Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Help I'm 39 and pregnant

41 replies

Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 15:59

I need advice, me and my partner have children from previous relationships our both youngest are 11.. we have been together 5 years are due to get married this year.. we agreed last year we wanted a child to together.. we have been trying but never thought it would happen.. I'm 9 weeks pregnant at first was a shock.. and he was over the moon and couldn't wait .. all of a sudden he said he dont want another child as he hasn't got it in him to become a dad again.. says he's just getting he's life back as the children are growing up I'm 39 he's 46 I'm so lost and alone ..

OP posts:
IdaGlossop · 21/04/2025 16:07

What an awful situation for you. He's not taking responsibility for your pregnancy, is he? He said he wanted a child with you, did the necessary to create one, snd now says he's too old. From your account, it's all about him. Please thrash all of this out with him before committing yourself to marrying him.

PurpleTurtleMoose · 21/04/2025 16:09

It's really unfair on you that he's come to that realisation AFTER trying for a baby and you falling pregnant. That's so not ok.

How do YOU feel about the pregnancy?

Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 16:49

PurpleTurtleMoose · 21/04/2025 16:09

It's really unfair on you that he's come to that realisation AFTER trying for a baby and you falling pregnant. That's so not ok.

How do YOU feel about the pregnancy?

At first I was very surprised, to be pregnant but now I'm more angry he could have said no I feel sorry for my unborn child her or she didn't ask for this!! Best part he was booked to have the snip last year I was on the pill but bleeding all the time. So decided to come off it hence why he was going to have tge operation. few days before he's operation.. was when we decided and was like if it happens it's ment to be if I don't then it wasn't.. feel hurt and betrayed... I honestly don't think there would be any moving forward from this

OP posts:
Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 16:50

I'm just so lost..

OP posts:
MumChp · 21/04/2025 16:54

Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 16:50

I'm just so lost..

Have you got family or friends to support you?

What is his plan for the future?

AncientAndModern1 · 21/04/2025 16:55

What a bastard. What do you want to do? Unless he profusely apologises for his appalling behaviour and gets back onside with you, I think your relationship is over. Does he realise that? I don’t understand why you are both so amazed to be pregnant when you weren’t using contraception.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/04/2025 16:56

Do you still want your baby OP? Can you ask him to leave?

Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:08

MumChp · 21/04/2025 16:54

Have you got family or friends to support you?

What is his plan for the future?

Show quote history

No one knows yet as I don't want to jinks it

OP posts:
MumChp · 21/04/2025 17:10

Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:08

No one knows yet as I don't want to jinks it

Show quote history

You need to sit don't and ask him what he thinks about the future.

What do you want?

Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:11

AncientAndModern1 · 21/04/2025 16:55

What a bastard. What do you want to do? Unless he profusely apologises for his appalling behaviour and gets back onside with you, I think your relationship is over. Does he realise that? I don’t understand why you are both so amazed to be pregnant when you weren’t using contraception.

Probably because iv been on the pill for over 5 years and iv been having signs of menopause.. I'm not a child I obviously no having un protected sex is going to lead to becoming pregnant .. but at our age the odds become less likely

OP posts:
KezzaMucklowe · 21/04/2025 17:12

What a horrible reaction from him.
I'm really not excusing his behaviour, it's awful but do you think he is really overwhelmed and will come back round to the idea ? When did he say this ?

Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:13

Yes I do still want the baby .. just going to be scary doing it alone

OP posts:
nhsmanagersanonymous · 21/04/2025 17:14

You clearly very much want this baby and congratulations on the pregnancy.
Your partner has unexpectedly freaked out. Understandable but not ok. If he apologises and rebuilds your trust then maybe there’s a way back. If he doesn’t however then shame on him.
Either way you will be ok. Look for your support network and move forward.

Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:15

KezzaMucklowe · 21/04/2025 17:12

What a horrible reaction from him.
I'm really not excusing his behaviour, it's awful but do you think he is really overwhelmed and will come back round to the idea ? When did he say this ?

He's being saying things like this the last couple of days.. I'm hoping he's just overwhelmed with it all he's mom as been ill to so I'm thinking he's just stressed out it's just not nice to hear

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/04/2025 17:16

If I were you I would point out to him that both of you decided to try for this baby, so he either needs to step up and take responsibility or he can pack his bags.

Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:16

nhsmanagersanonymous · 21/04/2025 17:14

You clearly very much want this baby and congratulations on the pregnancy.
Your partner has unexpectedly freaked out. Understandable but not ok. If he apologises and rebuilds your trust then maybe there’s a way back. If he doesn’t however then shame on him.
Either way you will be ok. Look for your support network and move forward.

Thankyou means alot

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 21/04/2025 17:17

He could just be in a panic. It's still not good but I wouldn't be surprised if he steps up after the initial shock and you can move forward.

Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:17

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/04/2025 17:16

If I were you I would point out to him that both of you decided to try for this baby, so he either needs to step up and take responsibility or he can pack his bags.

I have said this too him and he said do I want him to end up in a box as he carnt handle all of this

OP posts:
Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:18

Viviennemary · 21/04/2025 17:17

He could just be in a panic. It's still not good but I wouldn't be surprised if he steps up after the initial shock and you can move forward.

Hopefully hun thankyou

OP posts:
AliBaliBee1234 · 21/04/2025 17:20

I woukd be absolutely livid! He should have thought about that before.

What do you want to do?

Silvertulips · 21/04/2025 17:20

Gaslighting!

You need to decide if you want this baby - I believe you do.

You already have children and would’ve been a single parent before, you can do it again.

I would tell him straight WE agreed to have a baby IF it happened, now it has you don’t want to commit.

Ask him to leave and consider his options.

Dont keep him in comfort while he decides.

I take it he went to get the snip and decided not to, because he thought pregnancy was unlikely. Coward.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/04/2025 17:22

Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:17

I have said this too him and he said do I want him to end up in a box as he carnt handle all of this

Show quote history

Christ, he needs to grow the fuck up. I'm livid for you.

Icanttakethisanymore · 21/04/2025 17:23

Unfortunately your relationship is fucked (or it would be for me). There’s no way i could forgive someone who told me they wanted a baby then expected me to have an abortion once already pregnant. Given the relationship is over, do you want to keep the baby or not?

What an absolute fucking arsehole. You don’t sound angry, find your anger; he’s absolutely screwed you over.

Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:29

Silvertulips · 21/04/2025 17:20

Gaslighting!

You need to decide if you want this baby - I believe you do.

You already have children and would’ve been a single parent before, you can do it again.

I would tell him straight WE agreed to have a baby IF it happened, now it has you don’t want to commit.

Ask him to leave and consider his options.

Dont keep him in comfort while he decides.

I take it he went to get the snip and decided not to, because he thought pregnancy was unlikely. Coward.

Yup he said he didn't think it would happen... which is now making me believe he was only trying to try make me think he wanted this too when all along he thought the odds would be unlikely I'm 40 this year and I did say if it didn't happen by Xmas then at least we tried.. it's mad at first he was buzzing he's words were and it's just like a switch as flipped

OP posts:
Original poster
Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:32

Icanttakethisanymore · 21/04/2025 17:23

Unfortunately your relationship is fucked (or it would be for me). There’s no way i could forgive someone who told me they wanted a baby then expected me to have an abortion once already pregnant. Given the relationship is over, do you want to keep the baby or not?

What an absolute fucking arsehole. You don’t sound angry, find your anger; he’s absolutely screwed you over.

I'm keeping the baby regardless of what he wants .. I am angry very and if he dont want to be a part of this he's the one that's fucked .. my house .. I work he don't he will have to go back and live with he's mom again

OP posts: