Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

20 weeks and hate sex now

40 replies

star6 · 26/05/2008 14:38

I'm 20 weeks and I hate sex. It's making my dh crazy and I feel horrible, but I just have no interest whatsoever... but when we read about second trimester, it says women have increased libido during this time and that's not helping! Anyone else feel this way or am I the only one?

OP posts:

lollipopmother · 26/05/2008 18:33

Nope can't say I ever feel like having sex either, I'm 25 weeks, I don't really understand why the pregnancy books feel the need to comment on the fact that 'some' women might fancy sex more, why on earth is that book-worthy?

Original poster

star6 · 26/05/2008 19:07

I know lollipopmother!! And why don't they comment on the fact that "some other" women might not fancy it at all?

OP posts:

cyteen · 26/05/2008 19:39

Totally agree - they could at least have a bit of balance.

cupcake76 · 27/05/2008 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

belgo · 27/05/2008 10:37

Are these pregnancy books written by men by any chance?

Upwind · 27/05/2008 11:05

"many women become multi-orgasmic for the first time in pregnancy"

that is true for me

Original poster

star6 · 27/05/2008 11:06

Ha! I think they must be, belgo

OP posts:

madamez · 27/05/2008 11:19

Well, some women do feel more horny in the second trimester, but that's not the issue here:everyone feels different.
You need to talk to your DP about the fact that sex is uncomfortable and unappealing for you right now, and you need to work out a strategy that suits you both. IE he goes and has a wank if he feels the need, or the two of you have some non-penetrative fun together if you are happy with that. But you need to talk about it, otherwise he starts thinking that you don;t love him any more and have no time for him, he pushes for sex more and more, you resent the pressure to give him sex when you don't feel sexy and feel less inclined to give him any affection or kindness because all you seem to get from him is whining for sex, etc, etc, etc.
Because this isn't a problem that's going to go away: many women feel totally put off sex when they have a newborn, so you need to have strategies sorted out for keeping both you and your DH happy over the issue and not letting it fester.

Original poster

star6 · 27/05/2008 11:56

madamez - You sound A LOT like a very good friend of mine...
I did talk about it with him yesterday and already feeling better

OP posts:

Essie3 · 27/05/2008 12:04

I'm Essie, I'm 37 weeks pregnant and haven't had sex for...months. Managed it about three times this pregnancy.
Sick all day for 5 months, then just didn't fancy it, and still don't. Luckily, DH is sympathetic, and would rather go without than have me give him what would basically be a mercy shag!!

Original poster

star6 · 27/05/2008 12:10

That's lucky. I think my dh would opt for the "mercy shag". Well, now he wouldn't - now that he knows it hurts me, but if it wasn't painful, he'd definitely go for it.

OP posts:

belgo · 27/05/2008 12:11

my dh would also opt for a mercy shag

Minkus · 27/05/2008 12:31

You are sooooo not alone Star6! Tee hee poor dh has pt up with very infrequent mercy shags for 31 weeks (I'm 34 weeks pg with dc2)- haven't said to him that's what they are but have discussed it with my best friend!

I explained to him a little while ago that I'm really missing our sex life too, I really miss that sense of closeness and intimacy but at the moment it's really really hard for me to get my head "in the zone". Used to have rude thoughts quite a lot but not at the moment! He was much happier after I'd explained that to him, before I think like Madamez said he thought I'd gone off him.

We're not like rabbits when I'm not pg (blimey we have a 3.5 yr old son it's not like we ever get the opportunity really) but it's good quality rather than twice a day iykwim! And when I was pg with ds both of us found that our libidos went throught the roof, so we were really looking forward to me being preggers again as we thought that the filth would again abound. No such blimmin luck.

My totally absent sex drive is one of the things I have really struggled with during this pregnancy to be honest, I feel very unlike myself and like a completely different person and this is one of the major things that has affected my sense of identity- it just isn't me to feel so unsexy!

I hope that for both you and I Star that things will settle back down once we've had the babies and got used to being parents/again. Poor us, poor dh's!

Essie3 · 27/05/2008 15:17

I wonder what's making my DH so, er, patient then?! (I think actually the loud retching in the early months were a bit off-putting for both of us!!)
Minkus I know where you're coming from (or not, hahaha) because I actually miss sex, but sort of can't do it - I don't know whether it's the hassle what with the bump, or what. So I sort of want to, but can't get my body to get into that...well, zone I suppose. It's really odd!

cyteen · 27/05/2008 17:47

Essie, that's how I felt until recently - I missed everything about sex but it was like my body wasn't connected to my mind. So I'd be full of filth from the neck up, but the rest of me was having none of it (literally). I did really feel identity confusion over it...very strange.

Now, at last, finally, the two have come back into sync again - and I can't do it because it's painful! What a swizz Am going to ask my GP/midwife about it for sure once I've reregistered, I want satisfaction dammit.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread