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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant after vasectomy

34 replies

rossobianchi · 13/02/2026 14:36

My wife (aged 39) has been feeling a bit 'off' over the last ten days or so, strangely tired. She's been having irregular periods for about 8 or 9 months and has felt maybe it's early perimenopause but isn't sure.

I had a vasectomy in April last year but never got round to getting fully signed off - missed my appointment three months later due to being on holiday and then never got round to sending a semen sample in the post which I should have done. In my mind I guess I thought after regular ejaculations all would be fine.

Anyway, long story short, my wife took a pregnancy test today based on how she's been feeling and her period being late and it was positive. Think we're in a bit of shock. Conception would have been at a stage in her cycle when she was very infertile added to the fact that I had my (unverified) vasectomy last spring... the chances of this happening seem astonishingly low.

Not sure how to feel. Already have three DC and we weren't planning for this.

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 13/02/2026 14:40

I'd feel hugely irresponsible. I presume your wife took charge of contraception for many years, and now it's your turn? Now you just need to support her decision.

ERthree · 13/02/2026 14:41

It is not impossible. Knew a squaddie that had a vasectomy, his wife became pregnant. He was not impressed and was convinced his wife had cheated, she hadn't. She was sterilised after the baby was born and still became pregnant again. She had a hysterectomy to insure there were no more babies.
Good luck with whatever you both decide to do.

Gassylady · 13/02/2026 14:41

ACynicalDad · 13/02/2026 14:40

I'd feel hugely irresponsible. I presume your wife took charge of contraception for many years, and now it's your turn? Now you just need to support her decision.

First answer nails it

Allthesnowallthetime · 13/02/2026 14:41

You had one job...

somekindof · 13/02/2026 14:41

It’s a shock, but surprisingly common. I know someone who got pregnant years after her husband’s vasectomy (and yes it did raise questions and bring tension to their marriage, post birth dna test showed it was his baby).

Your wife and you will need some time to digest this news, and think about next steps. Open communication is impotant at times like this - don’t guess what each other are feeling, find out and share

HappyAsASandboy · 13/02/2026 14:42

The chances of this happening are not that low.

I conceived almost 6 months after DH had a vasectomy, while I was on the progesterone-only pill because you’re supposed to use alternative contraception until you’re clear at 6 months.

Turns out one tube had rejoined and he had to have a second vasectomy.

I wouldn’t be without my DC now as he is wonderful, but he is here despite a vasectomy and the pill!

FlorenceAndTheVagine · 13/02/2026 14:45

Am I reading your subtext correctly? That you don’t trust her, when in fact you fucked up your one job?

trappedCatAsleepOnMe · 13/02/2026 14:46

Sounds like she has an erratic cycle so ovulation going to be harder to pin point and wasn't being tracked and you didn't confirm the vasectomy had worked - which they ask you to do as some don't work first go.

Doesn't sound like low chance at all TBH.

ForFunGoose · 13/02/2026 14:46

We have a last shot in the barrel baby. conceived very soon after the snip. We were careless but neither of us expected to be caught. By the time the 9 months of pregnancy was over dh got the all clear.

Lavenderandbrown · 13/02/2026 14:47

You didn’t adhere to the prescribed post operative plan of care and this resulted in a pregnancy. You don’t suggest this…your post doesn’t indicate this…but be very careful you do not allow thoughts of “was she unfaithful” to infiltrate.

I know and I’m pretty sure most of us know someone who became pregnant post partners vasectomy. I personally saw a marriage pretty rocked but mostly because he was a dick about it but they have a 28 y.o son and are still together and she can occasionally laugh about what a dick he was. The occurrence rate of pregnancy post vasectomy is significantly reportable thus the post semen analysis
hoping together you can make a decision what is best for your family.

Original poster
rossobianchi · 13/02/2026 14:47

ACynicalDad · 13/02/2026 14:40

I'd feel hugely irresponsible. I presume your wife took charge of contraception for many years, and now it's your turn? Now you just need to support her decision.

Yep I do feel awful. I've already apologised for putting her in an invidious position here.

(No she hasn't took charge of contraception previously, she never wanted to be on the pill so it was always condoms or 'pull out' method).

