Page 3 | Single parent since 6 months pregnant and I feel so ashamed

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 2025-06-25T19:41:19+00:00

Hi All, My little boy is due in August 2025 and my ex bf of 4.5 years dumped me at 26 weeks + 2 days pregnancy (exactly 7 weeks ago today). I’m upset that I cannot provide my son with a two parent household. All my ex said was he didn’t love me anymore since the end of February / beginning of March and he wasn’t happy anymore. He is 31 next month and I am currently 27 this baby was not planned but I did not see this coming at all. It’s since come to light he was talking to a female co worker on Snapchat in secret at the beginning of March how coincidental. I am ashamed and feel so guilty that I will be a single parent and have to deal with all the hard work whilst he’s off doing whatever he wants. He’s told me he wants to be a part of his son’s life and is happy to pay support but I do not trust him if he can disrespect me at such a vulnerable time. I will be going through CMS to raise once he’s born but my heart is broken. I do not regret my little boy but my ex has taken away the chance to be a happy family together. I cannot face to be around him but I all I want to do is cry my heart out. This man chucked me out of his house the same night with no notice at 9pm then started packing my stuff / our sons stuff up that same night. I’ve already posted about the breakup before but I know time heals but right now I’m angry, upset and so apologetic to my little boy. This is more of a rant than anything but I feel like I’m not good enough even though I have our relationship everything.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/07/2025 09:10

Hi darling I also got dumped when very heavily pregnant. All your feelings are valid. Take all the love and support on offer from your family.
Have dad visit for an hour 1-2 times a week max, build up to more later. Don't be pressured to have him around you all the time your baby needs you to not be stressed.

My little boy is two and we are happy and fine now and he hasn't noticed yet that his dad doesn't live with him isn't 'normal'

He has a home with no shouting or abuse

Original poster

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 10/07/2025 09:14

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/07/2025 09:10

Hi darling I also got dumped when very heavily pregnant. All your feelings are valid. Take all the love and support on offer from your family.
Have dad visit for an hour 1-2 times a week max, build up to more later. Don't be pressured to have him around you all the time your baby needs you to not be stressed.

My little boy is two and we are happy and fine now and he hasn't noticed yet that his dad doesn't live with him isn't 'normal'

He has a home with no shouting or abuse

Thank you, glad things have worked out for you x

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SpryCat · 10/07/2025 09:27

You sound amazing @Pregnantandlookingforadvice, you are getting everything organised for the birth and your future mortgage and whilst dealing with the breakup. You’ve done all this without him, you don’t need his fleeting interest until something more ‘fun’ comes along.
You have to keep your boundaries up during the birth and after, he will declare he wants to be part of son’s life but he’s just full of hot air. It’s not as easy as playing with his nieces and nephews and then leaving them with their parents, he doesn’t like to be responsible for anyone nor to be tied down.
I would keep those precious few days for yourself, you tell him when it’s convenient to visit. You are the one who has to give birth and have to rest and recover whilst seeing to your son’s needs.
He will of been telling everyone, you tried to trap him with becoming pregnant as he won’t like looking like a cunt, he will most likely walk away from his son once he thinks of an excuse that makes him look like he had no other choice.

Laurabeee · 10/07/2025 09:27

It sounds like you are doing amazing given the circumstances. Some days will be worse than others. Your baby is lucky to have you.

Meadowfinch · 10/07/2025 09:30

OP, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Your ex has abandoned his family, not you. You will be a fabulous family of two, you can raise your son now to be a decent man with good values, not a spineless selfish creep like his father.

I am a single mum. My ds is now 16, has 10 GCSEs, is taking 3 stem A'levels. He's a lovely young man, kind and considerate. I'm proud of how he has turned out. I have nothing to feel ashamed of either.

Good luck xx

Original poster

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 10/07/2025 09:39

Meadowfinch · 10/07/2025 09:30

OP, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Your ex has abandoned his family, not you. You will be a fabulous family of two, you can raise your son now to be a decent man with good values, not a spineless selfish creep like his father.

I am a single mum. My ds is now 16, has 10 GCSEs, is taking 3 stem A'levels. He's a lovely young man, kind and considerate. I'm proud of how he has turned out. I have nothing to feel ashamed of either.

Good luck xx

Thank you, glad your son is a lovely young man with an amazing mum x

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Original poster

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 10/07/2025 09:44

SpryCat · 10/07/2025 09:27

You sound amazing @Pregnantandlookingforadvice, you are getting everything organised for the birth and your future mortgage and whilst dealing with the breakup. You’ve done all this without him, you don’t need his fleeting interest until something more ‘fun’ comes along.
You have to keep your boundaries up during the birth and after, he will declare he wants to be part of son’s life but he’s just full of hot air. It’s not as easy as playing with his nieces and nephews and then leaving them with their parents, he doesn’t like to be responsible for anyone nor to be tied down.
I would keep those precious few days for yourself, you tell him when it’s convenient to visit. You are the one who has to give birth and have to rest and recover whilst seeing to your son’s needs.
He will of been telling everyone, you tried to trap him with becoming pregnant as he won’t like looking like a cunt, he will most likely walk away from his son once he thinks of an excuse that makes him look like he had no other choice.

