Suprise pregnancy (12 weeks) @39 ~ 14 year gap !

[StartingAgainmama]

Hi Everyone
Iv just had a suprise pregnancy test and to add further suprise I’m 12 weeks already, Iv had no signs at all.

me and my husband are so unsure about many things. I have a lot of worries such as
ill be 40 soon- higher risk

I’ll have a 15 year gap by birth - how will siblings feel, how will dynamic change

I recently took Provera for 10 days to bring a bleed due to having pcos I don’t get cycles- (how will this affect baby)

not knowing means I haven’t taken Folic Acid

iv now booked so with the Xmas period will be late for the Downs measurements on scans etc ?

as you can see I have so much questions and worries. My husband clearly doesn’t want another and I get that we both felt like we’ve a good rhythm travelling frequently and having projects but this is a massive change usual worries cost of childcare, starting again.

Anyone worked through these experiences and how do you make best decision I’m so lost as my other I wanted pregnancies and even had Fertility support. (Ironically)

thanks for any advise

What's the Down syndrome probability?

I have 16 years between my 2, though they have different fathers and both were planned. I was 40 when my youngest was born, and from the start she seemed to know that DS was a special person. Now many years later they are very close.

I should add, I was a much more relaxed parent with DD, as I’d done it all before and managed ok. Yes it will extend your child rearing years, I spent a good 30 years organising and paying for child care and doing school related stuff. Never regretted my choice though.

Thank you, I had a private urgent scan but I was in shock and didn’t take anything in…. Will the reading be on the scan pic ?

What a shock. The T21 ratio is based on not just the scan/ nuceal fold etc but blood tests performed at the dating scan. I think you would have to pay for a NIPT to get a risk ratio at this point unless you can get an NHS scan before 13+6. Mine cost around £275 and took around 2 weeks to come back.

Thanks for this, Iv actually just panicked today given the referral process in my area and Xmas and booked the NIPT for tomorrow. Least I’ll have something to reassure me and not miss any key deadlines. I was a worrier with my other DD’s due to fertility and so this is an opposite worry having not booked or known at all !

im feeling a lot of guilt as Iv felt quite stressed and worried all week about risks.

Their is 12 years between me and my oldest sister, 10 between brother and 7 between other. Me and my sister (12 years) and brother (7 years older) are extremely close. I am 30 now. Age gap doesnt matter, moreso personailities matter more and how they mesh

Pretty normal age for a baby here in London. Older sibling will get over it. Ask your doctor about the meds.

Is your diet generally healthy with lots of Leafy greens, legumes and pulses, citrus? Lots of breads and cereals are fortified with folate now too so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.

If you don’t want it you have the option to terminate. It’s your choice!

Thanks all I have booked the blood test private for peace of mind tomorrow.

its going to take time to get my heard around it all it’s the starting again that worry about

Hi everyone
update I did the NIPT test and it’s come back inconclusive/ failed so still very worried have to repeat it in a week.
I just need reassurance and was hoping this would help!

Not to play top trumps but I've just had a suprise as well. It'll be a 17 and 15 year age gap and my husband is a little too close to 50 and I'm mid 40s! Anyway, just to say, I totally understand your concerns as I'm in the same place

Hi Congrats on your pregnancy. I’m now 14 weeks and just going to miss the nhs cutoff for the scan for NT. I went private for the NIPT but it’s come back inconclusive which according to DR Google happens at times due to low fatal DNA and can be due to lab issue/ overweight or when I looked at higher WHite BLood Cells it has affected.
I honestly don’t think I’ll get a result from the repeat next week and don’t feel any reassurance.
I have a booking appointment and am going to share my worries there see if I’ll be able to get an Amnio.

I assume for the repeat next week you won’t have to pay extra? I’m sure the next one will go stronger. Fingers crossed and good luck for next week.

Luckily they don’t charge for the redraw but I don’t know if that’s a one time thing.

I just have a feeling it will be the same, I really want clarity and peace of mind so I can relax as o have had more stress in the past 2 weeks since finding out and it feeds into overthinking everything in my original post like not knowing and not taking vitamins etc.

That's annoying to not get the reassurance you need. I'm going with head in sand approach! I.e. I'm not testing at all. I wouldn't make a decision on the outcome so bit pointless having the test for me. Hope you get some peace of mind soon.

I hear you, I just spent my first pregnancies worrying the whole time for one reason or another and wish to try to minimise any overthinking.

I think because Iv not prepared or taken and vitamins etc Iv gotten into my head a little.

I had my last one just before 44 when my eldest was 21 and the youngest 15. Mostly it has been very good. It's like having the first again but with confidence.

Thanks for the insight, it’s settling in but scary too !

Hello, it must have been a big shock to you but I’m sure all tests etc will be fine. I’m due end of June (not far off my 41st birthday) there will be an 11 and almost 14 year gap with baby and my other two children. Good luck with everything x

I also wouldn’t terminate for T21, but having experienced a postnatal diagnosis with my daughter, I’d rather know beforehand rather having that little surprise repeated…hence having had the NIPT for DD2 and this pregnancy.

I'm in a similar boat, 43, unplanned pregnancy. Will be a 11 year gap from the youngest (who loves being the youngest).
Haven't told anyone yet, I'm just full of worries about everything and at the same time it doesnt feel very real. This definitely wasn't the plan.

Just to say congratulations and I hope everything is ok. 💐

The siblings won’t be close and won’t have a typical sibling relationship. Your eldest might feel more like an auntie/uncle. The blood test for chromosomal disorders is at the 12 week scan.

My Dsiblings are 15 and 13 years younger than me and now we are all grown up we are very close. Looking after them as babies really strengthened our bond.

It’s not hugely uncommon to have a baby at 40, obviously it’s not biologically optimal and the higher risks reflect this but you seem very attuned to this anyway and hopefully your mind can be put at ease when you get your results.

I have one colleague who has just successfully been through IVF to conceive as his wife was “too old” to conceive naturally at 38 (!) and another colleague who is aged 41 and now has a two year old and seems very happy with her choice so I suppose what I’m trying to say is congratulations and concentrate on what is right for you, this isn’t as unusual as you think and your family alone should feature in your decision.