*Terrified of giving birth!*

[mum2b09]

im 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby and know i have to do this. i have the smallest tolerance to pain! just wondering if any1 could shed any light on things to expect that people havent already told me!! want to prepare myself haah thankyouu all xxxx

I would strongly recommend ante-natal yoga classes and/or hypnobirthing.

I did both when pregnant with ds and they worked a treat for me - whereas with dd I felt lost and panicky, with ds I felt fully in control and it was a really positive experience.

The yoga taught breathing techniques which were really useful. The hypnotherapy I did involved 2 one on one sessions with the hypnotist who was lovely and basically gave me techniques for positive visualisation. She also added in some post-ntatal stuff relating to breastfeeding and weightloss

was the hypnobirthing thing expensive? where could i find out more about it? xx

im only 18 and feel abit lost atm. waiting to hear about housing. got all the baby things i need and im with the babys dad just feel abit lost i dont know anyone else who is pregnant and feel abit scared abotu the whole birth process!

When I was pregnant with DD1 I kept asking my mw to hit me with a hammer on the hand to let me know how intense the pain would be Like you, I am a total pain-wimp and worry that if I can cry over a splinter, how the hell would I cope with mega contractions. However, I know realise that I was thinking about labour pain in the wrong way. It is nothing like an instant pain hit.

What I didnt appreciate then is the way your body "warms up" through the early stages so as to prepare you for the stronger contractions. You know when you do exercise and crank up the speed/intensity level and for the first five minutes it feels impossible, then you warm up to it and suddenly it is ok, crank it up another speed level and the same process? same with pain and intensity of contractions. Not much help I know, but knowing it is a slope to climb rather than a cliff face does make it easier.
The other important thing that got me through is concentrating on the concept of welcoming each contraction as it was one more out of the way and one step closer to meeting my baby. Sounds a bit nuts, but taking each one at a time and seeing the end of each one as a minor victory helped me through them.

thanx xmaspud makes it sound a lot more bareable! people keep telling me really horrible experiences about their birth. is it really that bad?? oh and what does it feel liek when your water breaks? funnily enough none of the womens waters have broken in my family [hmmm] xx

I would strongly suggest looking into getting a doula (we didn't do this for DS and I really wish we had.). They are someone to fight your corner at the hospital, leaving your DP to focus on you and they know what is going on, can explain things to you, etc.

My first time too, dreading it. More scared of something going wrong than the pain though to be honest.

Put it this way though - if it was so bad, women would either have stopped having children a long time ago, or they'd all stop after their first one

haha yeah i try to keep that in mind too! im trying not to think of something going wrong which is why im probably so worried about the pain bit. if i start worrying abotu the baby ill be a nervous wreck! hha

you will be fine, honestly. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time and will continue to do it until the end! It's natural - have faith in yourself and your body. Don't listen to people's horror stories, they serve no purpose. It's pain with gain because at the end of it you will be sitting up in bed sipping tea and eating toast with a beautiful newborn in your arms. It is so worth it. It is painful - I won't lie - but I'm on my third time - so it can't be that bad. Mother nature has a clever trick of making your forget!
See how you go - some women manage without pain relief, but if you need it - have it, I think most women do with their first birth. Epidurals can be wonderful for first births as they tend to be slow moving but you may find you cope without. You will be amazed at what you have achieved afterwards!
Good Luck!

When you have the pain you will be concentrating on that. When you don't, you'll be knackered!
My first (and only) birth wasn't pain free but the pain was manageable and it was a very positive birth. You always hear the horror stories.

i dont really want an epidural but im sure when i get there ill probably scream for one!! i cant wait for my baby to be born and im sure ill be fine just when i have no clue what to expect its bin abit worrying. i start ante natal classes on monday so im sure they will help.

Normally when we are in pain it is because we are injured or unwell. It is a sign that something is wrong and this is alarming/worrying. BUT the pain of giving birth (whilst very strong) is a sign that you are in labour and all is well. Your baby is finally on its way, you will finally get to meet it very soon. At which point the pain will stop, straight away. Yes it hurts but you will cope as billions of women before you have. Good Luck! PS people love relating their nightmare births. It makes a great story! But look at them all a couple of years later having another one....

Mum2b09, you're very young so see if a doula will help you out for free, or for very low cost - lots do a bit of work like this.

I had my first at 19. It really isn't too awful, and people tend to talk about horror stories more than good experiences because that is human nature. There are some secrets to success.

1. Stay as relaxed as possible as long as possible. Don't rush into hospital. Drink plenty of fluids, and eat if you are hungry, for example things like toast and jam.

1. Water pools and warm baths really help with pain - they can halve it. If you are offered use of a birthing pool, jump at the chance!

1. You can borrow or hire TENS machines which are a drug free method of reducing the discomfort, and if you practise with the machine a bit beforehand (from 37 weeks) your body really learns how to do this well. (by the way obviously you can't use these in the birthing pool or you will get an electric shock!)

1. If you stay upright things work better and everything is over quicker. Gravity does its work. Also your pelvis opens wider which means it is easier to push the baby out than if you are sitting or lying.

1. If you have an induction or other medical procedure, such as an epidural, this might mean you end up having what they call an 'escalation of intervention', which basically means the doctors will have to start doing more and more other things to you and the baby, and things might actually get more uncomfortable and painful for you as time goes on. So if you tell them beforehand you would like nature to take its course as much as possible, then you minimise the chances of really suffering. They will tell you quick enough if there's any real danger.

