Miscarriage - what am I supposed to do?

[ali2021]

Hi everyone,

Looking for some guidance on what might be something silly.
Went for a scan last week at 6w2d and was measuring 4 days behind. Today at 7w4, I was measuring 6w ("at a push"). Very faint flicker of a heartbeat. Unfortunately I have been referred into an EPU for what they think will end in D&C (or medication). Rang the EPU this afternoon. The nurse said she needed to finalise with the midwife but that she would call back today to tell me whether to come in on Monday, in 7 days or 10 days. (??)They never called back.

I am distraught with today's news and this uncertainty is really difficult. My question is, what do I do about work on Monday? If I'm not being seen for ten days, where does that leave me? I am Principal of a very large primary school - very busy and stressful; not somewhere I can hide behind a desk. Because I'm not under the care of a doctor yet, I've nobody to sign me off. Do I just go to work and use it as a distraction?

Sorry if this is a really stupid thing to ask - I just don't know where to turn.

I'm so sorry to read this. I can't offer any practical help as I don't know how the system works now but I couldn't pass without acknowledging this. It's awful that you have been left hanging over the weekend but I hope you have someone to support you until you find out what is happening.

So sorry to hear you’re going through this. I’ve had two myself. In my experience, unless you start naturally miscarrying, you can carry on with work (if you feel emotionally able to). It’s the hardest thing about potential miscarriage, the waiting around. You could always ask your GP to sign you off on Monday.

You can self certify as sick for 7 days without a doctor's note so I would probably phone in sick on Monday so you can phone the EPU in a private place (home) to find out what the next step will be.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you and you're having this level of uncertainty on top.
You can 100% ask the GP to sign you off for this, people deal with stuff in different ways. Maybe going to work would be a distraction, and if the outcome is sad news you'd take the time then or perhaps you need the time off straight away because this is a really unsettling and emotional difficult time, its really up to you and what you need at the moment. The limbo of waiting is so unpleasant but please chase the EPU first thing on Monday, don't let them leave you waiting for ages.

So sorry you are going through this. When I had similar my GP signed me off I submitted a form on the app and they emailed it to me so I didn’t need an appointment.

I'm so sorry @ali2021

If you feel it would distract you do go to work on Monday. You might find it helpful to have something else to concentrate on.

If you prefer to go off sick, you're entitled to self-certificate for seven days in the first instance. That will give you time to obtain a fit note from your GP.

You may prefer to leave this time off for after the miscarriage is confirmed. You'll either have surgical or medical treatment and you'll need time off for that. You may also choose to miscarry naturally, which could take quite a while.

I'm really sorry you've been left in limbo like this. I've had a lot of miscarriages and they're just awful, so sad.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. When similar happened me, it took me quite a while to start to bleed after the pregnancy ended, so I went to work as normal for the distraction, that felt right for me but everyone is different. Likewise I had a busy stressful job too. I did tell my boss the situation so that I could leave work at very short notice if a bleed started. I was very anxious with the unknown of what was to come anytime while out and about but for me (similar gestation) it was just like a regular period when it came and very manageable on a practical level. Mind yourself x

When I had a similar situation I went to work, but I was a bit emotionally messy and I wonder whether a few days off may have been better. It's difficult to know when you aren't sure how long it will take to complete the miscarriage, but perhaps if you plan to have medical intervention you will have a sense of timescale when you call on Monday and can decide what to do then.

I opted to let my body complete the miscarriage without medical intervention. I'll describe my physical experience, so skip if you don't want to know:

I started passing a bit of grainy, dark blood around 11 weeks. The scan suggested growth had stopped around 8 weeks. Miscarriage completed about a week after that. It's a bit hazy now, years on, but my recollection is that I started getting period type pains but stronger, which built up over a day or so to the point I needed paracetamol and a hot water bottle and couldn't sleep. Passed quite a bit of blood, but manageable with pads. Eventually, I heard a plop when I went for a wee and it was the gestational sack dropping out. There was nothing distressing to see- I couldn't see anything through the blood in the toilet really.

Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I'll wait until Sunday and make a call then on work.

How are you now @ali2021?

Hi, @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne , thanks for checking in. I went to work and am glad I did. Although it was so difficult, it was good to keep me in routine rather than wallowing. My appt with the EPU is on Monday. I just did a pregnancy test for the first time in several weeks and got a very strong line, so I guess that means I'm not about to miscarry myself anytime soon.
If the heart has stopped beating at my appt on Monday, does anybody know roughly when the D&C will happen? Not sure whether I could be done on Monday or whether it will be days or weeks. Thanks 😊

Given your update, I'm actually wondering if things will turn out okay. Anything is possible in early pregnancy. Measurements of a tiny pregnancy are in millimetres, after all.

Usually, if the baby has died, the pregnancy test lines fade.

Obviously you won't know until tomorrow. But if a miscarriage is confirmed, and you decide to have surgical management, they tend to do it fairly quickly (but not immediately after the scan). It'll be a few days, not weeks away.

You'll be given a suitable date and time for the procedure while you're at the EPU.

Were your other scans done privately?

Are you scanning at least than 7 weeks? Seems very early

I'm not saying this is the case with you OP and I hope for a more positive outcome but @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne with my MMC last year I tested a blazing positive and still had symptoms even though we found out later the heartbeat has already stopped at 8 weeks. Sometimes it takes your body much longer to recognise a miscarriage and let go. Really hoping @ali2021 you have a positive outcome as others have said it's early to scan.

Thanks for the responses. I have come to terms with a miscarriage and so am trying not to get my hopes up that things will work out.
Both scans were private; one at 6w2d and one at 7w4d. Monday will be 9w. I will be sure to come back on Monday and update. 💜

Many years ago now but it was always one week later when I had my d&c's.

I'm not trying to raise your hopes unrealistically. I'm sorry - it's likely that you're losing your baby, but I hope you're not, of course.

Oh no sorry @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne, I didn't mean it to come across like that. I do love posivity and optimism really! It was more me saying it aloud that I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I do obviously hold a certain amount of hope ahead of tomorrow. Thanks for responding and I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. 💗

Update: The scan confirmed that baby's heart has stopped. Booked in for d&c on Friday. Taking this week off. Thanks everyone 💜

Oh no. That's very sad and I'm so sorry @ali2021
I've been in the same situation more than once and it's a dreadful thing to happen.

I'm glad you are having the ERPC fairly quickly. How's your husband coping?

Im sorry your gpung through this. im going through this now I was meant to have mine done Friday waited all day in hospital and they couldn't do it. Now have wait till Tuesday 😭

I'm sorry to hear that.
Do you mean you're waiting for a scan, or you're waiting for surgery?

Sorry I was meant to have d&c friday but after waiting all day at hospital they couldn't do it so now have to wait to Tuesday. I found out last Monday my baby had no heart beat, been a long process and tired off the waiting around

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I hope your surgery goes as smoothly as it can and I hope you conceive again quickly if that's what you want. So many people have a healthy smooth pregnancy right after a loss. Sending hope x

@AmberBeaker thank you so do I, its been heartbreaking x