Nesting parties - not very British? Or good idea?

[plinko]

Hi all,

First real post so be gentle but I'm a) 7 months pregnant and b) a freelance writer and combining the two, I was thinking about writing about this new 'phenomenon' I saw that is supposedly taking the place of baby showers.

It's called a nesting party and (for the people like me who knew nothing about it till now!) it involves getting your close friends around to do house prepping for the baby's arrival - rather than a baby shower which is just gifts and ya know... straightforward fun!

'I Had a Nesting Party Instead of a Baby Shower, and I'm ...

My question is: is this trend making any headway in Britain? From what I've seen, the answer is no! Is it all a bit too much of an ask to put on the shoulders of your friends/family? Or is it something that appeals to people?

I'm not sure myself so I thought it'd be interesting to ask other expectant people!

I wouldn’t touch that with a 20 foot pole.

I’m not a free cleaner for my friends.

I can see that it’s got quite a nice community feel about it - friends help you out and you do the same in return. People do often say it’s practical help rather than bags full of baby clothes etc that would be more use.

MN will hate it, though. MN tends not to really believe in communities, it’s every woman for herself.

So are you wanting friends to decorate the nursery? Put the cot together?

This will add friction and fun to MN;

"At my nesting party, my friend painted a penis on the nursery wall and insists it's an elephant. AIBU to charge her for a proper decorator"

"Friend invited us to a nesting party and there was no Farrow & Ball. Do I phone Social Services now or after the birth?"

If your friends want to help you build the Ikea furniture or give you some frozen food for the freeser then great - what's not to like?

To throw a party with the expectation they will do the above? Er, no FGS, just get them round, give them cake and wine, spend a couple of hours chatting, send them home. No need to call it anything. Easy peasy.

Hideous

I think it’s an excellent idea and I have actually done it a couple of times, although I didn’t know it had a name! Mumsnet will hate it though-it is collectively and bizarrely anti village and pro bubble.

No, just no.
I think that expecting your friends to do your preparation work for you is entitled, ridiculous and nauseating.

Does that answer your question?
Oh, and the poll is missing the "Not on this planet, ever" option.

I personally would absolutely have hated this.

I got a strong instinct to nest and for me it was very much about me wanting to do these things personally - I think I would have deeply hated having other people in my space at that stage of pregnancy

It's the kind of thing that's nice if people offer, but you don't ask and you certainly don't invite people to your house to do things for you!

I went into labour 6 weeks early, I wasn't on mat leave yet and I'd been working away a lot.
I was in labour for 2 days, during that time my parents, PIL, brother and SIL, built all the nursery furniture, washed dried and ironed all the baby things and put them all away. Deep cleaned my kitchen, organised the cupboards and filled my freezer with homemade food. All things I'd planned to do on my pre baby mat leave. My lovely SIL even ironed a stack of my pyjamas for me which is something I never do! They also all went for dinner together while DH and I were in the hospital on the labour ward and sent me a big group selfie 😁
That was lovely to come home to. A warm clean home with everything ready to go, and not having to cook. It's why I struggle to get my head around people who say they waited 3 months to allow family to visit. My family on both sides were wonderful support. They visited as soon as visiting started the morning after he was born.

I think it's absolutely fine to ask for help - I personally didn't want it, I would really dislike having people this much in my space - but I think dressing up a favour as a party is what feels a bit off to me.

"I really need a hand with a load of flatpack, would you mind helping out? I'll sort lunch" is fine "'come round and help me nest, it'll be like a party!" is a bit twee

Well, I’ve had friends help move house and help with painting and flat pack furniture etc, but they offered — I didn’t throw a Decorating Party to convince them it would be fun, and then stick a paint roller or a giant instruction booklet and a screwdriver into their hands while telling there’s pizza later on.

OP, this sounds to me like a non-trend someone is trying to get a puff piece out of.

