Pregnant at 41 and panicking!! Help!

[Alevelprep26]

I already have 3 boys, as my name implies my eldest is doing his A levels and just found out I am pregnant. I had a bit of an oops moment with partner and took Ellaone but clearly that didn't work. I am at the very early stages but what would you do. Note that my other kids are with ex-H and would love to have a child with my now partner. But obviously age and past preeclampsia means I am very worried. I know it's a personal question, but what would you do if you were in my shoes?

I saw the GP today and had the pregnancy confirmed. Still v early days as showing as a faint positive. But also, I have subclinical hyperthyroidism and occasional heart palpitations so I need endocrinology/cardio referrals to assess if it's safe for me to carry on with the pregnancy. So we shall see, but thank you a lot for the comments, a lot to consider!

@Alevelprep26 the hypothyroidism itself isn’t an issue- it will probably just mean you’re put on Levothyroxine for the pregnancy. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when TTC my first (I had TSH levels of 6, then 12 in the blood tests just before diagnosis), have had two successful pregnancies and am now nearly 36 weeks with my third. Levothyroxine is fast acting as well, so should send you down to TSH levels of below 2 pretty quickly. Good luck with it all. Early pregnancy is nerve wracking!

I had a booking appointment and after a billion questions about health, previous pregnancies, births, ect ect, and a lot of questions from me to her, she said basically, I'm at no extra risk, except for maybe bleeding more at birth and some extra scans to check placenta is working as it should at the end.
I was really expecting my age to be an issue and I'm still not sure whether this is a good idea or not.

If you’d love to have a child with your boyfriend and you’re pregnant, then surely you keep it? The hospital will monitor you for any age related issues. It’s very common age for professionals in London to have baby one!

I had my 3rd at 42 and is he is very loved. I am tired compared to the first two but we all adore him. I opted for private midwives and had a home birth. NHS wanted me to have an induction because I was over 40.

I think part of my fear is because I had a traumatic pregnancy at age 27 (baby number 2) that ended in still birth due pre-eclampsia and placental abruption. So although I went on to have 2 other healthy babies after that, that's always at the back of my mind. And with me being older the risk of pre-eclampsia might increase....although no one would be able to know exactly as this new pregnancy is with a new partner. It's a leap of faith and I am worried about my health but at the same time I want to weigh in the risks carefully so I don't regret my decision at a later stage.

How many weeks pregnant were you then? Is this with the NHS?

I have a DD of 34, another of 29 and a son of 28. I also have a 13 y o DD. She was a massive surprise at 44 to both my new DH and I. Her siblings love her as obviously do her father and I.
There were no problems with my pregnancy but I was kept a good eye on.

Meant to say: I had pre-eclampsia with at least 2 of my previous pregnancies but not with her. And no gestational diabetes with her which I had with the previous ones.

I had severe pre-eclampsia aged 24 when having my first ( ds who is almost 23 ) and had a horrific labour and ended up in surgery after he was delivered. It traumatised me and put me off having another one but got pregnant again when I was 33 after much consideration.

I was told that I would be classed as a high risk due to what happened with ds but I didn’t end up with pre-eclampsia again despite me being 8 years older and being told the risk was much higher. Dd is 15 next month and I’m now 48.

go with your gut instinct op and best of luck 💗

9 weeks, and yes NHS.

I think this is the big one, fear of the unknown, you never know how the pregnancy is going to go and its a worry.
I used my booking appointment to figure out if this is safe for me to do, it was reassuring.
You should talk to the midwife about all of your concerns and anxiety, just take it a step at a time and see how you feel.

Have you started taking baby aspirin and/or high strength folic acid? I think they are both prescribed to counteract pre-eclampsia risk. And you’ll be able to talk through your previous pregnancies with your midwife. Good luck with everything.

Had my gorgeous son at 39 it definitely keeps you young wouldn’t change a thing🩷

I am already taking high strength folic acid but I am only at 5 weeks now so I am yet to see the midwife. I did take baby aspirin with the past 2 pregnancies but I can't remember when to start this.

