Anyone finding baby loss awareness week so triggering?

[firsttimepregnanthelp]

I am currently pregnant with my first baby (as my username suggests!) and had my 12w scan the other day - all looking good so far. I have a difficult medical history and always thought I would need IVF so the fact that I have conceived naturally and spontaneously seems too good to be true. I have spent a lot of the first trimester worried about miscarriage/mmc as it seems so common and I have spent a small fortune on private scans to check there is still a heartbeat and that baby is growing. I thought my anxieties would ease following a positive 12w scan but now all I see everywhere is stories of baby loss at all stages of pregnancy which is worrying me. Is anyone else struggling with this? I have been referred to the perinatal mental health team but I am yet to receive an appointment with them. I do think it’s great that people who have experienced baby loss now have a month dedicated to them and that it is no longer a taboo, it is just ‘in my face’ at moment and causing a lot of worry. I have come off social media as a result.

Eh yeah, I kind of agree with the above @LonelyPotato . I understand your anxiety with your pregnancy OP, I’ve been ttc 4 years, 5 rounds of ivf and two miscarriages and a previous severe haemorrhage from the cervix, I sort of take issue with the word “triggering” being used when there’s no actual experience of trauma to be triggered? My miscarriage was 10 weeks, and compared to my medical history, was actually a positive experience where I at least got to feel what labour might feel like despite being triggered by the heavy bleeding (the previous massive haemorrhage was a traumatic event for me.). In my opinion, the awareness month is for people like the above poster, and, for those that had their babies taken away from them after giving birth full term. Your title shows you understand this “baby loss” - can you imagine how the above poster or indeed those who birthed full term babies who lived then died would feel about you centring your feelings over theirs? I actually can’t imagine their pain. And I absolutely feel that anyone who has suffered from miscarriage and baby loss has every right to share their story.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, lonely potato. I imagine that kind of experience you never really get over. I have a very difficult (birth) story of my own that I have shared on mumsnet in the past.

However, op has specifically said she is struggling reading stories like this at the moment and has been referred to the MH team. I think we should refrain from sharing our stories like this on this thread.

Op, statistically, you are unlikely to have a loss after 12w. Keep on keeping on, trust that all will be well.

Why on earth would you post this, when the OP has said she's really struggling hearing about these stories??

This is a WILD take. You are beyond unreasonable!!

I get it, OP. I was the same the entirety of my last pregnancy, the anxiety ruined any enjoyment of my pregnancy. My Instagram algorithm was full of stories of pregnancy loss at all stages and I was a wreck.

I'm now 5 weeks pregnant with my second baby and trying not to fall into the same trap. If I catch my self spiralling, I remind myself that worrying won't change anything. I am assuming all is well, unless I actually have a symptom of something being wrong.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, OP! The chances of something going wrong after 12 weeks are very very low.

No, she's not. She's struggling with pregnancy anxiety. It's very common.

It's their pain to carry, not yours. Can see why this is offensive tbh.

I do understand. My second baby was due in baby loss awareness week and it was everywhere and made me panic. I have also had a miscarriage so I understand the premise of the week but I cannot disagree with you that it can be very inescapable when it's something that you don't want to be thinking of. However it is over now so try and put it out of your mind.

I have found the algorithms on social media are a complete nightmare when pregnant.

Every time I’ve been fed huge amounts of content about things going wrong (to avoid having to spell it out), and it’s awful psychologically to have to be reminded of it constantly.

I have managed to block some tags on instagram which has helped.

I am well aware of that, I work in the area and had perinatal OCD with both my (living) children. Pregnancy anxiety is vastly different to describing the experiences of others as triggering when you haven't even experienced a trauma to be triggered... that's just offensive in the extreme to the people who are carrying that trauma.

Those women are probably triggered by seeing OP pregnant - should she hide away because of that? Or are we just piling shame and guilt on top of those people who have already got plenty enough to be carrying?

OP, delete this and repost asking for advice about how to manage your anxiety in pregnancy. You'll get much more helpful responses.

I regret in part the strength of my first message, but I really do feel that a lot of people who have suffered loss and trauma will be offended that your post title implies it triggers you in your own baby loss, when in fact by all appearances (and with all best luck and wishes) you will have a healthy and smooth pregnancy, and have no loss of your own. But I’m sorry if my first message felt too strong, it came from a place of wanting to protect the grief and trauma of others.

No, she shouldn't have to hide away. And the OP has said she is glad that pregnancy loss has a dedicated month.

I disagree that you can't be triggered by a trauma that you haven't experienced. The op is allowed to feel how she feels. Just as people, who have experienced baby loss, are allowed to post about their experiences.

