41 weeks and losing control

[Betney]

Hello all!
I'm a FTM and 41 weeks tomorrow. I had my appointment at the hospital today which was supposed to just be CTG and a discussion about induction and be a couple of hours most. After 3 hours of a stubborn and uncooperative baby they finally had a CTG reading they were happy with but with the new rules surrounding inductions, I had a doctor come and basically say if I dont have one im at serious risk of complications (followed by a consultant being more polite saying its completely my choice and im now going to be monitored daily). I was also talked into having a sweep which i never planned on doing but i feel like i was scared into it with how stern the doctor was with not wanting me to get to 42 weeks. I was told i was 1cm dilated but baby is very firmly in my pelvis and in the right position. I then got sent for a scan just to check his growth and all other bits were working fine. 6 hours later we finally got to go home.

Now here's where my struggle is. Baby is fine, we had a scan and they're worried about him being a "big baby" (hes measuring at 9lb) but otherwise there are no concerns about mine or babies health currently. But I feel like I've spent the day being made to feel that 41 weeks is already too far and for me to continue hoping for a natural birth is stupid, despite the fact i categorically do not want to be induced and really hoping for a home birth. I feel I was bombarded with negatives and that if I do wait it out to 42 weeks it's like im trying to kill my baby or something.

I dont know what I'm currently asking, i think its just nice to rant to people who may be in a similar position. If anyone has any nice positives on waiting to 42 weeks and not being pressured into inductions that would be nice. Im so mentally drained and sad after today 😭

The risk that the placenta starts to fail can increase the further you go over due date. Sadly a friend's niece was still born and linked to the placenta - they had decided not to induce. It's definitely worth having the daily monitoring to make sure that there is good blood flow for your baby.
The monitoring will give you peace of mind that waiting is the right decision for you and your baby.

Can I ask OP, do you think that the NHS doesn't want people to go over 42 weeks because it's inconvenient to them, or because the risk of stillbirth or baby dying shortly after birth increases hugely and they are trying to mitigate that risk?

I will never, ever understand those who are so desperate for their dream home birth putting that desperation above their babies wellbeing.

Which i would completely agree, if it wasnt for the fact both me and baby are currently very healthy and no concerns apart from his weight (which is being based on my first growth scan at 28 weeks so he's treated as accelerated growth). I have always said if there becomes a point theres a concern for our wellbeing i would obviously allow intervention. Having daily monitoring is actually the dream for me and would've happily accepted that even at 39 weeks because I like the assurance it offers in knowing he's fine.
My mum with her first had placenta failure as the doctors got her dates wrong and allowed her to go a month over her real due date so im aware the placenta does start to deteriorate, but this can also happen sooner, theres no set time limit on it. I also have friends who have naturally gone over the 2 weeks and have had a healthy positive birth so theres always 2 sides to the coin 😊
But theres also many risks that come with being induced which is more my concern than having "a dream birth at home". Like i say if it gets to a point theres concerns about me continuing to be pregnant of course i will discuss induction methods that would be best for me but currently I'm still hoping my body and baby will do its thing when the time is right 🤞🏻

I don't want to sound fear mongering because it isn't common, but my friend had a stillborn baby just before 42 weeks. She went in with reduced movements but it was too late - all fine before then. Ever since then, I always feel it's just a risk not worth taking in these situations.

Also there's some exercise type videos on YouTube that are meant to be handy to start moving baby down a bit. I think this helped me when I wanted to get things going (at 39 weeks).

I think it depends on your age and outcome statistics. It's obviously not a perfect science. I think you should listen to medical advice and go with what feels right for you.

Last dc I had was just on the cusp of being deemed a preemie. 12 hours earlier and he would have. But! Yhe midwife made it very clear that EDD are just that. An estimate, and a mm here or there at the 12 week scan will give hugely variable results for EDD.

Hope all goes well and wishing you a quick and safe delivery. X

They dont want people to go over 41 weeks now. Its recently been changed due to increase in C-sections.

I understand there are risks, i also understand there are many risks to being induced. I have no problem being induced if thats what is medically needed at the time. Many babies are born within 39-42 weeks, especially first ones so why is there now the desperation to not allow me or baby the chance to go naturally? I have done plenty of research into it all and spoken to my midwives about my decisions and all are happy for me to go to 42 weeks.

