Anybody good at witty retorts?

[Mumof2Pregwithtwins]

I'm pregnant with twins and a local Mum who also has twins keeps saying things like, "I really don't envy you". And, "You poor thing". She's not saying it in a supportive way and it's really beginning to get on my nerves. It's like the hidden message is, I've been there and know what you've got in store....

What can I say to shut her up?

fuck off, fish face!

any good?

Hmmm, was thinking of something not quite so.... obvious.

I would just fix a glare and say quite plainly "look, I'm a bit apprehensive about it, as anyone would be and your comments aren't helping me. Please can you drop it?"

No swearing, but direct. If she is normal she will go away and realise that she's out of order and apologise. If she takes the hump then that's her problem.

Thanks BG2. Sounds good and honest. Will give it a try.

oh.

how about....

"oh don't worry, I'm just getting started. We're hoping for at least eight more children after these two".

I still think the first option would solve your problem straight away though.

That's actually pretty good WHC. Where I live there is a real competitive Mum element - where you get more cudos the more kids you have. So that could be very funny.

"Well rewind back to the time when you were in my shoes, I bet you were shitting it enough without people constantly reminding you how hard it is. Anyway, you seem to have managed to cope - judging from that, I'll be just fine "

Waddle off!! ROFL!!!! So appropriate.

Mum of 2, as a very sensitive pregnant lady, albeit for different reasons, I really think a firm, clear response is needed sooner rather than later; this will eat away at you and hurt you further. Stupid comments tend to stick to us.

Try a simple 'Why do you keep saying that?' then another 'Why'to her explanation. Keep simply saying why so she is forced to listen to her own odd explanations. Or a simple animated 'What a very strange/mean/odd thing to say!'

Or to second B2G,
'I was hoping you wouldn't say that again as I find it really strange and upseting. We are delighted with our news and consider ourselves very fortunate indeed.Please don't keep saying things like that as it makes me feel sad and anxious.'

Spell it out clearly and calmly and practise on a friend or your dh first.

Please let us know how it goes. Bon chance, mon brave!

I always find that when people are being mean but dressing it up as funny/concerned/sarcastic/whatever, a simple 'how rude' is really effective. Quite often people are so taken back at being directly challenged in a non defensive way that they actually apologise.

Don't know if I'd have the confidence to say How Rude. Would love to though. But she's a really feisty lady.

Perhaps if I said it with a smile - so it was a bit ambiguous - then I might just about get away with it.

'Feisty'=Massive pain in the arse

You're right POTM. She's one of those people that each time I have a conversation with her - I feel a bit worse after it than I did at the beginning. Don't know how she manages to do it - and it's probably not conscious on her part - but she's Queen of the subtle put down. Even if it's just pointedly glancing at her watch several times in the two minute conversation that we're having.

I'm an identical twin and we're awesome. That hideous woman sounds like someone to avoid.

In that case hopefully she will take the hump!

I wonder if she had a really problematic twin pregnancy herself and is just being rather insensitive, rather than actually meaning to cause you worry/stress? I can see that it'd be annoying and worrying for you but I wouldn't be so sure she's veen aware she's doing it. Hmm, tricky one.

tell her to jog the fuck on

"Oh, I don't know, I don't think it will be that bad. After all, I have all of YOUR mistakes to learn from!"

I'd go with "fuck off fish face" and look forward to saying to her (when they're about 6 months old) "I don't know what all the fuss is about, its been a doddle!"

Smile sweetly and say "so you keep telling me, we're quite excited actually, I'm sure we'll just get on with it" Theres possibly an element of jealousy as its a v exciting time for you and you'll get lots of attention.
My friend kept telling me how little she envied me when our 2nd was en route and I bit my tongue. She then made a few comments about how huge I was getting later and when baby was born she went on and on about how like his dad he is. Eventually I got so sick of the subtle digs that I just stopped seeing her for a while.

Yes! Love that response Chrysanthamum then say "sounds like you might have had the wrong attitude". She sounds unbearable.

"Oh dear, didn't you cope very well then?"

Or

"Perhaps you could give me some HELPFUL pointers, as you've been through it?"

Quite like Prince's idea of asking "why?" all the time, too.

How about "Oh, you poor thing. It must be so upsetting for you to feel that way!" All said with mock concern. I once worked for a total cow who used every opportunity to use subtle put-downs to make us feel bad. I always found that deliberately misunderstanding her put-down and turning them back on herself shut her up.

Maybe we'll cope better.
Short, sharp, nasty and guaranteed to shut her the fuck up.
Or, as I've used in similar circs "I actually quite enjoy life".
no smile, no extra words, no humming and ha-ing....just say it, and bang.
Take it from me - I'm the master of leaden convo-stopping put-downs.

Oh, and congrats on the twins BTW.
Until our 12 week scan, as my hyperemesis was even worse than with DS, we were a bit worried there was 2 of the buggers, but secretly I quite fancied the idea, and was a bit disappointed when only 1 showed up!