Anyone else anxious in pregnancy after a full term stillbirth?

[rosepedal]

Hi, im 20 weeks pregnant after a full term stillbirth. At my anatomy scan everything looked good. I just feel very alone and want to know if there is anyone else that feels the same way as i do. Im feeling this anxiety that i will die. im ashamed to admit it. But it feels very real to me. Anybody felt the same way?

anyone?

I haven't had this experience and I am so sorry that you have. I can only imagine the anxiety. Has your hospital referred you to a specialist bereavement midwife?

Hi @rosepedal I’m so so sorry for your loss. Gentle congratulations on your pregnancy and the positive anatomy scan. I have not experienced a still birth. I have experienced PAL after recurrent miscarriage over 4 years and have had a live birth this year. What helped me the most during my pregnancy was the mental health support at my hospital. I was assigned 2 mental health midwives and I had weekly therapy from about 14 weeks with a clinical psychologist who specialised in pregnancy and baby loss. The service was called AFLOAT (I’m not sure if it’s called the same thing at different hospitals). I would really recommend reaching out and saying you need support. You have been through something awful and traumatic and you are entitled to support and help. I also had pretty much weekly scans and went to see the ‘reduced movements’ midwife a lot too.

I also used affirmations from ‘willows rainbow box’ daily which helped too.

sending you strength. Xxx

i know i should go for therapy. but i want to know if what im feeling anyone else also did? i want to know if its normal?

It is completely normal. I know other people who felt exactly the same. Their bereavement midwife and counselling helped make the anxiety manageable, as did closer clinical care.

Thank you!! I feel a lot better. I feel like im going crazy. Like something is wrong with me. Or that maybe i wont live and i should take it seriously.

If you feel unwell at all, seek medical attention. Don't even think twice.

I felt like that after my DD died (not stillborn but as an infant). I thought the next pregnancy would be hard but I had no idea just how overwhelmingly hard it would be. I got good perinatal mental health support and dropped a day at work to have more breathing space. It was still tough but I did get through. I wish I had pushed for more support after DSs birth though - definitely worth getting all the help that they offer! Good luck.

Underthemoon1-you felt like you yourself are dying by next pregnancy?

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through and for your tragic loss. I know you will know this, but keep reaching out to your midwife. They really are mostly great in the help and any possible referrals they can offer x

I was anxious during my second pregnancy because the first one went well, so of course you’re going to be worried after what happened. I think it’s probably more normal that you’re scared than if you weren’t. stress does strange things to your thought processes as well.

Please, please follow the wise advice the previous posters and make use of every kind of support you need because you deserve all the help there is. Best wishes.

Most of my worry was that I would lose my baby but I also had anxiety about me dying and would panic about DH having been run over if he got home 5 mins later than expected.

Just to hear that my thoughts are normal is already a big relief because now i at least know the fear isnt what will be in reality. But rather a trauma response to my loss. But i agree wih everyone, i should go get myself some proffessional help.

I ve had two rainbows after a loss at full term. What you are feeling is completly normal. I am sure you'll be getting extra checks. If your ever worried just ring up maternity they will understand. Be kind to yourself. Even my second pregnancy after was stressful. I had full plans with both and was looked after. I had a moment with reduced movement they told me to go in. Kept me in for a night. I can't say everything will be fine as no one knows but follow your gut. Congratulations and I'm also sorry for your loss. X

its weird because i fel calm about the baby. Im anxious about myslef now. like maybe i wont make it

I think it would be strange if you didn’t feel terribly anxious. I am so so sorry this happened to you. 💔

I have two friends who both experienced full term losses (both times their first babies) and both have gone on to have live, healthy children without any complications. They are all thriving now. But I know it was very tough during their subsequent pregnancies. As others have said, don’t question seeking specialised support, it can be a lifeline, and might allow you to feel less stress/ move towards enjoying this pregnancy. I would thoroughly recommend it. Sending 💕

This was me 15 years ago
I was very anxious until my DS was safe in my arms
Dont feel you have to be okay,and do tell the people close to you how you feel
If you feel therapy will help then go for it
thinking of you x

anxious about the baby or yourself?

The baby

i feel worried i wont make it. but really it depends on the minute. so many emotions all at once

But i cant tell you how much it makes me feel better just knowing im not alone and im not crazy

Feel free to private message x

You aren't crazy. Our second son died a few hours after being born at 27 weeks. DD was born 51 weeks later. There are periods in that year I can't even remember, it was so dark.

However, she was born, very healthy, at 41 weeks. She's 28 now and getting married next year.

It will never be water under the bridge and ds2 and that time will always be with me. But inch by inch it stops hurting so much and the pain becomes a scar rather than a wound.

i agree with you.

I was with someone when they experienced a pretty horrendous death, for a good year afterwards I was filled with this dread that I was going to die. I still haven’t completely shaken it off but am
much much better. I think it’s a trauma response. I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby, do get extra help x