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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Wanting another pregnancy soon after a traumatic birth experience

32 replies

Daisieblues · 30/05/2026 14:27

Hi everyone.

i had my daughter 9 months ago after and amazing pregnancy but awful labour experience. I won’t go into loads of detail but essentially unwanted induction, midwives not supportive/felt bullied/ignored, ending in instrumental I don’t feel I fully consented to. I am getting help from perinatal mental health. I found it really difficult to advocate for myself and have since learned a lot about my rights etc.

i know it seems contradictory but I just have an extremely strong desire to become pregnant again. I do want a big family but we would ideally have waited probably around another 18 months to TTC again, I do feel the trauma from the birth is pushing me to feel like I need to do it sooner, almost like a second chance.

does anyone have any advice for me (please be kind). I am also starting a new job when I go back to work so feel like it’s not the best time and I would feel worried what they might think if I start pregnant, especially as they’ve already waited for me during this mat leave.

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Original poster
Daisieblues · 31/05/2026 10:07

sprigatito · 31/05/2026 09:59

I had a truly horrific birth with my first, then had my second quite quickly afterwards. When I went for my antenatal appointment with ds2, the midwife recognised me and asked me what the hell I thought I was doing 😆

I had a much, much better experience with my second and it was actually quite healing. It was still a difficult birth (shoulder dystocia this time!) and I still ended up with a PPH and blood transfusions, but it was a walk in the park compared with what I went through the first time.

I have never regretted it for a second. Having the two close together was the right choice.

I’m so sorry to hear that you had a difficult time (and it sounds like an also quite scary second time!) but glad to hear it helped you to heal 😌

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Bridgertonisbest · 31/05/2026 10:18

I can’t comment on the “do over” but I had a traumatic first birth - posterior presentation, instrumental delivery and retained placenta ;and let’s not going into the dismissive midwives) but my further births were much more straightforward (despite the second birth having shoulder dystocia!).

Babies 2 and 3 were born at home but l must caveat birth IS physically traumatic. Even a picture perfect home birth is like being run over by a whole group of hgvs.

Original poster
Daisieblues · 31/05/2026 10:25

Bridgertonisbest · 31/05/2026 10:18

I can’t comment on the “do over” but I had a traumatic first birth - posterior presentation, instrumental delivery and retained placenta ;and let’s not going into the dismissive midwives) but my further births were much more straightforward (despite the second birth having shoulder dystocia!).

Babies 2 and 3 were born at home but l must caveat birth IS physically traumatic. Even a picture perfect home birth is like being run over by a whole group of hgvs.

I’m sorry to hear about your first experience. It’s shocking how many women have been treated so poorly by medical staff, especially during potentially the most terrifying moments of their lives.

you are right, birth is physically traumatic. I think as women we are just expected to walk around as if nothing has happened straight after birth. I found that feeling of being ‘run over’ like you say, really scared me I wasn’t expecting it at all.

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viktoria · 31/05/2026 14:48

Daisieblues · 31/05/2026 09:55

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I feel like I just pushed it down the first few months, you’ve got enough to worry about with a new baby haven’t you, but then it all came back to me too. I wasn’t taken to delivery suite / given any effective pain relief until I was 8cm dilated. So I understand how scary it is to be in that situation, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I have thought about a home birth, it appeals to me in my head as at least if I’m at home there’s no arguing about whether I’m in ‘established labour’ or not, or about finding somewhere for me to give birth (there were no beds). I coped well with labour until then, it was sheer panic that overwhelmed me from not being listened to.

You're right we often don’t have much control over these things. I think part of my want to try again is so I can have more control. I get birth is totally unpredictable but everything was just done to me I wasn’t given any say, I think we should at least have some control over that (to a reasonable degree). I wouldn’t have necessarily said no to the interventions, but just being asked would’ve prevented a lot of trauma for me.

thank you for your reply and well wishes 😊

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That really sounds awful. I’m sorry you were treated like that. In fact I’m sorry we both were treated the way we were!
I totally agree with you in terms of control.
During my hospital birth I felt like the midwife was sort of like “I don’t know why you make so much fuss. I do this every day. You are just one if many”
Some compassion would have gone a long way!

Original poster
Daisieblues · 31/05/2026 16:49

viktoria · 31/05/2026 14:48

That really sounds awful. I’m sorry you were treated like that. In fact I’m sorry we both were treated the way we were!
I totally agree with you in terms of control.
During my hospital birth I felt like the midwife was sort of like “I don’t know why you make so much fuss. I do this every day. You are just one if many”
Some compassion would have gone a long way!

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100% I don’t understand how these people come to work with pregnant women, they are completely dangerous.

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Mathsbabe · 01/06/2026 12:44

We have a 15 month gap so DS was 6 m old when I got pregnant with DD. Smaller gaps are full on but have much to commend them. They were, and are, best buddies and their friendship groups overlap.
Most years were in the same school.
Shared most out of school activities and holiday activities.
Go for it if you want too.

Original poster
Daisieblues · 01/06/2026 14:59

Mathsbabe · 01/06/2026 12:44

We have a 15 month gap so DS was 6 m old when I got pregnant with DD. Smaller gaps are full on but have much to commend them. They were, and are, best buddies and their friendship groups overlap.
Most years were in the same school.
Shared most out of school activities and holiday activities.
Go for it if you want too.

That sounds really lovely ☺️☺️ I do hear a lot of people say it’s hard work but worth it

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