Shock Pregnancy

[PeppermintP123]

Found out this evening and we are both just filled with shock really. We are already so lucky have a healthy boy (7) and girl (4), and this has thrown us sideways especially as we were taking precautions. I will be turning 40 soon and just feel too tired to be starting over, even though I know it's quite the norm for some to be starting their families at this age. I feel as though I was just starting to get some "me" time back and being able to breathe. My health isn't exactly 100%, I'm awaiting gallbladder removal and still carrying some excess baby weight which I can't seem to shift. Add to that I wasn't doing any pre-natal care as we weren't actively trying to conceive, I'm concerned what will happen in that respect too. My husband has just been made redundant however will be receiving a decent package, and is already being headhunted so should be OK on that front. We have supportive families though grandparents are getting on a bit. I am very aware of how some would give anything to see those pink lines so I don't mean to be insensitive, just the others were planned so new feelings for us. Not sure what I hope to gain from this exactly but sat here in tears and just needed to get it off my chest, as we don't intend to tell anyone else, at least at the moment. But I suppose if there are any similar situations then advice would be welcome. Thank you x

Wow! Big hugs! No matter what, it's a shock. Even if you are trying, it can come as a surprise.

Maybe just take a few deep breaths first since it's a lot to take in. Depending how far along you are, you (and DH) have a few days (or more) to consider the idea.

I’m in a similar position (8 & 4) and really don’t know what to do. How are you feeling today?

I am still feeling the same, and have made a drs appointment to just have a chat really, about what it would mean health wise to continue but also to get some advice if we weren't to as I've never been in this position before. It sounds so awful but I am just not excited at all and have a constant feeling of dread in my stomach. Then I look at my other two and feel horrible for it. It's just so upsetting. I hope you are doing OK x

I was in a similar position many years ago. Three children aged 9,6 and 5. Complete shock. Cried and was so unsure as like you I had just started to get my life back and had returned to part time work. My ‘accident’ is now 35 with an adorable little girl. In the end for me it all worked out. The older children adored their baby brother and I think it has helped them all become good parents.
Take your time deciding what is best for you and your family.

Oh gosh, I'm glad I found you! I'm at least 2 days late (unheard of!), almost 41, and we were done with two kids four years ago! 🙈 I haven't done a test yet but planning to get one tomorrow if AF doesn't show up overnight. Freaking out is an understatement! How are you both doing??

How far are you? It’s ok to terminate if that’s what you want it’s your body x

@MerlinsHairyBeard oh bless you, have you taken a test/got your period? Hope you're OK x

@cannynotsay I am just over 5 weeks. Thank you for that, you don't know how much it means for someone else to say it when you've been considering it. There's still so much stigma attached to it, I've always been pro-choice just never expected to be in the situation as always been so careful with birth control apart from when TTC. GP said often fertility peaks at this age as a last ditch attempt as such before perimenopause. I have had an initial appointment with the clinic just to consider options, they offer counselling before, during & after, so we are just still trying to get our head round it really, hoping once the shock subsides a little more we'll be able to think a little clearer. X

@PeppermintP123 its a lot to get your head around that’s for sure! I’m roughly 5w3d and have decided to terminate. Me and OH went back and forth constantly, but it’s just not the right time and our two boys take priority. A few people said to me to listen to my gut instinct, when I saw the positive lines I was gutted. Be kind to yourself xx

I've had two terminations, and one of them was after actually trying to conceive. Too many things caused me to feel shocked, along with other circumstances and personal changes that I was not prepared for and couldn't cope with - in the end I decided it wasn't the right time. I was 7 weeks.
It is always okay to decide what is best for you, your body, your family.

Don’t feel you have to go through with it if it doesn’t feel right for your family. You don’t need any particular reason to decide not to go ahead. For a number of weeks it’s just a cluster of cells. So in case you needed to hear it from anyone, remember you have a choice here and you should consider your own needs, quality of life (and how they would be impacted if you decided to go ahead) as well as those of your husband and existing DCs ahead of anything else.

@iloveyoubutilovememore i agree with the instincts, they're there for a reason and the same for me. I know hubby would be quite happy to continue but supports me regardless, but in a way makes it harder as feel as though it's all on me! Take care of yourself xx

@Plumchumm thank you for your input, i needed to hear that side of things. I feel as though i don't deserve to grieve as i'd be choosing that option, but it's not as simple as that, as you well know. Appreciate your kind words x

This will have an impact on all your lives, of course you're shocked and confused. Someone always comes on these threads to say that their late surprise was a joy, but there's no guarantee. If you decide to terminate, that's ok, because it's not right for you and your family.
I hope that you and your husband can talk this through, perhaps taking other counselling as well.
Good luck.

