2 under 2? Do I do it?

[Livingmydream25]

Me and my husband have always said we want children close in age, to the point when we were buying pram for our first baby we were looking at how well it converts into a double. The second I gave birth I said I wanted another 😂😂

We said that in the new year we'd start trying and that always felt so far away but suprise, the new year is here!!

My baby is 10 months old atm, so if we were to get pregnant straight away there would be a 19 month age gap. Anyone with a similar age gap- do you wish you waited or would you recommend?

For context: My little girl is becoming more and more independent every day and her communication is quite good, using gestures and signs to try and tell me what she wants. However she's also very cuddly. She doesn't tolerate her pram for very long and I use a mix of the pram and carrier when we are out. She is breastfed and in the day mostly contact naps. Her night sleep isnt too bad, she will wake twice for a feed and then gets into our bed at around 6:30am so I can stretch another hour of sleep out of her. She will be starting nursery when she is 14 months, twice a day.

A bit more context: I am also thinking about how work will react. I officially go back to work in February but have annual leave until April. I'm not sure how they would react if I was to go back pregnant again. I actually started my job already pregnant and was there for 6 months before going off. They were super supportive but upper management (my bosses, bosses, boss) refused to sign off my preceptorship which I had finished, once they found out I was going on mat leave.

I also have two clingy dogs that we love dearly but do overstimulate us now we have a baby 😂🙈

I clearly love chaos and have always thrived in chaos.

I know realistically every age gap comes with different challenges and there's never really a "right" time but based on experiences, do we follow the itch or wait it out???

To be honest I didnt think about things that far in the future. Both me and my husband went to uni with no financial support from parents as they couldn't afford it. We managed absolutely fine, so I hadn't considered it but definitely something to think about! And things like hobbies because I would love to be able to pay for them to have a hobby/interest.

We have a 19 month gap, DDs now 4.5 and 6. It is lovely, they are the best of friends, and we were able to save money by having a nanny for both of them (cheaper than two nursery places). The hardest part was being 8 months’ pregnant with an 18 month old!

I have a 22 month gap and it’s really hard to divide your attention in the early days. I was also breastfeeding both and the eldest still contact napped but I didn’t find that part so hard as I found it quite easy to time a sofa nap with both of them at the same time while I watched something! I co slept at night with both for a while and that part was fine also. It’s more the dividing the time and attention as the eldest is still a baby themselves. However, once the youngest starts playing/crawling/walking it makes such a difference to their relationship and they really are little besties now. ❤️ I’d say it’s a year or so of being pulled in half and complete chaos which then becomes an easier, happier chaos 🤣

Mine are 12&14 now and we have no regrets. (Even with teen hormones!). Although ask me again when they are doing GCSEs and A levels at the same time...

Any age gap is hard... and they all have positives as well. You just do what is right for you.

(I conceived the first month while breastfeeding BTW... I was either pregnant or breastfeeding for five years straight!)

I didn't have financial help from my mum through uni either, but because of coming from a low income family I got the full loans/ grants and managed ok. I know my children will not be entitled to all of the loans/grants as we are not a low income family (currently) so we will have to support them. I worked during second year and my studies really suffered. I wouldnt want my children working whilst studying unless in the holidays. That is of course if they decide to go. I just thought it is something to consider. Xx

I absolutely would not do it. Wait a bit longer in my view. There's a 19 month age gap between my two ans i found it so hard I actually look back and think I may have had mild PND. They are both still babies. The eldest doesn't understand that they are getting a sibling. You will find the juggle intense and stressful and overwhelming. Now that they are older it's lovely but I do look back on those first months and feel quite sad for myself.

Mine are 2 years apart, it’s harder at first but they have grown up close and as teens started hanging out together a lot and still are close. The elder is autistic which we obviously didn’t know at 13 months (in retrospect it was clear but you don’t see what you aren’t looking for) which has meant the elder is developmentally as a child is close to her younger sibling

16months between my 2. Was absolutely terrified but honestly has been a lot easier than I thought. You’re still in the ‘baby’ mindset if that makes sense so when number 2 comes and it’s back to sleepless nights etc you don’t feel it that much. Well I didn’t anyway neither did my sister in law who had exactly a year between them!

18 months between my 2, currently youngest is 9 weeks so still early days but I’d say do it😂 1-2 has been much easier than 0-1 in my experience and our second has just slotted right in, it definitely doesn’t feel twice as hard.

I’ve actually found it a lot easier than expected, being so close in age means the same places suit both kids e.g. sensory rooms great for newborns and toddlers, we already have all the toys, I was already tired and looking after one baby anyway!

Mine 19 months apart and I did conceive whist breastfeeding.

No trouble at all-you are still in the baby phase and they sort of grow up together.
Played together nicely and are now great fun with similar senses of humour.
They are now adults and DS1 is about to be DS2's Best Man.

Good luck!

I have 22 months between my first two. Then 20 months between babies 2 & 3. There will be 23/24 months between babies 3 & 4 once this one is born.

So clearly, yes I think it’s a good age gap!

Theres pros and cons to every age gap. In some ways it’s easier as they are close in age, similar routines, enjoy similar activities, can play with each others toys, older one tends to adapt quickly as they can’t really remember life before the baby arrived quite quickly, you haven’t got out of baby mode…

Downsides are pregnancy with a young toddler is ROUGH and not for the faint hearted! Everyone needs you a lot! You have to learn to handle conflicting priorities and be able to handle stressful situations. Everyone will say “how will you cope with a toddler and a newborn” and while yes, this phase has its challenges the bit you should really be worrying about is when you have TWO TODDLERS!!! Who can run in opposite directions, have simultaneous meltdowns and fight like crazy 😵‍💫

A good double pram is not essential but if you enjoy being less stressed I highly recommend one if you have a close age gap as it means you can leave the house with them safely (out n about double is the way to go, no other double can match it).

