for mums2b moving on from the pg after mc thread.....

[Katherine]

I'm hoping Wills and the other mums I spoke to on the Pg after mc thread will join me here (along with anyone else of course) as I really miss chatting to you but no longer feel it is appropriate to post on a mc thread now that I'm almost half way there. However I find the "anyone due..." threads to have mums due at other times than me and I miss my old chats. So come on guys how are you doing now?

I am now 19 weeks and have my major scan on Friday. Baby has been really kicking properly and DH can feel him/her too. Some days are very active and others are very quiet which worries me. I don't remember such eractic activity with my other 2 but hey they are all different. Still struggling with Sciatica and my nose is incredibly dry and sore all the time but otherwise I feel great and am starting to get my energy back - spent the last few days sorting out a neighbours garden.

Had flu a couple of weeks ago which really wiped me out and left me with a terrible cough which totally defeated my pelvic floor muscles so I had to wear towels. Spent most of my time convinced my waters were leaking so I guess I'm still pretty over anxious.

Hope you are all OK.

Have been managing not to worry too much about this pregnancy so far but I've suddenly had a thought which I'm now really worried about. I had a really sicky day on Monday but since then, I haven't been so bad and, in fact, I haven't been sick at all today, though I have been queasy as usual. But it suddenly occurred to me that maybe it's because the baby has died and my hormones are dropping. I've no sign of any bleeding and I have no pain or anything. And on my sicky day, I didn't eat much at all but since then have been snacking more to ward it off so it may just be that but now I've got the bad thought, I can't shift it.

Oh Hilary. I remember it well. But please be reassured that the sickness will come and go. Unfortunately the paranoia won't and you will probably be on edge for the whole pg. I'm sure baby is fine and you will be heaving again soon () Have you got a scan date or MW appointment you can focus on? If not then ring your MW for a chat. They are usually great about these things. Hang in there. Hugs.

Hello all, I thought I should come and put myself on this thread as I am due in March, long time away, I know and I'm very reluctant to get excited. It's really lovely reading your posts. Your very close some of you!
I had a m/c 3/4 months ago as some of you may or may not remember. I was 15 weeks bt the baby was 8-10 weeks. I always knew there was something not quite right and although I don't get that feeling yet, I'm sure you all completly understand that I'm VERY concerned it will happen again. I'm about 4.5 weeks - VERY early days but knew I was pg about 4-5 days after conception, so have had a little while to think about what's going on.
I don't know if this sounds weird but I got upset last night cos I feel so attached to the little that was lost and have yet no major feelings for the new one. That sounds cold. I mean attachment I suppose. I presume you have all felt strange feelings when youfirst get pg again and will try and ride this through positivly!!!! Hope you are all well today and good luck for your pg'd and imminent births!!!

Dear Hilary .... I really know how you feel. A couple of weeks ago I was beside myself because after feeling really rough I woke up one day feeling absolutely fine. I had two days of not feeling sick and by the end of the second day I had convinced myself that it had all gone wrong. I phoned my m/w and mentally began to prepare for the worst. She said what Katherine said ... it will come and go. I didn't feel any better. On the next day it came back with a vengeance and although I felt rotten physically again I felt so happy ...
Since then I have had some bad sicky days and some good not sicky days and to be honest I hate NOT feeling sick as it makes me worry ... but my m/w is really good to talk to and it helps to have someone who is understanding to blab it all too rather than someone like my DH who is a bit more ... 'Oh for god's sake ... stop worrying!'.
I know it is easier said than done but try not to worry ... when is your scan? Is there anyway you could have an early one to make you worry less? I had one at 9 weeks and it just gave me enough relief from the worry to get through to 12 weeks! Ask your midwife, or phone your Early Pregnancy Unit ...
Welcome quackers! I was going to post on the ttc thread to invite you over here like Wills and Pie did for me ... but you made it here ... hurray!! None of what you say sounds weird to me ... I started a thread a few weeks back 'I know it is silly but I can't help being terrified' I think it was called and I had so many messages of support from Mumsnet that just reading it all made me feel better and stronger and made me stop beating myself up for worrying!! You are allowed to worry and to be honest you probably won't stop until you have a bit more concrete proof etc (like scans). I think from reading everyone's posts on the subject everyone has their 'worry date' to get to and to get through ... ie. for me it was the gestation age that my baby died (8 weeks and 4 days) and then the date that I started bleeding (11 weeks and 6 days). I had a scan at 9 weeks to set my mind at rest on the first date and then I had a day of knicker checking on the second date .... You just have to get on and get through to those dates and ask for scans etc ... no one should let you worry unnecessarily so do ask ....
I hope you both start to feel a bit more confident soon ...... keep talking ... Mumsnet has been a tower of strength for me in the last 8 weeks!
My news ... 12 week scan today was tip top and tickety boo!! !!
All bits in the right place ... good size - 63 mm ... heart pumping away .... waving at us (which totally delighted DS) ... magic. Low DS risk (1:2975) and all organs looking normal!
The relief ... wow ... so outweighed the nausea I have had all day! A weight off my shoulders ... Am a very happy ghosty today!!!
Now all we need to do is decide in the next 6 weeks whether we want to know the sex or not ... but that is another thread!!
Hilary and Quackers ... when I did my test 7 and a half weeks ago the next 5 and a half just stretched ahead like eternity ... I just didn't see how I was going to get through it without doing myself in with worry ... but thanks to lots of support and people to talk to I took one day at a time and here I am at the first milestone ....
Hang in there girls .... thinking of you {{{{{}}}}}

