often don't notice pregnant women if they are buried in a book but this couple should be ashamed of themselves.

Another day I got on the tube and nearly fell over when it started moving. Again very crowded. A woman stood next to me said very loudly 'can't anyone see there's a pregnant woman here' to everyone sat down... I went very very red, but she did the trick and someone got up... so there are some good samaritans out there

EvieBear · 11/03/2009 20:25

Yeah it is very frustrating when you're standing there quite obviously pregnant on tube/train. I take the train to work and have been offered a seat the last two times which I was very pleased about. Before that, I would stand and wonder how the hell people can sit and chill reading their papers knowing a pregnant woman is right beside them - cheeky! On the other hand I do remember pre-preg when I would look up and see a preg woman and think shit!! I didn't notice and would then feel bad.
An older woman told me the other morning not to wait to be asked, but just to ask for a seat so will do that if I'm not offered one from now on.
I never realised how tough it is being pregnant, it really tires you out!!!

MoshiMoshi · 11/03/2009 20:48

The Central line is quite a bad one as so many people are on and off in a few stops so don't notice those who need priority seats. I take the approach that if I really want a seat and nobody offers, then just ask. It's better for my blood pressure and I do recall my DH saying ages ago he often can't tell whether someone is pregnant or just overweight and would rather not offend. People do find it difficult I think and often don't look so as to avoid the issue altogether. So if you want a seat, best to just ask for it as loudly as you can, even if you are not near one. People will pass the message on and make way for you to get through. Nobody really wants to make an uncomfortable pregnant lady more uncomfortable. What I think really irks people is the huffiness that sometimes gets displayed which, in all honesty, is not really needed. But judgmental huffing and puffing does make people defensive and I can see why (even though I agree people ought to be a bit more aware of who is around them). I try and save my moans for my DH (poor man) - wedding vows should include something about being available for ear bashing .

And those Baby on Board badges are ridiculous! A bump is more noticeable than one of those!

becksydee · 11/03/2009 21:08

i was nearly in tears when i got home last night as no-one would offer me their seat and 2 blokes virtually elbowed me out of the way to get into seats that other people had just got out of i was wearing my baby on board badge but as moshimoshi says they're not v noticeable - probably need to be about twice as big and rigged up with LEDs (and maybe an electric cattle prod too )

i'm going to try and be more assertive from now on and just ask for a seat instead of waiting to be offered one, will see how it goes!

ChocFudgeCake · 11/03/2009 21:45

Before getting on the tube I take my coat off, so it's obvious that I'm pregnant. Then I stand very close to whoever looks like is going to offer me the seat. Sometimes MEN have pretended to fall asleep! Others just raise their newspapers. But most of the time someone offers.
I'm a bit shy about asking directly, often I only stare and look worried. But when it is for some other pregnant woman (and I'm standing too) I have said aloud "Can anyone offer this pregnant lady a seat?" It works. But for some reason I cannot do it for myself.

Once I was in crutches and no-one offered. A little girl asked what those sticks were (my crutches) and people looked but didn't bothered. Then the mum sweetly explained. I thought she could have carried the child on her lap, but she just pushed me on the way out.

spicemonster · 11/03/2009 21:47

If you want to sit down, ask! Sorry, but you can't expect people to notice. And actually I found it really satisfying asking the person sitting in the priority seat to move when they had studiously ignored my enormous bump. Perhaps that's just me though

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