Scared to take pregnancy test

[Onthefence87]

So DH and I had been on the fence for probably a couple of years whether to have a 3rd child...the deliberating drove me mad and felt quite consuming at times as i could never make a definite decision.DH was kind of in a 'happy with either way' space.

Had a moment of mad spontaniety one night last month thinking stuff it maybe let's just let fate take the decision out of our hands.
Straight after DH was then panicking rather if it was the right thing to do, and over the next couple of days, but was still abit on the fence about it all as was i and so the next couple of days were spent debating whether to get the MAP.

Finally we decided to do so to give us more time to think about the decision....but by the time i took it it was 70hrs after sex.The pharmacist said it should still be 95% effective but online ive seen that it may only be 58% within that timescale.It was also right around the time I would probably have been ovulating.

Fast forward afew weeks and my period should have been due a couple of weeks ago and hasn't arrived.I know the MAP can mess with cycles but have taken it before afew times and dont remember it causing an issue, and also, i've had afew potential other symptoms....tireder, sore nipples, kind of vague nausea combined with hunger pains, and some dizziness.

DH and I would never want to end a pregnancy, and he has said if its happened then its meant to be, so is more relaxed about it now, more so than me, as whilst a little part of me feels positive and excited about the prospect, a bigger part is panicking about the implications.....mostly that i'm scared about how we will manage juggling 3 kids also petrified of something happening to me during birth, and just generally giving birth again.
I wasn't really expecting to feel like this as its not like I was really against the idea, so i guess its shocked me abit that i'm feeling scared and apprehensive.

DH has suggested taking a pregnancy test but isn't pressurising me....I am just scared about seeing the definite lines and worried incase I feel negative and would then feel really guilty as it was such a positive thing with our other two and i know there's so many people who would be desperate for that to happen.

I just feel like I want to shut myself off from it abit to be honest as thinking about it all feels so overwhelming.
There are glimmers of positivity, eg; saw a video of a child similar to oldest DD with a baby and I thought 'aww that could be her' and saw a newborn the other day and felt like I would quite like it to be me.
Also looking ahead I would like a bigger family network.We are loving and devoted parents and any child we have would be loved and well cared for.We don't have alot of money and have a smallish home,but are not living in poverty or anything, our kids have a full and privelidged life with clubs, days out, holidays birthday parties etc.

So its not like i'm completely against the idea.I think its just fear taking over as things feel so much more complicated than the other times, and I think im finding it hard not to focus on the challenges from the pros list such as our older ones having to share a room, or less money, space and attention to go round.

I also have a history of miscarriages (4 pregnancies, 2 kids) so i feel like that's maybe putting me off wanting to get too invested in the idea, especially as i'm afew years older than last time.
(37 now nearly 38)

Has anyone else felt similar?

Please be kind.

I think you are better to take a test sooner than later so you can make the right decision for you and your family. You should be taking folic acid etc so if you are pregnant the long you take to fine
d out the longe you go without taking the right vitamins etc. is definitely recommend taking a test asap. x

Definitely take the test, I was in a similar situation with my youngest. I took the morning after pill 48 hours after and it obviously didn't work! Apparently if you've already ovulated its useless, it only prevents ovulation from taking place. Just to say, I didn't and don't ever regret having ds for one second, I had a 2 year old and 7 month old baby when I found out and thought I would never cope, my partner wasn't happy about it at all either. Fast forward 15 years and it all worked out fine, all 3 of my kids are close and I'm glad I had such a small age gap now. He also has a great relationship with his dad. You will be fine, however it goes. Good luck! 🤞🏼

Thanks so much to you both for your supportive and useful replies!

Good point about the folic acid @Mrsall

@Pennyroses thanks alot for sharing your positive story! I know alot of people do feel concerned about how things will work when finding out, but when the baby arrives things all work out fine, and sure if i am pregnant that would be the case too for us.
I think its just unsettling as with both our other girls it was very much planned and expected.

I will take a test this weekend...just got to mentally prepare myself for either outcome and go with it!

Hey, I could have written the 1st half of your post. We deliberated for so long about #3, neither of us wanted to make a definite decision. Then said we'd "see what happened" on holidays (stupid I know) and instantly I felt panicked that we'd taken the chance. Lo and behold I was pregnant. We felt s**t what have we done. I'm 11w now and we still feel v unsure if this was the right thing to do, but I also feel if we hadn't done it I'd always have wondered. I'm in a weird denial, haven't seen GP, haven't told my parents (told them at 8w) on the other 2. Slightly pretending its not happening. But I'm hoping once we get past 12w we will start to feel more excited. I'm dreading negative responses from friends who stopped at 2 and will think we're insane.

