I was heavily involved in my ex’s pregnancy for 4 months now i am blocked.

[SH2000]

I met my ex some months ago. We got pregnant straight away. We split up 2 months into the pregnancy. It was something we both wanted. I have been heavily involved in the pregnancy. I have been to all the scans and appointments, purchased all the necessary baby items and offered help and support wherever i could. I take my responsibility as a Father seriously as my other children will testify they are much love and cared for. Me and my ex have had our up’s and downs but have always come through them by having great communication. We have even named baby successfully with little fuss. I did go away on holiday with my other children i offered my ex to come but she was unable to afford for her little boy to come so unfortunately she stayed behind. Upon our arrival i visited my ex with my children to check in and give gifts. My ex’s 16 year old niece was present who has a terrible attitude, and spiteful tongue. I was unfortunately a target of my ex’s niece and her spiteful tongue. So respectfully left to avoid embarrassment. I called my ex on the way home and she ended up crying and terminating the call. I spoke to my ex that evening and everything seemed okay. I spoke to my ex the following day and again everything seemed okay. An hour after speaking with her i got a verse that said i am now blocking you i will do the rest of the pregnancy on my own, i am not welcome at the last scan and i am now not welcome at the birth. Granted she is hormonal and very sensitive however i can absolutely guarantee i have been respectful in all my interactions. I did manage to reach out to my ex on an alternative number which she has now blocked. She did message back and confirm all the points i have covered. I am lost! Feel hurt and want to avoid the family court at all costs. I am a good dad and will happily coparent but hate being cut out like this. I would appreciate anyones input as this all seems very unfair and very immature as i have done nothing wrong.

I think how you choose to respond to her blocking you now will make a difference to how things will be in the future. Think carefully. Do you want her to see you as respectful, supportive , non threatening? Then don’t threaten her with court, or pressure her or be intrusive. Respect her personal space.

Pave the way to a good co parenting relationship.

She, not you, is the one who is pregnant. Her health and wellbeing is her priority. Having a healthy, low stress pregnancy is what she needs and deserves.

Pregnancy and birth is not without risks. Pregnancy and birth does take its toll on the body. (I knew someone who ended up in intensive care as she nearly died during childbirth from haemorrhaging blood).

She has every right to protect herself and to focus on her needs. She hardly knows you. So, tone it down a bit, back off a bit, relax, be patient and chill. Be patient and get to know each other (when she’s ready to see you again).

This is not the time for pushing for how you want things to be.

I’m sure she would appreciate it if you respect her personal space and her choice to continue the pregnancy and birth without you.

Pave the way to a good co parenting relationship.

In the end OP, you are an ex. The two of you are no longer together.

She has every right to go to scans and appointments on her own. She absolutely has the right to choose to birth with someone else - her mum or sister maybe, as birth partner. I wouldn't want an ex present either.

Once the baby arrives, ask to go to register the birth together or apply to the family court to be added to the BC.

You've got 18 years of co-parenting to get through, for the benefit of the child, so try to adopt an approach with businesslike calm and professionalism. You shouldn't feel hurt or offended, this is purely a co-parenting relationship from now on.

Omg, no wonder your ex has blocked contact if you talk like that.
Seriously, wait until baby is born and hopefully by then the dust will have settled. Don't do the controlling I know everything cos I have dc, listen to your ex and try to visit little and often without upsetting anyone and take it from there.

Any male who insists “we” are pregnant is an unhinged weirdo. She is pregnant. You both created a child. The not going on holiday as she couldn’t afford to bring her little boy stands out as a particularly sorry situation. Why didn’t you include her son?

No, but she definitely is pregnant alone.

Unless you also think they ejaculated? After all he wasn't alone when it happened.

I'm going to tell DH that "we had a vasectomy". I bet that will go down real well.

Your posts sound a bit AI coded

I think there is probably a lot more to it that you don’t realise and perhaps your attitude or the way you talk is adding to it and mother of baby has just had enough of the stress of it?

This is absolute lunacy.
In simplest kindest terms - you absolutely were brow beating her to tell off the niece.