This is a problem of language. “Triggering” relates directly to re-experiencing a trauma. You cannot be triggered by say, my massive haemorrhage, by me talking about it, because you did not experience it, do not have the memories of it, don’t get thrown back into the experience of it. You might become anxious at the idea, you might find it distressing, but your memories, your trauma, are not being triggered becuase they don’t exist. Language is very important imo, and casualizing words like triggering and trauma only weakens their meaning for those that they are truly meaningful. The OP’s anxieties are heightened, and that’s no small thing, anxiety is awful and encompassing, I do live with it too, but it doesn’t allow me to truly access the feelings of trauma ie: to be triggered, by things I haven’t experienced.

I’m sorry you’re struggling OP. I’d really recommend coming away from social media or even muting these words so that you don’t see the content on your feed. I did that with SIDS when my daughter was newborn, I was anxious enough without seeing it every day online so I just muted the word so it wasn’t shown to me.

Social media is brilliant for lots of things and it is amazing that people are able to share their own experiences but when the algorithm kicks in it can make things that are- thankfully- rare feel very common and almost guaranteed when it is every other video you see. Come away from socials, or use the mute functions, to get some perspective back. Good luck x

You have a triggering week. Many people have experienced late miscarriages, stillbirths, neonatal deaths, TFMR and often more than once. The entire year is triggering for them.

When you explain it like this, I do agree. I think people are being very harsh towards the OP for misusing the term though.

I also had a baby in October of last year and my algorithm was full of stories of stillbirth. Obviously, devastating and traumatic for the women who went through it, but it was also very hard to read about and I did feel like it was inescapable. Nobody wants to hear about stillbirth, when they're about to give birth themselves.

Sure - but it’s not healthy for a pregnant woman to be reminded daily about the risks of miscarriage, stillbirth etc. It’s going to make them very anxious - pre social media, that constant reminder just wouldn’t exist in the same way.

For context, I commented on this post earlier saying the algorithms seem to be obsessed with this stuff. I opened Facebook and the first thing I see is a ‘suggested post’ about stillbirth.

Pregnant women don’t need daily reminders about the risks; it’s not good for your mental state!

I think last time I was pregnant I just had to go off social media entirely eventually, as the algorithms were so obsessed with showing me this kind of content.

@firsttimepregnanthelp you have been referred to the perinatal mental health team - that's good. Diarise to follow up with them if you havent heard back in X days, meanwhile take positive steps to look after your physical and mental health - sleep, walk, practise gratitude, do things for others, stay busy, and get off social media including mumsnet until BLA week is over.

Yes, agree with this.

No matter how many times I clicked that I didn't want to see content like this, I was still shown it. I had to come off social media completely too.

I sympathise OP but coming off social media so you’re less exposed to it is hardly a huge sacrifice? I’m not seeing any of this content at all anywhere else

I think people forget that perinatal mental health is a big thing before as well as after you have your baby - and being constantly fed negative stories about the risks (and like you, I have found the algorithms want to send me masses of this stuff, daily), can cause an impact on your mental health.

I consider myself to have pretty robust mental health, but find daily reminders about what could go wrong incredibly anxiety inducting.

The social media networks need to address this IMO - it’s horrible.

@LonelyPotato I'm sorry for what you went through but do you seriously think a thread that's about pregnancy anxiety made by someone terrified of pregnancy loss is the place to graphically describe your miscarriage in great detail? It's an unbelievably callous and insensitive thing to do.

I agree with this.

Hyperbole to say triggering for effect when the OP hasn’t suffered a loss. She’s just nervous but a lot of people are when pregnant.

I’ve had losses. I’m not triggered. I don’t feel overly devastated or upset. I don’t have big strong emotions like a lot of people do but I know it affects people differently.

The world is about everyone. Not just one person at one time being pregnant and not liking an awareness month.

For those who have actually had a loss it may help them.

Oh absolutely @Pleasegetmeacoffeesotired , I understand that, I’ve just begun my third pregnancy (4years ttc, 2 mc) and Mumsnet is my only social media. As I’ve been through loss up to a certain point (one ectopic, one 10 week mmc) I can handle opening those posts and take comfort in providing support to those going through similar (using my experience as a strength, as a tool, wielding it rather than it wielding me) but I complained to mumsnet the other day for linking me to a topic I hadn’t followed and forcing me to see something that I absolutely did not want to see, to the point that I retched the reaction was so strong.

i can’t help but think in terms of luck, and how if I do this thing or that I might lose this pregnancy, and, to the extent of trying to step over x line before x car reaches it or else something will go wrong… not healthy! I’m lucky it’s not all encompassing, but I absolutely understand anxiety around pregnancy and a need to protect that space. It’s up to us all individually to make that space rather than up to anyone else to modify so it’s made for us. Not that the op was asking for that, but the reasonable thing to do if seeing posts about these things is difficult, is to stop looking at the posts, which is exactly what you’re suggesting.