Ghosty, what a wonderful post! Thankyou, you're a real inspiration!!! I really appreciate your time putting that together!! I'm absolutley delighted you've got to 12 weeks. I know what you've had happen, as I read your posts on m/c thread. It is getting over those first milestones like you say and praying!! I remember my 12 weeks scan with my dd and it was truly magic like u say. YOu must be over the moon. I expect I will be scanned at 8 weeks and hopefully 12. They don't routinely do 12 here its not until 16 weeks!! Terrible. I'll look up your thread and get some positive thoughts if I can!! I am very very happy to be pg again though!! I'm grateful for it only taking one month and hope it will all be ok! here's fingers crossed ofr us all. xxxx

Hmm, well I posted a quick message here yesterday wishing you luck Ghosty and it seems to have got eaten. So great to log on here today and see how fantastically well your scan went on all fronts, SO happy for you! As others have said, this is such a good forum to share our feelings about pregnancy after a loss, welcome quackers. For me the magic moment is 22 weeks and I always have a little inner cheer whenever anyone on this thread or the other pregnancy ones makes it past that deadline.
I think it is so "normal" for people in our position to feel ambivalent about bonding with a new baby while we still feel grief for the little one we lost. I've become actively involved in SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society) and they published an excellent book, When a Baby Dies. It focuses on second and third trimester losses rather than early loss, but the chapter on a subsequent pregnancy is full of wise and compassionate advice. Dh and I have been intensely preoccupied with our lost son Tom at times during this pregnancy and have both found it really hard to feel positive about our new baby - too frightened to love her in case we lose her too. Reading that book, as well as all the lovely support and kindness from friends on here and in the wider world, have really helped me.
And I have definitely got much more positive about our new baby as the pregnancy has progressed! We are all really looking forward to meeting her in a couple of weeks' time. And what will also make me intensely happy is reading about everyone else's positive outcomes too, whether they have previously had a loss or not.
Hilary, as others have said, you do get sicky and fine days alternating and they do scare the pants off you. As Katherine and Ghosty say, ring the m/w for a chat or try and get an early scan booked. I do think mothers in our position are entitled to speak up and get a bit of extra tlc from the NHS - and almost all the health professionals I have seen during my pregnancy have been sympathetic and supportive. Big hugs to you and as quackers says, fingers crossed for us all!

Quackers what wonderful news. I am so thrilled for you. Yes it must feel like eternity stretching ahead of you but its amazing how quickly it can go really, lurching from one scan date to MW appointment etc - 30 odd weeks ago when I did my test I was convinced I'd already lost the baby. Never occurred to me that I'd be hear today choosing which nappy to put on after the birth and deciding which room to do it all in. I wish I could magically fast forward the clock for both you and Hilary - I always wished I could go to sleep and wake up at about 16 weeks and go straight into the kicking phase for reassurance. But keep posting, don't be scared to demand from your MW and approach your EPU for extra support. And don't forget mumsnet is always here.....hugs all round I think (although its a bit tricky to get close at the moment )

Thats great news Ghosty.