Ps meant to add, as anxious as I was about it I think if I'm totally honest with myself I would have been disappointed if test had been negative after hols. So I think that told me I did want it deep down.

My DP was against having a second DC, and I was on the fence. Similar situation to yours and I was terrified of taking a test, but in the end bit the bullet. I cried my eyes out when it was positive, panicking it was the wrong decision and worrying how it would affect our first DC (this continued throughout most of my pregnancy). Anyway, DC2 is amazing and I can’t imagine life without him, and DC1 adores him. Just take the test!

You sound really like me! I'm kind of the same with the strange denial thing.
Interesting as I wonder if because having two already it makes it feel overwhelming worrying about coping with a 3rd in the mix and that drives alot of the apprehension 🤷‍♀️

Yes i wonder if when you have your scan that will make it seem more real and exciting!
What are you doing about your 8wk midwife appt?
Am I right in thinking they won't do your 12wk scan/will delay it until you've had that appt?

My two are wonderful but also INTENSE kids 🙈 so the struggle is real already.I guess the good thing is i'm already used to chaos 😅

Aww i'm glad your story had a happy ending with your DS 🥰

I could have written this post myself. I’m 36 and have two children, DS 7 and DD4. I’ve always wanted 3, but DH wanted to stick at 2. Last year I finally accepted that was what we were doing, when I unexpectedly fell pregnant. Huge shock to both of us, and it took a good few weeks for us to get our heads around it. The day I finally felt positive I sadly started miscarrying. Since then the idea of a third has consumed me.
Earlier this year we thought we would have one try and see what would happen, and I fell pregnant straight away. To my surprise I instantly felt anxious, and felt that this wasn’t what I wanted. I had an early scan, and found sadly not only was the pregnancy again no longer viable, but I was carrying triplets! I’m guessing the crazy hormone levels probably contributed to my anxiety. And as awful as it sounds, I felt relief, as if the pregnancy had been viable and we had triplets life would have been so tough. Even now, the idea of a third is still on my mind. I really wanted to take some time, and try to figure my feelings out, possibly get some counselling, as I don’t think I really had the time to take everything in last year, or this year. But I couldn’t ever rule out another baby. I couldn’t get rid of the baby clothes, but I wanted me and my husband to make a conscious decision whether to have another baby or not, rather than ‘seeing what happens’, or conversely, us missing the boat and possibly regretting it.
somehow, we seem to be in the same situation again. I use a period tracker, which said the one and only time we DTD this month was in my ‘safe’ time, and I could have sworn I felt ovulation 4 days previous, so I honestly didn’t think I was in my fertile period. Anyway, now I am 3 days late. With my usual PMS symptoms, but I know that they are similar to pregnancy symptoms. I feel too scared to do a test because I don’t know how I will feel…,

I hope you get a good answer this weekend OP. I totally understand how you’re feeling. I think sometimes, we can be so happy in our current family set up, half of us just wants more, and the other half is terrified of upsetting the status quo?
Xxx

There's no rush to take the test, if you need a few more days take a few more days.

We started TTC number 2 last year. I had two miscarriages and just as we were gearing for one last attempt before being happy with our family of 3 my work announced redundancies. I had just gone past 5 weeks since the last loss and would have taken a test but given the work insecurities I decided I didn't want to know as I didn't want to have early pregnancy anxieties and scans alongside worry about my job and future. I took the test 3 weeks later on my way home from finding out I'd lost my job. I'm now sat with a newborn and wondering what my next job my look like.

It was right for me to wait to take the test, I needed to be in the right headspace to process the news and what it might entail as well as stepping into that "am I going to lose another pregnancy" rollercoaster.

What would make you feel ready to take the test?

Ahh your reply has really resonated, and means alot you sharing your difficult story, thankyou 💗
Our first miscarriage before DD1 was also with triplets 🥺 It's such an emotional rollercoaster with all the mixed emotions and hormones.And it feels like a big thing taking the test and knowing for sure but not being sure what feelings it will stir up doesn't it!
You've hit the nail on the head with the last part of your post....that's exactly how I feel too, so torn and one moment i think one path is best the next not so sure!
I've been the same for ages with it 🙈

Is your period ever usually late? I'm
going to be biting the bullet and taking the test tonight once DD1 is finally asleep! So will see what happens and update after.....DH hasn't pressured me but think he is keen to know and I feel in a way like I do too despite being anxious about the result!

