Please be gentle, obese and pregnant - advice / support would be lovely...

[Puddingirl]

Hi there... Have been reading a few threads on here about being overweight and TTC - but can anybody offer me any practical support or advice please now am pregnant?
After TTC for 2 months I got pregnant in April - to miscarry at 5 weeks. 3 months later am pregnant again (4wk+3)...
I'm going to be brutally honest here - am 23 stone, and a size 28/30. (hard part over)...
I KNOW I face a few risks... But now am here - and so wanting a healthy pregnancy and baby - is there anything anybody would recommend me do?
Has anybody else been in a similar situation and gone on to have succesful pregnancies? Or is all the research I'm doing which is scaring me silly likely to be true? (That is - it'll all be doom and gloom from now on in?)
Started aquafit last week, follow the slimming world plan (mostly) and am trying to get myself sorted - so anything else that will help?
Thanks in advance...
ps I have a hectic, challenging job which I manage quite ably - not a complete couch potato - just very heavy...

I am the same myself puddingirl - and I am forty - so forty and obese ain't ideal. I drove myself mad reading the scare stories until I realised that it was only making me feel negative and doesn't serve any purpose once you are pregnant. However I am 30 weeks now and have had no problems except the odd comment about the difficulty of scanning.
I am still in my normal clothes and feel fine.

Oh - be sure to drink plenty of water - you will need it.

Hi,

Just chirping in. I am quite overweight myself (believe me i'll never be what the average is meant to be - im a chunky girl! I could do with losing some though.

DP and i had been trying for quite some time and nothing happened, the docs said they wouldnt help us till i lost weight but i genuinely didnt think that was a problem. To cut a very long story short, i moved jobs in the nov and fell pg feb! 2nd month into trying (altho we did use ov sticks). I recommend those to people, i have a set 30 day cycle but it turns out when i was due to be ovulating, i wasnt, it was actually a week later! My ttc days were useless because of my job - it turns out although i'd have a cycle, i wasnt actually ovulating properly and my chances were nil. New job, new house = new happiness, less stress and pregnancy!

Do you have anything that causes you too much stress?

Morning...
Thank you for your messages, I feel much reassured... I know I face a challenge but I felt like I was the biggest one ever to get pregnant & then started panicking! Daft I know! ...
Trebuchet - wow - you are an inspiration! And your sisters comment - brilliant! No I don't smoke or drink, don't like taking paracetamol (until get really bad), BP is spot on - last checked this week at 122/78, so just the weight really...
BUT - am now going to focus on getting healthy for this baby - no more take-outs and grab the DP when he gets in from work to go out for a half hour walk...
Babylove - I did have stressors - which is was led to a rapid weight gain (from 20st-23st) in a year or so, changed jobs which wasn't going well, moved house, 2 bereavements,then miscarried and was stressed permanently looking back...
But I do feel a bit calmer this time round - obviously worried about a further m/c or complications etc - but will try and focus on the positive and see what happens...

Hi Pud,
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I hope everything goes well. As others have said there are other people who have been overweight and got thru just fine.

Re the omega 3, linseeds and flaxseed are supposed to be good. Small quantities of rapeseed, walnuts and tofu also but they have both good and bad in them. So deff no overeating on these.

And green leafy veges - here's just another reason to pile them on your plate. They only have a little but it all adds up.

And/or a DHA supplement for pregnant mums from boots or your health store.

I think the single best piece of advice I was given during my pregnancy was from a woman who'd had her first child at 42. She said stay away from the internet, it'll just freak you out.

I am a size 18 and 36 years old to boot, and had the best pregnancy of any of my friends. It was a breeze - not a single incidence of nausea or morning sickness, no GD, worked full-time up until the Friday before I gave birth (Monday morning), was actually in the pub on the night before (not drinking, I should emphasise). DD was a robustly healthy 8-pounder who slept through the night from four weeks! After all the from the consultant I feel positively smug.

Look after your body and your baby and don't go looking for horror stories.

Congratulations - hope all goes really well. There is loads of advice and support on here for pg and beyond.

But you MUST change your name to something kinder on yourself!

I'm obese and had a completely healthy pregnancy and birth. And I second the comments that the bigger you are, the less weight you put on. I put on under 1.5 stone and it had all gone within a fortnight. I am 28 weeks into my second pregnancy now and have only put on 6lbs so far.

