I’ve just found out I’m 5 weeks pregnant

[Brightsky210]

Hey everyone

I’ve just found out Im about 5 weeks 2 days pregnant.

i already have 1 daughter who’s 4. It’s the same father who’s a bit of a dick who won’t take this news well. I don’t live with him and haven’t for the four years of her life practically.

i want a sibling for my daughter and I’m 31 in a few months and I didn’t want to be having children late into my 30s.

I know my mum and my support network will be going crazy at me if I tell them and tell
them I’m keeping it.

Im not “ ready” but is anyone ever?

Yet you’ve had another child with him?

Just my opinion but I don’t think it’s fair bringing a child into the world where the father is “a bit of a dick” and doesn’t want the child.

Why will they all go crazy? Are they currently providing free childcare?

Not an ideal situation by any means, but it is your baby and your choice.
I'm sure your 'network' will come around- its sad the baby won't have a decent father yes but plenty of kids unfortunately don't and can still be okay if they have others in their lives who step up and care about them enough.If you think you can be a decent mother to the baby and your eldest, then that is the main thing.
It will likely do your other child good to have a sibling share the ups and downs of life with.

No I work term time and my daughter goes to a school and I pick up and drop off they have her once every couple of months over night.

It was a free childcare night and he was home on his own so I went back and did the dance with no pants and we’ve not had it since.

Are you with him or not?
He's a bit of dick but you're having a 2nd child by him? You want another child but don't want to wait til your older?

This is all sounds pretty orchestrated in fairness. I can see why others won't be overjoyed.

Either way, you want a child, so if you can look after it yourself then go for it. But for everyone's sake stop sleeping with this man.

This is it, I feel like it would do my eldest the world of good and I love my sisters to bits they are my bestest friends in the whole world and I really want her to experience it.

I have a good routine with my eldest she has been in childcare since 10
months old and I’ve worked and I already have an idea of what I’d have to do or the way life would be.

it’s everyone’s opinions and negativity.

I’ve told 3 friends and currently on the phone to my daughter’s dad now just chatting but I won’t be telling him on this side of the weekend.

i think youll meet a nice guy in future and want a baby with him but youll already have two or three by then by that useless guy and you will worry about finding time and money for another one, and a bigger car house mortgage etc etc.

i’d consider my options just now, take the pills and split up with him. but that’s me planning ahead. you may not thibk like that.

We are on and off like a light, I don’t go to his when our child does they go
out on their own etc not for a while because I won’t confuse our child. I came off my depo injection in 2024, I made it clear to him that this was happening because it was messing with me and I always remind him when we get close that we need to be careful. We sleep together every 2/3 months because of childcare etc it’s just the way it’s fell. I have a drs appointment booked in for the 24th ironically to be put back on something just too stop this because we were getting closer.

I didn’t plan on this happening not yet. I do want it and I do want a sibling for my child but im so torn because it’s not the right time or person but the baby would be well loved and cared for and be provided for no end

I had this but in a slightly different way. I was still with (now) ex but found out he’d been having an affair.. DD was 2. I threw him out and found out I was pregnant a week later. slightly different circumstances and I was completely blindsided by his affair … but a similar decision and our marriage ending.

I went through 4 weeks of thinking there was no way I could go through with having another baby on my own. I was barely strong enough to look after myself and DD let alone bring another child into the situation. I even went to the doctors to say I couldn’t have the baby and ask her what needed to be done as I was so broken and adamant I couldn’t cope on my own. Amazingly she told me to go away and think about it for another couple of weeks just to be sure I was doing the right thing.

During that time I came to the conclusion that maybe I could go through with it. I had always wanted a sibling for DD and on some level I figured I would cope.

DD is now 18 and DS 16. It hasn’t always been easy but it was by far and away the best decision I have ever made. Together they have brought so much joy to my life and we are a great team. They are really close and I have never regretted a second of it. The total opposite in fact!

Do listen to opinions of your friends / network but ultimately it’s going to be you living this life and dealing with the very tough times and the joyful parts. They will get used to whatever you decide. It’s your life!

