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Original poster

Husband went away at 32 weeks pregnant

47 replies

summerpeach22 · 10/10/2025 02:04

My husband has gone away for a week to attend a friend’s wedding abroad. I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant.

His mother came to stay during this time, but instead of helping, I’ve found myself looking after her, the house, and myself, with zero practical support.

This morning, a faulty alarm went off in the house and woke my MIL. I tried to reach up to fix it and felt a pulling pain at the top of my bump. It was agony.

I called my husband, who was out having drinks, and he became irritated when I said I couldn’t physically open the electrical box to reset it. When I told him I needed to go to A&E because something felt really wrong, his response was, “What do you want me to do?”

I later texted him to let him know I was at the hospital, but he never replied most likely still out with his friends. While there, the staff struggled to find the baby’s heartbeat, and I had a full panic attack all on my own.

Thankfully, I’ve been discharged now, and the baby appears to be okay. I’m completely beside myself after seeing this side of him.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 10/10/2025 02:34

To be fair to your dh, there was nothing practical he could do, being at least 6 hours away. He could have been more supportive though.

Does he generally get grumpy when feeling helpless?

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 10/10/2025 02:39

Why did your MIL come to stay when your DH is away? Also, unless it’s a high risk pregnancy or you have other very high-maintenance kids at home, why is it a problem that your DH went away at 32 weeks? I was still travelling for work most weeks around 30-34 weeks.

Your husband sounds like he was short with you when you were worried about the baby. That’s not ok. But the rest…?

Dueindecemberr · 10/10/2025 02:42

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 10/10/2025 02:39

Why did your MIL come to stay when your DH is away? Also, unless it’s a high risk pregnancy or you have other very high-maintenance kids at home, why is it a problem that your DH went away at 32 weeks? I was still travelling for work most weeks around 30-34 weeks.

Your husband sounds like he was short with you when you were worried about the baby. That’s not ok. But the rest…?

Sorry OP, I completely agree with this. I am 31 weeks and DH is away a night a week, and we have 3 under 6 already for me to juggle whilst he is not here. I don’t quite understand the alarm thing - he might have thought going to a&e was a bit over the top?

Eagerlywaiting1990 · 10/10/2025 04:44

Wow MN can be a pretty horrible place for sharing concerns.
@summerpeach22 that sounds really scary - you were absolutely right for going to get your little one checked out when you felt pain and dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
I personally wouldnt have been happy with my husband going away at 32 weeks either (work is one thing, leisure is another).
His initial reaction probably was one of helplessness but he should have been looking at his phone and awaiting an update. Its hard being the one to harbour all the responsibilities for our little babies while the men go on and live their lives. Their role is to support us as we grow their precious babies. Id personally be having words when hes back. Sounds like he could afford to step up a bit xx

SandyY2K · 10/10/2025 04:49

As pps have said, I don't understand why MIL came to stay with you at 32 weeks pregnant.

bluebettyy · 10/10/2025 04:54

Why is your mil staying with you? I wouldn’t have wanted my dh buggering off at 32 weeks but I’ve had very high risk pregnancies.

jinn2025 · 10/10/2025 04:55

Surely you know another person to fix it? FIL, friend, neighbour? Why not ask them? Why put yourself at risk standing to reach something? Is it a point your trying to prove to him, that she should be there?
My DP also went away when I pregnant, I didn’t see the issue.

LeedsZebra90 · 10/10/2025 04:57

I wouldn't have an issue with him going away, unless you were at risk of pre term labour/something concerning going on. I'm not quite sure where the MIL fits in here..

I definitely wouldn't be happy about how he responded to you whilst away though - I'm sorry he wasn't more supportive and I'd be working this through with him when he's back.

spoonbillstretford · 10/10/2025 05:03

Why on earth would someone want their mother in law staying with them at such a time? Also time to be an adult and know what to do when alarms go off in your own home.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 10/10/2025 05:08

32 weeks pregnant is fine to carry on as normal, you didn’t need him to stay home, or have a babysitter.

Bababear987 · 10/10/2025 05:33

Ah OP people are being very harsh here.
What did A&E say?
Is this your.first pregnancy?
At 32weeks I'd say its not too.bad that's hes.away but a whole week for a piss up.does seem unnecessary and his reaction a bit.cruel (likely comes.from stress/helplessness) but still

Also why the idea for MIL to stay, sounds like hell to me 🙈

beachcitygirl · 10/10/2025 05:39

What did you expect him to do? The reality is. You clearly expected him not to go away. Why didn’t you communicate this fully? If he went anyway - why are you married to someone who ignores your wishes. If you did not communicate your wishes - why not? Are you scared of him? Or weak or needy or not in an equal relationship? Either way this is a YOU issue.

deal with your own feelings and issues. You sound bloody hard work

user1492757084 · 10/10/2025 05:40

I think 32 weeks is a reasonable stage for DH to be away.
I would have managed very well on my own.
Are you still working, Op?

