Elective Caesarean Help

[lollypop101]

I just thought I'd ask for some advice here.

Every female in my family has had a history of horrific and long first time births. Tearing that has made it difficult to walk for weeks, post traumatic stress, incontinence etc etc... all leading to my fear of child birth.

I am 31 and have been married for 7 years. One of the major reasons I have not tried for a baby is due to my worry about giving birth. I recently found myself pregnant. My husband is v excited about the news and so am I but I now can't help myself but worry about what is going to happen in the future.

I know to some of you it is completely irrational but I just can't help myself worry about it. I don't like the feeling of matters going out of control. How long will it last? What complications will arise? etc etc.

This is my first pregnancy and although I don't have first hand experience of a EC or a natural birth I do feel that this would be the best option for me.

I think that I should be given a choice but feel that getting an elective caesarean on the NHS will be difficult due to my friends comments and a general opinion by many that you are somehow not a mother if you do go this route.

Please can anyone give any advice on how they got an EC and whether on NHS. How difficult it was? What were your reasons etc? I'd really appreciate any help. I do realise that it is not a walk in the park to have an EC too.

Firstly congratulations on the pregnancy!

I have a few thoughts:
Counselling to discuss your fear of childbirth, and keep an open mind as to how you give birth. Of course you are still a mother if you have a CS! And you have still given birth if you have a CS. But keep an open mind for the time being and think about all your options, for axample a doula is a birth assistant who is trained to help and support you while giving birth and this may be an option for you.

There is a thread on the birth announcements section from someone who has recently had a CS:
here and there are a couple of useful points if you do decide to have a CS.

Thanks belgo.

I don't mind going to counselling/speaking to someone about my fears.

I'm seeing doctor next week and think best to discuss it with them then. I'm just worried that if I have counselling and still decide that it isn't for me then I'll have no option but to give birth... god, I sound such a psycho. Honestly, I'm normally very chilled out.

Thanks again.

Hi, I'm a first timer to, and have just been booked in for an elective CS. There were a variety of reasons, including family history of big babies and my 'short stature and size' as well as another medical concern.
I figure that many people can and will try to act superior about having a natural birth, however I felt the an elective CS was a better option for me and my baby, and if that is what you feel then don't be ashamed of it.
A CS is no easy option, and I understand it is likely I will be in a lot of pain afterwards - particularly as I can't take most of the painkillers that they offer - however I feel that it is worth it as I will be in control and it will be less stressful for my baby.
If you feel that it is the best thing for you then go push to have one - I think your reasons are legitimate and hopefully your doctor will too. Before I went I had written a list of my concerns, although the consultant was the one that mentioned a CS first, she was happy to go through them with me and we made the decision together.
Good luck with the counseling, and with making your decision - please don't feel bad for wanting a CS, you sound like you have good reasons, I hope you get the support you need.

If you really do not want to or feel you cannot labour the NHS will cheerfully provide you with a CS. There may be an element of needing to show your reasons, and serious and depth of feelings [ lots of consultants see lots of people going through the decision making process and swinging radically back and forth throughout pregnancy - and so they are in the business of trying to get to the bottom of things and also of resolving any issues they can. They are ultimatley responsible for ensuring you make informed decisions and so will wish to satisfy themselves]

Look at the NICE guidelines online, at all the options, pro's and con's. The guidance is downloadable, and you can read the stuff for the health proff. and for patients also. Also look at the care of a woman in labour as a comparison.

I don't mean you shouldn't investgate all your options or look into other approaches - I don't know if your mind is made up or if you are happy you know whats best for you as yet, but you shouldn't let a worry like this shade your pregnancy overwhelmingly. That would be my personal advice. You can have a section if you need one and should feel reassured by this.

Big lesson of having babies I think - we can make all plans we like but the whole system of reproduction is unpredictability itself. There just isn't a simple medical vs natural split, there are a 1000 ways of trying to do it, and then a 1000 ways the plan will change on the day.

And many many congratulations!!

Plus your on mumsnet - where loads of people will be feeling just like you, will have gone through similar and will have tonnes of good advice and moral support. It' s brill!

How exciting, to be having your first baby! My experience has been of 2 C-Sections. First due to breech baby, 2nd was elective. My babies were both delivered safely.

All I would say is that a section carries its own risks, and will not necessarily relieve you of all your fears, as you will have a different set of worries.

Just wanted to say that I have 2 children, both CS delieveries.

#1 crash section [under GA, due to Pre Eclampsia & foetal distress] #2 ECS.

I do not feel any less a mother, so please do not worry about that! I bonded instantly with both my girls. To me, the birth is just a smal part of the journey. I am more in awe of the fact that I created & sustained a life, 2 lives, than the fact that I gave birth.

Do please be in reciept of all the facts tho, as a section is not easy, recovery is slow. You will have scaring internally & obv externally. It can [rarely] cause secondry fertility issues. Subsequent pregnancies can be harder/more of a strain with more complications.

No one can tell you what to do, good luck!