The DCs DF has been pretty good / there on and off over the years but has moved away now. It’s mainly been me. Make this decision with no expectations of anyone else and you’ll come to the right decision for you.

Unplanned pregnancies happen all the time, I think the issue here is that you think he's a dick and that he's not the right person to have a another baby with but you're choosing to get close to him...

Honestly just stop sleeping with him, or be with him. You're worth more than a shag every 3 months.

You're already a single mother, you can either have this baby (but by yourself preferably... your kids don't need to be in this mess) or not. But you may not get the chance again and the age gap is nice.

Presumably because they know he’s a bit of a dick….Bizarre to think it’s about childcare. Ffs!

I sit there and I think this but then I’m like I’m 30 nearly 31. I do feel like you’re right I just feel like I’ll resent myself maybe. Everyone around me has two children plus everyone’s got a nice life and their kids have each other where as it’s just me and her which is great we do well and there’s lots of love but I don’t know. It’s something I’ve always wanted and I’m now with the what ifs what I never get this chance again what if I don’t meet someone because I’m not in a rush to go out and meet someone else. Sorry if this is badly written or badly punctuation i feel sick.

this is the outlook I have.

i would geniunely be done after this baby and I’d be happy and of course I’d go into this knowing I’d do 85% of it on my own and he’d give the 15%.

i haven’t told anyone apart from 3 friends and all I want to do is tell my closest family although all week I’ve dropped it into my sister that im late on my period and she gave me the third degree about it.

I just feel like I am thinking of other people not myself right now so I’m going to think of myself and my 4 year old through out the weekend and I’ve booked a “therapy” session with BPAS and it’s on Saturday.

”Unplanned” pregnancies do not happen all the time. Not to thinking adult people.

no form of contraception is 100% reliable when used properly. so every time we bump uglies we take a risk.

Life doesn't always have to be this idealistic though.....if the baby is wanted and unless someone is literally on the breadline or something why should one be terminated because the father or life setup isn't 'perfect', when others conceived when it is get to live :-/

How would your feelings change about the situation if you knew your family would be happy for you?

I’d be beaming if I had someone saying okay if you want to do this we’re here and you can do this. I’d be thinking logically like get to twelve weeks then this then that.

Funnily enough and I feel ever so guilty about it now the dad has just spent two hours on the phone to me talking about us and life in general and he has told me I need to start living for me and living the life I want and getting what I want from life and not worrying about other people. All I wanted to reply was well there’s something big kind of happening now! I will have to make out I’ve found out like that day. Xx

Sounds very confusing for your daughter. And I don’t understand how ‘baby will be provided for no end’ when you are a single parent working part time and the dad doesn’t even want the baby. Baby has literally been created because the parents are too lazy to use contraception even though they only have sex every few months.

Im sure you will love your baby and do fine, but you and the dad sound like a pair of kids. Hopefully this fall out ends your ‘relationship’ for good so you can both focus on your kids.

This phrase is horrific.

Edited BC I linked to the wrong comment.

I'm not saying the correct comment because it's horrific.

I asked dad to get the snip if he wanted to have no more children I explained how contraception made my body feel and work, he chose not to. I made it clear I wasn’t on anything. My daughter is 4 she doesn’t understand how babies get there so no confusion there’s no confusion we don’t show affection infront of her we be kind that’s it. My daughter has everything she needs love, care, food a warm home, clothes. shoes, dance classes and toys and just geniune emotional support and care.

i work part time to be there for my child.

Yes I think we all know how babies are made.

I don’t think you should bring another baby into this situation, I’d suggest having some therapy and reconsidering what you do in your spare time, you’re worth more than this.

You are just as much to blame for the pregnancy as the dad, no excuses. It is actually possible to refuse sex if he won’t wear a condom. Why would he have the snip to avoid getting his ex pregnant? He might want kids with his next partner. Besides, you are letting him have his cake and eat it.

Mum and dad not being together but having a baby together, although dad may be around even less now because he didn’t want another baby… yeah that’s confusing for kids, 4 year olds aren’t stupid.

Im sure your daughter does have everything she needs, but you should still be realistic about the situation.