Is there such a thing as pre-natal depression?

[VerityClinch]

OK, so, here's the deal. 14+1, had 2 bouts of bleeding early on, major panic, but early scan showed all was fine, then caught the flu/bad cold thing that was going around which knocked me for six and laid me up for a week, 12 week scan was fine, all normal and a good nuchal result (albeit still waiting for the bloods to come back).

Then, Thursday night, started throwing up at midnight and couldn't stop. Every sip of water I took came back minutes later. Paged the midwife mid-morning, she never came back to me. Called GP at 5-ish, who told me to go to casualty, where I spent the next 2 hours on a fluids drip and some IV anti-sickness drugs for good measure. Am OK now but feel completely wiped out again, very weak and faint and everything I eat gives me indigestion.

Have had horrible morning sickness all the way through, since about week 6, which I know is not that long, but has really taken it out of me.

Work not thrilled to learn I was pregnant, and am sure boss now hates my erratic behaviour/time off/general spaced-out-ness and is becoming less and less sympathetic every time I go under with something. No surprise as he relies very heavily on me and must be worried about what's going to happen when I go on mat leave. Understandable as it's our busiest time of year, and clearly I have not been giving it 110% like I normally would be.

Am I just being a whinger, though? I mean, despite all the scares and the sickness, this has not been a complicated pregnancy (so far, touch wood) - but it's my first, and I feel out of my depth and a bit naive to think that I would breeze through it. I had no idea how much it would take out of me, emotionally and physically - already I feel like if I can't cope now, how the hell am I going to cope when the baby's here?

And I feel pathetic because "in real life" I am a super-high achiever, have a great job with lots of responsibility, which I have a reputation for being good at. And women have babies all the time. So why am I finding it so hard? Or do I just need to pull myself together?

Sorry for the long rant, but I am starting to think I am going mental.

Some - any - perspective on this would be really useful.

V x

yes there is such a thing as ante-natal depression.

i'd recommend discussing it with your midwife/gp.

a couple of my friends suffered dreadfully with it so i really sympathise

wellll, I'm not surprised you feel shit. You've just had a very nasty illness and you need to rest. Even without being pregnant, these bugs really take it out of you!

Those first 12-14 weeks are knackering. You may start to feel a bit more human in the next few weeks (but as you get big, you'll start to feel tired again).

I think you need to unlabel yourself as a superwoman. Yes, lots of women have babies but most of them are knackered too . You focus on the positives, try and let the negatives slide. Start giving yourself a break, decide what's important and make sure you factor in some time to put your feet up, especially on weekends.

It's not that you're 'not coping' - you're just exhausted - and who could blame you? Try and get a break and you might find things feel more in perspective.

Anti-natal depression does exist, but I think that you are understandably shattered after lots of illness which is totally rubbish in pg. I think you need to try to cut yourself a bit of slack, yes loads of women have babies, but lots and lots of them, like you find it really hard. I had sickness and spent 4 weeks on the sofa with it, just couldn't do anything. I was really worried about how I would cope with a baby and like you frustrated that I couldn't just get on with it, because it feels like you are the only one who is struggling doesn't it? But really really you aren't.
Anyway I found being a mum much much easier than being pg (don't get me wrong its bloody hard work) I feel well which makes so much difference. The minute I gave birth I felt a million times better. I would love to have another one, but the thought of another pregnancy fills me with dread. It did give me something to focus on giving birth though, with every contraction I was closer to not being pg any more!!

Hi Verity. I have huge amounts of sympathy for you. When I was pregnant, I had similar feelings (brought on, I think, by a threatened miscarriage and bad sickness). I am also a 'high achiever' and assumed, like everything else, this would be another thing I would either be good at or would be able to find a solution to. The good news for me was that it went away before the baby was born. But you must talk to someone about this - not least because Ante Natal Depression can be an indicator of who will be susceptible to PND.

We're thinking about having another baby now and I had all but forgotten how bad it was (it's only 9 months, yadda, yadda, yadda, I can survive anything for that amount of time) but I recently got a sickness bug and though I was pregnant again and all the old feelings came back.

Do speak to someone - it's more common that you think and easily addressed if you ask for help.

We have been having a chat about this here

link

I think that it is very common to get depressed - especially in the first trimester.

I googled it (pregnancy depression) and got nothing though and my book only talks about post-natal depression as well. So maybe it's not very recognised.

Be assured that many women feel like this in pregnancy - and that anecdotally it seems to start to pass around the point you are now - so fingers crossed yu may start feeling better soon.

Talking to someone a good idea as tracey says - have you a partner/family you could talk through how you are feeling with?

And ps for what it's worht, I found having a newborn so much easier than being pregnant and having ante-natal depression.

Blimey, that was fast - thank you ladies! Helps even to know I am not the only one!

Husband and family completely banjaxed by my sudden descent into madness - they are used to me being able to cope with whatever is thrown my way... husband in particular is chanting "baby is fine" like a mantra at me, and making lots of hot drinks... I think that's his way of "helping"... bless him, I wouldn't swap him, of course...

