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Original poster

Husband changed his mind on 3rd baby after I’ve test positive

42 replies

Tysq2 · 15/05/2025 19:36

Me and my husband already have 2 children and I always wanted a third but my husband didn’t and we left it at that as I know we are extremely lucky to have our 2. After some time my husband came to me said he wouldn’t mind having a third etc. and I had the coil removed.
I am now 9 weeks pregnant and my husband sat down to tell me he is unsure if this is what he wants and he asked me if I would consider an abortion.
I don’t know what to think, I feel I can’t continue the pregnancy if he doesn’t want the baby but I don’t feel like that’s what I want to do.
I feel betrayed as I feel like my husband has treated the situation of me becoming pregnant as some small little choice and not actually thought about what I’m going to have to go through feeling unsupported through a pregnancy or to have a unwanted abortion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tysq2 · 15/05/2025 20:23

JustMyView13 · 15/05/2025 20:05

If he doesn’t want any more children, the first step is for him to get the snip. Get that booked in & completed asap, and then you can discuss whether or not to go ahead with the pregnancy.

If he won’t have the snip, why does he expect you to experience a termination?

He is. We arranged that all last night. This isn’t like him so I don’t know if he’s nerves or what

OP posts:
TungTungTungZahur2 · 15/05/2025 20:27

Mine also got the snip when the baby was 5 months old.

MaryGreenhill · 15/05/2025 20:28

Has he got someone else OP?
Only you just don't do this to someone you love .

NameChangedOfc · 15/05/2025 20:31

Tysq2 · 15/05/2025 20:22

It has really just appeared out of the blue which has gotten to me so much. I don’t know if it’s worry or what but he is extremely sorry for feeling this way.
I don’t know if it will pass and it’s just the sudden realisation of this is happening or what

Show quote history

Then he needs to check his mental state. He may be having a breakdown. Otherwise, how can anyone explain treating with such contempt the life of a child he helped to create and putting the burden on your shoulders while you are gestating? I'm sorry, OP: I have no sympathy for him.
In any case, be it callousness, be it mental breakdown, it's his issue: protect yourself from it. If it's the latter, you could tryto help him, but don't let down your guard.

Perfect28 · 15/05/2025 20:31

He knew you had your coil removed? If so this is awful.

Cucy · 15/05/2025 20:53

Did he know about you removing your coil to TTC a third?

Or was it more a passing comment that he might like a third?

Honestly if it was the first one then I’d tell him to get over it because this is what he wanted and now it’s happening.
And I’d likely put it down to cold feet but stay hopeful that he’ll come round.

If it’s the second, then I guess you have a bigger decision if it may mean choosing between him and continuing the pregnancy.

Original poster
Tysq2 · 16/05/2025 10:52

Cucy · 15/05/2025 20:53

Did he know about you removing your coil to TTC a third?

Or was it more a passing comment that he might like a third?

Honestly if it was the first one then I’d tell him to get over it because this is what he wanted and now it’s happening.
And I’d likely put it down to cold feet but stay hopeful that he’ll come round.

If it’s the second, then I guess you have a bigger decision if it may mean choosing between him and continuing the pregnancy.

He knew, he came with me

OP posts:
AndorTheRelentless · 16/05/2025 11:00

Perfect28 · 15/05/2025 20:31

He knew you had your coil removed? If so this is awful.

And shes already pg - what a cunt

Lindy2 · 16/05/2025 11:06

You tell him he's too late to change his mind. You are pregnant with his 3rd child and he needs to step up and be a supportive husband and father.

At the moment he's falling very short of the mark.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 16/05/2025 11:13

Nettleskeins · 15/05/2025 19:51

He is feeling doubts. Reassure him it will be fine to have three and he will be a great dad, but absolutely refuse to be pressured. Just refuse
It's clearly coming from some weird wobble deep inside of him and you have to hear him out but you can still absolutely refuse to have an abortion.

Good advice.

MaudePie · 16/05/2025 12:09

I’m so sorry you’re in this position.

I had the same thing happen - we were intentionally trying to have a third (after a traumatic loss last year) and when I told my husband I was pregnant again (and of course very nervous about another loss) his response was “I didn’t know how to tell you this but I’ve changed my mind and don’t want another baby, so if this goes wrong that’s it.” He didn’t ask me to have a termination (if he had it would have been a very quick “f* off” response) but I was still really upset and would have ended the relationship if not for our existing children.

He almost entirely ignored my pregnancy until the 12-week scan, which was difficult. However, since then his attitude has changed and he now says he’s excited about the baby. That doesn’t excuse his original reaction and I’m still really upset about it, but I think it was partly due to how traumatic our loss last year was, so I’m trying to move past it.

I hope you’re ok - don’t feel pressured into doing anything.

Eldermillennialmum · 16/05/2025 12:10

I wonder whether people would be saying it's too late if OP said she's changed her mind and considering an abortion? I'm guessing not so it shouldn't be different for a man but you should not feel pressured to do anything.

2024onwardsandup · 16/05/2025 12:27

Eldermillennialmum · 16/05/2025 12:10

I wonder whether people would be saying it's too late if OP said she's changed her mind and considering an abortion? I'm guessing not so it shouldn't be different for a man but you should not feel pressured to do anything.

Of course it’s different for a man

Topseyt123 · 16/05/2025 12:39

That is extremely unfair of him and I would be telling him firmly that it is far too late now to change his mind. That ship has sailed.

Don't let him pressure you into a termination you don't want. He even went with you to have your coil removed for fuck's sake. The time to change his mind was then.

Superscientist · 16/05/2025 14:44

I think you both need to find some time to sit down and discuss where the thoughts have arisen from. I think in all of my pregnancies have had this little moment of doubt about whether it's the right thing. These are very much wanted pregnancies and the thoughts never went beyond is this right for us?

Springtime43 · 16/05/2025 17:35

He has put you in a dreadful position, it’s really unfair

ByWiseAquaFinch · 16/05/2025 18:54

Tysq2

It has really just appeared out of the blue

It's always been there, you just hadn't seen it until now.

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