I was heavily involved in my ex’s pregnancy for 4 months now i am blocked.

[SH2000]

I met my ex some months ago. We got pregnant straight away. We split up 2 months into the pregnancy. It was something we both wanted. I have been heavily involved in the pregnancy. I have been to all the scans and appointments, purchased all the necessary baby items and offered help and support wherever i could. I take my responsibility as a Father seriously as my other children will testify they are much love and cared for. Me and my ex have had our up’s and downs but have always come through them by having great communication. We have even named baby successfully with little fuss. I did go away on holiday with my other children i offered my ex to come but she was unable to afford for her little boy to come so unfortunately she stayed behind. Upon our arrival i visited my ex with my children to check in and give gifts. My ex’s 16 year old niece was present who has a terrible attitude, and spiteful tongue. I was unfortunately a target of my ex’s niece and her spiteful tongue. So respectfully left to avoid embarrassment. I called my ex on the way home and she ended up crying and terminating the call. I spoke to my ex that evening and everything seemed okay. I spoke to my ex the following day and again everything seemed okay. An hour after speaking with her i got a verse that said i am now blocking you i will do the rest of the pregnancy on my own, i am not welcome at the last scan and i am now not welcome at the birth. Granted she is hormonal and very sensitive however i can absolutely guarantee i have been respectful in all my interactions. I did manage to reach out to my ex on an alternative number which she has now blocked. She did message back and confirm all the points i have covered. I am lost! Feel hurt and want to avoid the family court at all costs. I am a good dad and will happily coparent but hate being cut out like this. I would appreciate anyones input as this all seems very unfair and very immature as i have done nothing wrong.

She got pregnant. You did do something wrong. You arranged to visit your pregnant ex and cut the visit short

Sounds like you fell out with the niece and your ex didnt like that? What did you say and what did the niece say?

That’s my thinking entirely. The niece approached me in the kitchen passed some throwaway comments and unfounded views. I did not react and simply turned my back and continued what i was doing. She immediately disappeared. My ex then arrived and asked what she said i replied with she is entitled to her opinion and her opinion isn’t that of mine. My ex said to ignore her but to my amazement did nothing to reprimand the niece. I left accordingly, respectfully and in haste. During the subsequent telephone calls my ex repeatedly said she felt as though she was being blamed for the nieces behaviour and i repeatedly explained that as the responsible adult i was simply highlighting her nieces behaviour as unacceptable and disrespectful. I then asked for the nieces mother’s telephone number as i felt the ex was unable to deal effectively with the situation. She declined to give the number but relented and after seeking permission gave me the number. I respectfully contacted the nieces mother and conversed over no more than 4 texts, satisfied matter closed. My ex wasn’t happy at me talking with her sister and requested to be sent the texts i asked why and she said so i can see what you have said.

Soooo you sound like your trying to parent a child that isn't yours and causing strife in your exs relationships with her family, while also being a little bit controlling over the fact that you needed to have this number even after your ex refused and for her to even reprimand her niece in the first place.
If the niece was allowed an opinion and you were being the bigger person, why didn't you just let it go completely?

She has a right to block you out of her life if she feels it's in the best interest of her and the child until the courts deem otherwise.

You will not find much support for the male side on mumsnet.

Your opinion isn’t that of mine. I am not looking for support or validation just measured views that are not inflammatory and needless. I feel like your response lacks the depth or feeling necessary to convey any meaningful message. Just be kind and sensitive to the fact i have reached out in search of something to help the situation.

I think my point is just that your ex is obviously feeling deserted by this behaviour .. when was the last time you saw each other before this ? I am left with the impression that she felt forced into giving you her sister's number to stop you from distancing yourself further and then has blocked you as a result of going through all that emotionally on her own and currently fragile

Well if you speak to your ex in the same tone as you have come across on here, I’m not surprised she has blocked you!
a few PP’s have given their feedback and you’ve dismissed it because it doesn't suit you.
you come across as intense and have overstepped the line - she’s not your niece, you barely know her, let it go.

the fact is, you barely know your ex, so if I you want to be an involved father, you need to make life easy and simple for her. don’t be an arse!

I think you are absolutely right. Over the last 4 weeks i have seen my ex at 2 x private gender scans. Baby would not reveal on the first one haha. Then we had a gender reveal with children from both a previous relationships at her house. She currently still has her own children visiting. Upon reflection i didn’t handle stuff as good as i should have. She is fragile and needs peace, harmony and a settled environment without me kicking up a fuss over nothing. I hope i can resolve this as i have been there every step of the way and i am really looking forward to welcoming our daughter in 2026.