What did the niece actually say?
What did you actually reply?
What was actually said in the process to extract the number from your ex? Why couldn’t you accept No the first time.
If I were her sister I would be warning her of your need to control and dominate and would be happy you’re blocked.

A teenager was rude to you: so what?

The bottom line is that i am a willing and already involved dad. I agree requesting the sister’s number would have not been my natural approach. I was tired after a long haul flight and little sleep. That said i have apologised for my behaviour with assurances it won’t happen again. It was a singular incident hasn’t happened before and will not happen again. There was never any doubt whether i was going to be involved in the pregnancy. I am not one for focusing on what happened too much i am very much a person who focuses on how it is put right as that is what counts. acknowledge what went on, learn from it and move on and that’s is what is important here

I absolutely agree on every point you have made. I have faith that everything contained in your post will manifest in an excellent co parenting relationship. It’s good strong advice and that is what i needed. It’s an emotive subject and is upsetting on both sides i imagine. She is used to me being there every step of the way. So that support structure is now gone.

We already have the basis of a good coparenting relationship. It just appears that i have overstepped the line and caused a very negative withdrawal. y ex is currently with her own older children through the summer holidays as such is focused on that and i respect that. My children are the same ages as hers. There is some light at the end of the tunnel which i shall share in a separate and potentially last post.

None of the way i post is AI coded.

She got pregnant straight away in your relationship and you split up when she was 2 months pregnant?

It's not really a relationship is it? She's not really an ex because the relationship hardly even started before it was over.

The reality is you both hardly know each other and it's definitely not a great situation to bring another child into.

My ex is open to mediation which is a positive step forward. I absolutely want to approach this with sensitivity. It must be taking a great deal of energy and effort to just think about such a task. Does anyone have any constructive suggestions about how to navigate this. It is new to me.

I agree. These are the words i have spoken many a time. The relationship hardly had time to take off before it ended. That said she is having a healthy baby girl and everything of material value is in place. My focus is repairing this rift and moving forward in a coparenting relationship.

Bot

This poster doesn't ring true - says the baby is due 2026 but already had a gender scan? Doesn't add up.

This is the bottom line. Everything was going well. We did get on. We could discuss what baby needed and go out together and buy those items. She has agreed to mediate as mentioned in a separate post. I see this as a positive. The fact i am now blocked for such low level trivia does not bode well at all for future time with our daughter. I feel like if my ex can do this now then she will do it again. Nothing predicts behaviour like behaviour.

I absolutely agree and will continue to offer that consistency where i am able to do so.

I want to be very clear i have not threatened my ex with anything. I work within the nursing profession and have experience dealing with people empathetically however this is an emotive subject and very personal as such it requires a skilfully crafted approach to ensure i respect her space but can still fulfil my paternal duties. There is only one scan left it’s no big deal (i have asked if i may have a scan photograph) i have been to all the previous ones. What counts here is that i have overstepped her boundaries. The only way i can support her now is to step back as much as that hurts.

To be honest i asked her about the birth certificate and she said of course you will be on it. That may change i don’t know. We have already spoken about the financial aspect with me agreeing a generous amount about anything the CMS would order. It’s her prerogative if she applies to CMS but she would get less.

A gender scan privately can be done from 15 weeks 4 days. The next NHS scan will be done shortly baby is due in the first few days on January 2026.

She isn’t used to you being there every step of the way at all,it sounds like you were literally in a relationship for a few months. You have no role in her life except as the baby’s father, and as the baby isn’t born yet you are owed no role in your ex’s life except for updates on baby’s health, if you can be supportive without overwhelming then she can let you into her life but that’s her choice. You’re behaving like you think differently and it sounds overbearing.

The word according to you. How you think, what you want.

She may not want to move on, she may want to focus on what happened. She may see it as a worrying sign and need to deal with it, as opposed to ‘moving on’ because YOU want to.

She may be concerned it’s a pattern with you. As you so eloquently put it a bit later ‘nothing predicts behaviour like behaviour’.