Its not about the home birth, thats just my preferred location over a hospital, and i will always put my baby first. But if baby is healthy and im healthy, why am i rushing the process?

Also, work on your delivery of your comments. Your comment came across very rude. Its fine to ask why people are making certain choices, not fine to assume there is no thought behind those choices.

I waited until 42 weeks as I couldn’t get to my induction appointment due to bad weather. She arrived naturally but had poo’d inside me and was swimming in meconium. Luckily she didn’t aspirate any. This was a good 20 years ago fyi.

Your description of the variability in the baby's heart rate sounds worrying to me, but I am not a medical professional. My first was overdue, induction attempted, baby's heart rate dropped after not many contractions, resulting in EMCS. The cord was twice around the baby's neck. In your situation I would stop thinking about the perfect birth and focus on having a healthy baby.

The trouble with "the baby and I are both fine" is that it can change super fast, hence you're getting daily monitoring.

I don't doubt you've given a huge amount of thought to this, but in your shoes I would accept the induction. I was you once, exactly your viewpoint. When DD arrived she was in a very sorry state, she crashed during labour leading to full emergency delivery and her being rushed away to resuscitate immediately after the birth. My placenta was half rotten. Officially my date was 41+1 but I suspect it was 42+1. I know induction carries risks, but on the balance of alternative risks, I'd take induction in your shoes.

Either way, good luck for an easy labour.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way there is every chance things will resolve themselves very soon

i was booked in for induction (I was ok about it) for 40+12 but went into labour spontaneously at 40+10, massive 10lb (!) baby but it was a lot more straightforward and quick (5 hours is!?) than my first who was just 7lb and slightly early and had me in labour for nearly two days

How old are you OP?

I had dc 1 at 42 weeks. I was annoyed at all the fuss about it. Wanted a water birth etc etc. after 2 days of failed induction I have an emergency c section. My placenta had failed. My baby had severe growth restriction and spent weeks in SCBU. I was in shock for years about the whole thing and some of this was how romantic I was being about the birth… which has killed babies and women for ever.

just remember the birth is a tiny tiny part of your parenting journey… and whatever happens having an alive baby is what we all want.

enjoy your baby when it arrives…. However that may be .

Whilst I can completely understand why it’s frustrating to not potentially have your natural home birth your risk of stillbirth rises after 41weeks and significantly more after 42 weeks. Knowing someone who experienced this at her due date (despite a check up the day before) it terrified me throughout my last pregnancy. Whilst I understand it is probably quite rare in healthy uncomplicated pregnancies I did everything I could to limit the risk.

My sister had an induction and it was a long and tedious process but it was lucky she had him in hospital as baby was found to have some issues that required immediate assistance and then special care for a week or so but he’s a healthy 26 year old now and that’s what matters.

even with daily monitoring things can not go to plan sadly. Personally I wouldn’t want to go much longer at least in hospital you are continually monitored so any deterioration with say the placenta you can get a c section fast..

whichever you decide I hope it all goes smoothly and you have a uncomplicated birth.

@Betney I've lost 3 pregnancies, so regardless if you think I'm rude or not, I'm coming from a place of always be safe over being sorry.

2 close friends have had 41+ week stillbirths. Everything was absolutely fine, perfect even, and then it wasn't. Their grief was raw and wild and lasted years, and even now, many years later, they are not the same.

Placentas start to fail after 41 weeks. That's not me fear mongering, that is the truth. I genuinely don't understand why anyone would put themselves and their baby in the position where that could happen.

I would be asking if there's a Birth Choices clinic or a Consultant Midwife attached to your Trust as they will deal with this all the time and be able to explain everything, including all your options, without terrifying you.
You should never feel forced into having an induction - that is NOT informed consent.

This is sensible advice. One ctg isn't really enough (unless it is really awful and precipitates emergency section). So daily monitoring is standard practice to compare readings. Each day everything will be reviewed.

As I said I haven’t had a natural birth so was asking experience of other mums so thank you for commenting.

I am not trying to be discouraging. I was trying to prep OP to be open minded about other options.

