Pregnant sooner than expected and feeling scared, has anyone else?

[Sugarloo]

Hi, my partner and I decided to stop using contraception. I know couples can have such a hard time conceiving and so didn’t expect it to happen very quickly but we got pregnant within a month. I’m 31, in a loving 10 year relationship but feel terrified. It happened soo quickly and haven’t processed it. It’s very early, only 3 weeks and 4 days and found out yesterday. I don’t know how to feel. Can anyone share their experience of how they felt when they found out. The excitement hasn’t sank it yet.

ps sorry if this triggering for women who are having a hard time trying to conceive, I aware many would love to be in this position.

I got pregnant alarmingly quickly after coming off contraception too. I was 35 and DP 40 so we really weren’t sure how it would go, and it was a shock!

I also didn’t feel much initial excitement. I just carried on painting the hallway after the test, ha! Things started to sink in more after the 12 week scan.

No matter how carefully you’ve planned I think it’s daunting the first time - especially if it happens quickly. I have a friend who took years to conceive and she was very earth mother during her pregnancy, talking to the child and reading baby books to her tummy. I mostly just moaned about gas and backache 😂

My DD is now a toddler, and all is well!

This is how I felt with my first. I was 27 and we had decided to TTC. I didn’t expect to get pregnant on the first try but I did. I really didn’t expect it to happen so quickly, and shortly after the conception, went on a big night out and drank a lot. 😩 A couple of weeks later I found out I was pg. Like you, I thought ‘I’m not ready!’ I felt like a bit of a fraud in a strange way- not sure how to explain it.

But pregnancy is quite long and gives us a good bit of time to get our heads round it, and you will. I read a lot of books about pregnancy and birth, joined antenatal classes etc. All of that helped me adapt.

Congratulations! You’ll be fine. 💐

After years of contraception, I came off it, I had one period and then fell pregnant. It was a massive shock!

He’s now 10, and I’m almost recovered. Almost.

Seriously, congratulations!

To add- no, I wasn’t excited to start with. Definitely just scared. As PP says, the scans will help it all seem more real, as will the movement you start to feel around 20 weeks. All of that will help you start to bond with the baby.

I was like this after I conceived really quickly after a miscarriage. I burst into tears and sobbed all over my poor husband. I was terrified for the first few months of the pregnancy, had two early scans and that helped a bit. But after a while I accepted that it was happening and was very happy and really enjoyed my pregnancy.

I echo what everyone else has said. I think it can be a shock whether you’ve been trying for a few weeks or years. It’s abstract until it actually happens!

What I would strongly advise is that you and your partner get married. You don’t need a wedding, but get the legal protection sorted well before the baby arrives.

Same here in the same month - it was literally immediate and I did kind of feel it in me if that makes sense, I can still remember now where we were when we had sex and then I remember sitting up and thinking - shit I think I’m going to be pregnant after this, and I was. I remember thinking it’s not meant to happen so quick, then my wee started smelling different and I thought omfg I am. Then I had a bleed and I thought I’ve lost it :( about a week before my period I did a pregnancy test so bearing in mound it was about 10 days after the sex and omg I was pregnant. I went to the GP (as I have an underactive thyroid) and she asked to see the photo! They don’t do tests in our surgery they take your word for it.

i was very very unprepared, I had planned to get healthier I had thought it’d take a while etc. Anyway we’re here 14.5 years later lol with my teen, it also happened the second time it was in the first month. But it wasn’t a surprise then and I was fitter and healthier and expected it.

I actually had an opposite experience. It took me years to conceive my only child. I was about to see a specialist as I do have endometriosis. Thought it was never going to happen. DH and I moved to the capital, were going out a lot and the week after one drunken night out I discovered I was pregnant. I’d wanted a baby for so long but when I saw the test I was absolutely terrified and had severe anxiety through the whole pregnancy. When DD was born it went and I absolutely love being a mum. She’s 13 now and amazing. I wanted more but it never happened unfortunately

The exact same thing happened to me. Someone on another current thread on how long it takes to conceive has said that people love to boast about how fertile they are, after lots of people said they only took 1/2 cycles multiple times. But I think the opposite is true - everyone is told it will take time, and that’s not true for everyone. I haven’t told people in real life as some think it’s boasting, but this means people can think it will always take ages; as you see, it doesn’t.

Same happened to me. I was told that I might have trouble conceiving so in the bin went the pill as we expected a long haul. I conceived instantly.

All went well - we had to change our minds about a house we were buying and set our sights a little lower as mortgage repayments would have been too high on one income temporarily. But all is well - went on to have 3 lovely DDs. The second was also an instant conception, and the third took a whole month. He only had to smile at me and I was pregnant.

I know how hard it can be when conception is problematical - a close friend of mine was in the sorry fertility treatment loop and I always felt uncomfortable telling them that I was pregnant again. Life can be so unfair and I send good wishes to those on the treatment journey.

We were trying a year and about to start investigations and still I thought oh shit, what have we done.

It’s normal. It’s a shock to see the positive test no matter how long you’ve been trying - too quick or began thinking you’d never see one. It’s like everything has changed but nothing at the same time. I didn’t really get excited until around the 20 week mark when a proper bump started to develop, started to feel movements.

