Help. Please

[Isabellex95]

I don’t know how to even write this without tearing apart. I’m in my early 30’s and for the past 4 years I’ve experienced 3 abortions. The only way I can explain is that everytime I’m not pregnant.. I feel like I’m me. I’m fine. My mind is calm, yes I have low moods before my period but I feel like I’m genuinely myself. But as soon as I find out im pregnant I get this overwhelming fear/anxiety and sevear intrusive thoughts. I can’t eat, sleep. And I’ll shake all day in constant anxiety, it’s honestly so unbareable that I can’t cope that the only relief is to terminate everytime. I feel so alone in this… and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m currently pregnant just past 5 weeks.. and the emotions are the worst they have ever felt. I can’t concentrate, I can’t eat, sleep, I’ve physically lost 13 pounds in 2 weeks with the crippling anxiety. The intrusive ocd thoughts are so overbearing… I can’t even think. I just want to feel like myself and I don’t think I can go on anymore longer. I’ve gone to A and E but everything is a waiting game with seeing midwives ect but honestly I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I also feel so dissociated from my body that I can’t connect to anything and my urge is to remove the pregnancy. Please please someone say I’m not alone in this. If I was to terminate again how can I really get the help I need?!. How can I stop this aggressive traumatic distress triggered by pregnancy

Then steps must be taken to ensure that you don't become pregnant. Are you not using birth control. This must be a very distressing way to live. You should get counselling

Why on earth are you risking this!? Get some contraception sorted

I think you really need to address your mental health. Have you ask for a referral to the Perinatal Mental Health (PMH) team?

How is your MH when you are not pregnant?

When you're in the right frame of mine, do you want to be pregnant (but then have this visceral reaction)? Or do you not want children? @Isabellex95

This sounds really traumatic for you and I'm sorry you're experiencing it. If some part of you wanted this pregnancy, I'd recommend you ring your GP or 111 to arrange mental health support. There are midwives and charities who will support you if you wish.

If you want to term abortion as “killing children” you can just say it on MN.

Personally I’m of the belief that a foetus is not a child for many, many weeks.

I’ve come on here to seek help and guidance and to see if I’m not alone in feeling like this? So please don’t be so insensitive.

Are you not using contraception? I don’t enjoy being pregnant but only do so when I want to have children

@Isabellex95 I've reported some of the earlier posts which I think have missed the point and/or don't seem to offer any constructive advice.

Are you happy to explain if there are any other circumstances which are contributing to your anxiety around this pregnancy? Eg finances/relationship. Or if there is any other trauma which may be triggered by pregnancy?

If you are getting pregnant because you are wanting a child, you need to ask your GP for an urgent referral to the perinatal mental health team, make sure they refer you to them as they are specialist. Do you have support around you?

So I have nieces annd nephews and I’ve always wanted my own children when I was older. I’ve always been good with children and I absolutely love my niece like she is my own. But pregnancy for me triggers this unbareable response in my body where everything feels so unbareable I can’t cope. I referred myself over a year ago to petals after a traumatic termination and I prayed it would never happen again. I thought after 2 months of therapy every week that I genuinely felt fine. Fine in myself and I started to try again 10 months later. But now I’ve fallen pregnant again it’s that intense the emotions I’ve been begging the gps and a and e as I am almost holding onto my chest tightly everyday, I can’t eat, sleep and my body feels like it’s on high alert. I almost feel like I can’t cope with the intense severity of the distress it’s causing and I’m just doing my best. I feel so alone in this. And this is why I thought ide post to see if anyone has ever experienced this. I wish I could pin point what exactly it is in pregnancy that is triggering this mental episode of distress.

I agree you should reach out to Perinatal Mental Health for help and perhaps get on some sort of anti anxiety/antidepressant medication. I have experienced this myself and it sounds like sever perinatal depression/anxiety causing you to feel so terribly during pregnancy. It is hard to explain but my body and mind were rejecting my pregnancy in every way possible and like you the only way out I felt was to terminate, which is exactly what happened. This was 4 months ago. However once it was done, that has been a whole new set of mental health problems i am dealing with. I couldn’t believe what i had done and how i got here. Please i urge you to seek professional help in any way possible, psychiatrist, PMH, therapist, GP. If you planned and wanted this baby, pleaee hold on to that. Please message me if you need additional support. I’ve been there and know the desperation and anxiety.

