Signed off work pregnancy illness

[Pinkdog1991]

I am currently 13 weeks pregnant with my first. Around 5.5 weeks I started feeling really ill, 24/7 nausea and headaches. I was signed off by my GP and had to tell my boss I was pregnant. I am still unable to return to work, I have tried all of the nausea medication I am allowed but nothing has helped. I work for the NHS, my boss and HR are giving me a hard time about returning.

I have had to have meetings with my boss, then occupational health and now HR. I managed to put the HR meeting off as I explained I am too ill to attend face to face, they have now decided I can do this via teams. I am being contacted around twice a week saying that we need to make a plan for me to return. I have repeatedly told them I am unable to return at the moment.

Now I have been invited for a stage 1 sickness review with HR. I have asked them why this is the case, as I thought for pregnancy related illness they couldn’t do this? I have had no reply yet, I am not with a union unfortunately and even if I join now they won’t help me as the issue has already started and they won’t cover me, I am using ACAS for advice. When I spoke with OH the lady was so rude and condescending, she basically said to me it doesn’t matter how nauseous you feel or how many times you vomit, that is no excuse to even have one day off work, you have toilets at work to throw up in…

I am trying to stand my ground via email with my boss, questioning everything and pushing back. I am now so worried about how awkward it will be when I do return. My sick note runs out tomorrow and I am wondering how long to ask the GP to extend it for, one week, two, a month… my boss just keeps focusing on now I am past 12 weeks I should be feeling better… well I AM NOT! I am so stressed, can they force me to return before I am better? I am really worried about this HR meeting due to my sickness absence, does anyone know what they will ask me? My boss and OH have repeatedly discussed how they can support me to return. I am unable to return right now no matter what support is in place, I have to lay down repeatedly because I feel so ill.

A couple of weeks ago my boss even gave me a return date… I explained I wouldn’t be returning on that date and haven’t agreed to this… she set up a meeting to discuss my return a couple of days before the date of return. It’s like they are literally trying to force me to come back, even with my GP signing me off. I can’t believe they are being allowed to get away with this, HR is backing her all the way as well, which I am surprised at due to my illness being pregnancy related. Can they fire me? Also I feel so guilty, feel awful for my colleagues, I know me being off for almost 2 months will have impacted them a lot. Just feel shit, pregnancy is stressful enough as it is.

Tbf, I'm not sure nausea and headaches are enough to take 9 months off work (which is what it sounds like you want).

Unless you've got HG, I'd pop some paracetamol and get on with it.

Paracetamol doesn’t help. I feel faint as well, doing much at all is too much still. I have barely left the house since being signed off. I was also admitted to A&E due to being so weak and dehydrated as the nausea was so bad I wasn’t able to eat or drink. Thanks for your helpful comment though, very kind of you!

If you were not working with the NHS and not getting full sick pay (potentially for 6 months), do you think up you would still be off work with early pregnancy sickness?

It is quite usual to have early pregnancy sickness and go into work.

Also I am not expecting to feel 100% better, as soon as I feel able to return to work I will do. At the moment it is still 24/7 of feeling this way, hopefully this will improve soon and I can get back to work. I would never want 9 months off work… what a strange thing to say.

@Pandersmum yes, I am happy to take it unpaid if needed. It’s got nothing to do with full pay. I am too unwell to drive myself to work… what do you suggest I do? If you have any helpful advice that would be great??

You are right pregnancy related sickness should not be treated as other sickness is for trigger points.

Is the stage 1 a formal meeting with the possibility of a sanction? It should say in your letter.

If you can, get a copy of their sickness policy.

They cannot force you back while signed off by your GP. It’s right they try and offer any support you might need to return but they cannot decide a return date.

I would contact Pregnant then screwed for some further advice.

@Upthenorth thank you that’s really helpful 👍

No worries.

If you have any more specific questions feel free to message me. I work closely with unions though my role is in HR.

More than anything congratulations and I hope you feel better soon! 💐

No legal advice but just wanted to say please ignore unhelpful posters telling you to pop paracetamol and get on with it. They clearly have no personal experience of how awful persistent pregnancy nausea/sickness can be!! Always disappointing to see responses like those. What medication are you on from GP at the moment - assume you have tried xonvea?

