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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Husband changed his mind on 3rd baby after I’ve test positive

42 replies

Tysq2 · 15/05/2025 19:36

Me and my husband already have 2 children and I always wanted a third but my husband didn’t and we left it at that as I know we are extremely lucky to have our 2. After some time my husband came to me said he wouldn’t mind having a third etc. and I had the coil removed.
I am now 9 weeks pregnant and my husband sat down to tell me he is unsure if this is what he wants and he asked me if I would consider an abortion.
I don’t know what to think, I feel I can’t continue the pregnancy if he doesn’t want the baby but I don’t feel like that’s what I want to do.
I feel betrayed as I feel like my husband has treated the situation of me becoming pregnant as some small little choice and not actually thought about what I’m going to have to go through feeling unsupported through a pregnancy or to have a unwanted abortion.

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 15/05/2025 19:38

I’d say it’s very much too late for him to say this - the horse has very much bolted and he opened the stablw
dooe

WittyJadeStork · 15/05/2025 19:40

As PP said it’s too late for him to change his mind

Mumofteenandtween · 15/05/2025 19:40

2024onwardsandup · 15/05/2025 19:38

I’d say it’s very much too late for him to say this - the horse has very much bolted and he opened the stablw
dooe

This. Exactly this.

strawberrylaces12 · 15/05/2025 19:41

What a horrible situation for him to put you in. He said he wouldn't mind having another child and now to change his mind like this is awful. If you want to have a third and don't want an abortion then do not let him pressure you into an abortion. Imagine if he then changed his mind again in the future!

DancingHippos · 15/05/2025 19:41

Tell him it's too late. He needs to get his head around the fact that you are going to have baby number 3 and you need his support now.

Ladamesansmerci · 15/05/2025 19:42

That's absolutely not on. He's willingly tried for a baby with you, and now has to live with the consequences.

Don't have an abortion you don't want. You'll resent him, and it will be you who has to live with the emotional impact of it.

ChompinCrocodiles · 15/05/2025 19:45

Fuck him. If you want this baby, have this baby - don't let him pressure you into an abortion you don't want.

How dare he drop this on you. How dare he even mention it. I would be fucking furious and would tell him that no I wouldn't be having an abortion but I'd let him know after I'd calmed down if I wanted a divorce or not.

nocoolnamesleft · 15/05/2025 19:46

That's horrible of him, to encourage you to get pregnant, and then try to push you into an abortion. Does he normally try to fuck with your mind?

newyearsresolurion · 15/05/2025 19:48

What an asshole

ChompinCrocodiles · 15/05/2025 19:48

Sorry op, but - I'd also be wondering what had prompted his change of heart and whether his next delightful bombshell would be that he's leaving you anyway.

So if you want 3 dc, have 3 dc. Don't do ANYTHING for him. Imagine having an abortion and him strutting out the door a week later leaving to deal with the impact of an un-wanted abortion alone?

Workinginthelivingroom · 15/05/2025 19:48

I'd imagine your marriage would be more likely to survive having the baby that your husband asked for rather than having an abortion that you resent him for putting you though.

Reversetail · 15/05/2025 19:49

It’s not a reversible decision for him at this point. unless there were some major life changing circumstances that made you feel like you could no longer continue the pregnancy. Maybe what he needs is to talk through his feelings, I can understand how upsetting this is for you to hear.

Nettleskeins · 15/05/2025 19:51

He is feeling doubts. Reassure him it will be fine to have three and he will be a great dad, but absolutely refuse to be pressured. Just refuse
It's clearly coming from some weird wobble deep inside of him and you have to hear him out but you can still absolutely refuse to have an abortion.

HappydaysArehere · 15/05/2025 19:51

So sorry to hear this. Is your dh going with you for scans? Just asking as he has changed his mind once and may change his mind again. It is so unfair of him to ask you to make a decision like this. If there is no financial reason for his decision and no real change in circumstances I would say that it is too late in the day as you can’t face having such a decision to make.

