Pregnant and 37 with a son who will be 14 when born.

[ThePearlAnt]

Hey, so as the title says I'm pregnant at 37 and terrified. Am I too old for this? I was 4 years away from having an adult! Part of me loves the idea as I have a small family I always wanted a sibling for my son so he wasn't alone when I'm gone but it never happened for years.... until now. Part of me is dreading the bottles and sleepless nights and starting school all over again! I just don't know what to do 😩

Your title sounds like you are about to give birth to a 14 year old! You’ll be fab, he can help. Good luck!

Only you can decide this! 37 isn’t old to be having a 2nd baby, personally I wouldn’t want to be starting over again with a 14yr old though.

@Holdonforsummer ha! I see it, maybe i shouldn't of wrote this first thing in the morning lol thank you for your reply 😊

My MIL and FIL had my DH and then SIL 1 3 years later, followed by SIL 2 10 years after that. I guess SIL 2 was, to some extent, an only child so had a very different sibling experience from the other 2. DH moved for uni when SIL 2 was 5 and SIL 1 moved when SIL 2 was 8, so to an extent SIL 2 was an only child from then on, but I don't think it was bad just very different from her siblings.

I guess the other this is that now DH's parents are 75&80 and MIL has cancer. I imagine it feels somewhat different for SIL 2 who is now in the early stages of children (1&3), than it does for DH who's kid is 13. Maybe SIL 2 has missed out on that "young, fit" grandparent that we had more when ours was 1 and GPs were 62&67. Generally the little sister has seen her parents in ill health more.

But then who knows MIL could beat cancer and they could both live till 90. OR they could have both died in their 60s when we were just starting a family, so who knows! Tragically SIL 1 lost her battle with secondary breast cancer at 39 which I think has changed dynamics rather, but you don't expect that and it could have happened even if the siblings were close in age.

I’m 36 and trying for my first. It annoys me when people consider this as too old 🙄

Plenty of people are having their first at 37! My husband was 14 (and his brother 12) when his younger sister was born after his parents decided to give it one more go - I think his mum must have been 39. He really loved being an 'older' older brother to her.

I read it this way too - it definitely made me curious enough to read the rest.

@GimmieABreakOr3 I'm sorry I didn't mean to be insensitive. It's just for me I had him at 24 so to me that feels like a lifetime ago. Being pregnant at 37 and being 51 when this little one is 14 is mind blowing.

It’s not old, but definitely feels old if you already have a teenager.

37 isn't old.

3 decades of caring for children is a lot, but 37 isn’t too old to have this baby. Best of luck.

I’m sure you’ll be fine, 37 isn’t old these days, plenty women are only having their first at that age. Don’t expect any help from him though - you might be pleasantly surprised, you might not. I don’t know any 14 year old boys who would be remotely interested in a baby. It’s not really a sibling as such, more a whole new family from his perspective.

Because you had your first young you will feel "ancient" and have to start over you will be absolutely fine you are not too old, my mum had my sister at 35 40+ years ago i was 13 and honestly it was ok.

Hey op :) 37 isn’t too old (though my personal cut off was 35). I think more of the issue is whether you want to do it all over again. My youngest is only 2 and i definitely wouldn’t to do it all over again!

I would also consider the possible impact on your 14 year old of a baby in the house who will take most of your attention and possibly cause a lot of sleepless nights while DS is heading into GCSEs.

How do you feel about all this generally and do you have a supportive partner?

I don’t find the mind-blowing… for some parents that’s quite normal.

There was a 20 year age gap between my grandma and her sister, they grew up the best of friends.

I had my youngest who is now 19 at 39 he has a thirty year brother and they are the best of friends. The age gap seems huge when they are young but once adults it literally doesn’t matter. On the plus side it keeps me young and relevant 😂😂 at nearly sixty you get to relive your youth twice over 👍😊

Im 37, 38 on the 19th. And if I fall pregnant this month my eldest will be 14 when baby arrives. Youngest will be 11. I am nervous about starting again, but I know in my heart I'm not done having kids. I thought I was until I saw how my boyfriend is with my kids and how much he adores them. Its going to be hard starting over. I have no doubt that it will be all worth it though

You're definitely not too old (I had my first at 39 and second at 41) but I can see why the age gap feels daunting!

My SIL has a 10.5 age gap between hers and they have a lovely relationship, the older helps loads with the younger. So it might not be what you'd see as a 'traditional' sibling relationship, but it could still be great.

I know what you mean OP. People get so tetchy about 30+ being called old but the truth is if you had a baby 10+ years ago you have been parenting for over a decade already, that brings with it a level of mental and physical exhaustion. That’s what you mean when you say you’re worried about being too old to start over again, it’s not that you’re literally old, but that you’re already a little spent from 10+ years of active parenting. The people who get tetchy will get it when they have teenagers.

Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be fine.

I’m 38 and only just had my first seven months ago 😅 I’d really like to have another baby too so I’m definitely hoping I’m not past it! At least the 14 year old can be a bit helpful like helping you set up for contact naps and maybe throwing the odd meal together under instruction. I don’t think it’s fair to make an older child do childcare as it’s not their child but they can help out in other ways you wouldn’t have otherwise.

I had 2 colleagues with similar age gaps and one friend.

The friend had several other children and the gap to the youngest was 12 years. The 12 year old was horrified initially, but that didn't last and they are a close family.

One of the colleagues was 40 and she and her husband had just about given up hope of having another child. The gap was 16 years. The older sibling was thrilled and get on. Interestingly, the younger child is the only one of the family not born in Poland, but now works there and is much more into his heritage and extended family than the older sibling.

The other colleague had a blended family. The gap was about the same as OP. Again everyone got on well. Both parents worked part time, which seemed a bit extreme.

Again, I get you! I had mine early 20s so a lot my friends are having babies now and it genuinely boggles my brain thinking I am coming to the end of this stage of my life and my friends are just starting, it’s really weird when you think about it! I’m sure they thought the same when I had mine so young.

There’s a funny meme doing the rounds about how crazy it is being 40 these days, you could have friends who have been married for 20 years with kids going to uni, you could be pregnant, you could be a CEO or just going to uni. The meme is funnier than how I put it…but the crux of it being, there’s less expectation to live life a certain way these days!

I have a couple of friends who’ve found themselves pregnant with older kids on the cusp of adulthood. They are both in their 40s and both went ahead with the pregnancies.

It’s not your age that is the issue, rather winding back the clock and doing it all over again. Certainly not something I would entertain although have been very supportive of my friends decisions.

But then we all prioritise different things don’t we? Some people (like me) wouldn’t cope with the relentlessness of the baby, toddler, pre school years and the lack of sleep and freedom whilst others cope just fine. Both my friends have found it tough but seem happy and neither have said the regret it.

Was the pregnancy a surprise?

I was 37 when my little one was born and it’s been lovely.
also I was 15 when my mam and dad had my brother and it really brought us all together. It was a breath of fresh air to have him around and do all the fun family things. We are really close now. I’m like a second mother to him.