PS the OH lady sounds supremely unprofessional (but as I said I’m no legal / HR expert). Obviously seven weeks off is a long time but it’s very common for people to need to take at least some time off for pregnancy sickness. Have you got all conservations documented?

Yes, like @LuckyEarthDragon said ignore unhelpful posters.

The nausea is debilitating, and if men had to go through this then maternity leave would start as soon as they got the positive test result.

I can't offer much advice on the work situation, but will say my sickness got better around 13 weeks both times. I am nearly 15 weeks now and still don't feel 100% but it's better so you may feel better soon, but I know it could unfortunately go on for a while longer.

I tried four different medications, the fourth one did help a bit.

Really hope you feel better soon, sorry to hear your work are acting like this as it's more stress you don't need xx

Urgh I feel for you. My second pregnancy was appalling for the first 16 weeks with constant nausea, vomiting and fatigue. Made harder by my lovely but chaotic toddler! Thankfully I was able to WFH otherwise I’d have had to be signed off.

Xonvea got a bit of a handle on the vomiting which made me feel like I could leave the house occasionally, but it didn’t really help the nausea. Have you tried it?

At my 12 week scan I was told that 99% of women feel better by week 16 and I did to be fair, so there’s hope! I know what a toll it can take on your mental health too. It’s miserable.

I’d speak to your GP and get it extended by 2 weeks at a time. If you start feeling better it will probably happen quite quickly and noticeably. In the meantime I’d assure HR that you are committed to returning to work as soon as you feel you are able.

You might not get much sympathy - a lot of women have been essentially forced (via pressure or lack of sick pay) to work through their sickness and believe that because they did it, everyone should have to. It’s not right.

https://birthrights.org.uk/

I obviously dont know what the specific policy is at your work but in my experience with HR pregnancy related absence is not treated the same as regular absence and in any case if a doctor has signed you off and they are unable to offer any reasonable adjustments ( which in your case they obviously cant) they are unable to agree a return date and over rule your doctor. I would look at your policy and see that they are following it and not trying to take advantage of you being uninformed and I know you stated you aren't in a union but most policies will allow a colleague in with you for support in place of a union representative and that might bring you some comfort aswell if you do need to attend any meetings.

I hope you are feeling better soon and that this isnt becoming too much of a stress factor for you as no doubt it will be making things worse.

This sounds horrible, people need to understand that there’s “normal” pregnancy nausea and there’s HG which sounds like you have, which is a debilitating condition. The GP wouldn’t keep signing you off if they thought you could muddle through at work.

Also you’re right pregnancy related illness doesn’t count towards your usual off sick allowance.

Advice above re contacting pregnant then screwed is good

Ps I had quite bad nausea with my first, everyone said it would get better by 12 weeks but I wasn’t better until 16 weeks

I think until you've been through a terrible pregnancy it's hard to understand how totally debilitating it can be. My mum always said she hadn't really understood how crippling it could be until she saw me. My sickness didn't clear up until 24 - 26 weeks. It wasn't just the being physically sick, that was easy, it was the starvation that you couldn't keep anything down, feeling faint, constantly nauseous... You have my full sympathy @Pinkdog1991. I did keep working because because I felt guilty, felt other women do it and I was making a mountain out of a molehill and even then it was only possible because I WFH. I'm a manager now and would 100% support any of my team member going through this. Growing a human is important and there are reasons we have hard won laws to protect us during this.

Feel no guilt in getting it extended, talk to your GP they can be very understanding. Get everything in writing. If you're called in for a meeting as exactly why and keep a full paper trail. Do not take phonecalls, insist on everything being in email. I could never get through to pregnant then screwed when I had an issue but do keep trying.

For the meeting bring an advocate who can not speak but can make notes and people tend to behave better when there is someone else there. In advance of the meeting email HR and ask them to confirm the exact nature of the meeting and the agenda, advise them you will be seeking advice before attending and will be bring an advocate.

At the meeting thank them for them concern during this difficult pregnancy but repeat, "I am currently signed off work by my doctor due to pregnancy related illness. I will not go against medical advice. I will return to work when a medical professional has deemed it safe for me to do so."

'When will that be?' - "I don't know. I am actively engaging with my doctor and will keep lines of communication with you open and return when I am deemed medically fit."

'The team really need you back and we need to resource plan.' - "I understand that, I am acting in accordance with medical advice. Are you suggesting I go against medical advice and return before I have been signed off as medically well?"