Aww thankyou for sharing, wow what a turbulent time that must have been!
Totally get why you wanted to delay finding out with all the job stuff....so pleased you got your baby after all that heartache though, congratulations 🥰

I don't think I'll ever feel 100% ready but have built myself up abit now so planning on doing it tonight once DD1 is finally asleep!

Ah let us know the result! And well done for taking the test.
I’m not usually late no, but last cycle I took noresthesterone to delay my period whilst on holiday, and I think it can sometimes affect following cycles. By that logic though I guess it could have affected ovulation? I feel so confused 😩

Good luck OP, let us know how you get on!

So I ended up taking the test this evening in the end, and as i thought, it was positive!

It feels quite surreal and think it will take time to get used to the fact i'm pregnant, But haven't had any feelings of panic or regret which i'm pleased about, and DH is actually feeling really happy and excited about it now.

Will be buying some folic acid and ringing the midwife tomorrow......

Wow congrats, welcome to the club :)
How many wks do you reckon you are?

Congratulations!! 🎉 Wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy ❤️

Congratulations!

Thankyou! 😊 I think 6 or 7 already going by the dates calculator.

Will you be having your 12wk scan soon do you think? Or do you have to see midwife first?

Congratulations!

Thankyou for the messages of congratulations......i'm still feeling quite unsettled (didn't sleep that well and its been playing on my mind this morning)
I think like @AmberBeaker its going to be abit up and down from awhile as I get my head around things.
I kind of feel abit blank at the minute....DH is obviously feeling very positive now (despite being the one who panicked most the morning after) but I don't feel i'm there yet.....hopefully if things progress well those feelings will kick in at the scan.
I feel like I owe it to DH and the baby to be over the moon excited and happy but I think i spent so long going over the cons before that it's making me feel quite apprehensive about what lies ahead.

Congratulations @Onthefence87 . I think it’s totally normal to be feeling a bit unsure, especially as you’ve been undecided on whether to extend your family or not for such a long time. For a long time a third baby was a concept, and now it’s a reality. Going to take some time to get your head around it. Be kind to yourself and speak to your husband about how you’re feeling. Don’t keep it all bottled up.
i actually came on my period this morning. Was surprised as I’m never usually late, but I think the noresthesterone must have impact this cycle. Now I’m still on the fence as to whether to actively try for another baby or not 🙈

xxx

Wow, in a way it's great that you can sort of fast forward to 7 wks lol as 1st tri always feels so slow going by!
I defo felt a bit blank too, it's normal to be all over the place as you process all the permutations. Be gentle and patient with yourself.
I'm in Ireland so it's a bit different, I paid for an early private scan at 8w mostly to check viability and to reassure us it wasn't twins lol. You hear so many people finally decide to have a 3rd and get a bonus 4th eek.
But that scan was a bit rushed and tbh I still didn't feel v connected/excited after.
I'm doing private NIPT tomorrow which includes a scan so I'm hoping to feel more invested after that and also planning to tell family after that which I think will make it feel more real. It's the first time I've done NIPT, I'm over 35 this time and felt a bit differently about risks etc so I'm nervous for that too.
I'm spending my time googling threads of "positives of having 3" and have read some really nice points that hadn't occurred to me :) :) would recommend you do the same OP it will cheer you up!

Ah thanks for your thoughtful advice :)
I think you're totally right about a concept suddenly becoming reality and that being tricky to get used to!
Aww did you....its so hard to actively make a decision isn't it! Did you feel disappointed when your period came or relieved? Or somewhere inbetween? 😅

Yeah that's true! The others I found out at 4/5 weeks.
Omg yeah twins is a real fear for me being abit older now and because one of my previous miscarriages was triplets 😱
How did your scan go?
Ah yes i've tried to look at some of those actually....many 3rd child posts focus on the negatives but there are afew that are mainly positive!

Scan looked good yesterday measuring 11w and I definitely feel more invested after seeing the baby so I'm hoping for good NIPT results.
How are you feeling now?
When do you think you'll have your first scan or appt?