Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Partner wants me to abort baby

73 replies

OneFancyViewer · 24/07/2025 21:31

Hi Everyone, I have just found out I am pregnant with baby number 4. I am about to start my dream job, I didn't know I was pregnant when I applied because I was still having a period like bleed at the time of the month. Partner wants me to have an abortion because he thinks 4 children is to much, we would need a bigger car etc. He has no interest in discussing it further he just wants me to have an abortion. I always wanted 4 children and I don't want to go through this again because he is forcing me to. Financially things haven't been great recently, I know this is not an ideal situation but it has happened. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
DCmum95 · 26/07/2025 03:49

thecatneuterer · 25/07/2025 00:01

No, you could do it because you just have no desire to have a child regardless of circumstances.

This is not true. For an abortion to be legal, two doctors must agree that a set of circumstances (set out in the abortion act) are met. For example, significant impact on parents mental or physical health. You can’t just say to a doctor I have no desire to have a child for no reason

Meadowfinch · 26/07/2025 04:07

OP, think about the practicalities first.

Are you in a secure tenancy or private tenancy or a mortgaged home? Is any tenancy in your name? Could you afford to take over the rent or mortgage on your own? Check what benefits you would be entitled to.

Who is your new employer ? Somewhere decent that will support you in taking maternity leave or somewhere they will get rid of you?

Can you cope with caring for another baby? How are you coping with your existing three dcs?

Would you be devastated if you became a single mum? Does your partner help much? Contribute much? Personally I think he sounds awful but it is your relationship.

When you've answered all of these honestly, you may be in a better place to answer your own question. Wishing you all the best x

thismummyslife · 26/07/2025 05:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PinkFlloyd · 26/07/2025 05:46

Are you married? You call him your partner. I'd be thinking of a future if you were to split. Who owns your home? Would you manage alone physically, mentally and financially?

Unless that dream job is very secure (none are, especially without under two years under your belt, regardless of pregnancy being a protected characteristic) and very well paid, would you need any state assistance as top up? Only two of your DC would be provided for, making life already hard enough with three DC.

This is your choice alone. Your partner knows you've had one pregnancy he didn't want and I assume he knows of your desire for four DC. Why would he not make sure this didn't happen with you by having a vasectomy, unless you didn't want it or he's hedging his bets? Either way he must accept that pregnancy is a chance he took.

You say you want four DC but the reality, (even if the baby is born healthy), is that you are prospectively making yours and your DC's lives more difficult and they should be your first priority.

My friend was in your position. Her partner owned the home and chose to make her leave. Number 4 ended up being numbers 4 and 5 with one having extra needs. I do not think she would ever regret the DC. She had to give up work. Even without her partner leaving her life would've been far more difficult than with three DC, but she's now a single mother of five surviving on benefits in a too small rented home.

What do you think an extra DC would bring to your life that three DC doesn't provide already? At this present time I couldn't go through with it.

hhtddbkoygv · 26/07/2025 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What an oxymoron.

How can you kill someone that hasn't been born?

OnyourbarksGSG · 26/07/2025 07:31

NarnianQueen · 24/07/2025 21:35

If you abort a baby you want, purely for circumstances, you will always regret it.

Sometimes one persons regret is better than forcing 6 people into an unfavourable situation where they struggle more than they would have done. Is actually perfectly normal to have regret or sadness AND be able to move forward with your life.

I know somebody on benefits with 4 kids. She only get money to raise two of them. Right now they are tiny and relatively cheap and get hand me down clothes and her friends and family occasionally take the eldest out. But as they get older, they want named goods, eat tons of food as kids do, wonder why they can’t go on holiday/Alton towers/don’t have a car etc her life is going to be a misery of penny pinching and resentful kids. And of course her kids are entitled to feel that way as it wasn’t THEIR choice to have the funding meant for the older two to live above the poverty line, to be divided to raise children that aren’t them. You honestly think this won’t cause resentment?

thecatneuterer · 26/07/2025 08:16

DCmum95 · 26/07/2025 03:49

This is not true. For an abortion to be legal, two doctors must agree that a set of circumstances (set out in the abortion act) are met. For example, significant impact on parents mental or physical health. You can’t just say to a doctor I have no desire to have a child for no reason

You can say my horror at the thought of having a child is so great it would negatively impact my mental health. Plenty of people have abortions purely because they don't want to be mothers.

DCmum95 · 26/07/2025 08:28

thecatneuterer · 26/07/2025 08:16

You can say my horror at the thought of having a child is so great it would negatively impact my mental health. Plenty of people have abortions purely because they don't want to be mothers.

Yes so it would have a significantly negative impact on your mental health. No doctor would authorise an abortion based on just not wanting to have a baby. There will always be ‘circumstances’ documented for it to be legal

thecatneuterer · 26/07/2025 08:32

DCmum95 · 26/07/2025 08:28

Yes so it would have a significantly negative impact on your mental health. No doctor would authorise an abortion based on just not wanting to have a baby. There will always be ‘circumstances’ documented for it to be legal

My point is people just say what's necessary.