Also it's important to remember that your birth experience may be totally different to the other women in your family. My mother had two premature babies, both forceps and episiotomy deliveries. I was terrified that I was going to deliver prematurely - my mother was convinced I would give birth early - but as it happened, I went past my due date with all three babies, and had no intervention with any of them, a very very different experience to my mum.

Really good points from Belgo and sandcastles - loads of pro's and con's to deal with. Perhaps for you the most important thing, lots of unknowns with both elective section and vaginal birth.

I dunno if it's just me - and I may get blasted out of mumsnet for even whispering this - but I have sometimes had to read betwen lines when listening to peoples birth experiences too. People can be almost competitive about how bad or how good or how whatever their experience was. Less so with close family or friends of course, but maybe an element of this with people I just chat with. Could be completely wrong however.

I only mention it as sometimes people don't take into account how you may be feeling in pregnancy when they off load a horror story onto you. There may be a negative of, say, a sore perineum for x amount of time - but on the positive side that person may have had a quick quick pushing stage and been able to go home at 6 hours delivered. Just an example. People sometimes don't tell you the better side of things, perhaps as they haven't really thought of it that way.

I say this to bolster my own confidence in the whole process too, as facing it again in few weeks!!

Thanks to everyone for your support and advice - what a great site.

I will have a look at the NICE materials too. I do want to be as well informed as I can with my decision.

A friend of mine was very worried about VB and pretty much was in a state through her whole pregnancy. Her doc refused her an elective CS for just her fear alone. Maybe she didn't push it enough but it worries me that if that is the decision I would like to take then it wouldn't be offered to me.

I do agree LightShinesInTheDarkness that I wouldn't be compeletely worry free even if I did.

Thanks again.

Good luck treedelivery with your imminent arrival too.

I'm going to try and relax.

What the consultant will ask you is to define your fear - for instance, if it's the pain of childbirth, then the consultant will point out that the pain relief (epidural) for a c-section can be offered.

My consultant didn't say 'no' to a c section, but she felt that my concerns could be addressed. Fortunately, I had a brilliant consultant, who kept her word, as the delivery suite can be an unpredictable place. So, she reassured me, but also said that I could have a c-section if I wanted, which made me feel like I was in control...

Oh, and one thing I have noticed it that consultants don't like to be dictated to... if you go in and say, 'I've decided...' it may be a bit of an uphill battle. But if you say something like, 'I am extremely anxious about the birth, and have not gotten pregnant for this reason. I would like to be considered for a c-section...'

But don't think that a c-section is an easy option. It's major abdominal surgery...

Top advice from ilovemydog. Especially about the how to handle consultants bit. Don't confront or push - then there's nothing to push back against and rational conversation can result.

Anyone who actually delays having a baby because of fears of childbirth should get lots of support and advice from the dr's - but you do have to tell people the reality of how your feeling. Don't think they will just know or understand the depth of your feeling if you say 'I am afraid'. They are used to hearing that and it can span a very very wide range of feelings.

It's rare for someone to say 'I'm really looking forward to labour' [although I did in honesty] and yet not all people want to elect for section. So it's about exploring how deep this runs for you, where it has come from, is it grounded in reality, is it backed by statistics and likelihood [sp?], should there be a plan B, or even C,D,and E that would mean there doesn't need to be a black and white approach to decision making [often wise when dealing with the human body].

Try to relax about it as it's a good while in the future and if you have huge anxiety over this, sometimes in my experience, addressing 'this' may then just mean it's replaced by another huge anxiety. Now is a great time to start practising how to break the worry cycle that can be so destructive to a happy pregnancy. Then the baby comes and the really bonkers crazy times start!

I do drone on and am sorry for that - it's just I've seen so so many stories similar to yours and others too. I don't want you to miss out on the giggly good times of pregnancy from your head focusing on one thing. As huge as birthing is, it's one thing, that lasts somewhere between an hour to a few days, out of the lifetime of parenting.

I really wouldn't concern myself on if someone was refused or someone was allowed and all that. In reality we have no clue as to what individual cases are and there may be many reasons for any decsion we have no knowledge of. Ultimatley a consultant can refuse to take responsibility for a decsion made by someone else against their advice - this is so so rare and would probably result in the person being moved to another consultant. This is your body ultimatley and if you have knowledge and acceptance of risks taken you can do with it as you like - as long as you agree to acceptance of risk on behalf of the baby as well. Thats another aspect you will probably be able to look at as you get used to the whole 'having a baby' thing!

How many weeks are you btw?

Hi there,
I hear from many women in your situation via my website (although I don't think I am permitted to mention it here), many of whom are struggling to have their cesarean decision accepted in the NHS. It is my aim to help these women justify their preference for one set of risks and benefits (with a planned cesarean delivery) over another (with a planned vaginal delivery). I even started an online petition, which many women have signed.

That said, I understand that you are still undecided, and you may choose a vaginal delivery following counseling for your fears. I wish you the very best of luck and joy whichever birth method you decide on, and I only post here today to let you know about my website, blog (cesareandebate.blogspot) and petition only in case you decide on a cesarean and find that you are not being supported and would like any help or advice.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Just on the bit wher you say you might not be worry free even when the choices are looked at - maybe a hypno birthing course aimes at the antenatal period would be good? Not trying to sell you a birth experience, but more just as a tool to help you enjoy your pregnancy no matter what worries may come. People seem to rave about the whole hypno thing! Haven't rried it myself but just an idea.