BeEagerEagle · 15/05/2025 19:53

Keep baby. Get rid of husband.

Nettleskeins · 15/05/2025 19:53

Even if there were circumstances and financial issues you could STILL refuse.

Summerhillsquare · 15/05/2025 19:53

He actually encouraged you to have your coil out and then had sex with you without a condom? So he's had HOW MANY chances already to change his mind?! What shitty behaviour.

ChompinCrocodiles · 15/05/2025 19:56

It's clearly coming from some weird wobble deep inside of him

Mmm. Or a deep-seated desire to minimise the amount of maintenance he has to pay after he's fucked off.

Limehawkmoth · 15/05/2025 20:02

It is not a choice or decision to HAVE child.

it is an active decision to NOT have children. ( unless you are sadly infertile)

So many people choose to ignore this. including your dh, like many men

every time he has had sex without him taking active task to absolutely prevent pregnancy, he has also accepted that there is a risk you may have a child. Like every man who has ever had sex. Funny it’s women that mainly worry about that

few methods of contraception are 100%.

And when they don’t work 100%, you alone will need to make another active decision to terminate, if you do not want to have a child.

Saying he doesn’t want children, after he’s had sex, where he’s failed to take any action himself to prevent a child, knowing you wanted one, is negligent, lazy. Or someone who is persistently completely ignoring that sex equals kids as a default position.

Only you get to make that choice now a pregnancy has occurred. He made his choice when having sex

if he doesn’t want more children, has he signed up to have a vasectomy? Or is he just going to abstain from sex now? That’s his choice now, whatever happens

TungTungTungZahur2 · 15/05/2025 20:05

My ex said something very true when I fell pregnant with our 3rd. He said either way he knew it was over, if I had an abortion he knew I would never forgive him and if I kept the baby then he would never get over it.

He was right and we divorced when he was 6 years old (he had an affair when the baby was born).

Alot of anger and frustration on his part not being able to change what had happened.

JustMyView13 · 15/05/2025 20:05

If he doesn’t want any more children, the first step is for him to get the snip. Get that booked in & completed asap, and then you can discuss whether or not to go ahead with the pregnancy.

If he won’t have the snip, why does he expect you to experience a termination?

Limehawkmoth · 15/05/2025 20:09

TungTungTungZahur2 · 15/05/2025 20:05

My ex said something very true when I fell pregnant with our 3rd. He said either way he knew it was over, if I had an abortion he knew I would never forgive him and if I kept the baby then he would never get over it.

He was right and we divorced when he was 6 years old (he had an affair when the baby was born).

Alot of anger and frustration on his part not being able to change what had happened.

Another bloke that doesn’t understand biology, as above post.
dear god, men seem to have entirely forgotten facts of life since advent of contraceptive pills. And we women have sold into the myth that it’s a choice to have kids if your in sexual relationship…thereby playing into patriarchal playbook that any unwanted pregnancy is our fault. Not his.

it hasn’t get any better in last 100 years, does it? ?

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/05/2025 20:16

How awful, I’m so sorry. It’s too late. He needs to get his head in the game.

NameChangedOfc · 15/05/2025 20:19

What a horrible, cold and callous man. I'm really sorry, OP. If you abort your child because of him, I'm afraid you'll not be able to forgive yourself. As difficult as this sounds, I'd be seriously reconsidering the relationship. I'd bet his callousness has not suddenly appeared out of the blue.

Tysq2 · 15/05/2025 20:22

NameChangedOfc · 15/05/2025 20:19

What a horrible, cold and callous man. I'm really sorry, OP. If you abort your child because of him, I'm afraid you'll not be able to forgive yourself. As difficult as this sounds, I'd be seriously reconsidering the relationship. I'd bet his callousness has not suddenly appeared out of the blue.

It has really just appeared out of the blue which has gotten to me so much. I don’t know if it’s worry or what but he is extremely sorry for feeling this way.
I don’t know if it will pass and it’s just the sudden realisation of this is happening or what

OP posts:
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