The first few years can be tough but my older ones are close to 6 and 4 now and if I only had those two life would be quite straightforward now 😂 They’re both pretty independent, can dress themselves, fetch themselves a snack or drink, been potty trained years at this point, don’t need a pram etc. but they still like the same things, enjoy watching the same shows, they’ll soon be at school together (they were at nursery together). Days out or trips are straightforward as they are still very similar. In the right mood they play beautifully together.

I think if you feel it will be a good age gap then you will be able to find the positives.

And yes, breastfeeding can make conceiving more challenging. But that isn’t always the case, I’ve conceived babies 2,3 and 4 while ebf without any issues. It’s very individual how your body responds.

Best of luck whatever you decide!

That's lovely, but saying it's not twice as hard when you're just a few weeks in is like saying a marathon is easy when you've done 100m.

I found two under two an absolute doddle for the first few months. As you said, baby slotted in great. But dealing with a 1-year-old and a nearly 3-year-old was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It took several years to get back to as easy as I found it in the first 6 months.

I'm not saying to not do it. There are many advantages as well as disadvantages, and having two children close in age means now they're school age, it's like having a permanent friend around to play with. But holy cow those first few years (after a gentle introduction!), they were adorable and I don't regret it for a second, and I have many wonderful memories, but I've never felt exhaustion like it.

I had two in 15 months and it was terrific. They are huge friends now, at 28 and 29. I found the first year full on and much easier after that.

18 months between my 2, but 2 school years. I found it absolutely fine, youngest was out of nappies by 18mo having copied her big sister and basically potty trained herself! They are close now at 13 and 12, although also fight like cat and dog, as most siblings do!

There is a 18 month gap between me and my younger brother. I know some have come on and said with similar gaps they are super close with their sibling but sadly it can go the other way. My DB and I are very distant and always have been. I resented basically being left to get on and my DB resented when I got my DPs attention as he thought he should have it. As someone else has said there is no guarantee that the 2 will get on and be super close or indeed similar in personality. Your DD sounds lovely but your 2nd may be a difficult sleeper / limpet baby and how would that impact on your DD if she sees the lions share of your attention going to the younger sibling at such a young age she won’t understand. I can see the pros of getting the baby stage done and hopefully the 2 will be close and get on but equally they might not which will make things very difficult, particularly at an age when they don’t really understand what has happened. Might be easier to leave it a few more months when DD will have a better understanding of what change means

Did you breastfeed whilst pregnant?

No you make a good point! Thank you for making me think about it x

22 months between me and my brother. Hated it when he was born, hated it when we were growing up. Too close in age, I was only little when he was born and literally immediately had to grow up to be a 'big sister'. If I could have dictated when my parents had a second I'd have said at least a 3 year gap.

Hi OP,
no advice (yet) but I’m due baby number 3 any day now and will have a 19month age gap. We conceived whilst still breastfeeding when dd was 10 months. In fact I only stopped breastfeeding her just before Christmas! She still loves a contact nap too, but will transfer fairly easily.

I also have a 5 year old so clearly love chaos too, with 3 under 5.

will keep you posted on how it’s all going once baby arrives 😂

We did it and no regrets.
But it is much harder than a 2.5 or 3 yr gap imo.
I have a ds and dd they arent "close" as id hoped and fight a lot. We are working on it!!!

Def think about financing or how the childcare will work. University will be a totally different landscape in 18yrs imo.
Childcare now is a consideration you should make.
We dont qualify for anything and its approx 5k pm as we need mon-fri 8-6pm!!!

can you do Compressed days? Drop to 4? grandparents? Have you got a friend you can "childpool" with?(you look after all the kids Mondays and she does Tuesdays?)

First year of no 2 was rough on the marriage but overall im happy with my choices.

So I think there are a few more things here. Prepare yourself for the fact that your second may not be like your first - colicky, won’t sleep, etc. Your perfect view of your first may not be the experience of your second.

As others have said you may not fall right away so I would say try when you are ready and try not to care abiut the gap. We can all point to kids who are close in age that hate each other and others who adore each other - same for bigger gaps. Every child is different.

Your work will have to be fine with the second mat leave but it may affect your maternity pay as in you may not qualify outside of SMP if you don’t have enough time worked between your kids if that matters.

Do you want to breastfeed two children at the same time? One of mine fed constantly so it’s a consideration.

And finally be prepared for some potential jealousy as toddlers need a lot of attention and you won’t be able to give mush with a new born/

I agree with this. I was the same when my DD was around 10 months and considered trying for another baby as she was just so lovely and snuggly, and immobile haha. My DD is now 26 months and I’m so glad I didn’t go ahead with it. Toddlers are a handful, I really don’t think I would have coped with another tiny baby and a 2 year old. We are now looking at a 3 year gap which seems much more manageable. My sister has 15 months between hers and she says it’s almost broken her.

Just a little update- thank you to everyone who commented. We decided that we were going to try literally once and let fate decide and if not then wait for over a two year age gap. Well fate decided and I am pregnant with baby number two. I was completely shocked as we've been told we "should" experience difficulties with fertility. We're going to have a 20 month age gap!

Thank you again all xx

We’re about to have a 27 month gap so I can’t comment, but I would say, when my my first was around ages 10 months - 13 months, she was a complete angel and I could have easily had about her.

I found 18 months - 24 months REALLY hard and I would have struggled having a baby in the mix…

Congratulations! I've just found out I am also pregnant with number two! DD was born beginning of April 2025 so will be 18 months. When are you due?