Yes we've been doing this in my family (and DH's too) for ages and with close friends, never called it anything specific though! More just a general assumption that if someone's having a baby (or moving house, or having an operation/sick or other major life event) at some point we'll be piling around to their house to make ourselves useful, building or dismantling furniture, painting, gardening, filling the freezer, whatever really. And we've received the same in our turn. Then all have beers or pizza or or BBQ or whatever together after and toast the baby/new house/recovery - lovely.

So much nicer to give practical help than just buying them tat they don't want/won't use (although of course it's hard to resist giving a little pressie once the baby is here too!). I wouldn't say it's the same as a baby shower though, those IMO now that they seem to have become part of UK culture are for a bigger/wider group of people than immediate family and best friends, often at work we do a work baby shower in the office for a colleague having a baby, or I've been invited to ones which are a lot of people, like 20-30 people and sometimes much more formal with catering and party games and so on - it's hard to imagine bringing together that many people some of whom will definitely be more acquaintances, and who don't necessarily know one another well then handing them the paint brushes or the Allen key rather than a glass of wine and a party bag! Somehow it already feels a tiny bit ikky to invite them to come and 'shower' the mum to be when it's primarily a social and fun event with presents on the side, like a birthday, I don't know how I'd feel if a friend of a friend or hobby acquaintance invited me to come and 'nest' with her, probably quite off TBH!

It’s a really odd concept. If a close mate asked me to come round and give her a hand building the cot or sorting baby clothes or whatever then I’d be over in a heartbeat. If someone invited me to a party but instead of serving me food they expected me to batch cook several lasagnas it’d be a hard pass.

Can’t understand that it’s OK to have a party so that people can give you presents, but not OK to have a party so that people can help you paint your nursery.

A lot of British people also think the baby shower is not ok either..

I personally really cringe at the idea of inviting people to a party to give me presents or paint the nursery.

As I already said - I think it's absolutely fine to ask people for a favour if you need one, I'm not anti "village" , it's the dressing it up as a party aspect that I don't care for

I’d be fine to help a friend prep for baby in whatever way was helpful (though never come across any friends actually asking for help as it’s not really hard for the couple to paint the nursery and put a few bits of furniture together themselves). Would not be fine for it to be called a nesting party, sounds self indulgent and like a ridiculous made up concept. Can’t see it catching on sorry.

I think this could work out well, though it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Far preferable to baby showers for me but I am a very practical person.

My problem is I wouldn’t be happy for anyone including family or friends to see my house unless it’s tidy and clean so I would be cleaning and tidying the hell out of my house before they arrived

I’d be more happy if all my friends bought a meal I could freeze over instead of tidying or cleaning my home but that’s about it really

Because a party is supposed to be enjoyable for your guests. I appreciate they’re not everyone’s thing but a baby shower isn’t just drop off the gifts and run- you might play games that are supposed to be fun for the group, serve people food and drink you’d hope that they like and you hope that they have a good time. Asking a mate for a favour is also fine, that’s a part of friendship and you’d hope that it’ll be reciprocated next time you need help with something. But don’t dress that up as a party like it’s actually fun to build ikea furniture or whatever. It’s not. Just ask for the help you need and have a party only if you actually want to host a proper party.

That’s just semantics. “Party”
can simply mean “a group of people” or even “a group of people with a common aim, interest or purpose”.

Yes-I would infinitely rather help fill a friend’s freezer than go to a transactional “glass of Prosecco in exchange for a stuffed rabbit” party.

My DH and family would help with all that. Why invite friends to help you assemble a cot or set up anything when the dad-to-be should be getting involved with it all?

Yeah I’m not coming over to clean your house. I’d help a friend if they were struggling and asked or I noticed them struggling but I’m not doing it for ‘fun’. Also you’re pregnant… not I’ll.

It’s not really a party, is it? It’s having a few close friends or relatives round to help you out with specific tasks whilst maintaining a pleasant environment with music, and providing some food before sending your friends home with a thank you gift.

I think lots of people do this already.

I think baby showers are an awful idea too though so perhaps I am not the best to comment.

Right?!