45 and unexpectedly pregnant - GP less than helpful, am I harsh?

[StandFirm]

Bit of a shock this morning! We truly thought this was not on the cards and we had been very careful (well, obviously not enough). I can't take hormonal contraception and frankly pregnancies are always complicated for me. DH is older than me as well making this whole thing is even more of a surprise. Irony was that I had an appointment booked to discuss sterilisation as my cycles were always extremely reliable up until now but I've been worried about perimenopause making that method unreliable. Nature got me first.
Beyond the practicalities - I work for myself so on the one hand I have autonomy, on the other it's brutal chasing up clients at the best of times - I am really concerned about the health risks to the baby of course but also to my own health. We still have a young child (elder two are adults, one of whom is self-sufficient) so I have that to consider. I don't want to be reckless with my health and so I went to the GP to get the facts. All I got was 'it's your choice'. Not what I was asking! I need to know the likelihood of miscarrying (again, I did once after our third, and I was younger) and the full facts on the implications on my own health. Again, all I got was: things can go well, no one can tell anything and no one will tell you to terminate because you're 45. That was not my question. I'm clear it's my choice, but I thought his job was to give me the medical facts. Is there a reason why he would have been so unhelpful? I got out of the appointment absolutely none the wiser and just as anxious as before. I've self-referred to my local maternity but are GPs not qualified to give pregnancy facts? He didn't even test to make sure it was correct.

NIPT if you make it as far as 10 weeks and take it from there. Or early termination if you know you don’t want it.

Here I have to talk to BPAS- waiting on a consultation call now. I will run my concerns past them and see what they say.

How would a GP know those statistics? Do you seriously think GPs should know the statistics of every single medical eventuality?

This is must have come as quite a shock OP. When I fell unexpectedly pregnant with my 4th, my GP wasn't at all helpful but they did refer me to the early pregnancy assessment clinic and the Dr there was brilliant at laying out the risks and choices.

I think that's why I had CVS. It's the soonest, surest way to find out about any abnormalities. It does also carry a small risk of miscarriage ( although consultant who did it told me none of his patients had had a subsequent mc.) I did have a miscarriage 5 years before this pregnancy, so was mentally prepared for the possibility. I wasn't particularly fit, but ate healthily, walked every day, lost 2 stone through vomiting, them put on 8lbs and had an 8lb baby.

Big Shock - specialist knows more about specialism than GP!!

Whatever you decide, good luck.

That is grossly inaccurate. Just like any other woman, OP’s odds of miscarriage are higher in first trimester and decrease accordingly.

When you say you were being very careful, what do you mean?

Which of those do you think is inaccurate? They're both correct. It's also true that your risk of miscarriage goes down as the pregnancy progresses, but as OP has only just missed her period, she's exactly who the miscarriage stats apply to.

I had a baby at 46. Sorry, but you wasted a GP appointment. You can work out the statistical chances of miscarriage etc. yourself. They're not there to hold your hand.

I can't believe people are giving the OP a hard time for visiting a GP. OP, you can definitely seek medical advice from a GP whenever you need. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. People who criticize you are just being rude.

You and your DH should talk things through to figure out what's best for both of you, while also seeking advice from medical professionals.

If I’m understanding correctly the OP wasn’t just looking for miscarriage stats but also information on her personal health risks of a pregnancy? I.e. I’m a similar age and a pregnancy would be very unwise because of my previous pregnancies and lasting effects of them. So if I appeared at my GPs office today and said I was pregnant they would immediately discuss medication and risks. So it’s not as simple as ‘GPs don’t get involved in pregnancy’ in every case?

Good luck

We went to the GP. She asked what I wanted to do about the pregnancy. When I said keep it i was referred to the midwife. She explained about the private amino tests. So I had that as well as the blood works.

Was the easiest birth, when I got there too late for drugs bar paracetamol and the gas and air had been pulled out of the wall. One hour ten mins after arrival at the hospital, baby arrived.

I agree - I think the GP's response probably came from a a place of trying to be as neutral as possible so as not to be perceived as swaying you one way or the other.

This is obviously unexpected and a shock for you OP, and you understandably might not be reacting to the conversation the way you normally would.

I hope everything works out the way you want, but I would just caution against confirmation bias when you're reading comments or stats that are being posted.

And as other commenters have said, over-the-counter pregnancy tests are as reliable as the ones at the GP surgery. Neither of my pregnancies were tested again at the GP, and they were 10+ years ago.