I absolutely respect my ex and would do anything to help. I agree in part with what you say and will use the points mentioned for learning when making life easy and simple for her. Thank you

I think your ex will very much need reassurance throughout the pregnancy at minimum not walking away from her if you are only seeing each other twice a month

Are you on the spectrum op? You sound quite overly principled and unable to just 'oil the grease' to get along in situations where sometimes its better to not have to be right.

I think I would feel undermined in your partners shoes.

Also unclear why you couldn't pay for the son to join you? Seems a bit tight.

I agree with you. Before all this we had a plan about spending my paternity at hers and evenings after work so i can get to know baby. I appreciate my ex for being a truly amazing mother i really do and i tell her this. I just can’t seem to get past this thing of being blocked. I think i just need to give her space and time and wait until the next scan on the 20.08 and potentially reach out then?

You say you have other kids? How many?

You definitely overstepped boundaries by demanding her sisters number. That sort of pushiness is very unattractive.

Not sure why the amount of children we have between us is of any relevance. That said i accept i have overstepped the mark.

Only in the sense it could have a knock on effect with time etc. Nothing sinister.

You keep saying you’re respectful etc but you weren’t. You nagged at her when you’re not even her partner. She’s been respectful enough to ensure you’re totally involved with the pregnancy but then you trampled all over her feelings.

It’s all a mess really. Together a few months, kids meeting each other, pregnancy and the break up all in a very short space of time.

If she doesn’t want you around for the pregnancy and the birth that is her right, although I can see why it is difficult for you.

You have her sister’s number, so I’d probably reach out to her and ask her kindly to pass a message on. Let her know that you respect her needs and will keep your distance for now if she wishes, but you are always available to help should she need it. You should also let her know that you aren’t going anywhere in terms of your responsibilities as a father, and if you don’t hear from her a week or so after the due date you will be forced to apply to the family court to gain access to your child. Obviously you would prefer to arrange access amicably, and will be centring the best interests of the child.

Please do not try to remove the child from its mother in those early months, especially if she is breastfeeding. The best approach IMO would be little and often, with her present (possibly an hour a day or something) until a bond is established.

An hour a day is far too much if they are broken up and this distressed the mother it'll take her a few days to recover from the upset of seeing her ex (coming from someone who has been there and had him over far too much and got horrible pnd from it)

Op, there is nothing you can do now other than letting her know the door is open- she doesn't want to communicate with you, respect this or you may face police charges for harrassment and domestic abuse.

You have no right to be at scans or the birth. Those are highly personal medical events for her and only support systems that she feels comfortable and safe with should be there. The baby is the private contents of her internal organs for the time being and none of your business yet.

Prepare for father hood by taking courses such as nct and reading books about young baby care.

Join fathers justice uk on Facebook it's helpful. Do not threaten her with court in any way shape or form
Now.

Do NOT mention court yet!! Please!

Obviously you might have to do that when the time comes, but mentioning it will only make things ten times worse now

I disagree with the posters below. It’s important that she understands that she can’t just block OP and he will go away. The bottom line is, if she is not willing to facilitate age appropriate contact, the court will need to resolve it.

The fact that she has blocked him now doesn’t bode well for their future co-parenting relationship tbh.

@heroinechic but she is able to block him for now, there is no baby yet. He has no right to communication from her (as sad as it feels for him) and if he tries to force it then being slapped with a non molestation order or beign arrested with harrassment won't help him at all IF he needs to go to court. He should educate himself about this process of course but not threaten a pregnant ex girlfriend about it, he has nothing to gain at this stage and lots to lose

Op, she will probably file with child maintenance immediately-use this as an opportunity to do a dna test if she does as this will prove you are dad and make it quicker to be added to birth certificate later if mum doesn't out you on

She absolutely can until the baby arrives, which apparently isn’t for another 5 months.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I think I need to clarify. When I said “it’s important she understands that she can’t just block OP and he’ll go away” I didn’t mean that she cannot block him during her pregnancy. I made clear in my previous post that it is her right to continue her pregnancy alone. He obviously should not harass his pregnant ex partner.

My point is that she needs to understand that once the child arrives she is not able to block him from that child’s life. He can (and probably should) seek a CAO to ensure that he has age appropriate access to his child.

Too many men accept scraps from their ex partners in terms of access. They allow their ex’s to control their relationships, movements etc for fear that they will stop access. It’s nonsense and it’s not beneficial to the child at the center of it all.

Her blocking him during the pregnancy is her prerogative but it doesn’t inspire confidence that she’s eager to establish a positive co-parenting relationship.

You’re not pregnant. She is. If you don’t understand this it’s a problem.

She didn't get pregnant on her own.