OP posts:
Original poster
rossobianchi · 13/02/2026 14:48

FlorenceAndTheVagine · 13/02/2026 14:45

Am I reading your subtext correctly? That you don’t trust her, when in fact you fucked up your one job?

Not at all. I trust her 100%. I absolutely hold my hands up that I messed up with the post-op essentials.

I don't want a fourth child but will honour and respect her decision.

OP posts:
andIsaid · 13/02/2026 14:53

rossobianchi · 13/02/2026 14:48

Not at all. I trust her 100%. I absolutely hold my hands up that I messed up with the post-op essentials.

I don't want a fourth child but will honour and respect her decision.

Show quote history

She has no good answer here. She was probably looking forward to enjoying consequence free sex with you now this.

She has to decide to abort or have the child.

You will Honor and respect her decision and get to be princely.

Bloody hell .

I don't want a fourth child but will honour and respect her decision.

andIsaid · 13/02/2026 14:54

Sorry OP - I understand it is a dreadful situation and you probably do not need someone like me loading it on.

ItsStillWork · 13/02/2026 15:01

What ages are your other children? That would be the deciding factor for me if I was your wife. Young children, yes another one would be ok as you’re still in the child dependent stage. Teenagers? Not a chance I’d have another when freedom is so close.

what does your wife want to do?

what’s done is done now, you can’t change things but you do need to work together to decide what the next steps are

Toadytoadtoad · 13/02/2026 15:02

@andIsaid I'm not sure what else the op can do in this situation? He's held his hands up and taken responsibility. It's was beyond stupid not to send the sample of for testing, but I think he realises that.

I feel for your wife op, what awful situation you have put her in. I'm the same age and done with babies, I honestly don't know what I would do in her shoes.

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 13/02/2026 15:04

Well, its your fault for not bothering to do the follows ups. Your going to have to the decent thing and stick by whatever your wife chooses wether thats an abortion or keeping the baby and go back to the clinic and make sure they get it right the next time. Hugely irresponsible of you.

LondonLady1980 · 13/02/2026 15:17

FlorenceAndTheVagine · 13/02/2026 14:45

Am I reading your subtext correctly? That you don’t trust her, when in fact you fucked up your one job?

To be fair, when my DH had his vasectomy I still made sure we didn’t have unprotected sex until I knew he’d had his post-procedure checks and knew for myself that there was no sperm.

JoyOfSpecs · 13/02/2026 15:24

My Father in Law didn't go back for his post vasectomy tests.
Hence my youngest sister in law.

FamilynotMaiden · 13/02/2026 15:25

You're both to blame (as she knew you hadn't been given the all-clear). Medical professionals make it very clear to not discontinue contraception until you've had the necessary tests.
If you have other children the impact upon them needs considering first and foremost in my opinion.

FamilynotMaiden · 13/02/2026 15:26

It is absolutely NOT just the fault of the man here. Unless he lied to his wife which I don't think he did?

Original poster
rossobianchi · 13/02/2026 15:37

No lies - she did say she was anxious about me not getting the all clear but that didn't stop us doing the deed. It's just been really careless all round and I feel fucking awful.

Kids are 11, 9, 5.

OP posts:
Thingything · 13/02/2026 15:56

I think the only thing to say is - congratulations 😁

Yes, you messed up. It's done now.

But if you do proceed with the pregnancy you'll love your little surprise all the more for it.

ForFunGoose · 13/02/2026 16:27

Ours was a fourth child too.
its a long way back but it worked out for us.
I was 35 at the time and our youngest was 8.

Our first was also an accident so it felt unfair to have one crisis pregnancy baby and not the other. We also had 3 of the same gender and thought maybe we would get the other (we did).

My advise OP is to be involved 100% with her while she navigates this, don’t just ‘live with her decision’. She will swing like a pendulum between choices so don’t force the outcome because it’s going to take time.

How far along is the pregnancy?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/02/2026 16:31

rossobianchi · 13/02/2026 15:37

No lies - she did say she was anxious about me not getting the all clear but that didn't stop us doing the deed. It's just been really careless all round and I feel fucking awful.

Kids are 11, 9, 5.

This one is on you but you both sound irresponsible having unprotected sex for years, pull out method isn’t contraception. No wonder you are on baby number 4.

All you can do is fully support your wife in whatever decision she makes, and then the pair of you need to take responsibility for contraception like adults.