😂 no it’s not. The average risk of miscarriage for a woman of 45 is greater than 1 in 2. This risk decreases as the pregnancy continues like it does with every other age group (but with a different starting point) but the OVERALL risk was always thus.

OP, I know it's shocking, you need time to process this and you do have time. The best way for you to speak to a specialist consultant about this is to contact your local midwife and explain your concerns, given your age, I'd imagine they'll refer you to an OB and they will know more about risks. You'll have to tell them you're going through with the pregnancy to access that though. You can get the DS test quite early on, they can't tell you much about ASD but really most with that condition live a good life, unless they have a learning disability along side it which you cannot predict in pregnancy unfortunatley. You could always pay for an early 7 or 8 week scan to rule out very serious issues.

Also, don't take too much advice from here as you'll get a lot of Dr. Google's trying to sway you one way or another. Trust the midwives/ OB when you see them.

This. What a great response. 👏

I don't understand the pile on of other comments. Yes Google can tell you a lot but it can't give personalised or human advice in knowledge of any existing or previous medical issues etc. Gps are not as someone suggests only for people in pain.

The GP should have referred you or pointed you in the direction of the right support or resources if they could not provide themselves

I wish you well, whatever you decide to do and how it goes.

I had ds3 at 42. I had a history of 3 miscarriages (age 34, 40 and 41) but otherwise normal pregnancies. My husband is a lot older than me and this was a consideration but my dad died young. Obviously it was very sad but I don’t wish I hadn’t been born so that I didn’t have to experience it. I had the NHS bloods but decided not to have any other testing mostly due to my previous miscarriages. My pregnancy and birth experience (c/s) were great and I recovered quickly.

All went well and ds is now 19. He does have ASD but there is a very strong family history of this. He is an amazing young man. Very independent and living his best life. His dad is still hale and hearty and they are close. What we lack in agility we more than make up for in experience and patience.

Obviously, I am aware I took the gamble and won but I’m not the only one. In my workplace, of my 3 female colleagues, one had a baby at 42 and another at 45 and both had similar experiences to mine. I think your GP could have been a bit more supportive but mine is definitely anti abortion and I suppose they all have their views. Hopefully you will have more luck with maternity services. Wishing you all the best whatever way things go.

AI/ChatGPT is often far more accurate than the average GP.

ChatGPT uses sources from all over the web to construct a response.

You do realise that many GPs and doctors rely on AI and it will eventually replace them.

It's a starting point.

There are also other ways of finding stats such as all the pregnancy and birth charities.

Here's my experience if it's any help. I found myself unexpectedly pregnant at 47 (in Ireland not UK). Already had 2 teens but my DH is 3 years younger than I am.

Went to the GP when I got a positive test and freaked out. He just referred me to a private OB who saw me pretty quickly.

At the OB she had a scanner and dated the pregnancy. I was 13 weeks along already. She said that she couldn't see any obvious signs of trisomies etc and I found that reassuring, although she did warn me occasionally they don't show up with anything visible at that stage, but said usually she would expect something to look very obviously wrong at 13 weeks if there was eg trisomy 18/13/21 present.

Then I had many weepy conversations with DH, but the most helpful person was actually a friend who had also had an unplanned pregnancy in her 40s. Many chats and sleepless nights later we decided to continue. Did the NIPT and had no issues there. Felt reassured by the 20 week scan being ok too.

The pregnancy in the end was totally fine - I stayed very active and had an easy enough birth - one stitch. My previous pregnancies/deliveries were similar. Baby is now 2 months old & I'm BFing him now. Nothing obviously wrong with him and he fits right into the family, it's like we always planned this.

But also we are in a pretty good situation in that we have paid our mortgage off, have quite a big house, have flexible jobs etc so "can we afford this" wasn't as much of a consideration for us. Also we're both otherwise healthy, and the older kids don't have any special needs or anything and have been very into the whole thing. They adore the baby now. Again this won't be the same for everyone in this situation.

Like you I wanted to be fact based in my decision making and I had no illusions about my age at all, I knew things were far higher risk. But those risks did not come to pass in our case. And the facts you need I think are actually not about risk levels etc but about what applies to this specific pregnancy - so you need to have a scan, have an NIPT etc and THOSE will give you the facts you need to make your decision.

Hope this helps, it's a terribly anxious time, best of luck whatever you decide.