Any ideas on how I should approach this with work? After the drip/A&E experience on Friday I did email my boss to let him know what was going on, and to tell him that I needed to prioritise myself now, not work, and that I clearly hadn't been taking proper care of myself (and, ahem, I may have added words to the effect of "oh, and by the way, you can shove your budget adjustments up your ")

I mean, I do WANT them to think I am capable of returning to my job at some point - but all I seem to be demonstrating at the moment is that I won't be!

It's tough; my work were very understanding when I went from one of their best performers to complete useless plank in a short space of time. I remember not wanting to get out of bed at all, a feeling of gloom descending on me and a sense that there would never be anything to look forward to again. As others have said, it did suddenly get better in the second trimester and I knew that I has a short period of time before I became to big to move in which to show that I was the same competent and committed person. So I really threw my all at work during that period.

For me, the things that helped were; sleep, sleep and sleep. I used to come home from work and go straight to bed. I slept all weekend too. I didn't plan stuff during that period and accepted that I would basically be useless. I also made sure I was eating right and (although it was the last thing I wanted to do) tried to get a short amount of exercise at least every other day. This all helped for me.

I have heard about ante natal depression.
Verity - I thought my pg has been pretty easy but that didn't stop me feeling really, really down at times. Had a few issues with my DP early/middle pregnancy, he'd been made redundant and was drinking heavily. Like you I'm a high achiever with a great career and really well respected in my field, but my MS and tiredness made me feel like poo, and a bit useless early on. I think it can be hard to let go and being pg means taking it easy/being patient/letting yourself off once in a while.
Found later stages much easier, it helps DP has got a job he enjoys but I think now the end is in sight I do feel better. BlameIt - glad you found having a baby easier than being pregnant.
I know it may sound selfish but I'm really looking forward to having my body back, I used to love going to the gym/doing yoga!

Sorry for all the typos in my posts - lack of sleep due to teething child last night....

My midwives mentioned prenatal depression at booking in and now they have local support. I would definitely ask your midwife.

There is such a things as antenatal depression, though it is much less publicized than postnatal depression. I suffered from it during my pregnancy with my first child, and it was hard. I wasn't even working and had a reasonably easy pregnancy, no major worries etc. Even so, I found being pregnant incredibly hard. I was expecting to love it, and it was shocking how 'not myself' I felt and how it took a hold of me.

Being pregnant, for me, was WAY harder than the birth or caring for a small baby. Apart from perhaps the first few weeks of my sons life, which were still hormonal and crazy so it was effectively like still being pregnant anyway. (My NCT teacher referred to the first 6 weeks as being like the 4th trimester) But since he was 4 weeks old, I haven't looked back. I feel like myself again, my body doesn't do weird things and I'm able to hold a normal conversation. I don't cry for no reason, or for silly reasons, feel irrationally that my DP is going to leave me, worry endlessly etc. Even though pregnancy was tough, it was worth it, and I would do it again if I had to. I'd still view pregnancy as the most challenging part of being a parent, though!

I didn't speak to my midwife or GP about it, but perhaps I should have. If you feel like you are depressed, definitely mention it and see what they say. You will probably also feel better and less stressed when you go on mat leave, so look forward to that.
Take care of yourself. And, congratulations by the way!

verity - that's my pregnancy. dd is 5 and i am crying just remembering what it was like. i was a real 'carry on whatever' and even agreed to have my work hours changed so that i could carry on working, just started later & worked through lunch. worked until 34 weeks & had such bad back pain from dd's head engaging that i couldn't walk. i was teaching, trying to stand up & control 30 teenagers when barely able to breathe properly!!

and yes, i had horrific depression. at 38 weeks i spoke to the mw. she was so concerned that i had a counsellor round my house within 24 hours - there's usually a 2 -3 week wait where i was living. i cried all the time, e.g. dh asked if i was having too much fish & i cried so badly for 24 hours that i couldn't calm down enough to go & buy food! i used to hear voices in my head, and fantasize about cutting my wrists. (in the way that i think about chocoalte when i know i shouldn't) i didn't even tell the counsellor this as i had forgotten that it isn't normal to hear voices!!

yes, there is such a thing as ante-natal depression. TALK to a midwife.

your employer is legally obliged to disregard illnesses during preganacy, not to 'punish' you for it. you may need to point that out to them.

for me, i think not working so much would have really helped. once i stayed home, the sickness dropped noticeably (but didn't stop) and the crying was less. the hormone that makes you sick is thought (not proved) to be linked to depression, so the two often go toether. that's what my mw said, but there was strating to be more research done at the time.

the good news is, the moment dd was 'born' (em cs) all the depression & sickness stopped. and it's soo worth it.

talk to people, get help. no-one can take over be pregnant for you , but they can help you thorugh it.

I found this website useful during my last pregnancy

Depression In Pregnancy

LivingLaVida now why did that site, or indeed anything useful come up when I googled while i was in a state! Pah!