Still dunno how manyweeks you are - have yo had scans yet?

x

Lollypop, how far are you? If you've still got plenty of time and are generally a rational person, I'd recommend reading up on the subject a bit more to calm your nerves.

I've just read "Childbirth without fear" by Grantly Dick-Read, the same book that my gran read 60 years ago before she had my dad.
It's terribly old-fashioned, but thought-provoking and a really good analysis of society's attitude towards childbirth. It was revolutionary in it's day, and it helps put things in perspective. An interesting read - order it from the library.

I don't expect it to allay your fears and entice you to natural birth if that's not your inclination but it does put your fears into context and will be reassuring whatever birth you go for.

It's also worth pointing out that even if you get an elective offered, it's unlikely to be given early, so you've still got the chance of a natural birth before 40 weeks - even more reason to read the book!
Best of luck with the pregnancy.

hey gals, im brand new to this site but have found it a great help already. can any1 answer me a question, please. we are planning a baby and will be my first, we will probably have to go down the road off assistance due to problems in that department on my partners and my sides. i have put this off for so long because the fear of childbirth gives me the terrors. so bad that i had written off ever having children, can any1 tell me how to go about getting a section on the nhs. who should i speak to and what should i say, i would like to do this before the ivf happens. is this possible?? i was attacked a few years ago and in the worst possible way so this has just made my head 100 times worse about childbirth. can any1 help or give some advise. much grateful

Hi pixiness, no specific advice, but a link to a good thread about this with some, ahem, robust, discussion on both sides of the argument! barkfox posts some very useful and eloquent stuff and it sounds like she may have been in a similar place to you. Good luck with whatever you choose.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/926286-Terrified-of-Natural-Birth-Can-I-request-a-C-Section/AllOnOnePage

thank u much, am new to this so how do i get there, im not so hot on the computer gargon. thanks for answerin

lollypop I wanted a EC and have been bullied out of it by doctors and midwifes also family every appiontment I had whe I asked for one I ended up in tears its made me really angry cause some people have got genuine worries about giving birth and its not taken seriously the law might be changing next month on caesarians so you might be able to get one.

that is awful, how did they bully u out of it? my god, im sure u know u better than any1 else. i am on route for iui treatment with my partner and am already having night terrors and panic attacks at the thought of natural childbirth, i seriously would contemplate pulling out and never having a child if i could not hav a c section. wot is the new law that ur talking about? if i can convince my gp to start with would that help/ thank u for sharin ur story with me, im brand new to this site and dnt know were to start.

pixie at the appointments I have had at the hospital I first brought up wanting a caesarian at 20 weeks and all they did was try to talk me out of it and left in tears it has been the same since. I was just told that I couldnt have one as no medical reason for me needing one. Also told over and over its not the easy option and more dangourous etc. I just gave up in the end and with my family being mean about it too.

I was reading the daily mail and saw that next month a law is going to be brought in that woman can have the option of having a EC which I think is brill.

i will look that up now, thanks again and im sorry they didnt do it in time to help you

pixiness you should just be able to click on the link (the bit that starts www....) in my first post and it will take you to that thread.

Have been reading about Elective Caesarean for weeks now as i am having one myself, Some of the comments are so nasty. But let me give my advice and story. I have a son already whom i opted for a normal birth with help from gas & air. My pregnancy was fab but during labour which was for over 1 week slowly i had a tear so bad that the surgeon was stitching me up for over 2 hours ive lost bits of my vagina! I was in hospital for 2 weeks as struggled to walk for the first and by the time i went home could walk bear minimum. For nearly 3 months after i could not stand still on the spot for more than 10mins and every time i had my monthly period i got an awful pain. So lucky to all thos ladys that had a normal birth with no problems i do not want to go through that again and so have booked for a Elective Caesarean. I saw woman have these and emerancy ones in and out after 3 days tops while i still couldn't walk. So a normal birth is not always right and has just as dangers effects. if you feel you can not bear a normal birth then dont its your body it dose not make you any less a mum for not. Im looking forward to the fact i can leave hospital after 3 days and not 2 weeks :) As the surgeon told me the pressure could easier split the old wound :(

Hi Lollypop,
There is loads of information on www.csections.org and the book 'Caesarean Birth: A positive approach to preparation and recovery' is very comprehensive.

It talks in great detail about how to negotiate a caesarean and particularly so on the grounds of tokophobia (fear of childbirth).

I had a planned caesarean partially as a result of the fear of vaginal birth. It is possible to negotiate such a thing but it really helps if you know your stuff before you go into an appointment. The book has loads of information about the risks and benefits of vaginal and caesarean birth and can therefore help you make informed decisions but more importantly perhaps in your case, it helps you demonstrate that you have done your research and that for you a planned caesarean is a preferable route.

The author of the book offers on-line support via her website if you have more specific questions.