1. Ante-natal classes are a really good idea because they discuss fear of childbirth and breathing and relaxation techniques that help you cope with pain relief.

Hope that helps. xx

Try not to worry about peoples horror stories, I dont know why people do this to people who are expecting. (And also bear in mind that most of them go on to have other babies themselves!)

I can also hopefully reassure you with the fact that both my babies were no problem at all pain wise...ok, so had an epidural first time for medical reasons so no surprise there. But second Dc came fast and had him with no pain relief at all and it was amazing! I would do it all again tomorrow!(Tho yes, it hurt a bit, but I just sort of felt 'So what? Wahaaay!')

Everyones experience is different, who says yours wont be amazing too?

yeah ino thanx for evri1s luvli responses i feel abit better now this sites grat as i dont really have any1 to talk 2. my bfs great but obv hes not a woman and will never experiance any of this lol xxxx

I was about to add to this but I think boffinmum listed about everything I wanted to say - the "public face" of labour and childbirth that we see in TV drama or hollywood films is pretty warped and doesnt reflect reality. I would describe the experience as intense rather than painful. Yes it hurts, but you have (at least I had) a totally different perception of the pain as I would have from say an injury. One suggestion if its possible - see if you can get yourself registered with a midwifery team that provide one to one care if at all possible. That means that you see the same midwife every check up and hopeully she will also be present at your birth. Where are you based?

I would recommend a doula. They are a birth support partner who act as your friend, support, voice. They make sure you know absolutely what to expect and get to know you and what is important, what you might need help with. They get to know your partner and help him to be as involved as he wants to be and give him tools to help you.

Their job is to keep you calm, relaxed and in control and they will do whatever is necessary to ensure this. IF you want them to massage your back they will and will show your partner how, but if you want them to sit outside the room and only show their faces when you have a question etc. they will do this too.

Mine even offered to tidy my house if I had a homebirth and the mess was stressing me out.

I have given birth twice and both times they were text book. I found the first horrible, but the second easy and enjoyable. The difference was that I had a little more knowledge and a LOT more support. Sadly, you cannot rely on the NHS to supply the support necessary to give you a good experience but that was really all I needed.

Good luck!

(btw my mw cousin says that younger women cope better with labour)

Don't worry too much - remember that your body is an amazing machine and will do it's stuff no matter what you do !

Second tip of mine is to remember that every contraction is one less to worry about and one closer to meeting your baby

Remember that pain relief if there if you want it

And finally... it's all soooo worth it

Good luck

MustHave - that's what I always try to say but you put it so eloquently!
I had a problem 17 weeks after birth which they thought was my appendix. I rated the pain as a 5 compared to labour being a 10. Still would rather go through labour (even forgetting the baby!) 100x more than that - because I knew what was happening and why - the worry wasn't there.

Nothing really to add, just to say that I agree with not listening to the horror stories! I was quite worried before having my first, but had faith in my body and listened to it. I think it helped that I am a vet, so I could understand and recognise what was happening. I ended up having a 4hr labour (from 1st contraction to actual delivery) with my first. No tears, just the pool and G&A for pain relief, and it really wasn't so bad at all. It's not always so bad

One more thing to add - avoid watching births on TV or in films for now, because they are always much more dramatic and scary looking than the real thing, as reluctantincubator wisely pointed out.

Usually the tough stuff (head coming out) only lasts about 3 contractions, which is not long enough for panic, really - if you keep your wits about you (i.e. avoid drugs), you might even be able to control this a bit, with guidance from the mw, so the tissues thin out naturally, and you don't get too much damage to recover from afterwards. My record for having sex afterwards is 10 days, so you can get away with very little damage in the right circumstances, just puffiness.

The rest of labour is just extreme period pain - in fact once or twice I have had period pain on a level with labour. It's all manageable - just a day out of your life, if that.

lol at BoffinMum's record of having sex after 10 days!! The benchmark I use is that I lay in the bath about half an hour after delivering the placenta and said "I could do that again"

I was quite proud of that, actually. I got it down from 3 weeks!!!

Definitely keep relaxed during contractions, if you tense up (which you will) then it is even more for your body to cope with and it hurts more and is more draining for you. I kept finding myself tensing my neck, shoulders, hands, thighs and calves - so everything really! Oh, and I was moaning rather a lot too! This really wasn't the best strategy. Once I made a positive effort to relax every muscle the contractions were easier, and I also made sure I didn't moan either and this made it a bit better too.

I went in not wanting an epidural, but I got one in the end and I'm glad it did, it worked for me and it made me enjoy my birthing experience so just go in with an open mind and go with the flow.

HTH.

Hiya, I just wanted to pass on my MIL's advice to me before I had my 1st. She had three homebirths with no pain relief availiable and she saved me from panicking during all three of my labours, oh and number four is on the way! So it can't be that bad!

MIL Said...

1. This is only for today, tommorow you will be doing somthing else.

2. Each pain is one more step to your beautiful baby being here.

3. When you have a contraction ignore everything and everyone else so that you can concentrate on your body and staying in control, if you lose control its hard to get it back, so focus.

4. Remember, your body is designed to do this, what is happening is supposed to.

You will be fine honestly - my MIL said so... LOL