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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Am I stupid for being pregnant at 39?

33 replies

Sadblonde · 10/08/2025 16:52

So a year or so ago I was in a new relationship and fell pregnant… my partner was less then supportive and I felt forced to medically terminate, this is a decision that has haunted me daily totally changing my life. I was studying to become a vet nurse and my daughter was about to sit her GCSE’s exams. I’ve not really being trying to get pregnant but I’ve also not being trying not to. Here I am 3 months gone, I’m almost qualified and can possibly qualify before baby is due. My partner isn’t that happy but today I told my mum, she was horrid, told me I’m too old, embarrassment nasty personal
comments about my partner (he has minimal
hair)… she then asked if it was his and told me how she wished she’d never had kids and won’t be having anything to do with me. She’s never being a nice mum but this felt feral! Am I stupid for getting into his, my heart has honestly broken.

OP posts:

Reignonyourparade · 10/08/2025 16:54

Ignore her. Worry about how you feel. It wouldn’t be for me, but I’m not you so my opinion can go to fuck.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2025 16:59

I had twins a week before I turned 38, does that make me stupid? My sister was 38 and 44 when she had her third and forth (had 1 and 2 in her 20s). Would you say she's stupid? I suspect you wouldn't be so unkind to someone else.

Is the timing ideal with Uni? No, but life happens. I assume this is a different partner to last time? If he's not using condoms and knows you're not using protection, then he doesn't get to moan he got you pregnant. That's what happens.

Will he support you financially? What do you currently do for income?

If you want the baby, congratulations. You will find a way to make it work. Try and finish Uni then take your maternity period and look for nursery and work when you're ready.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2025 17:01

And your mother sounds like a total cow. I suspect this isn't news to you. Going no contact is acceptable.

Echomama · 10/08/2025 17:07

Your mum sounds like she's projecting.
This isn't about her, and although it's tough because shes your mum - she can go suck an egg.
This is about you and your wants. There are many mothers out there who don't even think about starting a family until their late 30s, you have the beauty of having another and although it won't erase the heartache of terminating a prior pregnancy, it gives you the knowledge that this one is wanted (at least by you)
Enjoy every minute of it, it's a new beginning to add love to your heart and your daughters

chunkybear · 10/08/2025 17:11

Firstly, I had my second at 40, and my obstetrician said I wasn’t in her older mum bracket as she has mums in their mid-40’s, everything will be fine! My son is now 13, im 53, and many other mums /parents at school are a similar age to me
secondly, your mum sounds bloody awful! Bin her off and enjoy your family

BrunchBarBandit · 10/08/2025 17:11

Your mums a cow and it’s none of her bloody business to boot.

I know plenty of mums your age and older. I had my kids at 38 and 42 and wasn’t even the oldest mum in the playground. It’s quite normal these days.

I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy, OP

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/08/2025 17:16

Your mum is horrible! Don't tell her anything more about your pregnancy. You're within your rights not to have her to meet the baby either until she apologized at least.

Congratulations on your little bundle of joy. I'm also 39 and jealous as I don't have a partner but would love another. If I meet the right man I'll have one gladly in my 40s

BigCheese24 · 10/08/2025 17:19

You felt your partner forced you to medically terminate your last pregnancy, and now you’re pregnant by him again!?

TenaciousDeeds · 10/08/2025 17:22

I had my first at 39 and my second at 42!

Original poster

Sadblonde · 10/08/2025 17:31

I’ll be qualified by November so will
go on maternity as a Registered vet nurse and I’m employed, I have my own home too which I finance all by myself… it’s the same partner- I do understand our situation was never going to be ideal but who’s actually is????

OP posts:

Original poster

Sadblonde · 10/08/2025 17:33

Thankyou for all your support- my mum is a lonely nasty evil soulless bigot! I’ve got my scan wed so that might muster up some excitement… my kids won’t be happy but I had them young and I’m just not done yet.. being a mum was all I ever wanted x

OP posts:

mossymud · 10/08/2025 17:38

Yeah

Original poster

Sadblonde · 10/08/2025 17:46

Yeah we hadn’t been together long at that point, he gave me the coldest shoulder and told me I had no choice… I wasn’t in a position to do it alone then and he made it clear it wasn’t for him. This time I’m much stronger emotionally and in a better position. He knew how much it destroyed me.. he’s not particularly the issue- it’a more my mother. She’s just made me feel really bloody stupid and like I am an embarrassment.

OP posts:

smallsilvercloud · 10/08/2025 18:10

Only you know that you can cope with and afford a baby, I’m guessing you’ve factored in that your new partner may not stick with you. What your mum said was nasty but also it probably came from shock and worry, I don’t think it’s your age that’s the issue but getting pregnant to a new partner for the second time that doesn’t want children, it’s a vulnerable position to be in.

Superscientist · 10/08/2025 18:42

Women have been having children at less than ideal times for generations it doesn't make you stupid. Even perfectly planned pregnancies can retrospectively be less than ideal situations.
What matters more is not the circumstances around getting pregnant but your actions in pregnancy and when baby is here to make the best of the situation.

CharlotteRae · 10/08/2025 20:39

I’m nearly 38 and pregnant….. and this was a choice…. Some women want to have careers and wait until they are financially secure…. certainly doesn’t make us stupid! Your mum sounds like a revolting woman… I would cut ties and do what you want to do.

KnittingOnEmpty · 10/08/2025 20:50

Your mother is an unsupportive, selfish, mean cow. How dare she be like that. Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy. I had mine at 41 and 42! My mum was always supportive of me, even through some very poor choices I made in life. I miss her wisdom.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/08/2025 20:51

Your age is the least of your issues. You don’t need to have anything to do with your mum, you already knew she was horrible. But she’s right to worry about your equally horrible boyfriend (though his hairline seems irrelevant) and it’s not ideal for your daughter which may be something she’s concerned about.

BrendaSmall · 10/08/2025 21:10

Had my first a month after my 22nd birthday and had my third when I was 30, it was so much easier when I was 22, than 30!
No way would I have a baby when I was any older than 30, lol I stopped after my third, even though I would have loved to have more I felt personally I was “ too old “ and also there would have been over 8/9 years age gap which I didn’t want.
Its personal choice when people decide to have children

PringlesTube · 10/08/2025 21:11

Your mums reaction is awful, but honestly I’m 39 and absolutely no way would I have another at this age, and my teenager would be mortified.

dogcatkitten · 10/08/2025 21:15

Forget what she said and enjoy your pregnancy and baby, Congratulations.

showyourquality · 10/08/2025 21:17

Your age doesn’t seem a major issue, your choice of father doesn’t seem ideal but what’s done is done. Focus on the people who are there for you and your dc.

CheeseWisely · 10/08/2025 21:19

I was 40 when I had DS but he was planned and very much wanted by both DH and I (and he was our first, and only). I’m not sure your age is the problem here.

twobabiesandapup · 10/08/2025 21:46

Well I must be an absolute idiot then in her opinion because I had my first at 37 and my second at 39! Most amazing thing ever, no issues with pregnancies, have more than enough energy to balance both feeding my newborn and throwing my toddler around (mine are both under two), plus I get the benefits of already having an established career and a home big enough for all of us whilst being financially comfortable.

So, in my opinion age is irrelevant, it’s more so what are the other factors you would need to consider? But if you’re happy and on board with it then that’s great!

Original poster

Sadblonde · 10/08/2025 22:44

my Boys know and are fine, my daughter will be upset but surely it’ll be temporary.. today has been an awful day… I’m sure my mother is right, laughing stock…

OP posts:

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