Bf wants to go abroad

[CareBear12]

Bf wants to go abroad when I’ll be heavily pregnant. I’ve said to him you can’t actually expect to go still Ill need you here to help and support me he said it’ll be two weeks you’ll be fine. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable? He’ll be going with his dad but I feel like it’s just the wrong time. It’s not like this pregnancy has come out of nowhere either he’s been trying to get me pregnant the past few months, before his holiday was even a thought. I’ve also had two chemical pregnancies before this one and hes told me many occasions how much he wants to be a dad. And now it’s happening he seems to think going on his holiday is a good idea? Turns out his holiday wasn’t even actually booked, he knew i was pregnant and I think has gotten his father to book it since. Any advice? Am I being unreasonable. I don’t know what to do. I did say to my partner I don’t feel like it’s the right time now but said hes happy and wants the baby. I feel like no one else would do this to their partner they’d want to be there to support them incase anything happened but he just wants to go on his holiday. I can’t help but feel like this sets the tone for how parenting might be, I’m constantly going to have to do the heavy lifting while he does what he likes. I’ve explained to him he needs to prioritise and being a parent means making sacrifices, but he said he’s still going. And when I spoke to him about it again today told me to just get rid of it. Said he’s not putting up with me like this for 9 months.

If you’re due 2nd Jan and he’s going Jan you won’t be heavily pregnant you’ll probably have just given birth????

Maybe he’s not fully thinking about a baby given how early it is and your previous losses.
however it does seem ridiculous to even consider booking a January holiday right now, when he knows this could be due date month/miss the birth and he’s been so keen to ‘get you pregnant’.

why is he hell bent on going in January?
why can’t he go October / Nov or just wait and see how things progress before booking?
is he acknowledging the pregnancy or is he saying things like it may not even happen?

you are very very early so this could be a non issue come then but I suppose all you can do is expresss he should wait and see how pregnancy progresses and if it does, he will be expected to cancel as it’s clearly a priority.
or he can change it now for another month.

if he’s refusing to prioritise this then you’ve got a much bigger issue to deal with.

*edited to say I’ve just read the last line of your post, the only thing that need to be gotten rid of is him!!!!!

How well do you know this guy? Why do you put 'he's been trying to get me pregnant' instead of 'we have been trying for a baby'? It's an interesting choice of words. He sounds like an incredibly useless man to have a baby with - what made you think he'd be a good father?

If the baby is due 2nd January, shouldn't your post be "BF is going on holiday when we'll have a newborn"? In which case he's absolutely being unreasonable and everything you've said points to him being selfish. Is he by any chance a teacher hoping to use his paternity leave to get a cheap holiday in term time? Serious question - I have a friend whose teacher husband genuinely asked her if he could use a week of his pat leave to go skiing because "he'd never get the opportunity to do it so cheaply again". She was flabbergasted he even asked. His argument was similar to your partner's, that she had other family members who could help. FYI this was 10 years ago and he's still a deadbeat dad.

You're very early on pregnancy so there's no guarantees at this stage, but your DP doesn't sound like the type of man you want to have a family with. He'll make your life miserable if you have a child with him. I'd be prepping to go it alone, all being well with the pregnancy.

You are only days into your pregnancy if you are due Jan 2nd, how do you even know that so early on 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

I couldn't get worked up about this, men aren't much use in the early days, however attentive they are.

“He’s been trying to get me pregnant”. I’m not sure I’m very keen on that phrasing. How are you feeling about being pregnant op?

He’s been trying to get you pregnant? Strange choice of words.
From what you’ve written here, I’m not sure having a baby together is the right thing to do at the moment. You both sound very young and not on the same page.

Are you sure your dates are correct? You may be further on than you think

He sounds really unpleasant op. You deserve better than this. I would walk away and would be seriously considering whether I would want to bring a baby into this situation.

Kindly - are you sure you want to be a parent with this person and be tied to him for at least 18 years, either as a partner or split up and having to co-parent (more likely tbh)

think hard, this guy does not sound nice.

I think you should ditch him now, he’s hung out a massive neon light and sent out criers ‘not relationship material, will treat you like shit forever’ so if you ignore this on your own head be it. Tell him to fuck off forever and you’ll decide whether to keep the baby and let him know when it’s born if you do.

So you're very early at the moment? Are you sure you want to continue? He sounds like a rubbish potential dad..

This bit stood out to me too. A very strange phrase for a couple both on the same page trying for a baby.

Well that's not true is it? Who else is going to cook? clean? Do laundry? Men can help in other ways other than just holding baby or changing nappy.