Thank you, I know you’ve commented on quite a lot of my posts and you’ve said it with honestly and truth. I will 100% be having the first week or so with my little boy all to myself before I let him know. Very true, you can give your own child back if you want the responsibility to be in his life. I can’t get myself pregnant and he’s 31 soon so he needs to man up and either be there or don’t be there for his son x

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SpryCat · 10/07/2025 10:10

You sound so much stronger than when you first posted @Pregnantandlookingforadvice, you were so devastated, completely floored by his heartless actions and words. Thank goodness you had your mum and that you have found the strength to put plans in place for your future with your son. X

Remagirl19 · 10/07/2025 10:17

Personally I’d cut all ties with him. If he wants a relationship with his son he’d have to work for it. He doesn’t sound like he’s the role model his son deserves. A dad is so much more than biology xx

DaisyChain505 · 10/07/2025 10:20

I have a friend who went through the exact same situation.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, you didn’t ask or cause this situation.

Make sure you’re being open and speaking often to friends and family. You’re going to need them so lean on them and accept all help.

Make sure you’re keeping your midwife, health visitors and medical professionals in the loop with the situation. They will be able to offer you extra support.

Definitely go through CMS. Do not just trust his word that he’ll pay towards his child.

You may not think you’ll be able to do this but you will.

Good luck.

MrsEMR · 10/07/2025 10:40

Just to let you know there will be light at the end of this tunnel. It’s 30 years since I went through a similar experience while pregnant with my DD. I was devastated and ashamed of being a single mother. When she was 5 I met my now DH & he has been an amazing step dad to her & they have a really close bond.
Good luck with everything, you can do it!

Original poster

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 10/07/2025 10:49

SpryCat · 10/07/2025 10:10

You sound so much stronger than when you first posted @Pregnantandlookingforadvice, you were so devastated, completely floored by his heartless actions and words. Thank goodness you had your mum and that you have found the strength to put plans in place for your future with your son. X

I am, I still have the odd days when I think about him and his actions etc but they’re in the past. I can’t dwell on the past, I know I put the effort in to try and make things work but he chose not to. He can live with his choices and if his son asks I will never lie to him. I have too much to think about right now, nurseries have a 12 month waiting list due to the 30 hours free childcare from September. It’s my day off tomorrow so I’m visiting a nursery to sign up even though he’s not even born it’s the best one around x

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Original poster

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 10/07/2025 10:50

Remagirl19 · 10/07/2025 10:17

Personally I’d cut all ties with him. If he wants a relationship with his son he’d have to work for it. He doesn’t sound like he’s the role model his son deserves. A dad is so much more than biology xx

Thanks, I certainly won’t be pushing him to have a relationship with his son. If he wants to put in the effort then he can but that’s all on him. A few hours a week is babysitting not parenting so the sooner he realises that the better x

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Original poster

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 10/07/2025 10:53

DaisyChain505 · 10/07/2025 10:20

I have a friend who went through the exact same situation.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, you didn’t ask or cause this situation.

Make sure you’re being open and speaking often to friends and family. You’re going to need them so lean on them and accept all help.

Make sure you’re keeping your midwife, health visitors and medical professionals in the loop with the situation. They will be able to offer you extra support.

Definitely go through CMS. Do not just trust his word that he’ll pay towards his child.

You may not think you’ll be able to do this but you will.

Good luck.

Don’t worry, I have plenty of support mainly from my mum but two close friends are there for me if needed. My midwife is fully aware of the situation but each day seems to get a little bit better. I will never trust him again let alone pay child support via a verbal agreement. Thank you x

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Original poster

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 10/07/2025 10:54

MrsEMR · 10/07/2025 10:40

Just to let you know there will be light at the end of this tunnel. It’s 30 years since I went through a similar experience while pregnant with my DD. I was devastated and ashamed of being a single mother. When she was 5 I met my now DH & he has been an amazing step dad to her & they have a really close bond.
Good luck with everything, you can do it!

Thank you, I’m sure your daughter is very proud of you x

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DaisyChain505 · 10/07/2025 10:56

I know there is no good time to have your world torn apart but at least this way you have had some time to try and rebuild yourself before your baby is here.

You can and will do this and you will have a new found super power strength once your child is born. You will be their mum and nothing can change that.

Original poster

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 10/07/2025 21:17

DaisyChain505 · 10/07/2025 10:56

I know there is no good time to have your world torn apart but at least this way you have had some time to try and rebuild yourself before your baby is here.

You can and will do this and you will have a new found super power strength once your child is born. You will be their mum and nothing can change that.

Thanks, did your friend ever get over her ex fully? It’s traumatic to think I could trust someone again in the future.

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DaisyChain505 · 10/07/2025 21:55

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 10/07/2025 21:17

Thanks, did your friend ever get over her ex fully? It’s traumatic to think I could trust someone again in the future.

Show quote history

It took time but she was able to see that he was the issue and she wasn’t.

There was nothing different she could have done to change how damaged he was inside.

Just because this one man has treated you awfully doesn’t mean all will.