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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable for expecting my husband to offer to help with chores when pregnant?

38 replies

jasminnie · 31/05/2025 12:01

So I’m around 8 weeks pregnant. Before I was pregnant I was the one usually in charge of hoovering, laundry etc.

now that I’m pregnant I really wish he would offer to help. But whenever I clean or hoover he just sits there on his phone, not even offering to help. He says he’s ’tired.’ Well I’m pregnant and I’m not even complaining about being tired.

Am I being unreasonable for being upset?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 31/05/2025 12:02

If he’s like this now, how hands on will he be with the baby ?
it’s not helping - he lives in the house too

IchiNiSanShiGo · 31/05/2025 12:05

He should be doing his fair share of chores whether you’re pregnant or not! He’s a selfish arse. You need to have a serious conversation with him about his responsibilities and what he needs to step up and do from now on. And all the extra stuff he’ll need to do as a parent.

MyUmberSeal · 31/05/2025 12:07

I might get flamed for this, but you being pregnant is irrelevant. He should just help anyway. I really don’t like the plague of distress pregnant women like to display.

So yanbu, but not because you are pregnant. He should help out because you are team.

Wednesdayonline · 31/05/2025 12:08

No you're not being at all unreasonable and I agree with pp saying how will he be when baby is here? I've spent all morning in bed not feeling great and my husband has made me breakfast, hoovered and is now gardening.

xxxwd · 31/05/2025 12:10

If you are both working then he absolutely should be doing as much housework as you.

Moosey898 · 31/05/2025 12:11

IchiNiSanShiGo · 31/05/2025 12:05

He should be doing his fair share of chores whether you’re pregnant or not! He’s a selfish arse. You need to have a serious conversation with him about his responsibilities and what he needs to step up and do from now on. And all the extra stuff he’ll need to do as a parent.

This!! Before you even take into account he can't imagine how tiring it is growing an entire small human inside you. You're not being unreasonable at all.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2025 12:11

Help?
that’s a strange choice of word op unless your arrangement with your husband is such that you do chores and spend less time on paid work and he does more hours paid work and less unpaid chores, and you thus pool your money and split disposable in half to recognise the overall equal contribution. Is that what you do?

it’s difficult to respond to your post as per the op as no one will understand why you’ve written ‘help with chores’ when it’s his house too presumably.

PurpleTurtleMoose · 31/05/2025 12:11

You're not being at all unreasonable. To be honest, if you both work, I'd be expecting him to split the housework even if you weren't pregnant

Xwx1010 · 31/05/2025 12:14

House work should be shared regardless of pregnancy.

whilst pregnancy doesn’t mean you’re bed bound of course, my partner had to pick up more when I couldn’t face cooking due to nausea and due to having complications which meant I had to take it much easier.

StrawberrySunflower · 31/05/2025 12:28

It’s 2025 ! Why were you doing most of the chores anyway. Also you may only be 8 weeks pregnant but that first trimester tiredness hits so hard. It’s hard especially as you don’t ‘look’ pregnant!
but yeah he needs to do more chores.

MightyGoldBear · 31/05/2025 12:42

Sit down together and divide up what needs doing and who is going to do it. Depending on how you're feeling he may well have to do the lionshare and will be good to get into that routine for when baby is here.

It sounds like both of you will need to change your mindset if you view it as help. It's just two adults running a home (presuming you live together)supporting eachother. Sometimes that will look different in who is doing what but the goal is that everyone feels supported happy and healthy. You're growing a human presumably both of you decided on that so your partner will need to do more now.

MostlyHappyMummy · 31/05/2025 12:44

🤦‍♀️

Viviennemary · 31/05/2025 12:47

He should do his share anyway. Being 8 weeks pregnant isn't really relevant unless you have health problems.

Mrsttcno1 · 31/05/2025 12:48

YABU for referring to it as him “helping”- is it not also his laundry and his house to clean?

If he can’t be arsed to put a load of washing in now then he’s not going to be the kind of dad who hops up at 1am, 3am and then 5am for nappy’s and feeds, or the dad who will walk around the house trying to get baby to sleep, prepare meals or look after you post-delivery etc so I’d be figuring out how you’re going to do those things.

S0j0urn4r · 31/05/2025 12:51

Chores and household organisation should be 50/50 unless one partner doesn't work outside the home. When you're heavily pregnant he may need to take on a little more.
He should also be prepared to do his share of childcare.
I think you need to have a serious chat about how this will be handled going forward.

