Is it normal to feel scared about caring for a newborn?

[ChefMelanie]

Hi all,

Am currently 36.5 weeks pregnant, 3.5 weeks left until the bundle of joy arrives.

Is it normal to feel really scared? Not about the pain and stuff, just scared about being able to look after the baby properly?

Whenever I think about the baby being here I find myself crying/ feeling scared I'm not going to be able to do anything right.

I am doing pregnancy in mind and NHS talking therapies atm, so I am already seeking mental health stuff.

I just wondered if anyone else felt like this. Just really scared about the unknown and whether I'm going to be a good mum to a newborn or not. And I don't want to be bad and then have my partner have to help.me loads cause that would be me failing.

I don't know. Anyone else felt scared near to when they had their first baby?

Thanks all xx

Sorry I missed this. No. You both look after your baby and you both look after each other.

I say this as someone who exclusively breast fed two babies for 14 months each.

Me too! I ‘borrowed’ my friends newborn for a couple of hours the week before I had my first. Before that I had never held a newborn, I was clueless. I read a lot of books!

Both you and your partner will be learning how to care for the baby together. It's not just your job to take care of your newborn, you are both parents and your partner needs to bond with the baby too. Don't take it all on yourself. Of course you will be doing more of the care once your partner returns to work but in the first few weeks, you need to make sure he has plenty of opportunity to feed, bathe, change nappies, walk and rock the baby and learn how to settle him to sleep etc.

Once he's returned to work, it's even more important that he spends time with baby in the evenings so that you can have a bit of a break and a rest.

It's normal to feel anxious, nearly every new parent does. You will learn on the job and muddle through!

This is so normal OP. My oldest is 2 now and I remember being on the ward after having her and crying to a lovely midwife because I just had no idea what she needed, I thought I had no idea how to look after a baby, and that midwife told me that in a weeks time I would be the expert on that baby so not to worry. I didn’t really believe her at the time but sure enough she was right, you work it out together, try not to worry. Although as others have said, your partner is also supposed to be taking care of the baby, it is their child too!

You need to change this thinking. You’re setting yourself up for a very hard time and will end up hobbling him while you do too much alone and then become resentful.

Women do the “it’s all up to me” thing and then when baby is around 1 year old the father finally starts to be (allowed to be) more involved, but he’s a bit clueless and the mother has become a perfectionist about everything. She can’t handle dad getting things “wrong” that she herself took months to figure out. Suddenly she knows baby inside out: nap schedules, soothing techniques, the difference in types of crying, exactly what to pack for the day to deal with any eventuality. Because she’s learnt from all her “failures”.

Dad hasn’t had the time alone to figure everything out himself but mum expects him to somehow just know what to do, forgetting her own journey there. she chalks it up to dad simply being an idiot with no common sense and becomes resentful. The months of sleepless nights and hard work! Why does she know what to do but he can’t even do x y and z of the basics? It’s common sense! Resentment sets in, bickering starts, mum takes over everything again anyway…

It’s a tried and true pattern with many new mothers.

Totally normal to feel nervous. They don’t come with a manual.

Hey ladies,

Hope it's okay to jump in, but it's pretty relevant, especially for OP.

I work at Mumsnet we're providing a new service called Birth Clubs: a small support group of parents at the same stage in pregnancy or up to 6 months post partum with professional support on from a midwife when needed to answer any of your questions.

If you'd like to be among the first users it you'll get the following for 6 weeks:

• Free access to a nurse or midwife who you can message any time
• Free content relevant to your stage, designed by our health team
• Free drop in live classes on feeding, sleeping, baby first aid and more!

Might be up your street, no pressure at all. Sign up on this LINK if you're interested. We only have about 10 spots left so please apply by Friday if you'd like to join!

Hope to chat to some of you there.

Jesse x

You will both be looking after the baby but you will have a bigger role initially especially if breastfeeding. Include him, as I think men can often feel a little left out and jealous because you give birth, you breastfeed, you get more attention particularly at the hodpital.

When you actually have the baby, he will be super important and is there to advocate for you in the delivery room. It can be a very emotional time.

He will also have a role in calming the baby, sometimes babies get fractious when they smell their mother, I think it is probably to do with milk production but this is where dads are really valuable.

Good luck it is a special time to adjust to a new way of doing things, there will be days when you are both tired, but you are a team.

One thing I would say is don't be afraid in the first few days to sleep in separate rooms, there is no point in both of you being tired and if he is more rested he can pick up some of the slack in the day and then you can have naps or a bath in the day if you need them and he can bond more with the baby and take it out for walks etc.

Also lots of people often want to pop in to see the baby, or they send presents, so he will need to help manage this.

Worrying about it is a good sign, you already care and you won't screw it up.

People have been doing this for a long time with a lot less help and advice than we have now and you don't need to perfect, just good enough.