I started with the aspirin practically as soon as I found out with this one, as I had 2 miscarriages behind me, and you can buy it at any pharmacy. Then, when I phoned to chase up my community midwife appointment at around 7 or 8 weeks, the MW contacted me before my booking appointment and arranged for a script for the aspirin and folic acid straight away (just based on my age!)

So just to updated, 7 weeks tomorrow and I have a midwife booking appointment on Tue. But I am so scared as I think it's more real now. I had a scan at 5 weeks to check that the pregnancy is in the right place given that I have taken EllaOne (apparently it increases the risk of ectopic). Thankfully the preg is where it should but I have a subchorionic hematoma. I was reassured that most often it resolves on its own but we shall see.

I am honestly just so scared of complications for me or baby!

I gave birth to our perfect baby girl early last year when I was forty. She was conceived using IVF as I chose to use donor eggs due to a serious genetic condition of which I am a carrier and which is rife in my family. This meant that some of the age-related risk factors did not apply to me but others were still definitely a concern. However, despite my pregnancy being high risk on paper due to multiple factors, I actually had an incredibly easy and uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery and our baby was born perfectly healthy and is now an extremely busy and delightful one-year old. Just because you are forty-one does not automatically mean that you will have a harder time with pregnancy than when you were younger. Given that you mention in your post that you say you would like to have a baby with your partner and that you give no reasons for not continuing this pregnancy, aside from concerns about your age, I think you should absolutely go for it! Many congratulations and best of luck with everything!
One last thing, I was a very late baby myself, born to a mum in her mid-forties. Both of my parents had been married before and each had young adult children from their previous marriages. They loved being able to have a child together and found parenthood much easier the second time around as their financial and relationship situation was much more secure than when they had kids in their twenties. They were wonderful, energetiv and completely involved parents. I never once felt out of place at school or even realised my parents were older than average. I hope this will be the same for my daughter, I think it won't be an issue for her these days given the number of mums around my age I meet at baby groups!

Well reading online (probably not wise) apparently this increases the risk of preterm birth and placental abruption which doesn't ease my worries!

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It's just the subchorionic hematoma on the 5 week scan that's worrying me and past complication with pre-eclampsia and placental abruption that's worrying me now. I probably need to speak with midwife/consultant to understand more.

I completely understand, I was incredibly anxious throughout my pregnancy, even though all was going well, I was never able to relax and really enjoy what should have been such a special time because I was terrified something would go wrong. I am sure that if you communicate your concerns to your midwife and later your consultant that they will be able to offer you extra monitoring to help put your mind at rest. My midwife put me under a specialist team immediately after my first booking appointment who were responsible for my care as I was considered so high risk. When the complications they had foreseen thankfully had not occurred I was eventually discharged to the care of the regular maternity unit at my local hospital, which was much easier for us. I still received great care from them and they were able to manage the extra scans and testing I was advised to have regularly, all of which were always fine. I hope your local midwives and maternity unit will be similarly responsive, I know some people find it a bit inconvenient to go for so many extra scans and tests, especially when they consistently show all to be fine, but I found it so incredibly comforting.
One last thing. My fertility clinic advised me that using donor eggs may increase the risk of placental abruption and said I should take 600mg of calcium infused with vitamin D twice daily. Also, as mentioned on this thread, I was advised to take 'baby aspirin' throughout most of my pregnancy. It is worth mentioning both of these things to your midwife if this is one of your concerns.

Hey OP , I had my first at 37 and last at almost 42, I had severe pre eclampsia on my first so doctor put me on junior aspirin for my second pregnancy which is a preventative. My daughter is a fabulous funny bright little girl who brings all of us so much joy. DD2 has an autism diagnosis which wasn’t so unexpected as we are a ND family so not related to maternal age . Congrats on your pregnancy ! My paternal grandmother had my father a couple of months before her 51 st birthday.

Had my first at 41.. it’s fine. I like having teenagers now in my early 60s, it’s great .

My colleague is expecting her first via IVF. She's 49. I couldn't do it but for her it was a last chance and she wanted to try. First embryo was successful, she's 10 weeks now.

I wouldn’t continue. You’ll be doing school run in your 50s! It’s so different having a baby older. It’s not the now it’s the years to come. Not for me I know if it happened now at 36 I’d not continue let alone any older.