@Summergarden thank you for being so kind, i did need to hear that, and i'm thankful for a platform like this to offload to others who understand. I've known for two weeks now & still so upset, every day. I'm due to collect the tablets from the clinic on Thursday then up to me to take them at home, which i'm not sure if i'll be able to do or what to expect from it. My instincts are still screaming to not go ahead & i never expected to feel this strongly. Just a sad situation, but thank you again, appreciate it x

@Asunciondeflata yes, and that's lovely for them but you're right, it's not necessarily that way for everyone, in terms of health, finances etc. I do think i will make use of some counselling as even this as helped. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment x

It's a difficult situation, but it does sound as if your decision is made. I'm sure that it's constantly in your mind, all the scenarios. @Summergarden has good points, and remember what you want for yourself and your family.
❤️

@PeppermintP123 how are you doing? I may be in yhe same situation as you. I am 43 and my children are a little older than yours. I was actually in this situation 5 years ago too and had T. It was very very hard and I can't believe this may have happened again. One thing is important to remember.....there is no "right" choice. Both are right in different ways. Hugs to you.....I'm finding it very very very hard.

@PeppermintP123 it really is horrible I 100% get where you’re coming from. It’s a risk either way similar to another poster said. What stood out the most for me was the chance that another child would be a huge adjustment and take a toll on mine and OP’s mental health. You will be ok, just keep talking xx

@Asunciondeflata thank you so much xx

@Xdorx i'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. I collected the pills from the clinic but am finding it hard, as i had a missed miscarriage 5 years ago & i had to go down this route with the same pills, so i partly know what to expect & not only is it a difficult decision in itself, i'm worried it's going to stir up feelings from that time too. My gut is still telling me it's for the best but i keep seeing babies & bumps everywhere then overthinking, it's just typical. Do you have any update on your situation? Hope you are doing ok xx

@iloveyoubutilovememore definitely similar to what my instincts are screaming at me. I never thought i would feel so strongly about it so that has taken me by surprise too. Just such a sad situation, all while trying to keep Christmas magical for the other two. Thank you for the support xx

I had this happen a few years ago. Although it was a shock, I wanted to keep the baby and dh didn’t. It was decided that it was best all round if I had a termination and it’s a decision I regret to this day. Please make sure it’s 100% what you want before you take the tablets. If you’re sure it’s the right decision for you then go for it. But if there’s any doubt then take your time making the decision.
I wish you all the best. It’s a horrible position to be in x

@PeppermintP123 I started bleeding 9 days late. So either it was a chemical pregnancy or stress made my period late/perimenopause. I've never in my life been late other than when pregnant. I feel both relieved and sad. It's so so hard. But I will say - when I took the pills 5 years ago I was very VERY sure because I was extreme and irrationally terrified because my mental health went to a scary place. After however - I became very depressed and found it very difficult to deal with afterwards anyway. But despite all that, I can't honestly say I regret it. Just that it was a hard event in my life. You sound much more rational in your thinking that I was. I was on another planet.

Everyone handles it differently. A friend of mine had had two Ts, and thinks nothing of them. She says sometimes it's an unfortunate part of navigating 40 years of fertility. She didn't want more children, contraception failed and so she looks steps to manage that and moved on totally fine.

One thing that helped me was to remember .....there is no "right thing". And that sometimes life involves totally crap choices. It doesn't mean one is right and one is wrong. And it also doesn't mean one will feel good and one will feel bad. If you go ahead with the pregnancy, you'll no doubt love the child and not regret it. But also, if you don't you may feel you're giving your children your best and move on and enjoy your future with them knowing you nade a difficult choice with everyone's best interests at heart and not regret that either. I hope you are okay..xxxx

@breakdown2025 how i wish i had logged in sooner and seen this message. I took the first pill today, I was running out of time & panicked, & was still sure of my decision, but i am now full of sadness & regret. I don't know if it's the hormones or the fact that now i've started the process the gravity of it has kicked in, but i'm really struggling, & so scared for tomorrow when i have to do the second part 😢 Thank you for taking the time to comment x