Is there such a thing as pre-natal depression?

[VerityClinch]

OK, so, here's the deal. 14+1, had 2 bouts of bleeding early on, major panic, but early scan showed all was fine, then caught the flu/bad cold thing that was going around which knocked me for six and laid me up for a week, 12 week scan was fine, all normal and a good nuchal result (albeit still waiting for the bloods to come back).

Then, Thursday night, started throwing up at midnight and couldn't stop. Every sip of water I took came back minutes later. Paged the midwife mid-morning, she never came back to me. Called GP at 5-ish, who told me to go to casualty, where I spent the next 2 hours on a fluids drip and some IV anti-sickness drugs for good measure. Am OK now but feel completely wiped out again, very weak and faint and everything I eat gives me indigestion.

Have had horrible morning sickness all the way through, since about week 6, which I know is not that long, but has really taken it out of me.

Work not thrilled to learn I was pregnant, and am sure boss now hates my erratic behaviour/time off/general spaced-out-ness and is becoming less and less sympathetic every time I go under with something. No surprise as he relies very heavily on me and must be worried about what's going to happen when I go on mat leave. Understandable as it's our busiest time of year, and clearly I have not been giving it 110% like I normally would be.

Am I just being a whinger, though? I mean, despite all the scares and the sickness, this has not been a complicated pregnancy (so far, touch wood) - but it's my first, and I feel out of my depth and a bit naive to think that I would breeze through it. I had no idea how much it would take out of me, emotionally and physically - already I feel like if I can't cope now, how the hell am I going to cope when the baby's here?

And I feel pathetic because "in real life" I am a super-high achiever, have a great job with lots of responsibility, which I have a reputation for being good at. And women have babies all the time. So why am I finding it so hard? Or do I just need to pull myself together?

Sorry for the long rant, but I am starting to think I am going mental.

Some - any - perspective on this would be really useful.

V x

my pregnancy has been fine so far (35+3 today) but being pregnant does get you down. I do not agree that second trimester is easier than fisrt. Yes, it is easier in a way that you get much more energy, but what with all that weight gain?? I was fine for the first 3 months and then in my second trimester my weight just balooned, and I could not do anything about it. I was not stuffing myself.... so i did get into a depression for couple of days. Luckily have a good DH who supported me all the way through, but boy, did I cry... Was so difficult to let go, not being able to control what your body goes through.
So here you go: firts trimester was sick with worry about miscarriage;
second - weight gain;
you would have thought thrid one is better_ nooooo.
Ok, you come to terms with weight issues because you EDD approaches and after you can do something about your external appearance, but isn't it a drag - 3rd trimester: you getting heavier, baby kcicking at night, you are not able to sleep , going to the loo non stop, water retention.... I feel like I am in the wrong thread should have gone to specsavers, oops, to "having had enough" thread instead .

No, it is not gettiong any better.
I have been always very active and together, and now I have become like a baby, tumbling over things, burning food, dropping everything....

Good luck, Verity! they say, it is all worth it. It is my first as well

My other half and I have been through a whole range of emotions- some happy some not so, but the overwhelming ones up until this weekend I would say have been quite negative... we were shocked at first that we had managed to conceive, but then reality dawned and I think it would be accurate to say we have gone through a period of mourning..

Mourning our youth, our happy, carefree lives, our financial stability, our holidays, our expensive hobbies, our freedom... the baby is going to cause so many changes to all of this and we really have had some trouble coming to terms with it all.

I miss going to the gym to do a proper stressbusting workout, I miss riding my horses... financially I know I am going to have to sell one of them and this is really upsetting as I never thought I would get pregnant so i never thought I would have to part with them.

My consultancy business is just taking off and as I am running it alongside my full time job, I am now having to turn work away as I am just too exhausted to deal with it all. Oh, and we've brought the wedding forward so Im having to sort all of that too!!!

I guess it's a normal reaction to be depressed/concerned/fed up. Reading this back, I hope I dont come across as selfish! Im 35, Ive got a good lifestyle, but I really do want this baby- more than anything!!!

I know I always tend towards depression when I am tired, and this pregnancy lark is very tiring, as is the prospect of major life changes ahead. I felt guilty about all the negative thoughts Ive had, but am coming to terms with them more now.

Good for you for sending that email to your boss. I was stressing about how I wasn't that superwoman I used to be now that I'm pg and a dear friend (who is similar) just told me that putting your child first should start now - and from that point of view all of a sudden I could relax a bit more. Pulling back on some of my responsibilities (and household chores) didn't seem so bad when contrasted with losing the baby!

