Pregnant and 37 with a son who will be 14 when born.

[ThePearlAnt]

Hey, so as the title says I'm pregnant at 37 and terrified. Am I too old for this? I was 4 years away from having an adult! Part of me loves the idea as I have a small family I always wanted a sibling for my son so he wasn't alone when I'm gone but it never happened for years.... until now. Part of me is dreading the bottles and sleepless nights and starting school all over again! I just don't know what to do 😩

my parents have 10 kids (i'm the oldest) and my 2 youngest brothers are 5 !!! we have a 20 year age gap n we're super close :)

my mom was 38 when she had them so don't stress about it, you're not too old at all !!

There's a similar age gap between my Dad and his younger sister. Despite my Dad moving away for work when she was a toddler, they had quite a close relationship as there was none of the usual sibling jealousy and squabbling. When my parents first got together she tagged along on all their days out and holidays etc so in a way she probably had a much better childhood that she would of if there was a closer age gap.

Now my Dad is very elderly he loves her phone calls and finding out what's she been up to as he doesn't get out much these days. I also know if I didn't pull my weight with looking after my Dad she would be after me 😀.

I was nearly 38 when DD was born. 50 when she went to senior school. Perfectly normal as far as I am concerned but I had my first at 34.5.

In secondary, my best friends' mum re-married and got pregnant at similar ages. My friend was mortified, as was her 18yr old sister! The embarrassment of people knowing their mum was 'doing it!'. The chances of twins increases with age and yes, you guessed it, she had twins!

Their mum wasn't the most youthful looking lady and people often assumed the twins belonged to the older sister and called the mum 'nanna/grandma'. The twins are in their 20's now and all good. Write out a list OP of pros/cons. If you have a partner, what do they think?

I can't imagine a 14 year old boy will be delighted about the situation. At the very least he's never going to be a "play mate". There's a 16 year gap between me and my brother and although we get along fine, we don't see each other often and he's more like a sort of cousin. Your son needs a lot of attention at his age and a baby will take you pretty much out of the frame. I think psychologically it would be different if this was your first but the age gap will kind of accentuate the "starting over again" effect. I personally couldn't bear the thought, but different strokes I guess.

Why? OP is pregnant and feels old - that’s ok. Someone else might be pregnant at 37 and feel that it’s young. Everyone is entitled to feel how they feel about their own pregnancies and ages.

I have an almost 14 year old (im a bit older at 40) and would feel the same way OP but I’m sure it will be lovely for your son to have a new sibling

It’s not too old at all you’re right, but I think once you’ve already had one you know how exhausting is it so it puts doubt in your mind as one thinks, it was hard when I was in my twenties will I be able to cope more than a decade later.

Fair enough. I can understand that now actually. I know someone who has two boys aged around 10ish and his wife then fell pregnant again (I think unexpectedly). He’s approaching 50 whereas she was in her 30s. He kept commenting about how he didn’t really want to be dealing with the sleepless nights, and was hoping that him and his wife could be focusing a bit more on themselves as their sons were getting older and more independent.

All in all, I think this thread is actually about raising children when there’s a big age gap - and many years have passed since raising previous kids. It’s not actually about being “too old at 37”

My mum and her younger sister have 15 years age gap. They didn't have a childhood together as my mum moved out when she was 17 and her sister only 2. They are not close at all. See each other once a year.
And my cousins are all 15+ years younger than me and my siblings we we never hung out as kids either.
Weird dynamic.

Exactly my situation with my children. They are all adults now and all 3 get on incredibly well and have stayed very close to each other. If any of them need help, guaranteed they will get it straight away from the others (and me). It warms the cockles of my heart that they are all so kind and caring, particularly as my husband/their dad passed away unexpectedly and relatively young.
My youngest has brought nothing but joy and happiness to us all. She is absolutely superb and I am so proud and grateful to have all of them.

I think it’s important to note that they likely won’t feel like siblings… more like uncle and niece/nephew because they’re so far apart and he’s likely to move out when younger is in primary school. It will be like having two only children for the most part.

I had my 2nd baby at 37, you can do this. Yes, you will probably find it more physically exhausting, but it will all be OK.
My cousin was 14 when his baby brother was born. He was more like a parent to him, taught him so many things, helped him in his studies and looked after him. All will be fine xxx. Congratulations!