Pregnancy mid 40s (pros + cons)

[Sunnyperfume]

Not pregnant yet but thinking of trying for another. Currently just turned 45 so if all goes well I would be having baby at 46 years old. I'm aware of the possible issues with conceving, etc but I'm looking at the pros and cons of actually having a baby at that age. Does age affect the baby (during pregnancy or once born)? Do the scans usually pick up on all the issues that can occur? Does a baby in mid 40s impact your relationship with your partner? I know having a baby is always lovely but, realistically, would it be too much mid 40s?

This is a very complex question, OP. If you are fortunate enough to be able to conceive in your mid 40s, which would be unusual, the risks to you and your baby are unfortunately much much higher.

I would recommend looking at the graphs that show how the chances of a baby having a serious genetic defect increase with maternal age, they’re sobering. At age 45 the risk of your child having a chromosomal abnormality is around 1 in 20.

I would go into it with your eyes open, and try to get specialist input as soon as you can so they can discuss the risks with you in more detail.

Having a baby is not always lovely. Sorry I feel the need to pick that up!

Increased risks as pp has said for both mum and baby. Having a child affects relationships at any age quite significantly.

You would be KNACKERED. Like imagine the most knackered you've ever been, now multiply that by levels you didn't know existed. That.

You would be 70 when your child was 24. Other way, imagine being 24 with a 70 year old parent. No matter how 'young' you felt, biologically you can't stop ageing. Personally I wouldn't want to put my still young adult child through ageing parents and inevitable death of parents nwhne they should be living their best years (however I do take on board this could happen at any age for anyone, though much less likely. I also say this as the wife of someone this has affected at that age).

@LaundryOracle @SlB09 thank you both for your replies. I've read alot of "good news" stories about women having a baby mid 40s...how everything was great and baby was healthy, etc so I am looking for the other side so I can properly weigh up all the information. I will definitely look into chatting with a specialist and my GP if this is something I decide to go forward with x

How old are your other children currently? I would be looking further down the road as pp said - having a teenage in your 60's could be awful. I think a little late to be having a baby myself.

The odds are stacked against you at this age. If you do manage to become pregnant, there is a strong likelihood of miscarriage, or having a baby with a chromosomal abnormality. Do you really think you would cope with the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies attempting pregnancy in your mid forties?

Yes, it would be too much.
You'd be exhausted.
Have you got older children?

Can you imagine being nearly 60 when your child started secondary school?

Can you imagine being of retirement age when they left school? What if you had health issues in your retirement?

FGS think again. This is foolish. Even if you conceived, you'd be highly likely to have a miscarriage.

If you didn't have a miscarriage, your baby would have a statistically higher chance of having a disability.

I’m confused - how do you know you’re in the tiny minority of women who can conceive and carry a baby to term at the age of 45/46? The odds are very low, are they not?

If you have evidence / test results / very recent healthy pregnancies, then fair enough. If not, can you afford IVF?

Personally I see nothing wrong with it. Lots of acquaintances have had babies in their 40s.

Do you already have older children dont you want more from your life then just starting all over again if I had a choice of spending my late 40s early 50s dealing with sleepless nights, nappies the school run or travelling with my husband and having adult only holidays, going on date nights weekend breaks I know what id choose

I'm sorry if you have a baby at your age it's selfish. More about your wanting than the child's needs

I think there are few pros to conceiving in your 40s.

Its not something I would consider!

Your chance of miscarriage is at least 50%. Plus higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities. And complications for yourself.

How old are your other DC? Also agree that having a baby is not always “lovely”. Your recovery from PG and birth will take much longer. You’ll be tired, forever. Do you really want to be waiting up for teens in your late 60’s?

If you were lucky enough for your plans do run smoothly and you have a baby at 46 are you aware that only half of 24 year olds have moved out of the family home?

No her personal chance of miscarriage isn’t 50%. This stat includes women in their 40s who have more than one miscarriage. Some women won’t have any whatever their age. Some women over 40 will have miscarriages that are completely unrelated to age.

