Feel weird about "announcing"

[Cluelessasacucumber]

Am I the only one who feels this?

For various reasons we didn't anticipated being here, we are delighted but lots of other feelings too. 13±5, manager has known for a while as i needed adjustments. Since 12 week scan have told handful of colleagues for practical reasons, 2 close friends partly because it'll impact plans this year. I plan to tell other friends as and when I see them later this year.

We told parents at the weekend and made it clear we didn't want anyone else to know at the moment. They were understanding but we still ended up having to spell it out that not telling anyone including aunts, uncles, cousins, old Doris down the road who always asks after you etc... These are people I don't speak to more than once a year, if that.

It's not even the risk of loss, although of course that's a worry, it's just I don't get why the most significant, personal thing in our lives has to be publicly broadcast. I hate the idea of my pregnancy being "news" shared in an all staff email, or down the village shop with randoms I haven't seen since I was 12 and couldn't pick up out of a line up. I want my husband and I to choose if and when and who we share this next step in our lives.

Does anyone else feel this way or are we just being weird?

I agree it all feels very personal. And getting past the 20 weeks scan does make you feel more at ease.

You don’t need to make a big announcement though, just let people find out as and when you see them.

I know I saw several of my parents friends when ~14 weeks and they all bloody knew everything, and it felt like a bit of an infringement of my personal space…!

With all things pregnancy, as lots of behaviour will annoy you, it is good to remind yourself most people are just excited for you and not meaning to be annoying. Even if they’re being very annoying.

Same here! I always felt 12 weeks was very early for announcements first of all but of course each to their own. Im almost 20 weeks and waiting for anomoly scan to be done before telling people.

Iv only told my parents and not my partners parents for that exact reason the whole community would know and I just don't want any focus on me etc.

Everyone's different but certainly do whatever you feel is best

DS is 6 now but I remember feeling exactly the same way. I never ‘announced’ anything which did mean that some old friends were quite surprised when I turned up to a social event with a small baby!

That's helpful thank you. I think you're right that people don't mean to be annoying but pregnancy seems to bring it out of them! I suppose I'm going to have to get used to smiling and setting boundaries.
One of my friends has just had a baby and she was absolutely infuriated by the number of "well meaning" people "gifting" her hand me down shite (stained clothes, 2nd hand car seat, pram that had been gathering dust in a garage for 15 years).

I'm so glad it's not just me who feels this way! It felt like there's an expectation to giddy with excitement and shouting from the roof tops

All this announcing feels very odd to me. People who know you or are associated with you will find out one way or another. It's generally not that interesting to all the uncles and aunties or Doris down the road, it's just part of life's pattern - family news.

I think you are being weird. It’s not interesting enough to justify an all staff email nor conversation in the village shop.

Exactly

Well that's exactly what I think, it's really Not interesting to anyone else! Or really shouldn't be so I don't understand why there's the expectation to tell people, or why anyone other than me and my husband should be telling people.

I think people like to share news of their pregnancy because in a world full of shit goings on, it's lovely news. Congratulations!

You 'didn't anticipate being here' - do you think that's part of the feeling weird?
Are you feeling positive and happy about the baby in general?

I know what you mean. There were people I would bump into fairly regularly who I didn't tell because it didn't come up in conversation! It felt like a very personal thing to just blurt out and I didn't do a big announcement.

Yes we're delighted and excited but it comes with an enormous weight of responsibility (/guilt) because exactly as you say the world is full of shit.

Yes that's exactly it @lemondropsandchimneytops !

Personally, I couldn't give a toss about who knew when I was pregnant and whether my relatives were sharing the news with others. But then again I told people including work very early on. Keeping such a huge event in my life secret felt odd. And if the worst happened, I wanted people to know too, so I could have allowances made for whatever I needed in those circumstances.

A new baby is exciting news so people will be talking about it mostly from a good place. If they do talk about it at all. But either way, who cares what Doris down the road thinks? My view is I can't dictate what other people do (nor would I want to), and that includes what they do with information about me. Other people's opinions, aside from close family and friends, don't matter anyway.

Oh OP. It's not full of shit - it's full of shit news.
We just hear about it all, constantly.

Which is why news of a new little baby is wonderful.

Focus into the delighted & excited bit. And when you're ready, share this wee bit of joy.

We told my MiL as her 60th birthday present and she proceeded to inform all of the guests at her party that day - I was only 11 weeks! They’ve fallen out with most of them now (1 family group) so I feel weird that they were some of the first people to know. I’m sure they’ve not given it a second thought but still sits oddly with me. I’ve forgiven MiL because really no harm done and I know she was just super excited. Plus that’s just how she is. But if there is a next time I’d probably ask them to be a bit more reserved about it. I did remember to tell them not to put it on Facebook as I hadn’t told some other close family members by then (though we stopped in and told my parents on the way to visit them as I didn’t trust them not to tell them accidentally or on purpose).

I felt very weird and self-conscious about telling people. Didn't tell most people until after 20 weeks. I didn't mind people knowing, I just felt really awkward saying it.

We never announced it or put it on social media or anything. Most of my work colleagues didn't know I was pregnant until I left on maternity leave because it was Covid times so they only saw my upper body for the whole pregnancy.

I didn’t announce it either time.

It wasn’t a secret or anything, I just didn’t “announce” it. We told close friends and family, and I was off work for a while with sickness both times, so my managers knew. Everyone else just figured it out when my bump got big!

@Maraudingmarauders eek how awkward!

@LaVitesse2022 I expect that's a very wise and freeing attitude to have

I felt very self conscious about telling family, especially the older generation (Grandma's, Great Aunts etc) because for some silly reason I felt like I was announcing I had recently had sex! Lol. I was only 22 and only met DH three months prior to that on a blind date so there was an element of shock involved.

I would just let people find out as and when.

Honestly I think you’re overthinking it.

One way or another, all being well, the baby will be here relatively soon. You don’t own your children, you’re their parent.

And it is other people’s business… because your baby will be someone’s grandchild, someone’s cousin, someone’s neighbour. That’s your village right there. You don’t need to announce anything, but why all the anxiety about anyone mentioning anything?

a family member of my DH who lives far away recently had a baby ( not her first). For whatever reason she only told one or two People in her large family. Nonetheless the news got out and people were then extremely uncomfortable about what to say or not.

Don’t overthink it. Just say, oh yes, I/we are going to have a baby in the spring or whatever as and when the opportunity arises.

I know what you mean. It's worse when you are visibly pregnant because then anyone who sees you knows you are pregnant and I felt a bit oddly self conscious about something quite personal being so 'public'. I know no-one cares and I know my feelings are probably unusual but that is certainly how I felt.

I felt exactly this way OP! We never made a big ‘announcement’ at all, just told people as and when we needed to or it became obvious. We didn’t tell anyone our due date either, just the month, so we didn’t have to deal with constant ‘any sign?’ messages.

@CheeseWisely that's a good idea, I hadn't thought about that