Hilary and Quackers, the whole first half seemed like an eternity to me. I think taking it one day at a time like you are Quackers is the only thing you can do. The morning sickness is such a comfort though. DH has found that it really hard to understand then I don't really mind seeing the toilet as often as I do. And then he thought I would be relieved when it got better or I managed to keep something down. Its such a rollercoaster.

Mind you I'm 27+1 now and still throwing up. I can feel baby moving all the time so the throwing up is just a pain now.

I'm so excited for you Katherine and Marina and am really looking forward to seeing you both in Birth Announcements.

Thankyou so much for your lovely welcomes all! Lovely to hear from you. Katherine/Marina I know you don't have long so good luck if we don't speak much before you have that precious bundle in your arms!!! I do wish I could get to the magical 16 weeks and start to feel kicking etc.. I honestly can't see myself there yet so first milestone will be docs on Tues, then scan 3/4 weeks later and so on from there I suppose. It won't do any good worrying!!
Hilary, what date are you due? I'm due about 24th March - LOOOOONG way off, but I thouroughly enjoyed my first pg and would love to be as relaxed as that! I went swimming and had pedicures and felt great. I didn't have any physical sickness but felt sick and off alot of food and that seems to be the case this time. Can't stand beans for some reason, I love them with fish fingers normally!
Well, there's plenty of proof here that a m/c doesn't mean the end of the line. I will I'm sure be asking for advice all the way!!! Good luckall, especilly those about to pop!!!

Hi guys, I got so worried this morning when I got up feeling almost normal that I rang my hospital to talk to someone. I told them my concerns and they said that if I was worried I could go in for a scan. I had to drag both boys with me but we set off straightaway and found, to my relief, a very tiny but normal baby in there, heart beating away just as it should be. And, bless them, the boys were great, sitting side by side on chairs eating raisins and looking at books while I was behind the curtain being scanned.

Feeling much more positive now, I'd convinced myself it was all over. Thanks for all your messages of support, it's really great having someone to turn to who knows how it is to hate being sick everyday but hate not being sick more! Thanks guys.

That's great news Hilary. Pleased for you!!!! You're over that first bit of worry!!!

Sorry quackers, just noticed your question. I'm due right at the end of February but have very late babies so am hanging around in both the Feb and March threads. About 26th though, I think.

Great news Hilary ...

Hi all. I'm back ! DH will be disgusted that I haven't even been back in the house for an hour and already on mumsnet but ah well, he's turned on the tele!

Fabulous holiday, but I completely knackered. Unlike Katherine I stayed in a caravan which compared to a tent must be considered the height of luxury and yet it was still hard work - but worth every single moment! Still its nice to be back somewhere where I don't have to fit myself into the toilet ! Katherine - so I'm not the only one with sausages for toes then? Mind you I can draw artistic patterns on my legs via indentations - ugh! Rained a little but having spent 3 days on the beach dd loved spending time running around castles, farms, zoos, steam trains, boats etc.

Hi Quackers. Gosh but its scarey at the start. Wishing you tonnes and tonnes of luck.

Hilary - I didn't suffer too badly from morning sickness however I would regularly beat my breasts up and like the sickness these too had "good and bad" days. It drove my dh nuts so I really understand. Like Katherine and Marina I found mumsnet the greatest area of support. Unlike Marina my health authority were not supportive (and are still not!) so if anyone is experiencing that then they have my upmost sympathy and understanding. Being treated like a neurotic when your fears are justified (as in you've had a m/c so you know that it can happen and what it feels like) is awful - good luck and I hope everyone is getting decent support. I feel quite strongly about this and should probably look into how I can work with support groups. Pregnancy after miscarriage is just not the same as pregnancy no miscarriage - well it wasn't for me. Although during dd's pregnancy I was cautious I wasn't plain petrified all the time so... Good luck to all and my thoughts are very much with you. Not sure this helps but.... even at 35 wks I'm still nervous .

Finally 35 weeks tomorrow and unless I'm very much mistaken baby is still head up. Going to the loo approximately once an hour with some days being every half hour (or so it seems!). Had to plan the WHOLE holiday around attractions that had toilets - very much cramps your style. I used to be fussy about public toilets, but now feel I know most of the ones in South Devon - if anyone's going there on holiday I can definitely tell you which ones to avoid!

Love to all on this thread and now off for a luxury not experienced for a whole week... A BATH!

(did have showers though!)

Hi Wills, thanks for the welcome, you sound in great form, hols must have done you good!!
Yep, I am very nervous and keep comparing symptoms to the last 2 pg's. I keep doing tests to see if my hormones are going up or down and I can draw no conclusion. The first test I did was 3 days early and it was a fairly good positive. Then the next was a clearblue a good line, the next fainter and then stronger, AARGHH!! Help me I'm obsessed!! I am getting really bad headaches and tiredness, hate tea and beans, so hoping these symptoms will just get stronger! NO sickness yet but I'm coming up to 5 weeks so very early I suppose. I feel such a novice! Going to the Doc's tommorow and prob do a blood test etcc, hope they sort me out with a scan. Its not the Doc that saw me through m/c as she is on holiday, so have to go to another. Should I demand one if they don't offer?? What normally happens? Do you have an internal scan or a abdominal and usually at which week? Hope one of you can help!
Anyway, hope you're all keeping well and I'm so happy to have you lot to ask questions and be there for each other!!!xxxxx

Oh Quackers don't throw your money away on tests. They won't tell you anything. I know you feel you need to do something but all the symptoms you describe are really good to try to stay focussed on those.

Wills I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday. You deserved a good break. I loved the showers too as we don't have one at home but it was HEAVEN to lie in a bath for an hour once we got back.

Swelling has gone down a bit now that its a bit cooler but getting very little sleep and baby keeps pushing down so that I feel I'm going to pop any minute. No sign of anything yet though but spent a tense day in Manchester yesterday in case anything started an hour from home. On the way back mentioned to DH that I was nervous whenever I went out anywhere now in case things started. Both my others started with waters breaking then straight into strong contractions and have nightmare vision of this in the bank or on the high street with 2 small children and a bag of shopping. Its the embarrassment and a picture of everyone descending on me that fills me with dread not to mention the fact that I'd just have to get an ambulance to the local MW unit and forget about homebirth. If I was expecting sympathy though I was daft. We ended up having a row as DH gave me a lecture on how babies tend to come at night and I should focus on the positive and not build myself up to this idea of a perfect birth. My comment that I wasn't looking for perfection but just wanted to be at home rather than in a public place just got me more criticism so in the end we went to bed without speaking and he didn't say a word this morning either. All I wanted was a couple of words of comfort.

Anyway I'm staying put here now as hopefully it won't be long to wait. He's thoughtfully aranged loads of meetings this week with one of them a few hours away in Yorkshire so I'll let him know when it starts but if he misses it then thats his lookout. Can't help feeling I'll get more support from the kids anyway ( he pinched my G&A with no.1 saying I wasn't using it right and spent half of no.2 cleaining up because the house would soon be full of people!).

Oh well winge about DH over but can't men be such insensitive sods eh!

Oh and Wills you never know about that baby - I've been needing the loo far more once the baby turned as I now have a head pushing on my bladder. Worst night was Saturday when I had to pee 6 times! Night time breast feeds have got to be heaven compared to this!

Hi there Quackers,

I had 2 mcs before first pg (just 1 month after 2nd mc). Adored dd1 was the very happy result this Feb.

Doc sent me for a scan when I went to him and announced my positive pregnancy test after my 2 mcs. I am sure you can demand one. It is only reasonable.

You ask what normally happens. Well where I live there is a half hour early pg scanning clinic EVERY DAY. Just shows how common scary early pg moments are.

When I went a lovely heartbeat straightaway showed up on abdominal scan. I will NEVER be so happy again as I was then. I must have been 6 or 7 weeks. Understand that they do internals if they cannot see anything on abdominals. But if you go too early they may not see anything even though baby is there.

Hang in there. I know how you feel!!!!!!!!!