I think part of the problem is that by the time i had my booking visit with the midwife at 14 weeks, I was starting to feel better, so didn't mention it. It's a shame that it is not more commonly known as I'm sure it would help if women were made aware that it is pretty normal to be depressed/anxious/upset to quite extreme levels during this stage of pregnancy - ie before they have had contact with the midwives etc.

From that website "irrational behaviour/thoughts and/or paranoia"

Well that was me. Nice to see in writing that I wasn't just losing my marbles.

I feel really really down whenever I have been pregnant (but more so with my first) DH was really worried I was going to have PND, as I was thoroughly miserable and morose throughout my first, but as soon as dd was born, I felt brilliant and never looked back. Funnily enough, I think I have some kind of reaction to progesterone, because when I went on the progesterone only pill, I felt the same way- really depressed and unhappy.

I know you are unwell at the moment, and need to rest, but in my subsequent pregnancies, i found the only way to keep the blues at bay was to exercise for as long as possible. I think there is an element of losing control when you are pregnant, when your body is no longer your own, and you need to "give up" parts of your life- I found I got moody and resentful at the changes "forced" on me by pregnancy. Keeping going to my gym classes allowed me to feel more like normal, and when I got too big to justifiably do them (an 8mth pregnant woman looks frnkly quite ridiculous doing combat ), the old misery returned, but at least it wasn't for so long. HOWEVER, I would NEVER advocate exercise to someone iin your position at the moment. Maybe if you feel better later you could discuss suitable exercise with your mw??

I had when I was pregnant and the medics didn't do anything to help me. Its horrible not just for you but or your, I sympathise. Keep going back to the drs if they say its nothing.

I had terrible ante-natal depression during my 2nd pregnancy- I HATED being pregnant the 1st time and that escalated in my 2nd pregnancy. I had a history of depression and so knew the signs and went to my GP. I saw a Psychiatrist throughout my 2nd pregnancy because of the feelings of being out of control of my life, my emotions and my body. I too am a teacher and was used to making decisions, exerting control over things and people and was used to things being predictable and structured and pregnancy takes all of those things away. It can be a predictor of suseptibility to post-natal depression but I was lucky enough not to experience that. I was just overwhelmed with relief when my DS got here safely.

You should speak to someone about these feeling and keep posting on here as you are not alone. Pregnancy is hard for people who are used to being in control. As is parenthood- just to warn you

If they aren't being sympathetic that is hard. Maybe explain that you are finding pg tough, you are doing the best that you possibly can and there is a good chance that in a few weeks you will be able to perform better? I think that managing expectations is the best you can do. My work were great, though they did eventually send me home about a week earlier than I had planned to leave because I had turned into a hormonal monster. I was cross at the time but not I'm once again a rational human being I can understand why and am glad. I'm a teacher and every time I got cross with a child I would be devastated and cry and was convinced I was subjecting my unborn to undue stress. She turned out to be the most laid back child ever!

Just wanted to say a big thank you for everyone's support. I feel better knowing that this isn't something that's only going on in MY head. Although I'm still pretty sure that baby is going to be an only child, as I cannot countenance going through this again.

Have taken the day off sick today, as I still feel v faint and light headed, and vowed that I will NOT be made to feel guilty for being pregnant. I (a) don't deserve to feel as sick as this and (b) especially don't need anyone giving me a hard time because of it, even if we are busy a work - in 5 months time I'm not going to be there anyway, so they should look on this as an opportunity to start practising coping without me.

MNers, you are all very wise.

Thank you.

VC xx

Look after yourself Verity, take care and good luck! And we'll all be here if you need us again xx

sounds tough, and I can empathise. I have suffered with depression("normal") for years, and was on antidepressants when I found out I was pregnant. I was advised to stop them at 5 weeks, I then descended into a dark deep depression, which was concerning the midwife, social worker and psychiatrist. Eventually the advice was to start medication, but I have so far- managed to cope without. If things got worse again, I would take them if I felt I needed them. I am just lucky it lafted a bit. I don't know how much of it was a reactin to coming off the original medication, response to the surprise of being pregnant, hormonal chaos, antenatal depression, or my normal depression.And I am now happy not knowing, just grateful that I feel brighter.
There is support on the web for antenatal depression, I found it reassuring to read and know I wasn't on my own with the terrible feelings. I'm now 16 weeks and it is more manageable, I hope that as the weeks go on it will get eadier for you too. But the midwife gp etc should be supportive and be able to advise you. Good luck.

p.s. I had bleeding early on too, and early scans to reassure us. This follows 2 miscarriages so I think my anxiety levels are naturally elevated.

VC - i also had a difficult start, was told i was having a m/c , then that it might be ectopic, was told not to 'count on anything' until after wk 15, depression & sickness got 'wsitched on' at 16 wks. you can take tablets for the sickness after about that time, and gradually increase the dose - i was on 3 tablets a day (max dose) from about 24 wks. i still felt sick, often retched & brought up water, but food stayed down so dd grew happily.

if you weree hit by a bus, your boss would have to carry on without you, and this is almost as bad!!