Partner wants me to abort baby

[OneFancyViewer]

Hi Everyone, I have just found out I am pregnant with baby number 4. I am about to start my dream job, I didn't know I was pregnant when I applied because I was still having a period like bleed at the time of the month. Partner wants me to have an abortion because he thinks 4 children is to much, we would need a bigger car etc. He has no interest in discussing it further he just wants me to have an abortion. I always wanted 4 children and I don't want to go through this again because he is forcing me to. Financially things haven't been great recently, I know this is not an ideal situation but it has happened. I don't know what to do.

@Neetra30 Honestly I am struggling at this time, I still don't want to but I am also just not sure how the situation would be or if he may have resentment towards me for not going ahead. I booked the abortion consultation but I have just over a week to wait for that appointment. It is very difficult to deal with.

There is no such thing as choosing to have children. It’s the misogynistic biggest con out

you choose to NOT have children. And then you have to ACTIVELY do something to prevent pregnancy.

that is a man’s choice and actions. Not just women’s.

if he didn’t want another child, he could have chosen to protect himself with contraception or vasectomy to ensure he was doing everything he can to take personal responsible to stop a pregnancy. Or he could have abstained.

he refused to make an ACTIVE choice when telling you to get abortion before, and when he refused vasectomy. or even refusing to wear condom each time you had sex. Since he didn’t abstain either he has made his choice each and every time he had sex- and that pregnancy was a possible outcome he’d have to live with

it is now only your choice whether you intervene to stop the pregnancy. No one here can tell you what to do, and shouldn’t. We’re not in your shoes. But it your choice and he needs to accept that decison is yours and yours alone and butt out and just support you whatever choice you make.

frankly he sounds abusive to put pressure on youto abort least time. Last time shou,d have been his wake up call to never ever get you or him into this position agian. Not to just carry on disregarding the risk of pregnancy and laying entire responsibility of him not wanting further kids entirely at your feet,

Honestly, you need to tell him you will only go ahead with the abortion if he schedules and attends a vasectomy. That's two pregnancies you will have ended for him; you need to know he won't leave you to take the risk again on a third.

Have you considered what happens if N 4 has special needs and you're unable to work anymore? or you have significant health issues?

Op talk this through with a professional.
Quite frankly your oh should get a vasectomy if he does not want any more children.
In your shoes I would not rush into anything.
Can you face being a single parent? Is that preferable to having an abortion and possibly more abortions as your oh will not step up and have a vasectomy.
What about you getting sterilised, is that an option?

OP, you already feel resentful because you have had one abortion - you’re not magically going to be able to forget about it if you have another. If your children are 9,7, and 2, then this one would fit in nicely so you have two older ones and two younger ones. I know it’s a difficult decision for you, but I am fuming on your behalf that your DH is pressuring you (for the second time) to do something that you strongly don’t want to. I fear that if you have another abortion, you will resent your husband, and if you don’t, he might end up leaving. The fact that he won’t even discuss it is monstrous - it’s alright for him: he’s not the person having to make the decision and go through it. Sending love.

Don't abort a baby because any partner tells you, much less because random people on a forum think "it may be a good idea" to do so. Please: listen to your body and your instinct. And act accordingly.
Good luck 💜

4 children is a logistical nightmare
Cars are just one problem
I agree with him. He has as much say as you do.

I agree with @Meadowfinch to think about the practicalities and then make your decision. Wishing you all the best. 💐

He has as much say as you do.

No, he absolutely does not. He has a say, because it's his child; he has definitely not as much say as she does, because she is the mother. The mother is; the father becomes. Huge difference here. And he certainly doesn't sound like a man deserving of that title.

Your partner sounds sensible TBH - can you afford another child? were you using contraception? Whatever you decide, sort out your contraception for the future!

He absolutely does not!

Her partner sounds like an abusive POS to be honest. He's already "forced" her to have one abortion and "isn't even willing to discuss it"!!

The mum only has more say if she is going to singlehandedly bring up the child emotionally and financially

Well, he should have thought about that before. Bringing a life to this world is a choice with very different consequences to everyone involved in the process. It's not meant to be a reasonable symmetrical spreadsheet-brain process.

And so should the mum!

I agree.
My point stands, though.

Make it a dealbreaker with him that he has a vasectomy then! He’s forced you into an abortion before and make it clear it’s his fault you’re pregnant as he refused to have a vasectomy! Vasectomy or pack his bags I’d be saying! Baby ot no baby!!

@OneFancyViewer I think its completely unfair for him to put you in this position again. Your husband needs to be reminded that abortion is not a form of contraception and its definitley not the easiest desicion to make here.
Make sure that you are 100% certain of your decision

Yes this

Your partner sounds sensible.

Please prioritise your existing family and existing children! Even better that you can also then continue in your dream job!

Listen to your body??

Much more important to listen to and understand the financial and emotional consequences of bringing another person into the world!!

You are such a smart and grown up girl: good for you! 👏