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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

20 weeks and hate sex now

40 replies

star6 · 26/05/2008 14:38

I'm 20 weeks and I hate sex. It's making my dh crazy and I feel horrible, but I just have no interest whatsoever... but when we read about second trimester, it says women have increased libido during this time and that's not helping! Anyone else feel this way or am I the only one?

OP posts:
KnickersOnMaHead · 26/05/2008 16:06

Message withdrawn

belgo · 26/05/2008 16:33

Sounds perfectly normal to me!

cyteen · 26/05/2008 16:41

It's so annoying isn't it, that all the info just says 'many women enjoy it more around this time'? I'm 27 weeks today and tbh I've had very low libido all the way through...even more annoyingly, it's finally come back and now it hurts whenever we have sex!

My problem was that I had real trouble reconciling the new maternal associations of breasts and vagina with their old sexual ones. It's a big change being pregnant, mentally as well as physically.

There's other stuff you can do though...

FrannyandZooey · 26/05/2008 16:46

I think I would fancy it more if I didn't feel like my fanjo was coming apart

give it a few weeks, I didn't feel better until the middle of the second trimester this pg - you might still be in the tired and sick phase

of course, no reason you should feel like sex if you just don't

Original poster
star6 · 26/05/2008 16:46

Thanks! That makes me feel better. I still do have sex (once per week) just because I feel badly for my dh, but like you... it hurts a lot (which doesn't help). Before pregnancy (this is my 1st) we had sex nearly every day and we weren't ttc either.

OP posts:
Original poster
star6 · 26/05/2008 16:48

frannyandzooey - yes, I am still quite exhausted and nauseous quite a bit although not as much as the first 4 months... and lots of headaches (which dh always thinks is my "excuse").
I hope in a few weeks it's better - that's encouraging!

OP posts:
Kassius · 26/05/2008 16:49

If it hurts and you have no desire for it then dont do it. You shouldn't be made to feel bad.
Tell him to have a wank.

Original poster
star6 · 26/05/2008 16:50

Ha! I should!! He doesn't know it hurts. I haven't told him because it's already so infrequent and he thought I was finding him less attractive...etc that I didn't want to make him feel worse by telling him he's hurting me.

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BigBadMouse · 26/05/2008 16:52

If you have another baby in the future you might find this doesn't happen and that you get quite the opposite effect - I speak from experience . There is still plenty of time for things to perk up this time round though so don't worry too much.

I really think it can be a bit of a myth all this 'increased libido in the second trimester' anyway - esp when a fair few people are still suffering the effects of MS and various aches and pains.....silly books

BigBadMouse · 26/05/2008 16:55

Tell him it hurts. When my DH realised this he was very good and we found positions that were less painful.

Original poster
star6 · 26/05/2008 16:57

I'll try...
I already feel so much better hearing that other women feel similar. I was beginning to think it was just me. I agree, bigbadmouse - I'm going to put the books away for a few days!

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SpookyMadMummy · 26/05/2008 17:00

Oh god... the second I found out I was pg (both times) I was saying 'get away from me!' There was no way throughout either pregnancy I was up to or felt like sex!

Libra1975 · 26/05/2008 17:02

Why/how does it hurt?
Are you producing enough lubrication? Lack of juice is a side effect of pregnancy and maybe a tube of ky would make things easier?

You should discuss it with your husband however, I am sure he would be horrified to know he was hurting you and you could have some fun finding new positions!!

Original poster
star6 · 26/05/2008 17:07

spookymadmummy - do you think it's because you're scared of hurting the baby? I know a lot of it is psychosomatic... I'm afraid of harming the baby even though everything says it's safe and then just not in the mood.

libra1975 - 1st 3 months I would actually bleed after sex. I went to the dr several times and they keep saying it's still safe to have sex and it's just sensitive tissue... something like that. Just had a scan and the baby is doing very well. yes, I think it's lack of lubrication, but pregnancy is supposed to create more lubrication - so then I started to think soemthing was wrong with me. Extra lubrication might help ease pain.

OP posts:
Original poster
star6 · 26/05/2008 17:09

also - libra1975... I'm a libra 1978! My little one is due mid October as well

OP posts:
BigBadMouse · 26/05/2008 17:16

Well it is no wonder you aren't interested after bleeding afterwards for the first three months. That is bound to put anyone off a bit, after all you are new to all this. I'm on my third and if I was bleeding a bit afterwards I'd be a bit worried (whether justified or not). Your body is going through so many changes and a bit of extra worry is just going to make things dry up surely, then you worry more, and it gets worse......it is all perfectly normal I think.

Original poster
star6 · 26/05/2008 17:31

I think it's all down to exactly that - worry!! I was very worried about the bleeding at first as well. Even though I know it's fine now, I worry that it will happen again. They should make a pregnancy "anti-worry tea"

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BigBadMouse · 26/05/2008 17:39

yep, they should - and first baby (esp newborn) anti worry drugs too. The first few weeks with your first baby are the hardest bits of parenting for sure but it goes very quickly and you'll soon be a pro (who still worries a fair bit though). My DC3 was due over a week ago and I have only just arranged to get some cot sheets for him today . With DD1 I had tick lists everywhere .

At least you should get more regular MW appointments soon as your pregnancy progresses - they might help put your mind at rest too as you can ask any niggling questions regularly without feeling you are making a special appointment.

Libra1975 · 26/05/2008 17:43

"but pregnancy is supposed to create more lubrication "

Well it didn't for me and I defintely wanted sex still. If KY sounds too cold and clinical you can get all sorts of fun lubes from durex to try. There is nothing wrong with you, remember that.

My LO is due in July

belgo · 26/05/2008 17:49

yes there can be more lubrication during pregnancy, but not necessarily the right erm texture

FrannyandZooey · 26/05/2008 17:53

my dp said it hurt HIM during my 1st pg
I think I was erm very kind of engorged down there
I used to chase him around trying to convince him he wanted to after all - this time he gets off lightly poor bloke

Original poster
star6 · 26/05/2008 17:53

Best wishes bigbadmouse! I hope he arrives son!!!
I'll try the ky in a few days.

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SpookyMadMummy · 26/05/2008 17:56

Star6 - I had extreme morning sickness first time round and I was knackered the second time!
Having said that, I had a bleed at 9 weeks with my first pregnancy and if it were not for the morning sickness I probably wouldn't have had sex anyway!

Original poster
star6 · 26/05/2008 17:57

I think it's so interesting how dh is always so concerned about doing everything right for the baby (no harmful cleaning products, eating properly, no lifting...etc.) but when it comes to sex, he forgets all about it! typical man.

OP posts:
daisy26 · 26/05/2008 18:14

Im 28 weeks pregnant and I haven't been in the mood atall all they way up to now. Just not really felt like it, im like 6 months and think last time was december prob does affect my dh but he not really said anything and also he been working sooo much he said he not been in mood, but I don't know wether he's just saying this though