Hi again Quackers. Sorry just realised I didn't answer your questions. Different drs and EPUs have different policys. My drs have never been great so never really bothered with them but the EPU at our main hospital was great. I was able to just phone up and they told me to come down a few hrs later for a scan. They were so sympathetic to how it feels and told me to phone up and come back whenever I needed to. I think they can detect a HB on an internal scan at about 6 weeks and about 8 weeks on a normal scan. I don't think they'll see you before 6 weeks as they can't really help you so you've got to find a way to claw your way through the days till then. With this pg I had bleeing from the day my period was due and didn't even think about pg till 7wks. I continued to bleed on and off for the next few weeks so was sure I'd lost the baby. I finally plucked up the courage to have it confirmed at 9 weeks and there was a lovely HB pounding away. I continued to bleed till 12 weeks convinced every day I would loose it but I'm expecting the little one to put in an appearance any day now. When I was carrying DS after 2 close lossed I remember feeling I would never make it through the days. The levels on anxiety were impossible. But somehow you do and he'll be 5 in a couple of weeks time.

I think the early stages after a loss are the hardest thing to go through. Much scarier than labour or anything else because there is just nothing to see and nothing you can do but take it one day at a time and suddenly you will be at that first scan, and then feel wriggles and then the next scan and then it just starts to fly by. Just keep talking until then. Hugs

Must admit Katherine that at the moment it feels like something is actually grinding into my bladder and during the night I had the feeling you describe of thinking something is about to "pop". Didn't know what you meant until I experienced it. However I'm two weeks behind you and would really rather little one stayed put a little longer. I'm planning a trip to Portsmouth to see a friend and her 3wk baby. The journey will take approx an hour and a half and my dm has freaked telling me I'm really stupid to do it. DD was late and had to be induced so I don't feel like you in that I'm still pretty blaise about little one coming early. Also my friend has a 2.5 yr old that gets on very very well with my dd. I will be pampered and looked after, get to cuddle a new born and sit by the seaside watching my dd play. OK so its a car journey but really the rest of the day would be soooo easy!

Katherine, I'm really sorry to hear that about your dh. Mine tends to think that every twinge I get means labour - maybe we should swap dh's for a little while ! Seriously though I do think that given your history that its very off of him to arrange meetings hours away. I've had similar argument with my dh. He has to go away on business abroad a lot and I never complain but said that once I was past 30 weeks I didn't feel he should go and should instead have his priorities at home (most are Europe but some are Asia). Big big big row! Then at 28 weeks I had those very painful braxton hicks and spent an evening at Paddington hospital. Needless to say dh has not mentioned away trips at all. Good luck Katherine and don't worry I fully understand your need to be at home. Thinking of all of you.

Quackers I agree with Katherine over the tests however I too wasted loads of money on doing them. However it never occured to me to look at the "strength" of the line so the tests aways gave me a boost. I think if they are not helping you then you're going to need to be strong with yourself and stop doing them. I had my first bleed at 4.5 weeks and it completely destroyed the high I'd been on at being pregnant, just in time for Xmas. Unfortunately as I've said before my health authority's attitude is not wonderfully sympathetic so it was not until I'd had more bleeds some rather red that I finally got a scan at 7 weeks. I then had another at 9 because I found someone sympathetic and my official one at 13. At 7 I saw the heart beating nice and strongly and was told that all was well. I get the impression that at 4.5 you'll not see anything anyway so asking/demanding a scan now will not help you. I think you have to be past 6 weeks before they have a hope of seeing anything more than the "sack". HTH

Oh thanks Cornflower, appreciate it! I am such a bag of nerves. Will dread that very first scan cos I know that will tell if baby is developing properly. I think my worries stem from the fact that I know the baby has implanted right where the other baby was. I can feel it as it is still a little sensitive, so feel I will be very lucky to go to term. The placenta was attached very firmly there and even after dand c there was a piece still attached. No bad signs though at the moment and if you say they'll scan that early then I won't have long to wait and find out will I!! Glad u got yourlovely baby in the end and thanks again. We don't have an EPU here, but Doc is usually very good at demanding scans!! Have had 2 within a couple of hours before.
Katherine, I know, you can send me a cyber slap if u like for doing so many tests, but my logic is if the line fades then the hormones fade. Can't be as simple as that though! I am better today and feel really refreshed after a fab nights sleep!! I feel quite high actaully, YKWIM!!!
Katherine, I'm on the dge of my seatwith you now!! rememeber it well!! I nearly went into labout when a cat came in the house and jumped on the bed behind me when I was on the phone - hairy moment to say the least!!!!!