They seem to still be in ‘best option’ mode. Every mother who has experienced any kind of birth will know that best option is really quite rare. It’s more like a flow chart where you work through ‘least worst option’ until one is successful and maybe OP needs to shift her thinking here and start to make peace with other options.

Doesn’t mean she still can’t have a natural home birth. But if that did happen it would now be a bonus rather than an assumption.

After all the frightening complications I’ve had having babies I would never go overdue. I’d never forgive myself if something went wrong. You’ll probably be ok but why risk it?

Update from yesterdays visit!
Everything still showing as perfectly fine with me and baby. Had another midwife who also agrees i dont need to be induced because theres no reason to and would probably create problems at this stage due to all the risks that come with inductions compared to if i continued with my pregnancy as we are.

Just to clear a couple of things up from some of the comments I've been getting. At no point am i choosing home birth over the life of my baby. If any concerns were flagged up i absolutely would be taking a course of action to try and limit harm to him and make sure we're both safe as possible. Currently, there is no concern to either of us, all tests are coming back healthy and fine and placenta is still working to the same levels it has been from previous scans. The doctor I spoke to yesterday hadn't even looked at my notes to make any form of informed decision, and didnt have a real conversation about options, just that i SHOULD be induced and then left. I've always taken any advice given on board because they are the ones who are trained and have more knowledge than me, but at the same time I won't be taking advice from someone who hasn't bothered to actually assess the situation or taken the time to look at my notes.

They changed the rules surrounding talks of inductions to 41 weeks rather than 42 because of the rates of C-sections and trying to reduce that number. Of the midwives I've spoken to about this, all have said there hasnt really been any change in the numbers. I'm not being encouraged to have an induction based on my personal situation or my results, just based on trying to lower a number which can be naturally increased due to being induced and the mothers body/baby not being ready for the shock to the system that brings. I understand, again, that things can go wrong and inductions arent the worst thing in the world and for some its the safer option. For me currently, it isnt, and the risks outweigh the benefits of me waiting. And again, this has been agreed with by MULTIPLE midwives. In fact, every single midwife i have spoken to. I have always said if we get to 42 weeks and theres no signs of things progressing i will discuss the options and find which one will work best for me and my situation.

I appreciate all the positive things that have been shared. That was more what i came here for because yesterday really hit me hard mentally. We're taking things one day at a time 🥰
And i actually do appreciate all the people who are pointing out risks but also being supportive. More than happy to take things on board and use them to help in making more informed choices. I dont expect everyone to agree with my personal choices because there will always be someone that it didn't work out for, but doesnt mean it wont work out for everybody. There are nice ways to go about things 💛

Interestingly, my ob/gyn never measured my babies for size as she said there was such discrepancy and it's too misleading.

It’s obviously your choice but I think a home birth for a first birth is potentially a bit risky. With my son I ended up needing an episiotomy and ventouse which had to be performed by the doctor and not a midwife, just don’t want you to have to be blue lit in a panic to the hospital during labour if you require intervention.

@Betney Trust your gut. I went to exactly 42 weeks and refused sweeps and induction. I was bullied and hassled by pushy midwives. I knew my baby wasn't quite ready.

However, when he was, he was born in 45 minutes from beginning to end and also very nearly came out 'in the bag'! But all in all a very easy natural birth.

By all means listen to advice - but don't be bullied.

@Henbags Thank you, both those things can be performed by the midwives at home. It would only be if i need a C-section or something has severely gone wrong that requires hospital equipment that would require hospital trip. They're pretty well prepared in terms of home births for most eventualities or otherwise they wouldn't have them as an option. We had a big bag of things delivered to the house when i hit 37 weeks for the midwives from the hospital that i didnt realise would be a thing!

@Betney it sounds like you’re really clued up and well informed and that’s the main thing. As long as you’re making fully informed decisions that are right for you, then you’ll make the right choices for you and your baby. There is risk involved with everything - as you’ve recognised, the docs are quick to recommend induction but rarely discuss the risks associated with it. But it sounds like you’ve done your research and are able to hold your own in the conversations with them, which is key I think to being able to make a fully informed decision.

@Betney I asked up thread how old you are and you haven’t responded - I think maternal age does make quite a significant difference to the risk calculation.