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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Annoyed because everyone wants me to have a girl

41 replies

ChocFudgeCake · 16/02/2009 22:26

I have 2 boys and when people know I am pregnant they insist that I have to have a girl or they say "Surely you want a girl, don't you?". After having 2 m/c I honestly am more focused in keeping the baby than on the sex. Of course I would like the experience of having a girl, but not that I'd be sad if it was a boy: I'm thrilled I'm still pregnant! Even my mum keeps telling me that she knows it's a girl and tries to talk me into it as if I had anything to do with the outcome. I started telling people "All right, if it's a boy I'll send him back". But I think something stronger is required, any suggestions? Something better I can say or a better way to deal with it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MrsDoylesMole · 16/02/2009 22:30

Tell them if it's a boy then you will get him adopted.
Would like to see the reaction.
Most people are odd.

sweetkitty · 16/02/2009 22:32

I would say get used to it, it is all you will get from now on in.

If you DO have a girl it will be "well you can stop now you have your girl" and "I bet your glad it's a girl etc"
If another boy it will be "aww ANOTHER boy" with a look of pity on their face.

I have 3 DDs and can you tell it drives me insane? I'm like you in that I was just so happy to be pregnant after a mc, I had another beautiful DD who is an utter joy and I could never imagine her being a DS. I would be standing there with my new baby and people would say "aww another girl" or "are you going to keep going until you get your boy" or "your poor DH"

Annoys me so much, we are so delighted if she was our first or 6th girl.

I have always wanted to say "No I'm not that shallow to judge a baby on whether it has a penis or not

I just look at anyone who says it now with a "are you stupid?" look

Original poster

ChocFudgeCake · 16/02/2009 22:42

Haha. I can put a straight face and say that "We'll give him up for adoption and start trying again."
Actually, Sweetkitty, there was a woman who told me that without a girl my family wouldn't be complete . Also very stupid thing to say because my first baby was a girl and died (and this woman knew it).
Fortunatly DS1 wants a baby brother, DH does not mind, ILS don't dare comment.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 16/02/2009 22:44

Say "if it's another boy, I'll check around the maternity wards until I find a mum who wanted a boy and had a girl instead, and do a swap, ok?"

That'll sort 'em.

MiaMamma · 16/02/2009 22:50

Oooh, I was told the other day that 'with a boy your family will be complete' (I have one DD and pregnant now)!! She also added 'one girl and one boy, that's a lovely set' . Why would anyone assume that if I have a boy now, I won't have any more kids?!
I love the adoption comment, btw

sweetkitty · 16/02/2009 22:52

Thats a good one thumbwitch

Chocfudgecake - some people are just idiots, what a thing to say.

My Mum actually told everyone when I was pregnant with DD3 (4th pregnancy) that I didn't care what I had because of my little loss, as if I did care if I hadn't had a mc.

The whole phrase "trying for a boy/girl" drives me mad.

twocutedarlings · 16/02/2009 22:54

Oh i have had the same issues i have to girls and 1 am 38 weeks with DS1, i have had comments about how perfect my family will be and oh i bet your DH is over the moon its a boy!! i mean FFS its like saying he wasnt pleased with the girls .

Yes it will be nice to also have a boy..........but jeeezzz like you say, just a bouncing baby will do!! .

Clary · 16/02/2009 22:58

Oh people are so stupid aren't they!

I had DS then DD so when I was pg again a number of people said (as well as "are you mad" ) "whay are you having another one when you already have one of each?"

I never realised it was just about getting the set! Actually that was one reason, I wanted at least one of em to have a same sex sibling.

I have a pal who had a DD after 3 DSs - I am sure she got an awful lot of "a girl at last" type comments.

All you can do is turn yr face against them and know that you are more intelligent.

MuchLessTiredNow · 16/02/2009 22:58

I am with you!! I was desperate for 3 boys, and when people asked me if I was hoping or a girl this time, I reacted very strongly saying I was delighted my boys would have brothers. when they said (as everyone did, most bizarrely) wouldn't it be nice to have someone to go shopping with, I said (which is still true) - "no, that is my 'me time')

I actually did have a girl, and when someone said to me 'did you keep going until you hit the jackpot' I said 'actually, I have hit the jackpot each time thank you' - stupid bint

sweetkitty · 16/02/2009 23:00

I agree Clary, don't you know it the LAW that you must have one girl and one boy and no more unless you are mad?

Original poster

ChocFudgeCake · 16/02/2009 23:05

I'll practice in front of the mirror. Someone childless called tonight to congratulate me on the pregnancy and of course wished it's a girl, I insisted I'm just happy to be pregnant so she said "That's very good, you have to be happy, if you are grumpy and stressed the baby will feel everything and will be affected" Ohh that surely helps to relax everyone.