I think fitness is more important than excess weight - being the perfect weight but never walking a step would make pregnancy and birth harder, imo, than being overweight but having a good fitness level.

Congratulations!!

my SIL was still carrying a lot of weight from her first pg when she fell pg with her second son. About five stones, so although the weight was "temporary" baby weight, she was classed as obese. However everything was identical for her second pg as for her first. the baby was a lot larger though - nearly 11lbs rather than the (now seems tiny !) 8lbs of her first!

nearly a year on, she is losing it gradually, and says now that she wishes she had bf rather than ff as it could have helped her get it off quicker. She didn't put any weight on at all in this pg, so really she is just working on losing the weight from her first.

I agree with Hoonette about the fitness thing, my SIL was fit although carrying more weight than she wanted, but she had a relatively easy birth, no interventions, easy recovery.

Stay positive, and it will all go smoothly.

Hi there, just wanted to congratulate you and wish you all the best. I started out my first pregnancy very overweight and surprisingly found the medical people I met very supportive about it. There are far worse risks than extra weight, and yes you may well be warned of the risks but I didn't find they were over the top about it!

Sadly I had quite a few losses - nothing to do with my weight and I was specifically reassured of this by my consultant - and am now on baby no.4. I'm now super-slim as my weight crashed after baby no.1, and this spurred me on to be healthier and get involved in exercise.

Completely agree with the advice you've had so far - don't do anything drastic, just good healthy food and regular exercise. WW and SW are both good and will also help once the baby is born with a good diet for bf (which in itself is great for natural weight loss) if you choose to do this.

Having my first changed my life dramatically for the better health-wise and we do things with ours that we never would have dreamed of before, partly due to my weight and partly due to lack of confidence before. I wish you all the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy!

Another cuddly mum here. I was a size 22 when I got pregnant with the boy and had a DREAM pregnancy, no issues whatsoever (he was 8 and a half pounds and as healthy as can be) - also by the time I had had him and breastfed for a year I was down to a size 18! My mother helpfully pointed out that that was WHY women carry extra weight to grow and feed the babies (obviously being seriously overweight can be a bad thing as well, but if you are already overweight and pregnant I can't see how focusing on the negatives will help!).

Just take good care of yourself and your bubba, eat well, get some gentle exercise and don't be too hard on yourself. I am just gearing up to start TTC and I am currently hovering at the size 20 mark. When I was feeling all fat and wondering whether I should get pregnant, DH said I was just like a great big cat when I was pregnant and he LOVED it.

There will be tutting and the internal ultrasounds are not much fun, but fuck em, you have a right to joy as much as anyone else.

There are no guarantees either way, I have friends who are superfit and who had nightmare pregnancies/births and unwell babies.

hehe, also a large bottom works quite nicely as a "counterweight" to the pregnant belly - no change in centre of balance for me, also no back pain etc.

I am sure this isn't clinically proven or anything but it worked for me!

puddingirl - See? there are a lot of us here who will support and advice you throughout. I was similarly large in both of my pregnancies. They had their complications, but not really due to my weight. I had two c-sections. First was emergency, second a lovely planned peaceful one. I have two absolutely gorgeous wonderful children.
Your body is healthy enough to get pregnant and you sound determined enough to keep it that way.
I lost weight in both pregnancies - 9 months of constant sickness really! but unfortuntely put it on again nesting with my lovely babies after the births.
If people are negative or mean, just accept it is their opinion, it is not who you are, and there are a load of us here who will be supportive.

Oh and Congratulations on the pregnancy

see puddingirl - this is the good side of the internet - for every bad story there is a good one. I use mumsnet all the time and if I have a problem its here I come - there is nearly always someone who can tell you about their experience and people do not try to scare you even when you are asking about something potentially scary (unlike the Daily Mail)

but ninedragons is right - apart form sites like this stay away form the internet.

Thank God for mumsnetters! Thank you all so much for your sound advice, positive stories, realism and congratulations - you have helped more than you'll know... My only other vice is impatience! I want this baby now! It's going to be a long wait! lol..
But a heartfelt thank you to you ladies who've replied...
Just realised... I changed my name for this and the shortened version of Pud is what we've named our 'bean' - hopefully a good omen... xx

Hi Puddingirl

I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say congratulations and good luck.

