Friend obsessed with my pregnancy

[strawberrylemons]

I have this female friend who we’ll call Lucy. Lucy and I have been friends for 2/3 years, met at work and developed a friendship. I got married earlier this year, prior to me getting married she kept asking if I was “pregnant yet” I told her I was waiting til after the wedding to try but she would continuously ask, I even told her to stop asking and that I would tell her if I was but this didn’t stop her.
After the wedding she would ask me on a regular basis if I was pregnant, I actually was, it happened straight away but I wasn’t telling anyone so I just had to lie to her, which felt uncomfortable.
When it came to telling people after our first scan of course I told Lucy, she was so happy for me and it was a lovely moment, she then proceeded to tell me her period was late. I asked if she had taken a test, she said she did a saliva pregnancy test which looked positive but she wasn’t sure, I told her to pop to the chemist next to where we were to get a urine test and told her which one i thought was clearest (I had taken many tests since getting pregnant), she said she didn’t want to do this, fair enough! Just a backstory to her trying for a baby, she has said for sometime she would like to have a baby one day, she said she isn’t trying but if it happened she’d be happy.

This is where the obsessiveness started, we were out shopping and she wanted to look at baby clothes, she said she’d buy something for my baby, I politely told her no, I said I didn’t want to buy anything yet, one, because I felt like it was bad luck and two, because we’re having work done on the house so I don’t want baby things in there until it’s no longer a building site. Fast forward a week she text me to tell me she’s bought the baby a present!! I really felt like she didn’t listen to me at all, overstepped a clear boundary and on top of that I was a bit sad that she was the first person to buy something for my baby, it should’ve been the babies parents or grandparents surely?
She sends me TikTok’s and memes on a daily basis about babies and pregnancy, she’s not really asking how I’m feeling (despite knowing I’ve suffered with morning sickness and fatigue) and just obsesses over the baby, so it’s not like a friendly check in, everything she says is baby related. She even sent me a video about how painful child birth is and said “this will be you soon 😂😂😂😂” weird?
Don’t get me wrong, I love being pregnant and enjoy talking about it but the daily baby TikTok’s are too much, even I don’t look at that much baby/pregnancy related content.
Since being pregnant she has also started stating that I’m her best friend, in a Facebook post she wrote “from co workers to best friends”, i certainly don’t consider her a best friend, I don’t even think we’re that close, we’ve never even been to the others house.
She wants to meet up ALL THE TIME, I’m not super social so meeting her weekly feels a bit intense, especially while I’m not feeling my best. Prior to pregnancy we certainly did not meet this often, less than once a month and now she wants to see me weekly. Again, it doesn’t feel like a friendly check in, she never asks how I’m feeling or if I need anything, it’s all about baby.
When she texts me she will also frequently double text and if I don’t respond within 24 hours she’ll ask me why I haven’t responded, this is a new habit she’s formed, I’ve always taken a day or two to reply to messages, not ideal but why is it now an issue?

More recently my husband and I went for dinner with Lucy and her partner, whilst talking pregnancy her partner said “Lucy is now 25 days” (it sounded like it was confirmed, and he seemed sure she was pregnant). I was so happy for them and said “so did you take a test, are you officially pregnant?” She said she still hadn’t taken a urine test and instead was waiting to get a blood test from the doctors, each to their own but something feels off.

Perhaps all of this sounds innocent and I’m being silly, I’m just finding it a bit exhausting and maybe watching maternal instinct on Netflix hasn’t helped.

Am I being too sensitive? Is it innocent, is she perhaps living through me because she’s struggling to get pregnant? Or is her newly found obsession with me something I should worry about?

I think not agreeing to meet up about the 'big news' is a good start to discreetly distancing yourself from her, maybe try to be busy, pregnancy is making your very tired, move things to text etc. @Cluelessfirstimer 's suggestion is sensible to start disengaging.

I had a friend who became obsessive over my pregnancy. He created some sort of parent profile on some site or app (I wasn't on it myself) acting as though he was the expectant father and using it to talk to genuine prospective dads. He'd tell me the size of my baby compared to a fruit and more. He referred to himself as the baby's "Uncle [Name]" to me, even though we weren't that close. All of this creeped me out. There were other things too. I became highly unavailable to socialise as like you, it made me feel protective towards my unborn child but also not sure whether my feelings were reasonable.

I was pregnant over twenty five years ago, and even then doctors didn’t confirm pregnancy tests.

You say you meet weekly, and find this too much. I woukd start cutting these down, and gradually reduce to one a month, at most. You have the perfect excuse, Pregnancy tiredness, and so you need to take it easy, at home… ( and by yourself).

she been declared unable to conceive
What a horrible phrase. You're the sad one here.

I once heard that humans are the only animals that feel bad reacting automatically to their instincts.

There's flight, fight and we have guilt.

Have absolutely no guilt and trust your instincts. Something here is very off, begin to distance yourself gently.

I don't think she is pregnant herself. She wants your baby!!!

how odd! In a way it's helpful to hear other people have had similar experiences and had the same feelings as me, it’s such an isolated experience that only really affects mum. I wonder what goes through these people’s minds. Do they think they’re being supportive and helpful but completely lack any self awareness? Or is it some kind of illness

Maybe she was asking because she did actually want to time pregnancies so she has a "bestie" and can have kids at a similar time... maybe. It would be mental and over the top, and suffocating if so. Be prepared, you may need to deal with that potential? It maybe that when you got pregnant was her signal to start trying to her sending you stuff about pregnancies and talking about it loads was her vicariously living through you as she expected it'd be her behind not too long!

I think you could be right, I mean it would be OTT but at the same time, I’d rather that than her faking a pregnancy!
if she is actually pregnant I will still take a step back, as you say, it would be suffocating.

Being sad that someone is the first to buy something for your baby is silly. You can’t control others actions in regards to generously buying your announced baby something.

However, the rest would have already had me telling her sharply that she needs to rein it in. Block her on TikTok. Tell her you need to step back because she’s overwhelming you.

I don’t think it’s that silly, it’s how I feel, a bit like how some parents want to be the first to take their child for a pint when they’re 18, you know? 😂
I was also very clear with her that I didn’t want her to buy anything because I feel like it’s bad luck and I don’t have space right now. So it’s not generous, it’s just weird and obsessive imo.

but yes, that is my plan, she hasn’t taken my lack of responses to messages as me creating distance so I will just have to be blunt.