PurpleThistle7 · 26/07/2025 08:42

I don’t think you should have children with this terrible man at all. He forced you to have an abortion and you stayed with him?

I think you will be a single parent soon - or at least I hope you’re considering that as he sounds awful - so what would you do if it is just you? If you have a baby he doesn’t want you’re not likely to get a lot of practical help from him if you stay together either so what’s that look like?

Whatever happens, someone needs to take responsibility for birth control in future as multiple abortions isn’t a sustainable plan.

SaintGermain · 26/07/2025 08:46

All babies are a blessing. 🌹

DorothyStorm · 26/07/2025 10:13

OneFancyViewer · 25/07/2025 19:03

@AiRoo thank you so much. It's hard to make a decision when feeling pressured especially when it's your own home. It's hard because there is no one really to talk to about this. @Neetra30 Yes I have had an abortion before whilst being with him. I said no at the time but he got really angry and persistent so I just gave in that time. At the time I did have a friend to speak to and she told me not to because he did want more children's he just felt it wasn't convenient for him. It took me a long time to not get upset about it. I also felt like I saw pregnant women everywhere so it was difficult.

This man is abusive. Decide whether or not to have an abortion for yourself. But leave him.

he is your partner, not husband? Whose house do you live in?

NarnianQueen · 26/07/2025 10:16

Doesn’t every woman who aborts a pregnancy do it for ‘circumstances’? No one does it for a laugh!

Some women do it because they don’t want a child?!

Others do want the child but feel they can’t have one for “circumstances” such as finances, relationship issues, etc.

OneFancyViewer · 26/07/2025 13:35

Thanks everyone you have given me a lot to thing about over the next couple of days. We currently private rent my name is on the tenancy. I don't think I will be entitled to any additional help if we were to split. Financially, I can pay for everything on my own but I do want the children to still be able to have a good life so I understand that I may not be in the best situation currently. I am the default parent so I am used to doing everything for them. I think my job may be secure because it is public sector however it's not ideal because I can imagine it would put a strain on the team because of deadlines. I have booked a consultation at the clinic but I am going to have a good think tonight.

OP posts:
hhtddbkoygv · 26/07/2025 18:17

SaintGermain · 26/07/2025 08:46

All babies are a blessing. 🌹

Except when they turn into adults.

Justchilling07 · 26/07/2025 18:21

SaintGermain · 26/07/2025 08:46

All babies are a blessing. 🌹

Of course they are.
Not everyone can afford to have 4 children.

Neetra30 · 26/07/2025 18:23

hhtddbkoygv · 26/07/2025 18:17

Except when they turn into adults.

This 100%

atotalshambles · 26/07/2025 18:35

OP - the decision is yours alone. Do not let anyone else affect your decision. Public sector jobs are generally more relaxed and you wouldn't be the first woman to start a job with an unexpected pregnancy. If you are willing to be a good employee in the long term I wouldn't worry. Ultimately, while your partner might not want another baby, it would be you who has to go through the process yourself. I think you need to think about what you want to do rather than what everyone else wants you to do and what you feel you should do. Feeling that 4 children is too much is completely legitimate but make the decision for yourself.

pikkumyy77 · 26/07/2025 18:41

OneFancyViewer · 26/07/2025 13:35

Thanks everyone you have given me a lot to thing about over the next couple of days. We currently private rent my name is on the tenancy. I don't think I will be entitled to any additional help if we were to split. Financially, I can pay for everything on my own but I do want the children to still be able to have a good life so I understand that I may not be in the best situation currently. I am the default parent so I am used to doing everything for them. I think my job may be secure because it is public sector however it's not ideal because I can imagine it would put a strain on the team because of deadlines. I have booked a consultation at the clinic but I am going to have a good think tonight.

What good is he, then? Seriously—he is aggressively useless except as a sperm donor.

Foreverm0re · 26/07/2025 18:49

He’s already forced you to have an abortion before? He sounds awful. If you really want this baby then you should have it and get rid of him.

Snugglemonkey · 26/07/2025 18:54

SaintGermain · 26/07/2025 08:46

All babies are a blessing. 🌹

Some blessings tip families over the edge into poverty.

summerskyblue · 26/07/2025 18:57

Your partner should not be pressuring you like this and him getting 'angry' is not acceptable behaviour.

Whatever you decide to do, and it is your choice.

This man should not have pressured you to have an abortion in the past and he certainly should not be doing it again.

Frankly I would make plans to leave him whatever you decide to do about the baby.

If you always wanted 4 kids then I would say have the baby.

He will have to pay to support all his kids anyway once you get rid of his bullying ass...

Bananalanacake · 26/07/2025 21:24

If a man can't be bothered to use a condom he gets no say in the matter.

Redhotspicywine · 26/07/2025 21:30

Keep your baby and ditch the husband- you want to keep it and you shouldn't be pressured by anyone. Best of luck

Neetra30 · 30/07/2025 06:47

Hey @OneFancyViewer I'm sorry you have had an abortion before, I know it is extremely difficult having gone through one myself, I know I wont have the strength to make myself go through that again.

What have you decided to do?