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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Is it normal to feel scared about caring for a newborn?

34 replies

ChefMelanie · 22/06/2026 22:32

Hi all,

Am currently 36.5 weeks pregnant, 3.5 weeks left until the bundle of joy arrives.

Is it normal to feel really scared? Not about the pain and stuff, just scared about being able to look after the baby properly?

Whenever I think about the baby being here I find myself crying/ feeling scared I'm not going to be able to do anything right.

I am doing pregnancy in mind and NHS talking therapies atm, so I am already seeking mental health stuff.

I just wondered if anyone else felt like this. Just really scared about the unknown and whether I'm going to be a good mum to a newborn or not. And I don't want to be bad and then have my partner have to help.me loads cause that would be me failing.

I don't know. Anyone else felt scared near to when they had their first baby?

Thanks all xx

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 22/06/2026 22:34

Yes. Normal. You will work it out.

shellyleppard · 22/06/2026 22:35

I felt totally overwhelmed when my eldest son was born. Didn't know how to change a nappy or anything. He's nearly 21 now.
You just need to breathe x sending hugs x

zobeit · 22/06/2026 22:36

Perfectly normal and your partner won’t be helping you out but being an equal parent.

isthatstillthesame · 22/06/2026 22:38

Totally normal. You’ll muddle through, midwives will support you and show you how to do the basics to start with and the rest will follow naturally.

Wellyesidothinkso · 22/06/2026 22:38

You’ll figure it out.

But, I do find it very odd you think your partner “helping” would mean you’re failing. Is everything ok in your relationship?

peepsypops · 22/06/2026 22:39

For sure! I didn’t care how it came out. I was petrified of everything after that! I think I like to be in control and motherhood, especially early motherhood, takes that away from you. But you get there and now I look back and feel quite proud of myself. You’ll do great. Just get by day by day initially and it’ll slot into place

GiveMeCoffee637281 · 22/06/2026 22:40

I think it's more rational to fear it than the idiots who think babies just sit there and poop and sleep all day.

Your feelings are valid. Babies are hard. BUT what really what matters most is the instinct to care for them, the love and attention you have to give. You will love this baby and all she really needs is you there.

And we ALL need help. I'm not a failure because I needed DH's help, as well as my mum's and MIL's and eventually childcare. We are not made to care for babies on our own. Take all the help. This is not a sprint, but a minimum 18 year marathon.

Crunched · 22/06/2026 22:44

I couldn't believe anyone had allowed me to leave hospital with a real baby. I'd never even held one before.
Somehow you manage, but your partner won't be "helping out", you'll be parenting together.

pitterypattery00 · 22/06/2026 22:49

Very normal to be nervous - I think almost everyone embarking on parenthood wonders what on earth they've let themselves in for. It's like signing up for a new job that you've had no real training for and that you have to start while massively sleep deprived. If you need support reach out and ask for it. That is not a sign of failure.

What I can't relate to is "I don't want to be bad and then have my partner have to help.me loads cause that would be me failing.". I'm assuming your partner is the baby's father? If so, your partner won't be 'helping you' anymore than you'll be helping him - you will both be looking after your child. If you breastfeed then yes, feeding will be on you alone for the first few months - but everything else can and should be shared.

nochance17 · 22/06/2026 22:59

Very normal. You will get into your own routine and you’ll be fine. And your partner (or anyone) helping you does not mean you are failing.

BananaMilkshake77 · 22/06/2026 23:05

I had never even changed a nappy before DS arrived. It all comes , promise! A few small errors along the way but it's normal!

mrsfollowill · 22/06/2026 23:31

I think we are all a bit thrown with it! Dh and I had never changed a nappy or bathed a baby and brought him home and thought OMG why have they let us do this! We treated him like he was made of glass for a week then it became 2nd nature to do it all. He was 8lb 5 when born and soon a sturdy toddler who was happy being slung over my shoulder. Perfectly normal to feel this way though - go with the flow.

Original poster
ChefMelanie · 23/06/2026 06:24

Wellyesidothinkso · 22/06/2026 22:38

You’ll figure it out.

But, I do find it very odd you think your partner “helping” would mean you’re failing. Is everything ok in your relationship?

Yes it's OK, I just think as a mother especially in the newborn stage I should be the one looking after the baby, and that way he can look after me. So if I can't look after he baby properly, that puts more load on him, and I'd be failing. Self esteem thing with me maybe.

OP posts:
SuperGinger · 23/06/2026 06:33

Absolutely normal, I was completely clueless before I had DS, in fact I think I had only ever held a newborn for five minute s before I had him.

The first few weeks I was terrified and had no idea about basic things like baby wipes, nappy bags, the frills on a nappy pointing out. In fact I remember telling DH I wanted to send DS back, where to was ambiguous, but once we were over the first couple of weeks I settled into it and it was wonderful.