Heavily pregnant OR having a new born, he should not be going.. and to say "get rid of it" in response makes him absolute trash of a man.

I’m sorry you don’t know any even half decent men, who can’t shop, cook, clean, do laundry, change a nappy, walk a baby around. That seems a huge shame when there are lots of them around.

He sounds toxic - I would leave him and save yourself a lifetime of heartache.

I’m 4 weeks and 5 days. Im getting worked up because I wanted to know whether his plans were still going ahead as I thought this would be a priority now as I am going to need him, but seems not as he’s said he’s still going. And how he’s treated the situation since dismissing me telling me to get rid of it etc is not helping his character if anything I’m truly questioning wether or not he’s going to be a supportive partner and present dad or if I’m going to be doing this alone while he continues on with his old life like nothings changed.

Well when I spoke to him yesterday, he seems to think I’ll only be 6 months along. Not sure how his maths works. I believe he was going January because the weather would be better then. I don’t think he’s acknowledging the pregnancy, he’s told me you haven’t even got past your first trimester yet etc, I haven’t even asked him to cancel the holiday yet because I’m aware how early it is and I’ve told him this to. All I wanted was some reassurance that when the time came he would be here to support and help not in another country. The thing is the holiday wasn’t even booked it was just talked about and money set aside. I told him I was pregnant and He’s since messaged his dad to ask if the holidays booked yet. He doesn’t care what stage of pregnancy I’m at he’s made it clear he’s going. When I said about I haven’t even asked you to cancel yet just wanted to know you’d be here not there, he told me we’ll talk about this when you have a bump. I said so if I get that far you’re not going to do he said no I’ll still be going. Not quite sure what the point of him saying that was then. I said so you’ve only said it to shut me up for abit.

I phrased it like that because he’s been the one hoping for it to happen so soon, he’d made it very clear this is what he wanted etc and when I’ve told him about the previous pregnancies he’s been over the moon and cried thanking me for making him a dad so it’s just threw me abit that priorities seemed to of changed.

'Making him a dad'
he doesn't seem to have the first idea of what being a dad is. It's not having successful sperm. He's failed at the first test hasn't he? And he's only a month in to 'being a dad'. Are you sure you want him to be the father of your kids?!

Honestly I’m really scared, I’m already anxious at every twinge thinking this is it I’m losing another. And I discussed this with him the first time I got pregnant that pregnancy terrifies me and that I’m gonna need his help. And he reassured me that it would all be okay he’d be there. He was positive about the others even crying thanking me for making him a dad, was upset when I lost them, And now it’s just the opposite. Cold and distant and thinks a holiday is a good idea

Well I’m questioning everything now and just feel so alone, I feel the same way that given the chance to step up and show what type of dad he’s going to be he’s done the opposite and I just feel let down and confused. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve always felt I’d regret an abortion and never forgive myself, and after the two chemical pregnancies it feels wrong to terminate one. But I’m not sure what to do now, I’m questioning is this how it’s going to be. Me the main provider and he just does as he pleases with no thought of his family?

He told you to get rid of it?!!!!!

I'm really sorry you had to hear that.

I'm afraid he has shown his true colours over all of this. It's an incredibly painful experience for you to discover now what kind of man he really is.

He doesn't sound ready to be a dad at all.

If you stay in a relationship with him, I think he is going to punish you like this every time you ask him to act in a mature and appropriate way. Your requests are reasonable and he has become irrational and hurtful because he doesn't like them. That is emotional abuse.

Unfortunately it often happens that pregnancy is a time when abusive men show their true colours because you're at your most vulnerable and they have power.

I wouldn't have a baby with this man because I would want a better dad for my child. I wouldn't wish this behaviour on a child.

But you shouldn't feel obliged to have an abortion if you want the baby. You're a mum and if you want to do it alone, that is your right. However I think you do need to accept that a child can't come into a world where the two of you are together in a relationship. My guess would be that this is the tip of the iceberg in terms of how he'll treat you in the future.

You can do so much better than this man. It's a horrible time to have to do it but if you end the relationship now, I think you will be looking back in a year and feeling so glad you don't have to put up with his shit.

How old are you both? How long have you been together and do you live together? Because it honestly sounds to me like you’ve not actually been together that long to even be starting a family and he sounds like an immature dick who needs to grow up… a lot

No he’s not a teacher. It was just a random holiday his dad proposed they go on. I didn’t wanna say newborn incase I go overdue, though I have said to him there’s a possibility I could already have the baby, and he told me he’d still go.

'he’s been trying to get me pregnant the past few months'

did you have any say in the matter?

It all sounds very weird or you are very young or both.