*Terrified of giving birth!*

[mum2b09]

im 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby and know i have to do this. i have the smallest tolerance to pain! just wondering if any1 could shed any light on things to expect that people havent already told me!! want to prepare myself haah thankyouu all xxxx

Kitkatqueen- very good advice, exactly what my mum told me.

I was really worried the first time round as I have a very low tolerance for pain but everything was fine- I think part of the fear is not knowing what kind of pain it will be. It is painful but your body is very clever and the contractions come and go so that you can deal with them one at a time. Just be flexible (not literally but yoga will help!) about your birth expectations and prepare yourself by knowing about all the different options for labour. Best of luck.

It hurts like a bitch, and is nothing like 'period pain'. Contractions are more like being squeezed like a lemon by the hand of God.

Pushing during a contraction actually decreases the pain. (Nobody told me this and I was surprised to find out during the birth)

Refuse an episiotomy at all costs. Make your birth partner promise on his life that he will punch whoever approaches you with a pair of scissors (unless it's to cut the cord)

I was completely petrified towards the end with ds. I was in tears about the whole thing for weeks, but do you know what? It was no where near as bad as I had imagined it to be. I didn't go to ante-natal classes or anything like that, kind of lived in denial about the whole giving birth thing for as long as I could. I kind of told myself it'd be ok because I'd just have an epidural, all blase like! Got to the hospital and drugs man was in theatre so couldn't get the drugs and was left on G&A which didn't take the pain away, just sepersted me from it a bit, I could feel it, but didn't really care iyswim. By the time you are actually in labour and are pushing, you'll be far too concentrated on getting that baby out to think of any fears you may have had. Honestly. And it can't be all that bad or else everyone would stop at 1 dc.....
My second is due in 5 weeks and not looking forward to it, but know I can do it
Goodluck, you'll be fine.

The actual thing isn't as bad as the fear of it! I went in to be induced with my first and can remember wanting to run out of the hospital and change my mind about having a baby! Once it starts you just go with the flow and everyone is very kind (hopefully). Kitkatqueen has great advice. I found it best not to have expectations (bad or good), I would never go in for a detailed birth plan. Stay open minded. I wouldn't want to be pregnant again but giving birth was a great experience.
It is perhaps like being on a rollercoaster-frightened to get on, excited and scared once committed to the ride but when it ends want to do it all over again!!
Good luck.

Hello Mum2b09, would really recommend, as other mumsnetters have here, going to ante natal classes, they do put your mind at ease. We ended up on NCT ones but they were really good. x

NCT ones will be full by now I imagine for people at your stage, but if you ring them and say you're very young and scared, they will probably be able to squeeze you in, and they sometimes waive or reduce the fee if you are short of cash. They are particularly good at pain relief issues and related panics.

What's an episiotomy? x

When they cut the membrane of skin between your fanjo and anus to make extra space for the baby to come out. They used to do it a lot, but they try not to now.

My birth plan was 9 pages long.....

Just wanted to add to the 'don't listen to horrific stories' bit. I am 4 ish weeks away from my first and am really sick of the negativity I get from other women, and the negative reactions to my plan to home birth as naturally as possible...why do they all do it?? If it turns out to be a good experience OR a bad one, surely me being petrified for the whole of the rest of my pregnancy can't help anyway?

I think I am being realistic in hoping for the best but also knowing what my options are for the worst - there is loads of info out there, lots on here, also pg books or classes. My personal view is that sometimes medics make decisions for the good of the hospital/staff team rather than for the mother and baby, and I want to avoid that by being informed and able to ask 'why' if intervention is offered.

This is YOUR baby and YOUR body so you do have the right to some control...Try to read a bit on your options and that will help I am sure.

Right - rant over! Good luck with it!!

This is an episiotomy. They used to cut between fanjo & anus, but they do it towards the side ("mediolateral episiotomy") these days so as not to damage to anal sphincter muscle.

The argument is that by cutting they are avoiding a tear which can be more difficult to repair than a straight incision. The reality is that the episiotomy is huge - even if you tear you probably won't tear that much. The pain takes weeks to go away, it iis just excruciating, and honestly much worse than childbirth itself.

Hi there - try the HypnoBirthing book:

www.amazon.co.uk/Hypnobirthing-Natural-Approach-Comfortable-Birthing/dp/0757302661/r ef=sr11?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1231090266&sr=8-1

The course can be expensive but the book is the same as used on the course (you also get a CD with it) and it is an easy read.