OP I know 3 women who had babies at 44/45/46, none had miscarriages, all conceived relatively easily (one was a whoopsie!), all children are happy and healthy. No issues with recovery. One had gestational diabetes but that can happen at any age. Go in with your eyes open to the risks. Take the advice of your doctors and any medication they recommend (aspirin etc).

At advanced maternal age (at least they don’t call us geriatric anymore!) your risks are higher and the NHS combined test is going to give a high risk result as it’s based on averages, NIPT is expensive but will be more reliable as it looks at cell free dna, which the triple test doesn’t.

I was a little younger, last baby at 42. Tough pregnancy but I have underlying issues. Had a c section both times and my recovery both times was excellent, back to driving at 2 weeks.

Good luck whatever you decide x

Absolutely no chance of me considering this…..however what’s your personal health like? Having a baby at this age is also a higher risk to maternal health, do you have other kids?

If you get pregnant, there is around a 53% chance you'll lose it, as per the NHS, and a 1/30 chance the baby will have Down Syndrome. The chance of the incompatible with life trisomies (13/18) is much higher too.

It's slightly concerning you are considering this at 45 without knowing the huge impact age has on the likelihood of the baby having a chromosomal abnormality. Having said that, at that age, you would be offered thorough testing (and if you weren't, it would be worth every penny to do a private NIPT), and if you do manage to get and sustain a pregnancy, the baby is more likely to be healthy than not, despite the massively increased risk.

In terms of good news stories, remember that those that involve celebrities/influencers etc most likely involve either donated eggs, eggs stored when they were much younger or multiple rounds of IVF with PGT testing - making it a completely different ball game.

Agree with @MinPinSinsa family friend had a baby at 45 but with donated egg.

They are also more likely to have paid help with the home and childcare.

No way.

I had my last child at 35 and i’m absolutely exhausted with a 20 month old who still doesn’t sleep. Can’t imagine being 10 years older.

But mostly, I think you need to consider what your life will be like in the future, not just now. Many people get health issues in their 50s and 60s and you’d still have a child/teenager who needs most of your attention. Plus menopause.

My parents and in laws have all had physical problems needing surgery in their 50s and 60s and no way would they have coped if they had to look after kids.

What is your support system like op? Do you have a partner? If so, how old?

I'm 45 in a matter of weeks and currently 35+3 pregnant with a natural pregnancy.

I knew the risks of carrying on (found out when I was 4 weeks pregnant) and I knew statistically where we stood in terms of the odds of a healthy embryo and then development.

Baby has been fine, the only issue now is she's measuring small so we're having weekly growth scans. I'm utterly exhausted at this stage 😴 but beyond that, I feel she's our miracle and we're beyond lucky.

You have zero guarantees, a lot of risk but also the chance that it may work for you.

I conceived at 43 and gave birth at 44. DH was slightly older and it was the first and only child for both of us.

No health scares, remarkably uneventful pregnancy followed by planned c-section that was straightforward and easy to recover from. Having our DS has been amazing.

However there are a few things to consider. You both need to be physically fit 40+ adults as the demands of a baby/toddler at that age are significant.

Ideally you need to be financially secure as being able to work less or not at all makes a huge difference. We paid off our mortgage before DS was born and are financially secure enough for me to have a few years off work and for both of us to retire before DS starts secondary school. DH is FT WFH and has significant flexibility in his role which helps enormously.

Understand that you’ll likely have minimal extended family support as GP will either be very old or deceased. We have never had a single minute of childcare support that we haven’t paid for but because of our financial and work situation that really hasn’t been an issue.

It has been the best thing we’ve ever done but we were very much in a position to be able to make it work. We wouldn’t have done it if not.

I had DS1 at 40 and DS2 at 42 so a bit younger than you. I didn’t have a choice as I only met DH at 39. If I had met him earlier I definitely would have chosen to have children earlier for the following reasons:
Grandparents younger and likely to be around for longer - for the relationships, not childcare!
Likely to be around for longer for ones own potential grandchildren.
Difficulties when post partum hormones and the peri-menopause collide.
BUT
I was a lot more patient and wiser than when I was younger
I didn’t suffer any significant lack of energy compared to my younger peers.

If I’d got pregnant again at 46 would I have gone for it - absolutely.

Sorry but i think its madness op.

It’s incredibly selfish

Why?