Thanks Wills! I was looking at the strenght and it varied all the time. Sounds like I do loads of them, I've only done 4. So not too bad. I didn't want a scan now, just the request to go in for one at 7/8 weeks as it can this long for a routine early one over here. I remember seeing my dd at 8 weeks and her little heart beating away - absolute magic!!

At the risk of being overly sentimental I remember thinking to myself when I saw the little heartbeat that I did not care if my child was clever, beautiful or anythnig at all. As long as s/he was alive and was happy.

Quackers - didn't mean to lecture about the tests. I only said that because I did loads of tests when I had my second mc. I just couldn't help myself. But afterwards once sanity returned a bit I was angry that I'd wasted so much money. Still at the end of the day its what works for you. If doing a test helps you get through the day then who am I to say don't do it. Do whatever it takes to keep you sane....

Wills I think your trip sounds like a great idea. After all you have no reason to suspect an early or quick delivery so make make the most of your time and have some fun. I don't want to lock myself away here but at the end of the day we live in the most beautiful place with a communal green running down to the river. So the children hate going out anywhere anyway. Its no hardship to decide I want to stay at home for a few weeks I was just so angry with DH that he wanted to argue. Why couldn't he just have said "Yes I know what you mean!". I just hate to be made to feel like I'm being a drama queen when really I'm just trying to be practical. I'm not trying to set myself up for the perfect birth or anything but its not actually that long ago since I had to make a 999 call and a horrible ambulance journey bleeding and in pain with 2 small kids in tow. That is the bit I want to avoid and I'm furious he can't see that. Oh well probably sleep deprivation effects on both sides. I'm sure we'll make it up tonight

Hi all,

Wills, so glad you had a lovely holiday - you deserved a good break. I think Katherine might be right - my baby is apparently head-down and 4/5ths engaged and it really does feel most uncomfortable - also up peeing in the night: FIVE times last night. So hopefully your next antenatal appt might bring welcome news, fingers crossed. You were right to remind us that frankly there are lots of health professionals out there who are pretty callous and jobsworth about pregnancy after loss...I'm just so sad your GP in particular has been so unhelpful. Some of the people I've seen have been tactless but hopefully trying to help (big prize to community m/w last week who, while encouraging me to go for VBAC, felt the need to tell me that clinically speaking my labour with Tom "didn't count" because he was too small - oh, and already dead in case I'd forgotten that bit ).
And if it's not the clinicians it's the men, eh. I think mine crashes to earth somewhere between Katherine's and Wills'. If I had 50p for every evening the poor soul staggers home rolling his eyes to tell me that he is treating each day at work as if it is his last...and it's wearing him to a little crisp. This is in preparation for his massive 3 weeks off for paternity leave...never mind the fun I had organising everything for six months' away a couple of weeks ago! But at least he is a lot more positive about the baby than a few weeks ago, when to be honest we went through a very sad and difficult time indeed.
Katherine, I hope yours bucks his ideas up - it must be hard living with a guy who sounds like a walking NCT leaflet, even if he means well. And as for pinching your gas and air (mine did say hopefully that if I developed gestational diabetes he would be able to have ALL my Dextrosols...)...commiserations.
I just checked out Wills' real nappy advice thread. Maybe we should rename this one "For mums2b...and thinking of using real nappies"! What a coincidence
Quackers, I don't think I can add much to the advice Katherine, Cornflower and Wills have given. EPU policies and availability vary very widely round the UK but I think the earliest you will get an internal scan is six weeks...I hope you have a good unit near you - if you are in London, St Thomas does a walk-in EPU service for which you need no referral letter, apparently. I wish you all the very best for that moment when your baby gets moving, it's a real milestone for us all here.

Actually the fact that both of you are also intending on using re-usables will probably inspire me even more! Its always nice to have company.

Quackers - only four! Lightweight! .