When you do go back, insist on a risk assessment first thing.

Ask them to take notes and send any concerns they have or next steps to you in writing.

I really appreciate the replies, so much helpful info, thank you 🙏

I was only able to try 3 meditations from my GP, as all of the others are not to be taken with my other meditation I take. I am unable to stop taking this medication so my hands were tied there, I also got a second opinion from a pharmacist. I really do want to return ASAP, even if I just go back for half a day it will be a start. I am hoping over the next 2 weeks I will notice enough of an improvement to return. I will say… for the first week prior to me calling sick, I was suffering with nausea and headaches but the difference was it was manageable. I only called in sick when it got to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed, I have lost a lot of weight too due to the appetite issue. If I just threw up in the morning I could handle that so much better… my naive mind thought this was what pregnancy sickness would be, I didn’t realise it was going to be 24/7.

You shouldn't be penalised for pregnancy related sickness hun, it's separate to regular sickness and shouldn't count as an absence trigger.
They may be able to invite you for a meeting to discuss things they could put in place to support you in work, but it shouldn't be treated as a disciplinary.

I'm so sorry you are being treated this way, my sister suffered from hg twice, she was hospitalised throughout her pregnancy. Luckily I've never suffered but I understand how awful sickness can be, with my first the constant nausea was debilitating and it continued until my third trimester.. so it doesn't end at 12 weeks for everyone. xx

What a load of rubbish the first couple of comments are! I’m currently signed off - I’m 10 weeks now and have been off for 2 weeks but the 2.5 weeks I spent trying to drag myself in were absolutely terrible and I kept having to leave my classroom so couldn’t do my job at all.
There is absolutely no way you should be being treated like this. My management team have been great and basically haven’t contacted me at all unless I've instigated it and have been really insistent I don’t come back unless I feel ready. I’m not sure whether this is because I work in a 100% female (and mother) environment or whether because they just know legally they have no leg to stand on! I’m not sure who to contact about this but it’s 10000% not right.
On another note, I am on xonvea now which has helped considerably. I don’t feel 100% and had to mess around with the dosage but feel a lot better than I did. If you haven’t already tried it, maybe go to your doctor with this idea? Apparently some places are apprehensive to give it out because of cost but if you ask directly they may give it to you.
We will get through this!

Contact pregnancy sickness support charity they give you advice and support during debilitating nausea and sickness in pregnancy. Gave me some tips about my employer too. Would really recommend

Cannot believe the first comment about getting on with it, I’m on my 3rd week off work at the moment with sickness

I just wanted to send you the biggest hug. I was off with with nausea and vomitting for several weeks with my pregnancy and my manager was really supportive. It is so disappointing that yours is not. If you weren't pregnant and feeling this unwell, you would simply be signed off until you were better. No one should be telling you to get on with it just because women naturally experience pregnancy. Pregnancy isn't an illness but it can make you feel very very ill indeed. Keep us updated xx

I work in NHS and im also 13 weeks pregnant and also was off for sickness. I had 5 weeks off. On my return to work i then had an infection and was off again for a week. I totally understand how you feel

My manager has CLEARLY said that pregnancy related doesnt count but my infection does which is why im on a stage. She wrote off the pregnancy related sickness. Check your sickness policy. Its actually law.

It is actually so disgusting how youre being treated. I would just get a sick note they cant touch you when you have one and shouldn't be harassing you. I would definately join a union, and ask advice asap. As pregnancy related doesnr count and they cant force you back.

Goodness! Please don’t just take paracetamol and get on with it. The first trimester / even a few weeks into the second are so so tough. Unfortunately I hated being pregnant during that time (which I feel guilty about) but I can fully sympathise. Nausea and migraines, exhaustion are 100% good enough reasons to be signed off sick. I’m sorry your employer is giving you a tough time but literally every single pregnancy is different and if you can’t cope with going into work, you shouldn’t be expected to.

please take care of yourself, don’t feel guilty. This is your body and your baby so do what’s best for you!!

Thanks guys. I have felt so guilty and useless I have considered handing my notice in. The other part of me says that the law/policy will protect me and if they want me gone they will have to fire me. I feel that the constant keeping in contact and pushing me to return is their way of trying to get me to quit. There has been no sympathy at all, I don’t even want to speak to my manager anymore after the way she has treated me. Returning is not going to be a positive experience at all.