Pregnant at nearly 40 and worried...

[Cthomas87]

Just after some reassurance I guess.

I have 4 children (20, 17, 14, 7) my partner has 2 kids (21 and 20) all but one live at home.

We have been together 4 years...

I am pregnant ... I haven't even told my partner, I'm terrified... He is almost 50.... I'm sure he will be fine but it will be such a big change for us...

Financially it will be difficult, space will be difficult.

I'm scared of being judged having another baby at almost 40, with another different dad.

Has anyone been through similar and offer me any advice.

You must think realistically here, can you afford? Do you have the space? Do you both even have the energy? are you both in good health?
He will be hitting nearly seventy when they’re 20.

Im 40 and currently pregnant with my second. To be honest, nobody cares. I know so many women in their 40s currently pregnant. Late 30s 40s is actually a very common age for women to be having babies and the average age of first time mothers has risen aswell . Nobody has reacted poorly and my age has never once been mentioned during appointments. I was even told by my consultant that 40 isnt old.
I also have a toddler and while many dread the thought of running after kids at this age, i honestly feel no different conpared to my 20s, 30s. If someone isnt fit enough, thats entirely their individual experience and does not represent all women in their 40s.
Personally, i wouldnt give a toss what anyone thinks of you, why do you care? Your live is none of anyones business. Youve been together 4 years, its not as if hes a one night stand .
I will say tho that in future if more kids arent something thats on the agenda between you both, you may want to consider some form of contraception to avoid another pregnancy

I had my second at 39 and my eldest is 11. Honestly, it's fine. I don't have any help so it's quite intense at times but it's not much different to when I was younger. I'm not the oldest mum with baby that I know either.

Only you know if this is the right fit for your family though, there's no judgment here no matter what the decision.

I had another baby at 39, partner 51. I adore her.

Although partner has now had a vasectomy so no more for us.

Thanks all. I love the idea of it, I miss having a baby and I love pregnancy, but I am so scared to tell my partner as then it's real. And worried how the older kids will react.. my 14 year old, once joked she would die if I had another baby.

You’ll need to toughen up OP and not give a shit what others think of you.

Unless those others are her existing children

The most important thing is how this might impact them.

My DD was distraught by the pregnancy news. She didn't speak for 3 days. She dotes on her sister and is so good with her. Just to give you another take on it.

You're right. And I was like that with my 7 year old.

It’s space and finances and the impact on your already dependant children that are your only real concern.
Everything else is just other people’s opinion.

You miss having a baby and you love pregnancy. These are feelings and they're valid, but they don't have to dominate the whole decision process.
You and your partner have six children, do you really want another? Not another pregnancy and another baby, but another whole person who's in your life and your children's lives forever? That's the thing you need to be fully up for.
I'm just asking the question, not judging you at all. Make the right decision for you and your family, not for anyone else.
Best wishes.

Oh really well what is she supposed to do about that have a termination to appease a 14 year old?

I wouldn't worry about having a baby at 40. It's perfectly normal. Everyone in my NCT group was 40+. I had ds at 45. His dad was 57. No-one batted an eyelid.

DS is now 17, all good, off to uni in September.

You’re not too old and different dads doesn’t matter you’re a blended family now it’s actually sweet to bring all the kids together.

you need to get happy and confident about this before you tell the kids and announce it in a great news someone else in our gang to love and love us back way, any hint that you’re unsure and they will feel anxious and criticize the decision.
weirdly, don’t be surprised if one of the older kids fallls pregnant soon after. There is something psychological that when one parent has a baby with a new partner it makes their big kids more sexually active and take pregnancy risks, almost following example of parent!

It’s not only about appeasing a 14 year old
Money will be difficult. That means the 14 year old and her younger sibling will miss out. Her mum will be focusing on pushing a pram, nap times and all that rather than supporting her through her college choices. Space is more limited.
The 14 year old’s needs are valid here!

The thought of having a baby myself approaching 40 doesn't phase me, I don't feel old, I'm fit an healthy.

However, my main consideration would be for my adult children and not being fully available for their needs. I don't mean to sound harsh, but personally I wouldn't want to be a grandparent while still having primary school children myself. I wouldn't be able to support my own children into their parenthood they way I imagine I. I've recently had to make the decision and mine was to carry on being the parent my children need and will need in the future and to not continue with a pregnancy. No judgement at all, I wish you the best with what ever you decide but wanted to give you real experience x

How many bedrooms do you have? Any sign of the 3 oldest moving out any time soon?

I’m 41 and pregnant with my second, no one has batted an eyelid. The main difference is my son is only 2 and gets no say 😂 but please don’t worry about what others (outwith your immediate family) will think. Congratulations/good luck 💕

You probably will be judged, but only because people are judgemental about everything and anything. But this is your baby and your family so embrace it. I'd take time to figure out how it'll all work before telling the kids so they won't worry (e.g. it'll stay in with us for as long as needed so nobody needs to give up a bedroom if they still live here). Realistically you've got a fair few hurdles to get through before telling them anyway, assuming you're very early on.

How big is your home OP? Guessing it must be pretty huge?

We have 5 bedrooms. All taken, 14 and 17 dds share the biggest room..

20 year old dsd planning to be moved out in 18 months, so my thoughts are... Baby with us until then, then 14 and 17 own rooms and babya Nd youngest share a room.

5 bedroom. 20 year old wants to be out in next 18 months.

Will his reaction / view affect whether you keep the baby or not?

Whose? My partner's?
I think he would support my decision either way to be honest, we had a scare earlier into our relationship and he was very supportive of whatever I wanted to do.

I think it's more just it being real and having to really decide and talk through logically how it could work once I tell him... Not that I'm worried he will want me to do one thing or the other.