Negative reactions to announcing a third pregnancy

[El91]

I’m 10 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby, I already have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I just told my parents today and honestly I’m a bit annoyed by their reactions, especially my mums. With my 1st baby they were over the moon, and they were also excited for my 2nd as I think they were expecting it.
When I told them today about the 3rd my mums face dropped and all she said was ‘no way’ and then went on to ask me if it was a surprise (it wasn’t). It all just felt very cold and judgemental and I can’t help but feel a bit hurt and disappointed. There was no congratulations, no hug, nothing. She didn’t even ask when I was due and just didn’t seem happy at all.
I’m dreading telling other people now in case I get the same reaction. I think with 3rd babies everyone just assumes that it wasn’t planned. Has anyone else has negative reactions towards a 3rd baby? I know it shouldn’t matter what other people think but it’s really annoyed me.

@El91 I sorry about your parents reactions but sadly it common for people to judge people who have any more than 2-3 children.

It really because even if people don’t believe it they often treat children as a lifestyle choice rather then human beings. This doesn’t mean there bad people but it a common view in society.

Wow, that is a horrible reaction from your mum. Any idea why she would think that? I think it's wonderful to have 3 or more - warmest congratulations to you!!

That’s really odd. Was she having a bad day? Are you very stressed/expect lots of help?

Are they providing childcare for your 2 and 4 yo.
If so you have your answer...

If not... very odd....

Maybe they've been watching the news and are concerned for your children's futures.

No they don’t provide childcare and I very rarely ask for help from them!

If they don’t provide childcare, and the both of you can independently support yourselves financially without help, then I don’t see what it’s got to worry them.

Mine weren't as cold as this (sorry) but certainly nothing like the reactions to my first two! No presents at birth etc or many cards for the baby. Noone does any child care/ baby sitting for us at all so it's not that.

For what it's worth the baby (now one) is the light of our lives and family/ friends have warmed up. I'll never forget how they made me feel though.

I have 3 children and while everyone was polite during my third pregnancy, I do get the occasional negative comment! It's rude and in the case of your parents very hurtful as well. It's not their place to judge.

What? But if it was a first baby they would have been excited. This makes no sense

How much are you relying on your parents to support you as a parent?

Congratulations!!

I am one of 3. I love my ‘baby’ sister. Sorry that their response was underwhelming, but many congratulations!

The only people I know who have had negative reactions to announcing another pregnancy, second/third or more, were when the parents were already struggling whether that is financially, physically, emotionally etc. If all is well and you’re not expecting anything from them I can’t see why they wouldn’t be happy!

I’m sorry, my parents have never reacted well to any of my pregnancies, really odd, soon know how you feel and I think it says more about them than you.
Congratulations, wishing you healthy pregnancy and third baby. I have 3 and it’s wonderful.

I used to want four kids. My Dad, who is very blunt, said to me "If you have two kids and come round ours I will think: aw how lovely to see the grandkids. If you come round with four I will think: Oh God, when is MxCactus and all her loud kids going to leave!!!"

So maybe they feel like that? For what it's worth, I think three kids is a lovely number.

When I announced my 2nd pregnancy to my MIL, she paused, then said "Oh well worse things happen!"
I rationalised that she had 2 close together (unplanned) and didnt enjoy the experience, so assumed i wouldn't be happy!
She loves dd2 fine though!

Congratulations on baby no.3!

Strange reaction from your mum. If she’s not helping with childcare and you and partner can support yourselves financially I really don’t know what her problem is. Have you had difficult births? Could she be worried about pregnancy/ birth again?

Would she have liked to have had more children than she had?

We have 3. Lots of friends reacted a little oddly in comparison to 1 and 2. Turns out they were a little envious/ caused them to consider what they wanted. They assumed we’d stick at 2. 2 of those friends then went on to have a 3rd! They say my 3rd is responsible!! The other 2 both later said they’d have liked more kids but decided against for work/ life balance and finances.

Ignore any negativity and enjoy your precious family xx

My stepson just looked at DH and said ‘Why?!’ when we announced pregnancy with DD. He was 12, DD is no.4 but my 2nd. We all laughed it off as it was kind of fair enough to react that way! He’s been nothing but a lovely and excited big brother though since she was born 7 months ago.

Don’t let other people’s reactions dim your excitement for your 3rd child. Congratulations 🥳

Congrats OP! I'm currently expecting DC3, DS1 is 4 and DS2 17 months. I was amazed by how many people asked me if it was planned, even people I barely know from the nursery run! I think like other PPs have said people expect 1 and usually 2 kids but 3 is marginally outside the "norm" perhaps?! I found comments like "you're mad" and "rather you than me" equally unhelful! But I just really embraced the lovely comments and excitement from people who offered their heartfelt congratulations without question, it felt a bit more special as it was slightly rarer sadly. I think once babies arrives though people get over what number they are and enjoy the tiny human. Try to filter out the negatives, it's not personal it's just thoughtlessness in most cases.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. This is so exciting x

As long as you have suitable housing and can support your family financially and emotionally then she is just being weird

I got the same reactions with my third pregnancy. I already had a girl, then a boy. When my second was born with me having one of each lots congratulated me on having my family complete. I always told them I wasn't finished yet because I knew a third pregnancy would be presumed to be a surprise
I think a lot of it is people can barely cope with 2 , and like a pp said some of it is envy.
A lot of people working with me say they would have had 3 kids if they were younger

I didnt get much reaction to my 3rd either.... it's quite hurtful. But he's here and he's amazing...he brings me so much joy! I'd love a 4th! Congratulations on your wonderful news!

Congratulations OP it’s wonderful news! I have three and close family were absolutely awful when we told them about the pregnancy.
baby is here and a joy. All the grandparents have conveniently forgotten about their negativity when they are giving her cuddles but weirdly I haven’t. It’s fine to be rude about a fetus but it’s hard to be a bitch about a newborn.

At the time I was really shocked, it was night and day to first baby announcement