Stripeyanddotty · 31/05/2025 12:52

Is he generally crap and lazy?

toottoot3 · 31/05/2025 12:54

Time for a sit down calm discussion about how life has now changed forever for you two. Expectations have shifted and going forward you don't need help as housework is both your jobs, what's his thoughts on your care through pregnancy? After the birth, parental leave, how will he spend his time, out with the boys celebrating and bit of a holiday or actually getting up through the night, cooking , housework ect. Don't be shy to ask now cause otherwise it's taken as you will cope and deal with everything. If he's tired he can sit and read about what female body and mind goes through for birth, is he there to help or hinder?

thestudio · 31/05/2025 12:56

jasminnie · 31/05/2025 12:01

So I’m around 8 weeks pregnant. Before I was pregnant I was the one usually in charge of hoovering, laundry etc.

now that I’m pregnant I really wish he would offer to help. But whenever I clean or hoover he just sits there on his phone, not even offering to help. He says he’s ’tired.’ Well I’m pregnant and I’m not even complaining about being tired.

Am I being unreasonable for being upset?

The pregnancy is irrelevant. Why are you usually in charge of hoovering, laundry etc?

Is it because you have a vagina?

If so, your husband is a misogynist.

And you have internalised misogyny.

TheAmusedQuail · 31/05/2025 12:59

Yet another man who sees women as there to serve him. SO sick of this. What is the attraction to them?

Why ARE you having a baby with a man who treats you as if you're there to look after him?

RobinHeartella · 31/05/2025 13:03

The pregnancy is not irrelevant. Early pregnancy can be exhausting, your red blood cell count increases by 50-100% in your first trimester.

I really, really hate it when women like some pps above act like pregnant women should just soldier on and not make a big deal of the discomforts of pregnancy. I hate it.

Yes the husband should always be doing his fair share of housework regardless of wife's pregnancy. But I'm of the strong opinion he should be taking on more while his wife is uncomfortably pregnant, particularly in the third trimester but also the first two.

Ddakji · 31/05/2025 13:04

If you knew you were shacked up with such a waste of space I have to ask why on earth you’re having a child with him.

Early pregnancy is incredibly draining. He’s a selfish twat. It’s unlikely to get any better.

Moosey898 · 31/05/2025 13:29

RobinHeartella · 31/05/2025 13:03

The pregnancy is not irrelevant. Early pregnancy can be exhausting, your red blood cell count increases by 50-100% in your first trimester.

I really, really hate it when women like some pps above act like pregnant women should just soldier on and not make a big deal of the discomforts of pregnancy. I hate it.

Yes the husband should always be doing his fair share of housework regardless of wife's pregnancy. But I'm of the strong opinion he should be taking on more while his wife is uncomfortably pregnant, particularly in the third trimester but also the first two.

Agreed - I am 8 weeks and the exhaustion and nausea this time is horrific. My other half is picking up more around the house so I can rest. Because he cares about me. Makes me sad some people's partners don't seem to care enough to step up when it's needed, and also to see some people say pregnancy is irrelevant. I have been completely knocked down the last 2 weeks, can't do half of what I usually can. First trimester can be hard, just because someone may be able to carry on as normal doesn't mean every woman will be able to.

DappledThings · 31/05/2025 13:34

RobinHeartella · 31/05/2025 13:03

The pregnancy is not irrelevant. Early pregnancy can be exhausting, your red blood cell count increases by 50-100% in your first trimester.

I really, really hate it when women like some pps above act like pregnant women should just soldier on and not make a big deal of the discomforts of pregnancy. I hate it.

Yes the husband should always be doing his fair share of housework regardless of wife's pregnancy. But I'm of the strong opinion he should be taking on more while his wife is uncomfortably pregnant, particularly in the third trimester but also the first two.

It's irrelevant in the context here that the man is uninterested in even doing his fair share let alone extra and OP seems to see him doing any chores at all as "helping". Both of them need a new mindset that is related to the general split of work regardless of pregnancy before tackling the fact he would be doing even more if he was a decent person.

Otherwise even if she persuades him to "help" because she's pregnant he'll see it as not needing to anymore once she isn't pregnant.

Renabrook · 31/05/2025 13:35

Viviennemary · 31/05/2025 12:47

He should do his share anyway. Being 8 weeks pregnant isn't really relevant unless you have health problems.

Yes it should be shared regardless, but separate to that unless you have actual serious medical issues in pregnancy being pregnant alone is not an illness and the world doesn't stop just because somome is pregnant

Moosey898 · 31/05/2025 13:45

Renabrook · 31/05/2025 13:35

Yes it should be shared regardless, but separate to that unless you have actual serious medical issues in pregnancy being pregnant alone is not an illness and the world doesn't stop just because somome is pregnant

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No but when you care about someone you help when they are struggling, whatever the cause/reason may be.