Original poster
ChefMelanie · 23/06/2026 06:46

pitterypattery00 · 22/06/2026 22:49

Very normal to be nervous - I think almost everyone embarking on parenthood wonders what on earth they've let themselves in for. It's like signing up for a new job that you've had no real training for and that you have to start while massively sleep deprived. If you need support reach out and ask for it. That is not a sign of failure.

What I can't relate to is "I don't want to be bad and then have my partner have to help.me loads cause that would be me failing.". I'm assuming your partner is the baby's father? If so, your partner won't be 'helping you' anymore than you'll be helping him - you will both be looking after your child. If you breastfeed then yes, feeding will be on you alone for the first few months - but everything else can and should be shared.

I think because I feel like it's going to be my job to look after the baby, and his job to look after me, so if I can't look after the baby properly mostly on my own, it gives him too much to do and it's unfair on him and I feel like I'd be failing us as a family and as a mum.

OP posts:
Noshadowsinthedarkness · 23/06/2026 06:46

Totally understandable but you muddle through and learn along the way. 💐

Don’t put pressure on yourself and accept any help offered.

Hadalifeonce · 23/06/2026 06:51

Don't forget, your DP will be a first time parent too. You can work together to look after your baby. It's definitely easier if you work as a team.

TeaAndStrumpets · 23/06/2026 06:52

ChefMelanie · 23/06/2026 06:24

Yes it's OK, I just think as a mother especially in the newborn stage I should be the one looking after the baby, and that way he can look after me. So if I can't look after he baby properly, that puts more load on him, and I'd be failing. Self esteem thing with me maybe.

Show quote history

It's important for your partner to know how to care for the baby. Of course he supports you but think of him as your back up carer. There will be times when he will be looking after the baby while you go to the loo or have a shower, and the more skills he has the better.

When our children were little we only had cloth nappies with special ways of folding for newborns. DH and I asked a friend to show us on their baby and we both practiced folding nappies before the birth! Disposable nappies are a doddle but you could borrow a doll to practice on.

The thing is, you will both be learning all sorts of things. You'll be fine.

WonderingWanda · 23/06/2026 06:53

It's completely normal.

Do you drive? Random question I know but I equate the terror I felt the first time I took a car out on my own after passing my test with how I felt when I took my first newborn home. The feeling very quickly passes as soon as you get on and start doing things.

Just remember, newborns didn't read the manual. They are unpredictable little things. You will at some point find yourself sitting there, possibly crying, and thinking what's wrong with my baby? I've fed it, burped it, changed it, cuddled it....and it's still screaming. It is not a sign you are doing it wrong. It's just what babies do.

Conchiglie · 23/06/2026 06:55

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself OP. You can only do your best! You and DH will be muddling through it together.

Hotdoughnut · 23/06/2026 06:59

Please don't try to do everything on your own. Be a partnership in parenting from the very beginning. Otherwise expectations are that you will do everything always (24 hours a day every day, whilst he works 8 hours a day 5 days a week) - just take a look at the many threads on here!

CheeseWisely · 23/06/2026 07:02

I’d say it’s CRITICAL that your partner is actively involved in caring from the baby from day 1. You’ll be doing more to start with of course especially if you’re breastfeeding, but too many times I’ve seen Women on here (and in real life) who have taken the whole load from birth and then get to 6 months or 12 months or whatever absolutely desperate for a break and their partner is incapable of being left solely in charge of the baby, because he’s never had the chance to learn and build his own confidence (and because the baby isn’t used to anyone but Mum). For the sake of both of you and your baby, do not go down that path.

DreamingOfGeneHunt · 23/06/2026 07:08

Yes! And I had been responsible for my siblings from a very young age and then worked as a nanny. It was scarier with my own because that was it forever, nobody was coming to take her back!

I didn't have her father because he decided he had changed his mind and hasn't been seen since but I managed and she's still alive and well 8 years later!

Overthebow · 23/06/2026 07:12

ChefMelanie · 23/06/2026 06:46

I think because I feel like it's going to be my job to look after the baby, and his job to look after me, so if I can't look after the baby properly mostly on my own, it gives him too much to do and it's unfair on him and I feel like I'd be failing us as a family and as a mum.

Show quote history

You need to relax your thinking on this. It’s your DHs job to look after baby too. It’s both your baby and you’re both going to need to look after him/her.

Duvetdayforme · 23/06/2026 07:13

I remember walking out of the hospital with DD in her car seat thinking “they can’t seriously be letting us take her home.” I was terrified of the fact I didn’t know what to do.

I read a lot (no mumsnet in those days) and muddled through very happily.

Please don’t worry, it’s absolutely normal 💐