All I would say is keep up the positive stuff (like aquafit which I love) and don't focus too much on the research - the bad stuff is always easier to find! Good to be informed though.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you

Hi Pud

Cat me if you want any easy tips for cutting excess sugar etc.

Love Treb

Hi Pud, I am so glad to have read your story and would love to keep in touch with you! My son is now 20 months old. I was 19stone when I got pregnant with him. Yes, my weight caused some problems in the pregnancy, but I had a very healthy little boy who is wonderful! I now weigh more than I did when I got pregnant with him and would dearly love to have another child soon. It would be nice to have someone to be in contact with who understands. I wish you the best of luck. If you want to get in touch, my email address is mushroomofjoyAThotmailDOTcom

Last pregnancy I was over 19 1/2 stone and a size 28. Had a straight forward no problem pregnancy and although my labour was a nightmare, that was not due to my size.

I lost weight during the pregnancy and after whilst breastfeeding and a load more following gall stone problems.

Now I am a lot lighter and a size 18 for this pregnancy.

All the best and don't get downheartened, there is no reason why you can't have a lovely pregnancy and labour

A downer on the overweight issue though - my midwife says they dont like doing homebirths for women with a bmi over 35............damn it, will have to convince her otherwise!

Babylove, read this, loads of good information on homebirths and various issues

Link

babylove123 My friend had a bmi of 38 and managed to fight for a home deliver with her DC4. However, she is a midwife herself and she fought really hard for it, having had a successful home birth with DC3 two years earlier with a bmi of 34.

There are more complications with natural delivery when the mother is obese so they will be pretty determined to get you to have the baby in hospital in a consultant led unit. Have you had a natural delivery before?

congrats on the pregnancy! i was a bit overweight when i had dd2 and ate loads put on five stone during pregnancy!!! i think you do need to be carefull what you are eating!!

my sis was v big with both of hers and had pre eclampsia the first time but second was fine! she was advised that you can diet the first three months so long as you are not cutting out any food groups!!

use your baby as motivation to lose the weight if you struggle!! i know i struggle to stay motivated wrt exercise! ask yourself what sort of mum you want to be at the park? the fun mum who plays ball and chase with her dcs or the one who is too puffed out to get off the bench?

try and stay active and focus on eating healthy balanced meals! there are always ppl here readuy to offer support if you feel like giving up!

I'm a 22 (size not age - alas!) and had no probs in my last pregnancy. I'm struggling to conceive again but that's related to all manner of issue of which my weight is probably one, but factors like dh's testosterone levels having been shot to shit by prolonged use of morphine are also present!

I also didn't gain a lot of weight during pregnancy, was still in normal clothes long after the others in my antenatal club on MN. Mind you, the fact I didn't work during the pregnancy until week 33 probably had something to do with that, in fact I bought maternity clothes specifically cos I didn't think slobbing about in a t-shirt and old shorts would be appropriate to my new job! (And yes, someone really did interview and hire me at 28 weeks pg).

Had no probs with scans, my weight was never mentioned at all. Only issue was sciatica, which might have been weight-related, and high bp at the last minute but my mum and cousin were the same.

ds was 8lb 13.5 oz. He was a chubby baby but is now a wiry toddler, am more worried about his future weight as his dad and I are both not ideal role models. Being a more active family's a bit of a challenge given his dad's in a wheelchair, however!

Anyway, congratulations on your pregnancy and sympathies for the miscarriage. Hope it all goes smoothly this time.

Guys - thank you all... Feeling much calmer today You've really helped... Pud & MiniPud x

hi there, glad to see a thread on this subject as have only seen the american forums as posted above! I myself am a size 20-22, and am nearly 28 weeks now. I had a lot of embarrassment when I first found out I was pregnant, expecially with taking my partner to midwife appointments. They do go on and on about my weight and when they first told me it in front of my partner I could've died on the spot of shame. He's not bothered but its not something I like to talk about with him.

I've had my test for gestational diabetes which came back fine, and on my last weigh in I've actually lost half a stone since being pregnant lol!

My main bugbear at the mo is the lack of maternity clothes for us larger ladies, have only really found Dorothy Pekins nicely fitting so far.