Honestly, I think a lot of people feel this way, even when the pregnancy is planned. Finding out you're pregnant can be exciting and terrifying at the same time, especially when it happens sooner than expected.
You don't have to feel excited every second or have it all figured out right away. Give yourself time to process it. Congratulations, and be gentle with yourself—your feelings are completely normal.

@Didimum
You're making quite an assumption that the
OP is the financially weaker party. Marriage could well leave her worse off in the future.

I could’ve written this, I was 32 and I assumed it would take months, we got pregnant during the first ovulation with no protection. I felt very anxious, oh I wish it took way longer and we’d saved up more money, I’m scared what’s going to happen, are we even ready, what are we doing. Fast forward a few years and the answer is we were absolutely ready. Many people overthink having children. If you both have stable jobs, a roof over your head and a loving relationship, you are doing the right thing and you will be fine. You’re not a teenager who got knocked up, you got this.

I was like this. I have a family history of difficulty in conceiving so was sure it would take ages and I might need medical intervention. I fell pregnant in the first month of unprotected sex and felt totally unprepared and blindsided. I think I was in denial for a while: when I had my 20 week scan I came home and cried in bed for 2 days because now it was real. I cried again when I got to 24 weeks because it was the abortion cut-off point so now the baby was definitely happening. To be clear, I had no intention of aborting but it was just the final, definitive point at which there was no turning back, and I was terrified.
My son is now 14 and from the moment I looked at his beautiful newborn face he has been the light of my life. I can laugh at myself now when I think back on how terrified and unprepared I felt. If I'd known before that he'd been what is been waiting for, I'd have had him 10 years earlier! What you're feeling is absolutely normal, pregnancy is a huge upheaval in your life, your biology, and in your self-perception. Everything will be ok, and don't beat yourself up for not feeling the Instagram-picture of pregnancy joy straight off the bat!

I got pregnant with my first in the first month of trying age 32 . I wasn’t expecting it and thought it would take ages. As well as that at the start of pregnancy you are more or less on your own where I live until the 2nd trimester. It didn’t really sink in for me until after the 12 week scan . Congrats

Came off contraception, fell pregnant almost immediately and yes, full of trepidation and fear. That was 33 years ago so I'm sort of over it.

Congratulations!! I didn't conceive quickly but we conceived 3 months after losing one so I was filled with fear.

First thing I'd recommend is just sitting with your feelings, acknowledge them and process them. Best piece of advice I can give you when it comes to your mental state is try to live in the moment: don't live in the future where anxiety dwells. Also don't be scared to talk about your feelings with your midwife who will refer you to a community based team.

Hi, it is a shock, we got pregnant I think on our first try. You have time to adjust and it is very early days. The first scan will hopefully help. Depending on how you are feeling I would try do things you would like to do before baby arrives things that might be harder. e.g gigs, theatre etc stuff for you. We went to a museum recently (Beamish near Durham) and I wish we'd gone before we had our DC. It may sound odd, but we had no chance to speak to guides/volunteers at the museum as our toddler was constantly on the go which is normal but would have been nice to have done it at a slower pace and learnt more info. Things will be abit trickier to do with a baby/young child, even the most basic of stuff so anything you would like to do, try get it done (within reason). I wish someone had said that to me before. Be kind to yourself, you have time and congratulations.

Yep same, first time ever having unprotected sex in my fertile window after deciding we were ‘open’ to having a baby if it happened and I’m now 7 months’ pregnant with twins 🙃. I am only recently mentally accepting the situation, lots of tears and overwhelm in first and second trimesters

This happened to us too. 5 years on, glad I got started earlier. Didn’t feel jealous at all of friends living out the gradually dwindling hangover from 20s. Felt so good to move on and do something else. Gives you more time to think about what you want without so much biological clock stress. So many pluses!

I became pregnant unexpectedly when ExDh and I were not financially secure. I was 24 and had just started a job to replace my friend who was leaving to have her baby. I told my manager (it was a very caring environment) what had happened and was worried about the job etc. And he said to me don’t worry things wiill work out. My wife cannot have children so try to think of it as a blessing. I did. It was hard financially but we muddled through. DS turned 50 this year!

Yes! But the good news is we have about 9 months to get used to the idea.

I found it didn’t feel real for a while. An early scan helped….

Weirdly, it took me buying a baby outfit at 20 weeks to feel more grounded. That really helped for some reason.

Many congratulations OP. It will be the best thing you ever do. I fell pregnant the first month of trying with both of my two, so many people told me they fell quicker with their first, but second took longer. This wasn’t the case for me I had two under 21mths.

Congratulations! I had the same, conceived first month of trying. Had thought it would take a while as I was 32. DS was due right before Christmas, hadn’t planned for it at all! I found it a massive shock and was worried we’d rushed into it but as others have said the pregnancy gives you time to get ready.

I was prepared for second pregnancy to possibly happen quickly and the same thing again, pregnant first month of trying age 35. At least I was prepared it might the second time so we’d left a bit of a gap just in case!