Stay strong and make sure you take care of yourself!

i'm convinced that i get some form of depression that lasts from moment of conception through to the baby being about 12wks old. so i feel like i have to write off a year of my life to make a baby (i'm preg. with third...so its definately worth it) i don't feel like harming myself or anyone els but i feel so low...exhausted and emotional and sick most of the time and it is so long.......when i was preg. with first baby i was in the armed forces and had really unsympathetic co workers...either much younger than me or much older spinsters and i found that really crushing

This thread has been so comforting to me. I'd really like to share my situation as I think I have pre-natal depression. I am 12 weeks pregnant and have been depressed since the day I found out in week 5. This is despite the fact that it is a planned pregancy (my hubby is desperate for kids, although I have never felt the pull that strongly). I thought it would take ages because of my age (I'm 35) and having taken the pill for the last 17 years, but I caught on in the first month that we stopped using contraception. Then the reality really hit me. I am grieving the loss of my child-free identity, my freedom, our spare cash, adventure holidays in far flung places, cosy meals out; in short the loss of control over my life, body and emotions. As I write this, I know that it all sounds so shallow. So, added to the loss, I feel an enourmous sense of guilt about my negative feelings and not being happy for my husband (who is clearly thrilled). I feel constantly low, tearful and scared. Sometimes I can't sleep and I feel that my life is over. My GP sent me for abortion counselling early on, but despite my feelings, I was never going to be able to terminate the pregnancy for the sake of my husband (who I love dearly). Since then, my GP keeps telling me that my feelings are normal and to stop worrying. Trouble is, I don't feel normal. Is she just dismissing the way I feel?

Sheenaisapunkrocker, you sound just like me. I had polycystic ovaries, never thought I could get pregnant, was 35, didn't want children although husband did and cried for the whole 9 months of pregnancy. Was convinced my life was over - exactly the same thoughts that you've been having. Had hyperemisis too all the way through which obviously didn't help. I thought I would have the baby from hell, that I would never sleep or read a book ever again and couldn't imagine what on earth I'd do with a baby (never having even held one!)

Anyway, after my daughter was born, it was all fine! I'd been worrying about nothing - the reality was much better than all my doom and gloom. I think part of the problem was that I had no idea what to expect and so all i could think about was negative things. So many people said "it's different when it's your own" and I didn't believe them, but honestly, it IS different. You find yourself getting enjoyment out of watching them do things and taking them places and you just love them to pieces.

I found lots of places to take my daughter, baby-sign classes, swimming classes, playgroups (when she got a bit older) and seeing as many people from my ante natal group as possible. I started going to the sports centre and using the creche which meant I got time to do things I wanted while someone else looked after my daughter for a bit. I found that the best thing for me was to be out and about as much as possible.

I went back to work when she was 11 months old and she goes to nursery 2 days a week which she absolutely loves. You will still be able to have meals out and do things you want to do. YOU WILL ADJUST, honestly! In my case, I think maybe it was for the best that I was so negative as the reality couldn't possibly be as bad I'd pictured it to be so I think I coped with everything after she was born better than others who'd been looking forward to it and who'd never had a doubt they were doing the right thing.

Hope I've put your mind at rest a bit!

Hi Sheena, you are not alone. I'm 40 weeks and 5 days (overdue!) and thought I'd been through all the emotions I could. Then, the other evening I started to get really scared about my relationship with DP, it will never be the same again after all.
Remember that nothing can really prepare you for being a parent.
This is still your first trimester, which is the most emotional time of pregnancy. That's probably why your GP said that to you. Maybe you should keep talking to someone, a friend who'se had children/sister etc. Have to say that really helped me.

Hi Sheena, no you are not alone, I think that as others have said, the 1st trimester is worst as you are physically and emotionally changing.

My sis is 26 weeks PG and has been referred to a consultant and now to a psychologist. She has had a terrible time with hyperemesis gravidum (severe sickness) and has issues about the birth which are causing her some probs.

So if you continue to feel bad, do seek help from your doctor.

Thank you all so much for your support. nicky1968, you have captured exactly how I am feeling and it is such a relief that someone else has been through this and not only survived it, but actually likes life as a parent. I think that some of my worries are about not likeing parenthood and it all being one big struggle. Like you were, I am so focused on negative ideas (probably because I too have never been near any children) that I find it hard to understand the pleasures. Thank you again because this has been a help.