Maybe MIL or an agile neighbour could have fixed the electric fuse. Silly to expect that DH could actually do anything, being so far away.

Glad your worries were put to rest.

MummyNeedsCoffee1 · 10/10/2025 05:41

I guess him wanting to go away has caused discussions in your relationship already prior to this incident. Wanting your MIL to stay and then calling him because an alarm went off and you can’t reach it, and to tell him that you need A&E (not saying that you shouldn’t have it checked out of course) does feel a bit like ‘see, I told you that you can’t go away’ and that might be where his frustration came from.

Danioyellow · 10/10/2025 05:44

MummyNeedsCoffee1 · 10/10/2025 05:41

I guess him wanting to go away has caused discussions in your relationship already prior to this incident. Wanting your MIL to stay and then calling him because an alarm went off and you can’t reach it, and to tell him that you need A&E (not saying that you shouldn’t have it checked out of course) does feel a bit like ‘see, I told you that you can’t go away’ and that might be where his frustration came from.

Edited

I get the impression she’s trying to be as dramatic as possible

WallTree · 10/10/2025 05:58

I think it's fine that he went away, and it was a bad idea that you MIL came to stay.

I think his uncaring response to your call and ignoring your message about being in the hospital is cold, unkind and unfogivable. Pregnsncy is a very vulnerable time, and you deserve to feel emotionally taken care of.

Plugsocketrocket · 10/10/2025 06:03

Yeah I wouldn’t love that and didn’t when my DH went away to a stag at 36 weeks on our first.

For obvious reasons you are feeling quite needy at the moment and he sounds quite avoidant as a person. Anxiously attached people marrying avoidants is a definite thing if pop psychology is to be believed.

There is probably a bit going on under the surface of your relationship that is worth looking into down the line.

SummerRain88 · 10/10/2025 06:18

It's easy to come here and tell you you're in the wrong. But it sounds like you felt vulnerable and wanted the support of DH, and not getting it hurt. In relationships we can rely on partners for our main source of support- so it not being there especially when worried about Baba would have been hard
@Eagerlywaiting1990Eagerlywaiting1990 put it right - men go on live their lives and we carry the bulk of responsibilities. How did MIL feel about you needing medical support and helping with the alarm? I hope she was helpful and supportive .

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 10/10/2025 06:20

You sound very dramatic.

Rosygoldapple · 10/10/2025 06:26

32 weeks is a good time for him to go away especially as you don’t have other DC. 36+ weeks pregnant or after the baby is born would’ve been problematic. Why did MIL stay?

Hercisback1 · 10/10/2025 06:32

You're quite dramatic.

32 weeks is a long way off. Why did you need MIL staying?

autienotnaughty · 10/10/2025 06:47

Do you have other children?
id say it’s fine for him to go away at 32 weeks anything after 36 weeks is a no imo.
He was unsupportive, maybe he felt upset he couldn’t help but he shouldn’t have lashed out. He may also not have fully understood the situation with not being there.
i get its frustrating if you can’t do something (c old mil not have done it?) and you did the right thing getting checked out.
Hopefully this is a last blowout for hi m and he will be more committed once baby is here.
Hope you are okay.

Linenpickle · 10/10/2025 06:47

Why on earth would you have your MIL stay??

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 10/10/2025 06:48

Plugsocketrocket · 10/10/2025 06:03

Yeah I wouldn’t love that and didn’t when my DH went away to a stag at 36 weeks on our first.

For obvious reasons you are feeling quite needy at the moment and he sounds quite avoidant as a person. Anxiously attached people marrying avoidants is a definite thing if pop psychology is to be believed.

There is probably a bit going on under the surface of your relationship that is worth looking into down the line.

Anxious people should sort out their own anxiety and not push it to other people to resolve their worries.

User56785 · 10/10/2025 06:55

Surely if you have someone to stay you realise that there is going to be some looking after of them to be done. That’s just what happens when you have someone to stay in your home.

He probably thought that you have made this perfectly normal situation of an alarm going off into a lesson to him that he shouldn’t have gone away. It sounds like you thought you had won.

I would say you are in real danger of your relationship falling apart here if you engineer situations to cause trouble. Needing someone to stay with you, being unable to cope with domestic issues, having panic attacks.