I really feel for you, I think some PPs are missing the point a wee bit as I’m taking it that you do want children but this then happens when you become pregnant? If so you definitely need professional help as soon as possible. I’m sure they will be able to help you 🤍

You need help from the Perinatal Mental Health of your GP. They will help you weigh up the risks and benefits to the treatment available.

Anxiety and panic in pregnancy aren't uncommon. I think 1:5 experience it. Although, it sounds like yours bad and is having a huge impact on your wellbeing.

I don't think you should make any big decisions when you are feeling so panicked and disassociated.

I think that you want a baby otherwise you wouldn't keep putting yourself through this. Hopefully, the GP will help you find a way to be more at peace with yourself so you can progess your pregnancy without the overwhelm..

My mental health is fine when I’m not pregnant.. I have my low days like any human and I do suffer with OCD. But I’m able to work full time, go out, get ready and feel normal. But as soon as pregnancy comes it sets this overwhelming crippling anxiety that I’m unable to eat/sleep or even move or concentrate on anything day in day out because I feel so disassociated from my body that it almost feels like it rejects the pregnancy and I’m unable to cope as it feels like I go in such a mental state of distress I end up deteriorating. I get such negative unbareable thoughts constantly that I’m unable to cope. As for getting help I went to Petals in the past but I wasn’t pregnant at the time as I seeked help when I couldn’t understand what was happening and why I chose to terminate. I did a lot of talking ect and mentally I felt ok. But I guess it never got to the bottom of the underlying problem and I genuinely think it’s severe trauma and prenatal distress which is making my body go in this unbareable state

Is there anyone to pick back up with petals? Contact your GP and ask for Mh referral. If you need to terminate again then you should ask for a pre pregnancy planning appointment with the consultants at your hospital and get adequate input and support. I’m really sorry you’re alone and struggling with this

ive Tried to get in touch with emergency services, and gps but I know they can’t fix me right now but the wait is what’s absolutely killing me because I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I feel so alone in this because I feel like I’m not normal or ashamed as to why I feel the way I do and wanting to feel like myself again. I wish I knew what it is I have that’s causing this unbaring anxiety and distress where it feels like my body is shutting down and I can’t connect to myself or the pregnancy at all. The thoughts are exhausting and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone in the world not even my worst enemy. I feel so stuck because i know how much it’s breaking my partner too but I don’t know if I can do this

I had terrible anxiety when pregnant. Nothing like yours but I presented myself to hospital twice and eventually got seen and prescribed two types of medication to help. I never ever wanted to abort my baby though. The anxiety was more about the fact I’d wanted to be a mum for so long I was scared something would go wrong but the intrusive thoughts were awful and I do feel for you. If you didn’t have this would you want to have a baby?

What does your husband think?

Are you on medication? Did you not put anything in place before getting pregnant this time?

If I didn’t feel like this I would want a baby ofcourse because I think ide be a good mum as I love my niece like she’s my own. But this is so overbearing and I’m ashamed of being judged by others when I didn’t know pregnancy could cause me such distress like this

I thought doing the perinatal charity service with the mental health midwives worked as I felt in a better state of mind and gave myself over a year to recovery and heal and try get some help. I never went on medication I did use to be on antidepressants about 3 1/2 years ago now but I came of them. I never knew what this was or what’s causing all this distress .. I didn’t know there is help so I could have had things in place beforehand.

Are you afraid of dying during pregnancy or labour?

No thoughts of dying during pregnancy and labour are not what I’m having. It’s excruciating thoughts of not being able to cope, that I won’t be a good mum, what if I’ve damaged the baby, what if something is wrong with it, why don’t I love the baby, why do I feel do disconnected from by body. And so on.. some of which feel to dark to me to even express on here because I’m struggling to cope with the thoughts and how intense they feel. Some of the thoughts just feel like they are merging into one causing this dark cloud over me and that I’m somewhat suffocating.

My partner is upset, upset seeing me in such distress because he wants to take all the pain away from me