OP posts:

MuchLessTiredNow · 16/02/2009 23:07

do you know, when I sent out the birth announcement for no 3, someone replied with 'are you quite mad??? you know they outnumber you now' - and not in a jokey way... needless to say, she'e not been to the much tired house since....

Original poster

ChocFudgeCake · 16/02/2009 23:12

I'm glad that so many of you think like this.

I know of this family. They are 12 (yes 12) brothers. What a hard time the poor mum must have had!

Also someone said when I had DS2, still in hospital "ahh you'll have to have a girl to help you around in the house". I thought and still think "But my boys will be able to do that, why does it have to be the girl?" And I'm always telling them that when they grow up they'll be able to do everything I do in the house, they already try to help with the cooking, vacuuming, etc.

OP posts:

AllBuggiedOut · 16/02/2009 23:19

Another sympathiser here - I have 3 boys, and people reacted in exactly the same way. The midwife I saw at my booking in appointment with the third said "I suppose you're hoping for one without a spout this time?" It took me a while to understand what she meant!

And I genuinely did have mixed feeling about whether, if I was given a choice, DC3 would have been a girl or a boy. I do wonder what it would be like to have a girl, and to an extent am sad that I will never be a maternal grandmother (not that a daughter would necessarily have had chlidren, of course...) but in contrast 3 boys feels wonderfully balanced and I think they'll really enjoy growing up as a gang of boys. So that was more-or-less what I'd say to people who commented.

babyignoramus · 17/02/2009 09:42

I am pregnant with DC1 and when people ask me what I'm hoping for, I just say another cat would be nice....

they then tend to back away with a look of fear and confusion. Great fun!

EsmeWeatherwax · 17/02/2009 09:45

I have sympathy, I already have a dd, and am pg with another. I also have a new boss who asked me what flavour the new baby was going to be, and said "Oh, how disappointing for you!" when I told her I was having a second girl. Nice.

Beccabump · 17/02/2009 09:48

allbuggiedout lmao @ the spout!

babyignoramous When asked what we are having I have so far answered 'a baby' (with incredulous look), a giraffe (walking within an hour and feeds itself pretty much) and also a kitten as that is what DD has requested!

I am on DC2 and am getting a lot of ooh 'I hope it's a girl - boys being second is never good!' I to be honest would prefer a healthy happy baby!

mersmam · 17/02/2009 10:12

I think people don't mean to be rude - it's just something for them to say to make conversation, so I think you should try not to be rude in your response to them.
Just tell them the truth and say you don't like people 'hoping' it's a girl because you yourself don't mind.
People always make comments on their preferences of the sex of your baby - I have a boy and two girls and am expecting my 4th... just about everyone asks 'what I want this time', but when I say I don't mind they just tend to leave it at that.

dizzydixies · 17/02/2009 10:14

as another mother of 3 girls I agree completely with sweetkitty I have a fantastic gang or girl band in the making and if I decide to have DC4 will be equally delighted with another girl

PlumBumMum · 17/02/2009 10:20

I always got the impression people thought I was greedy having a third, cos I already had one of each,
What are they going to think if I go on to have a no4, I must be a raving loon

PlumBumMum · 17/02/2009 10:21

You could say oh god no can't stand pink

Tommy · 17/02/2009 10:23

I have 3 boys and one woman (MIL's friend - I hardly know her) phoned and siad "Congratulations - but what a shame it wasn't a girl...)

I found it very offensive. Like chocfudgecalke, I had miscarried so was just grateful he came out healthy and easily. I had nearly died after he was born too so, TBH, I was just glad we were both alive.

stupid woman

MrsMattie · 17/02/2009 10:27

I had this when pregnant with my second child after having my DS. Everyone said 'Are you hoping for a little girl?' 'Ah, it'd be nice wouldn't it?' 'Aren't you dying for a girl?' etc etc. It got very annoying.

In the end, I did have a girl, btw, but that's not the point

@ what that woman said to you, Tommy! What a horrible thing to say!

I also had a m/c between having DS and DD, as well as serious OC towards the end of my pregnancy which made me feel very anxious about my unborn child's health - this sort of thing does make you particularly grateful for a healthy child, whichever gender.

sweetkitty · 17/02/2009 11:59

A "friend" actually said to me that maybe I cannot carry boys and the one I lost must have been a boy

So as well as having a disappointed DH, another girl I was disappointed with, it's all my fault and I abort boy foetuses

People are stupid

fruitstick · 17/02/2009 12:18

It's just another personal comment people think they can make because you are pregnant. It is deeply inappropriate to suggest that any child would be a disappointment even before it is born ffs.

I have a DS and am about to have another (don't know sex). People are always asking if I want a girl or, even worse, tell me they're hoping for a girl for me as it will be nice when I'm older and have someone to go shopping with .

My response is always, 'oh no, I can't do plaits. My ideal scenario is that this one is gay'.

They look confused and toddle off.

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